thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles

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Nigella Smites: The domestic goddess sits upon her fluffy cloud on high, striking down contestants who have difficulty in creating a hot lamb salad with a mint, quince and pomegranate jelly followed by a turkish delight syllabub

Big Smother: One custom-built house, 12 vacuous wannabe sleb reality TV types, 12 pillows. Last one unasphixiated wins

Sex and the Settee: Four loose York University students and their wealth of dysfunctional cohorts leave an array of seminal fluids, discharges and other lubricants on their green velour sofa each Saturday night. Viewers are invited to text in and guess what they are. Sponsored by Stain Devils

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Charlie's Angles: Ms Dimmock demonstrates how exciting trigonometry can be if you don't wear a bra

Pop Eyeball: Googly-eyed wannabes try to impress the judges with their occular dexterity

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Fiends - a group of fiercely unattractive thirty-somethings, who wear shit clothes sharing two squats in a run down part of Chicago.

― Lara (Lara), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:25 (twenty-three years ago)

(Listen) Without Prejudice?: Liza Tarbuck hosts the show where five judges have to award £50,000 to the most George Michael impersonator

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:26 (twenty-three years ago)

most convincing. obviously

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:27 (twenty-three years ago)

CSI: WHYami?
Slaw & Order
O Car 54, Where Art Thou?
My Mother the Cad
My Three Songs
The Gollum Girls

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Home & Affray: Australian suds. Rhys sends the twins to the torture chamber and Fisher apologises for his arson attempt on the caravan park. Meanwhile, will anybody notice the razor blades that Colleen has hidden in the diner cheesecake?

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Crackers: overweight Irish detective is clinically insane and therefore can solve no crime.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Die Sundung mit dem Scouse: Lovable Liverpudlian explains the workings of machines to German children every Sