Every Relationship Ever

Girl meets boy. He is hard-core Catholic and this causes issues. They break up.

Girl meets boy. He emigrates.

Girl meets boy. He has a girlfriend.

Girl thinks, 'sod this for a game of soldiers, and anyway I like sleeping with a whole bed to myself.'

Boy is too shy to talk to girl.

Girl goes away.

Boy is sad.

Girl develops ridiculous crush, believes boy to be living incarnation of her muse, becomes totally obsessed, worships ground boy walks on.

Boy freaks out, thinks girl is NUTS and leaves.

Repeat every three months until new album is written.

hehe

(oh so true)

i have nothing to say about this thread

Woman meats Man. Man is horrible cunt. Woman's friends don't like Man. Woman stays with Man off and on for ages. Woman and Man fight. Woman and Man fight more, and break up. Woman meets Man-2. Man-2 and Woman have wonderful relationship. Man-2 is supportive, kind, and affectionate. Woman's friends really like Man-2. Woman feels overcrowded. Woman dumps Man-2. Woman gets back together with Man.

etc.

the end.

Pattern B: Boy fancies girl. Girl accepts boy's overtures. Some time later girl realizes boy is wrong for her. Boy refuses to admit he is wrong for girl. Girl abruptly shuts out deluded boy. Girl has bed to herself but can't sleep.

Is that a euphemism?

Sadly not. More of a stigmatism, in fact.

(parse as you wish)

Girl meets boy. Her gaydar isn't working, he's locked in closet, but that's okay because he becomes a-list art-world homo and they are friends to this day.

Girl meets boy at Creation Records/Shoegazer party in Islington. Affair goes transatlantic when girl goes back to US six months later, but boy meets groupie just before girl comes back, so long not-pretty breakup is on cards. Girl *hates* groupies even more as a result.

Girl meets boy through Riot Grrrl dating service, they go out for six months, amicable breakup, still friends.

Girl meets very famous boy at Idler party, pulls, dates very casually for six months because he's a big slut, gets bored, stops returning his calls.

Girl meets boy she goes to interview, pulls boy about a month later, is elbowed out of way by French groupie sister of boy's bassist who goes back to boy's flat and doesn't leave for six months. Boy later apologises, as French girl bonkers (girl notes whenever any boy identifies other girl as 'mad' he's probably halfway to shagging her).

Boy from shoegazer party returns to girl's city after *adventures* and resumes friendship with girl. It's not always easy.

Girl meets loads of people she likes, but All About Eve situation develops with younger 'best friend' who'll shag anything, so long as girl expresses an interest in it first. Takes ages to work this out, but girl has last laugh when STDs passed to one would-be suitor by ex-bestie, the only town bike in London with stabilizers.

Girl meets boy at party in King's Cross, has one-night stand, discovers boy has girlfriend in Paris, bins boy off.

Girl meets smart, tall blue-eyed boy at rooftop barbecue. Six months pass before anything happens. Girl and boy now living together in London's Trendy Clerkenwell.

Girl meets boy.
Everyone gets giddy.
Girl is tragically forced to move away with her family.
Everyone gets melodramatic.
Everyone breaks up.

This is men's sekrit knowledge and must be hidden. Everyone forget you read this.

Boy meets girl, they decide to go out, girl changes her mind almost instantly, boy decides to be more careful in future.

Boy finds drugs and dance music, girls become less important.

Boy meets girl, girl likes drugs and dance music, they get together, boy wishes they could have some kind of sane normal conversation outside of weekends. Girl gets back with boyfriend, boy wonders is this going to change anything.

Boy meets boy, who in fact he he had met prior, but let's say for the purposes of this that he just met him.
Boy quite likes boy as a friend, but other boy has different ideas.
Boy spends night of drunken cuddling on couch with boy, is brought round to these different ideas.
Boy breaks it off with boy a while later b/c of issues with commitment and age gap.
Boy decides that he can deal with these issues.
Boy and boy spend two years hatching an inscrutable private language, which may be excusable because they are going out.

er...and?!

(repeatedly = barely once a week)

track down a girl

its the phrase track down (dont forget, we've only got your words to go on, no context, but 'track down' is a phrase that is never going to come out looking good)

waiting outside one of their classes

not sure this is great either. again depends on exactly how it is happening, but this could be seen as a bit odd

all these things depend on context, eg - things that are decribed as 'stalkerish' are immediately downgraded to 'cute' if they work!

how well do you know this girl? if reasonably well, emailing her, or asking if she wants to go into town (nonchalant, noncomittal, nothing riding on it, "hey why not", breezy, light, NATURAL) is better than hanging round the classroom. if not very well, more difficult, people will tell you different things. but, no tracking down!!! and no waiting around!!! this is too planned and meticuluous

how well do you know this girl? if reasonably well, emailing her, or asking if she wants to go into town

I know, but I HAD NO WAY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HER! I know it was odd thing to do, and I didn't say anything sensible when I did see her. We got on really quite well at the end of last term, and was feeling v.lonely at the start of this one, so I wanted to see her. I don't think she's aware of this bit though.

quite possibly. i dont mean to, i'm trying to answer within as much context as possible (i'm also kind of assuming the worse, because the people involved seem to have crossed this line too, so its worth looking at why that happened) - this why i'm couching it in criticism

I know, but I HAD NO WAY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HER!

yea, its not easy in this case i admit. (can i ask why you had no way of getting in touch? its just you say you got on quite well last year). the thing is, if there is any waiting around, it would have to seem kinda coincidental (then depends on how believable that is, would you be likely to be around that classroom?), waiting purposefully is fine of course, but can be tricky if she percieves as someone she vaguely knows (extrapolating/presuming again i know, apologies, but i'm having to approach this from the standpoint that it went wrong)

Boy meets girl and continents are crossed in order that they be together. Boy and girl be together for years and years and remain so. Boy is happy.

Sometimes boy feels absurd nostalgia for the days when he was sad. Sometimes boy meets other girls and wonders whether it would be fun if something happened. Sometimes something nearly happens, at which point boy is horrified by himself, and understands that he wants nothing more than he already has. Months pass. Unlearning boy returns to start of paragraph.

awww...you crossed continents.

until finally -- girl gets drunk. boy pulls girl. boy calls girl. girl doesn't dodge call.

And then I lezzed up.

Yeah, maybe in the movies that might be the start of a great romantic story, but in real life? I dunno - things don't tend to work that way. *Especially*(AND I KNOW THIS IS A BUMMER) if you're a quiet little person. People associate such people with stalkerish intentions in such a context even if it's not the case. If you finally caught up with her and were all cool and confident and light-hearted about the whole thing then that would be one thing, but I suspect that is not so.

Umm.. how did you find out her timetable? And how come you had to call at her house - was she not there at the lectures to arrange a meeting / give you her phone number if she wanted? You didn't wait outside her house did you?

This sounds like a bad Celtic folk pastiche.

I don't see a pattern.

Eventually boy starts dating girls who actually do like boys, and wonders what took him so long.

boy meets girl, they become friends. boy quickly discovers that she is 'spoken for'. boy decides that this girl is the only girl for him, dooms himself to a life of loneliness, then realizes that his self-defeating behaviour is just an easy yet painful way to avoid his fears of intimacy and ignore the complications of maintaining an actual relationship. boy slowly forgets about girl, but finds that self-knowledge is no substitute for actual progress, nor is it especially physically satisfying. unable to overcome fears, he paints himself as the tragic lovelorn post-teenage teenager. interrupts cycle of life/unspoken (except on internet message boards) self-pity VERY VERY rarely to engage in drunken make-out session with girl he will later avoid.

Girl meets boy through some kind of stupid, ludicrious means that sound pretty much made up. Girl and boy move in together like within no time at all, and pretty much without discussing it too much, just cos it must be. Boy has bizarre psychological problem that leads to suicide attempts/impotence/multiple personalities/general depression/etc (not all at the same time). Meanwhile girl is so intently focused on her career that she ends up resenting boy for being normally-driven and moody. They stop living together and "try to date" until girl has an insane period and makes up a complete lie to totally offend boy and get him to leave her alone for a month.

Except it was all much bloody easier when I hated all the men that this involved. Love is eeeevil and now I just sit about with my girlfriends whining and being very nasty to men that hit on me.

sooooo,

boy breaks cycle of being attracted to girls he can't get by actually dating one of them (a girl, not one he can't get).
boy eventually thinks that either relationship isn't working out, or if he is just kind of messed up in the head, and tries to figure out which one it is.
after much hemming and hawwing, boy breaks it off. girl is shocked. boy returns to cycle of being attracted to unattainable girls until he dates one again (a girl, not one he blah blah blah...

boy and girl make attempts to resume friendship but there is anger and hurt. girl attempts to sleep with boy but he doesnt because he is worried it will cause problems. girl seems to care sometimes but not others. boy thinks girl is being cruel. boy writes letter to girl saying hes had enough, thinks girl is hurting him too much, and to leave him alone from now on. girl makes repeated attempts to resume contact. boy is stupid and doesnt respond. many months later boy realises he is losing best friend and makes attempt to put things right. girl tells boy to fuck off. boy is sad for ever and ever

(nb this is also my contribution to this thread HA HA or IS IT)

but I suspect that is not so.
You'd be right.

how did you find out her timetable?
It was just up on the noticeboard.

And how come you had to call at her house - was she not there at the lectures to arrange a meeting / give you her phone number if she wanted?

I saw her, she told me her house number and I asked if I could come round tonight. She said she was doing soemthing [which she did specify], and said she'd see me in The Pav [=absurdly named studnent club], and when I did see her the next day, she said she'd speak to me in a minute, twice, and then I went home.

thanks.

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl get together. Girl likes girls as well as boys. Boy likes boys as well as girls. Any more than that and there will be too many 'Girl2' and 'Boy3' stuff for anyone to follow, but Boy had great fun.

Best Pattern Ever!

nothing to say. nevah had a girlfriend.

all my other posts have been jokes.

as graham has said, he has had a relationship with girls. by stalking them heh.

(but actually i've been thinking abt joining a society here at uni but I'm trying to decide which one, just so i can meet them (though that seems bad really but i want to get my mind off things for a few hours), but i'm trying to pick, i was thinking abt joining the chess club but maybe the film one too).

(and i don't want to go for any music ones becuz its all divided into rock/metal, jazz, classical, etc etc bo-ring).

boy and girl embark on a mostly-beautiful three year relationship which ends sadly and regrettably, with boy realizing too late that his deplorable treatment of girl in the relationship's waning months was actually about boy's own fear of commitment. girl is too scarred and angry by recent events to come back - she still cares about boy, but doesn't love him anymore.

boy endures a few horrible months of regret and general misery before picking himself up and re-learning how to be excited about singledom again. then boy reads thread on ilx and is temporarily discouraged by the crushing frequency of universal heartbreak.

newly optimistic nonetheless, boy takes opportunity to remind ilx contingent that romeo and juliet in fact BEGINS with romeo mourning a lost love. in a not unrelated note, boy also implores ilx contingent to conveniently forget about the fact that romeo & juliet ENDS in a double suicide...

In fact, once you've had one (just to get over the life experience thing) I don't really even understand the mentality of people who are desperate for 'a man' or 'a woman'. I just want specific people.

What sexual fantasies aren't contrived anyway?

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl have lots in common and are together for a year, then break up for unclear reasons probably linked to boy's resentment to talk about long-term commitments. Boy and girl remain friends, forget why they broke up, boy asks girl out again. Happiness ensues, until they get antsy and have another (amicable) breakup. Repeat, until status quo is an ambiguous (Schroedinger's relationship!) but happy state of togetherness. Boy still considers himself too young to make serious long-term commitments to girl, no doubt causing future problems.

I think the only way to really approach it perfectly is to master the whole Zen-Jedi 100% self-actualized thing where you appear to be content with and consumed by your own hugely interesting life and activities, then come across a particular individual so intriguing that they're worth altering your content and interesting life to include. This is near-impossible to pull off but I think it's what all of us, male and female, find most compelling: "this person has a cool life and is picking me to invite into it." Looking for "anyone" is like having an open house with nobody there yet: people aren't really enticed to come in. The latter option is like working the door at a really nice-looking club, and singling out only one person at the back of the line to get in.

So I guess this is my line of thought that seems really important right now but which I might disagree with tomorrow: don't just want "a girl" (or "a boy"). It will screw up your mojo and make everyone feel unspecial. I'm sure millions upon millions of perfectly great relationships work from "I just want a girl," but the latter has got to be more productive; unspecific "someone" urgings are just vicious cycles that make you less attractive and less likely to actually get anyone and thus mopier and even less attractive and even more pining for someone, anyone, and it's all downhill from there.

i will join a society tho'. its something i wanted to do during my degree but nevah did (doing a postgrad now).

hehe...damn, after watching a lot of ppl go public w/problems they have (or had) in their lives and so on now i do it (not a problem but more of a concern for me). I should just stick to saying how 'misguided' the second side of Funhouse is.

(also didn't they look fab in the wire?)

Griller + any more from them if you have any space left on tape.

wanking no fix skin hunger.

(ask monkey with wire mom: he agree.)

I had a dream about dave q once too. All I remember about that was that he had blond hair, a beard, and a baseball cap and glasses. I don't think there were women involved.

is that what my life will be like?

Incidentally, that dream made me recall the manga series 'fist of the north star'. have you seen it sundar? its set in this post apocalyptic world and it is abt a man who wandres the world trying to find his girl, which has been kidnaped by the 'bad guy' who has fallen in love with her (he thought he had killed him but he didn't) (that's the basics of it and it was very excellent, taped all the episodes but Channel four stopped showing it after a while).

i'm not abstract.

Substitute the word girl for boy in those two sentences and that is a good description of my story.

so i think that whoever my next partner is going to be, it will be someone who knows NOTHING about me - abt oxford, CoM, ILX, whatever, who will come from OUTSIDE that whole circle. i really might have to start again with a completely blank sheet.

OK the thing is to go out and meet them somehow but not to go and act like you're desperate for anything major to happen since this would obv frighten anyone, which is very sensible.

heh...i'm just saying i agree with both nathalie AND nabisco since i don't know what to do really.

I was reflecting when i got home on how i got to this and basically its the nature of a science degree, which you need to put in more hours in the lab. but of course that's just lazy of me not to make more of an effort to do other things and meet others.

actual ans=> buying recs and listening to too much music and the years have gone by.

?? on what do you base this

Ian Brown married Mexican girl he met on the streets of NYC or something like that, who had never heard of English pop stars.

Gary Newman married the head of his fan club, didn't he?

(i admit this is not beyond the realms of possibility, tho)

Fan club prez = cathode ray tube.

I want to be alone and I want to grow old and die with someone. I really fucking hate this situation.

Oh yes, that's also part of my history on more than one occasion.

Is this really how it works with other people? Cos for me, as soon as I discover someone actually knows other people, or worse, gets on with them well, I'm outta there, cos I can't compete.

(no wonder everyone thinks I'm a weirdo)

And I don't think one has to be suffering from low self-esteem of the sort expressed by Graham for it not to apply to you either. In fact the reverse might apply as well (ie. wanting to corroborate one's self-loathing by falling for people who make one feel bad by comparison).

Boy is 15, hateful and spotty and has never been kissed when kaboom
Beautiful girl of 1 day younger comes along and sweeps boy off his feet. Boy's life changes and becomes superdooper for a year. Then boy thinks about being single and likes the idea of it. Boy begins to treat Beautiful Girl like shit. Beautiful girl dumps boy.

Boy is mighty screwed up and flails about in ocean of misery for a year or two.

Boy starts university and discovers that other fellow boys are utter gimps. Boy sleeps around a little with girls.

Beautiful girl 2 comes along. Boy ain't so interested in her. Beautiful girl 2 persists so boy sleeps with her. Boy carries on seeing her and gradually falls in love. Year passes. Boy starts to think about being single again. Boy treats Beautiful Girl 2 like shit. Beautiful Girl 2 dumps boy.

Boy is a bit fucked up, wallows in a puddle of sadness for a few months.

Boy meets sexy German Mod girl. Boy sees her for a while and visits her in Germany. Whilst in Germany with her, German Girl pisses boy off something chronic. Boy treats girl like shit for last couple of days of the stay. Boy returns home, never contacts her again.

Boy isn't sad. Boy does wallow in a pond of sexlessness for a few months.

Boy meets a tiny Riot Grrl. Sees her for couple of months. Riot Grrl has curly hair so boy dumps her. Boy has done first real dumping! Boy feels weird, Boy currently thinks he should start seeing her again, make her hate him and get dumped by her. As is the law of Boy.

This was about a year and a half ago and Boy is drifting toward that ocean of celibacy again and he dunwanna.

Boy knows Beautiful Girl who also likes Boy but Boy wears suits now and so Boy is too aloof to approach Beautiful Girl even though he so should, the dick. Oh and Boy also gibbers nonsense at Beautiful Girl which is disconcerting for both boy and girl. Boy aims to overcome this. Boy will write to this thread as soon as he does, and Boy will also write to thread a year later when he's treating girl like shit and is about to be dumped.

*breathes*

This has happened about four times in the last three years.

Repeat until...

Boy meets most beautiful girl in the world, no one else can see quite how beautiful, and knows she is the one but boy scared of girl, doesn't say much, even though he thinks girl might like him.

Boy has desperate battle with self about fading into background yet again.

Please let it be different this time.

What a fascinating thread. . .

Boy is completely oblivious to fact that girl likes him, until she is naked in his arms.

did it not even become apparent during the 'getting naked' process?

no - he's a nudist.

Wow, mine's still accurate. Ugh.

Here's mine: girl is single for life because she is way grumpy; and also, only chicks and gay men think she's pretty.

current (and only) one: boy goes out to club with attractive, artsy girl he kind of likes (this girl REALLY likes him), girl brings friend, girl gets incredibly drunk and starts pulling strangers, boy decides to be nice and walk her home with friend, girl is safely delivered home, friend meanwhile has taken significant fancy to boy, they suddenly find themselves alone, friend suggests going back to hers, boy thinks 'why not', stuff happens, more stuff happens, girl initiates several meetings, relationship breaks out, boy gets over initial joy of cuddling up to someone most nights, realises that he doesn't actually fancy HER all that much, meets a few other girls whom he DOES actually have the hots for, cools it with g/f (using exams and plays as a good means of avoiding her), but seeing as he still really LIKES her as a person (rather than fancying her especially; she's pretty hot but not really his type) he can't break it off.

this is where things currently stand :-/

dude you ever hear of having a fuckbuddy?

line up another couple of these, sweet

mine: hot girl arrives, sex, hot girl is completely unreliable, hot girl leaves

this is ok, but need to narrow the gaps between them leaving and the next one arriving

but some of these girls i like are appealing enough (both physically and after lengthy conversation) for me to contemplate a long-term relationship. whatever i do, it will have to be decisive.

have you thought about ranking them?

first i must experience them, and only afterwards qualify my enjoyment with contextual understanding (i.e. ranking, long-term potential etc).

the more girls i meet, the more potential variety in the sack, hence progress

louis luckily as time progresses there will be a greater variety of girls

xpost ah

plus you'll have a databank of all the girls you've seen naked, so you can imagibate better

first one must find one's ideal shag, then one must execute it to the best of one's ability

no - he's a nudist.

-- The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Sunday, June 3, 2007 7:22 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Is THIS why you haven't been coming around? I can always put some pants on - just let me know.

boy likes lots of girls, boy makes one of these girls laugh, eventually she forgets what he looks like, (as theorized on the int*r*ci*l rel*tionsh*ps thread). girl falls for boy over movies, wisecracks and two-person pyjama parties. they move in together way too soon, and stay that way until she moves on to the next stage of female relationship evolution (usually either a biker, or somebody in the financial services sector, from exerience).

boy isn't sure what's to be gained by all this in the long run.

This thread is sad and I cant bear to read all of it. :(

(usually either a biker, or somebody in the financial services sector, from exerience).

Expand that to fucking asshole and you've got it.

ahahahaha.

i didn't want to come across as bitter. anyway, i don't like bikers.

Well, my first girlfriend left me for a guy who would wander out of school due to his psychosis and wanted to OD on cocaine 'just for the experience of almost dying.' Douche. He stalked her -- and she liked that.

Anyway, I wish everyone (who is a good person) at least one fucking crap relationship with a narcissist like this so they can value what they will eventually find. I found it, so I'm not bitter.

Here's my Marxist relationship algorithm:

Girl makes it known that she likes boy.
Girl humps boy.
Boy & girl date for 2 months - 2 years.
Boy begins to doubt girl's sanity.
Breakup, usually amicable.
Repeat N times.

Boy finds hot girl with similar musical tastes who isn't interested in dating, a relationship, marriage, or anything.
Boy pesters girl for months until she agrees to a date.
After X years of dating, girl asks boy for his hand in marriage.
Boy says "yes".

previous iterations:
Girl meets tall Boy who is monomaniacal about music/art/pot
Girl finds Boy's torture and silence intriguing, once this or that or she helps him be happy, they'll be happy
Girl invests sometimes years in such a save-the-Boy project before (in nearly all the cases) coming to her senses and leaving.

nowtime:
Girl meets tall Boy who is monomaniacal about music
Girl finds Boy's mind sexy and vice versa
Girl doesn't need to fix this Boy.
Girl and Boy are both all grown up.
They marry and spawn.

Girl thinks, "Hmm, should meet Boy sometime."
Girl has unsuccessful relationship with programmer.
Girl has self-defeating crush on Boy who is a dedicated member of a different religious group, and loses touch when Boy goes on an international mission or to seminary.
Back to step 1.

I don't have much dating experience, but wow, this actually repeats frighteningly.

i really want to slap me :/

Mine: Well, my first girlfriend left me for a guy who would wander out of school due to his psychosis and wanted to OD on cocaine 'just for the experience of almost dying.

Maria's: Girl meets tall Boy who is monomaniacal about music/art/pot

And he was tall! Hmmm...

Mine: He stalked her -- and she liked that.

Maria's: Girl finds Boy's torture and silence intriguing, once this or that or she helps him be happy, they'll be happy

I guess there are degrees. Sometimes the boy is just surly, sometimes he would be considered by most a criminal, but yeah. You got it.

Girl invests sometimes years in such a save-the-Boy project before (in nearly all the cases) coming to her senses and leaving.

Yeah, I would say Maria wins this thread. The 'Now Time' is right, too.

Boy...has cold pillows
Is that a euphemism?

Sadly not. More of a stigmatism, in fact.

-- Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, October 30, 2002 2:17 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

i heard about these new contact lenses that are supposed to be good for that

phase one: girl isn't interested in boys (or girls, she is only interested in records and books).

phase two: girl meets boy, girl is interested in boy, boy says he is interested in girl but needs 6months to concentrate on an all-consuming work project and girl must wait; girl waits, going from "interested" to "spinning head-over-heels" in the meantime; 6months pass, boy says "oh sorry no it was never going to happen"; girl cries. for a year.

phase three: girl meets boy, girl gets bored with boy after 1month, repeat until now. girl not bored yet.

most recent.

(most popular and semi-rich)girl talks to lonely boy. girl takes boy on a date-->sex-->relationship. boy is in heaven. girl is in hell, but not because of boy. 3 suicide attempts(girl, not boy) and one dead ex-girlfriend later boy is broken down and ends the relationship. girl sleeps with old friends of boy. boy is sad once again and yells at girl. boy yells some more. girl meets another old "friend"(drug dealer) of boy. girl gets hooked on various substances. girl at her saddest. boy knows all of this through other people. boy and girl talk and decides to catch a movie for old times sake a month later(boy is secretly planning on saving girl). girl commits suicide two weeks later.

(a year later in a few days)

boy is still sad, but it's getting better.

Educated with money
Hes well dressed not funny
And not to say in most conversations
But hell foot the bill in all situations
cause he pays for everything

Girls dont like boys, girls like cars and money
Boys will laugh at girls when theyre not funny

Paper or plastic,
Dont matter shell have it
Vacations and shopping sprees these are a few of her favorite things
Shell get what she wants if shes willing to please
His type of girl always comes with a fee
Hey now theres nothing for free

Girls dont like boys, girls like cars and money
Boys will laugh at girls when theyre not funny
And these girls like these boys, like these boys like these girls
The girls with the bodies like boys with ferraris
Girls dont like boys, girls like cars and money

Lets go!

Girls dont like boys, girls like cars and money
Boys will laugh at girls when theyre not funny
And these girls like these boys, like these boys like these girls
The girls with the bodies like boys with ferraris
Girls dont like boys, girls like cars and money

All of these boys, and get all of these girls
Are losing their souls in a material world
All of these boys, and get all of these girls
Are losing their souls in a material world
All of these boys, and get all of these girls
Are losing their souls in a material world
All of these boys, and get all of these girls
Are losing their souls in a material world

Calum?

man, this thread is heartbreaking...
my two cents:
>>> scared stiff of boys but has lots of male friends
>>> meets guy, gets a crush, loses virginity. boy also loses virginity and realises he wants to repeatedly lose it with lots of other girls. without telling girl this.
>>> has loads of yucky one-night-stands
>>> meets a geeky weirdo who charms her. he cheats, she forgives (in fact she apologises). 18months later he leaves for his big OE.
>>> more yucky one-night-stands. various brief flings.
>>> meets a guy who is a total moron (on many different levels) yet is convinced she loves him. he cheats on her.
>>> girl meets guy. thinks he's great. he's stupid and mean. gets his ex pregnant. girl forgives. 3 years pass. guy smacks her round. girl leaves. realises what a stupid fuck she has been, and also wakes up out of semi-catatonic state. realises life is actually pretty fucking great.
>>> girl meets soulmate on the internet. she lives on one side of the world. he lives on the other. he is the first guy she has ever met who gets ticks in all the boxes (and all her friend's boxes). not perfect, but perfectly flawed. guy feels the same way. not only is he smart, but he's funny, talented, kind, and HONEST.

>>> girl wants to fly over there and meet him

>>> what should girl do? she is rather petrified of it all blowing up in her face.

Girl has to try

girl has to fly

he is the first guy she has ever met who gets ticks in all the boxes

Its like I wrote it myself.

imagibate

hahahahaha max I love you

girl is trying very hard.
pessimistically optimistic:
mostly thinks life couldn't be more amazing right now; that guy has come along only now, so girl will appreciate him all the more for having had the shittiest boyfriends in the world.

but girl also has nagging voices of self-doubt and gloom.

does *internet love* work out?

I like your name Rubyred. It makes me think of grapefruits.

someone said the same thing to me not too long ago. apparently rubyred grapefruit juice is quite popular.

btw: hello everyone! is it improper behaviour to dive right in here? i've been lurking off and on for months.

I like your name, too Rubyred. It reminds me of those sparkly slippers which Dorothy wore.

Yes, you should fly wherever it is to meet him. How will you know, otherwise?

if guy is single and prepared for it, you should go for it.

(assuming you are too!)

oh, i'm definitely single! funny thing: ever since i met this guy and realised how into him i am, suddenly i'm being pursued by a whole gaggle of male admirers - quality guys, too, for the first time in my life. but this one guy is IT for me - i've never experienced such an incredibly strong and honest connection with someone. the friendship is so genuine.

he's single, but going through a really tough time right now: trying to desperately find a new job out of state (he's in the US), still trying to get some distance from his ex (they pretty much only have each other in the city they live in, so they've tried going from a couple to 'friends' without a break, which is doing his head in), plus some other issues. the thing is, he's so straighforward and upfront with me about all this stuff.

it's been almost a year since i split with the psycho-junkie-ex but i still don't feel ready for a relationship - still feel like i have a ton of baggage, and taking that into a new relationship just wouldn't be fair on this new guy.

and of course, there's the question of how i would fund such a trip. but he has offered to pay for half my ticket.

Girl meets boy.

Girl develops ridiculous crush, believes boy to be living incarnation of her muse, becomes totally obsessed, worships ground boy walks on.

Boy freaks out, thinks girl is NUTS and leaves.

Repeat every three months until new album is written.

-- kate, Wednesday, 30 October 2002 11:02 (4 years ago)

Three albums later, it still works!

Oh wait, there was like a long-term living together marriage type thing in the middle there somewhere. Well, that was a phenomenal waste of time, wasn't it?

http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/50/33/23043350.jpg

girl meets boy, boy has girlfriend, girl sleeps with boy, girl declares herself the winner.
repeat a bunch of times

girl meets boy, girl and boy fall in love, boy leaves girl for another girl that looks almost exactly the same, girl's personality is slightly insulted, girl chalks it up to karma.

girl meets boy, boy falls for girl, girl is too busy getting fucked up to notice, girl hooks up with boy's friend/s, boy is sad, girl is initially ambivalent but then not.

girl meets boy, boy likes girl, girl keeps boy at arms length, boy gets sick of waiting and finds another girl, girl is shocked and demands boy reaffirm his affections, boy says no, girl persists until boy gets drunk one night and caves, girl declares herself the winner.

girl meets boy, boy declares girl his girlfriend, girl is too lazy to say otherwise, girl wastes one year of her life.

girl meets boy, boy and girl like each other, boy is in a band, girl persists regardless, boy boffs some groupie, girl gets pissed, girl gets over it.

girl meets boy, girl and boy fall in love, girl packs up cat and moves to be with boy, girl and boy get married, girl and boy make baby named beeps.

BOFFS!

(ew)

girl notes whenever any boy identifies other girl as 'mad' he's probably halfway to shagging her).

OTM also applies to "loud" and "too chatty"

man slowly drinks himself to death while meeting women whose names he can't remember because he's blotted out his short-term

Boy? Where?

guys are always better on the internet
don't believe the hype

what about those of us who are actually more offensive on the internet?

you too.

j/k!!!!!!

lol

w: "I don't know, sometimes I feel like you just think I'm some sort of friend you have sex with."
m: "I do think of you as my best friend, and.. uh.. you're beautiful! I don't have sex with my friends, what are you getting at!"
w: "I don't know, I just want something, I.."
m: (tries ineffectively to think of some way to convey that his feelings are romantic) "Uh, I'm not really a buying flowers and candy kind of guy... I, uh.."
w: *tears*

I read that this thread was supposed to be the most depressing thing ever, I figured I'd contribute.

Rubyred, your life has frightening parallels to mine. Really.

Apparently I've dated mh. Huh.

Boy meets girl, spend 2.5 years together then girl dumps boy.
3 years of sleeping about...
Boy meets girl spend 3.5 years together then boy dumps girl.
5 years of assorted disastrous affairs, love triangles and one night stands.
Boy still not met girl…

girl imagines boy, girl meets boy, girl realizes boy is other. girl realizes everyone is alone. still. girl imagines boy...

Awww. Youn!

trayce, tell me more! are you making any more progress than me?

guys are always better on the internet
don't believe the hype

-- homosexual II,

the thing is, we bonded over our shared fucked-uppedness: we confessed all our anxieties, hang-ups, phobias, weaknesses, baggage/issues pretty early on; pretty much the opposite to every other relationship i've had.

i've had some weird reactions from friends about this internet love thing... mostly from people who think it's creepy to spend time getting to know someone you've never met in person, but who think it's perfectly ok to pick up a stranger from a bar and take them home and have sex. people can be just as fake and insincere in person as they are on the internet. personally speaking, i find it MUCH easier to be myself on the internet, than i do in person.

no spell check irl tho

Rubyred, in 2001 a boy I met on the internet flew from London to Boston to visit me for a week. We got married in July of last year. Be cautious but trust your instincts. I'm certainly glad that I did.

trayce, tell me more! are you making any more progress than me?

I've been thru this several times! And ... well, obviously as I'm single none of them worked out permanently. Be prepared for a lot of missing and hard work and travel and cost if you really want it to work.

I'd rather not talk about the parallels apart from that though :( Sorry.

no spell check irl tho

Dude you dont even use spellcheck when youre talking to me on IM ;P

sorry trayce/enbb, didn't realise this thread had been updated since my last post...

thanks for all the great advice and support guys, much much appreciated.

oh, and congratulations enbb - that's one of the coolest things i've heard in ages, and it's very inspiring :)

boy meets girl, they become close friends. boy falls for girl. boy informs girl of this. girl weeps, says he's too nice for her and then goes out and shags every dickhead she can find. girl returns occasionally to cry on boy's shoulder when when said dickheads are mean to her. girl gets jealous when boy, who's trying very hard to get over her, dates anyone else. repeat for five years.

yikes that sounds an awful lot like reality

Luckily, all I have now are bad memories of this. My mid-20s were not fun.

Wait, I'm confused about the part where you stay friends after the break-up...? Or after the denouement, anyway.

oh dear stone monkey, that sounds like a situation i used to be in. that kind of girl needs to be either a) let go of immediately, or b) treated with mild indifference

b) would get you laid with her within a week btw

We gradually drifted apart at the end of the 90s. I haven't actually spoken to this woman for maybe 5 years.

now theres a surprise. sounds v familiar

Stone Monkey, i hope you found a girl who appreciated your 'niceness'.
nice guys DO win out in the end!

nice guys DO win out in the end!

you're being lied to here stone monkey.

nice guys DO win out in the end

only if they learn to stop giving girls exactly what they want!

Not yet, it would appear.

Anyway, that just reminded me of the advice I gave my 20 year old self in this thread.

harsh...
i had several crap-ass nasties for boyfriends, and at least one of them is miserable now.

my new romantic interest is utterly lovely, kind, sincere and NICE.

but i guess it's rather boastful of me to say he'd be 'winning out in the end' by getting me...

Well, at least you're winning too.

only girls ever say 'nice guys win out in the end'. yea, in the end! when the girl got tired and has had all her fun! and you missed out on all that shit, but hey, you can make her a nice cup of horlicks now

guys, even a cursory hearing of Good Charlotte should have told us this

whats up with winning in the beginning and in the middle, where the hot stuff is?

>>nice guys DO win out in the end

>only if they learn to stop giving girls exactly what they want!

...or maybe if they grow up and stop chasing shallow girls and go for "nice" girls themselves.

You sound bitter, Gareth.

yeah gareth is almost entirely otm

What about when you both have your fun, get older, turn nicer, happily ever after, the end.

stone monkeys situation reminded me of something less than fun for me. not bitter though, in hindsight its pretty clear, i allowed it to happen, and it didnt help anybody

We're all bitter about our gender of choice to some degree.

I am merely bitter about people.

Kate sort of OTM, I suspect.

if by otm you mean off the money then laurel is 100% correct.

Perhaps "shallow" is an unhelpful choice of words, but certainly "girls whose priorities more closely mirror boy's".

Yes, Laurel, that's a better phrase. But same intention.

laurel off the money too.

People always let you down in the end. Generally by dying when you've just got to know them well enough to actually like them, I've found.

stop having sex with senior citizens and that won't happen as much stone monkey.

girls whose priorities more closely mirror boy's

Yeah I'm not really following here. What's wrong with dating someone who has the same priorities as you? This actually seems U&K. But I suspect that is not what you meant.

heh, i think i have a dislike of the phrase 'winning in the end' - not to do with relationships, but in general

i hear 'winning in the end' and it makes me think of those classes for kids where they let the kids who are mediocre have some spurious 'achievement prize' for just turning up and managing to last the day without being sick on their shoes. well done, you get to be a winner too boby, heres a MAUVE STAR!

http://www3.iath.virginia.edu/crocker/kov.gif
^^every relationship ever

my every relationship ever could be pretty easily encompassed by the lyrics to the marvellettes' 'danger! heartbreak dead ahead'

Perhaps "shallow" is an unhelpful choice of words, but certainly "girls whose priorities more closely mirror boy's".

Perhaps "girls whose priorities more closely mirror boy's" is an unhelpful choice of words, but certainly "with ability to exist in the real world and an attention span for more than five minutes".

OF more than five minutes, I mean.

>>nice guys DO win out in the end

>only if they learn to stop giving girls exactly what they want!

...or maybe if they grow up and stop chasing shallow girls and go for "nice" girls themselves.

find: assholes
replace: confident guys

find: nice
replace: insecure

but the whole point is that i wasn't having any fun with the the not-nice guys at the beginning and middle.

[i'm 27 so it's kinda weird to talk about beginnings middles ends]

i was using the terms 'winning' and 'end' very loosely...

Married and *still* bitter, Poo? Damn!

You can switch the genders and still have it be just as true.

Uh. I meant that you should be aiming to date people who DO have the same priorities, values, whatever, as you. Frequently a problem for both genders among groups that privilige looks, coolness, showiness, and ends in everyone basically wanting the same, like, four people. Exaggerated for effect, but you get the point. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, and accounts for only some of the nice-guy phenomenon, obv.

bnw is actually way more otm than gareth; i spent a lot of time as a "nice" guy until i realized that it wasn't kindness that was preventing me from getting with chicks, it was insecurity. you can be a nice guy and be confident too--it's just that assholes are usually way more sure of themselves.

You can switch the genders and still have it be just as true.

I wouldn't say I'm still bitter, maybe sort of retroactively bitter for not getting any when I was young, I suppose. I put the tags in to indicate I wasn't being entirely serious ;)

Problem is, one is often attracted to (superficially) what one would *like* to be, rather than what one is. x-post to Laurel.

find: assholes
replace: confident guys

find: nice
replace: insecure

-- bnw, Tuesday, 5 June 2007 15:31

DINGDINGDING. heres your answer folks. insecure guys win out in the end. mauve stars all round!

I agree on the nice/insecurity, that was definitely part of my problem, but the asshole/confident guy thing, eh not so sure. At least with girls I knew, these guys weren't just confident, they were actively shits to them.

actually bnw is saying the same thing as me really, he's just more confident about expressing it right

but the whole point is that i wasn't having any fun with the the not-nice guys at the beginning and middle.

my whole point is maybe they were having fun with you, and i guess maybe some other girls too

Uh. I meant that you should be aiming to date people who DO have the same priorities, values, whatever, as you.

i've found that this does not help. but perhaps i am not the best representative of my gender.

Depends on how you construe "priorities", I guess.

max - i completely agree with you, and the same thing applies to girls. i was nice, but totally pathetic and insecure. then i got over it (to a certain extent). i mean, i've met this great who i've fallen for and who is completely different to any other guy i've met, but since i split with evil-ex and realised what a fuckin' sap i had been, i noticed i started meeting an entirely different calibre of guys: good guys! just none of them make me want to spend my last cent flying round the planet to get a even a hug.

i construe priorities as established orders of importance. and i stand by all prior statements.

>only if they learn to stop giving girls exactly what they want!

come on, as if all girls know exactly what they want? half the ones i know don't, including myself, so that is not a helpful assumption! i don't think it's a moral failing, just part of growing up and learning from experience (even though i see how it is frustrating for guys).

also this has totally turned into "every ilx relationship thread ever"

course girls know what they want! ATTENTION

OFFICER ON DECK

OFFICER ON THE ONES AND TWOS

Scenario A
Boy is bored
Boy thinks girl (any girl) must be solution to boredom
Boy meets attractive girl, asks out, goes out, shags
Boy realises girl with whom he has no real interest is not solution to boredom
Boy runs away

Scenario B
Boy is not bored, life is good, boy is not looking to meet anyone especially but perfectly happy going out with friends, work etc
Boy accidentally meets girl, she is cool and very attractive but boy has no desire to get into anything right now
Boy finds himself getting to know girl anyway
Boy realises girl is amazing, a one, if not the one
Boy gets together with girl, no sacrifice necessary
Either Boy or Girl is leaving country/city/state soon, Boy doesn't care about the inconvenience - will make it work
Girl does care
Girl ends relationship
Boy is sad

Lather, rinse, repeat. Currently dealing with one of each of these right now. Still on good terms with Girl B and hoping to convince her to stay in country after she finishes her masters. Three months and counting to make her realise that she loves me enough to make it work.

guys, 'nice' is obv a code for 'boring'

because if anyone ever said: 'wahhh you're too nice for me' i would know it to be 100% bullshit because i am actually not very nice at all

I find that people also sometimes say "you're too nice for me" when they actually mean "I'm an asshole and I won't be careful enough to do right by you." Just FYI.

i also find it hard to believe that hunks like gareth and max have been treated like the nice guy before.
COME ON

"too nice" is a code for a lot of things incl. (from personal experience) "too fat," "not popular enough" (thats a specifically high school one), "unattractive," "way too interested in memorizing speeches from star wars spoken in alien languages," "inexperienced," etc.

haha i was always the "nice guy" until i had a long-term serious girlfriend, which is apparently the best way to get girls into you.

i shouldnt be listened to anyway, i know almost nothing about dudes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

When I went to the pub last night I could barely get to the bar for all these fat ugly greasy dudes who were standing there playing the complete arsehole with their hot girlfriends. Practically the only place to stand was where all the really hot nice dudes were, sitting alone, weeping gently into their pints.

In other words this whole nice guy/arsehole thing = complete horseshit.

haha

When I went to the pub last night I could barely get to the bar for all these fat ugly greasy dudes who were standing there playing the complete arsehole with their hot girlfriends.

hey i was out in camden last night too! i never saw you

I find that people also sometimes say "you're too nice for me" when they actually mean "I'm an asshole and I won't be careful enough to do right by you."

Alas, so true.

in which case they're technically being kind, no?

No, they're just leaving you holding the bag without actually having to give you up.

ah yes, that's why i did it. absolution of responsibility with all the perks that entails. what an arsehole :-(

Here's a test: did she believe you, and go away sadder but wiser to take her chances with someone else? Or did she stroke your hair and say "Nooooo, Charlie, don't you worry. I can take care of myself/it will all work out/I know you better than you think." Because if the latter, you didn't do a good enough impersonation of "kindness".

Or did she stroke your hair and say "Nooooo, Charlie, don't you worry. I can take care of myself/it will all work out"

HEY DERE SOUNDS FAMILIAR EXCEPT MY NAME'S NOT CHARLIE.

and, uhm, i was on the saying end of that and not the hearing end.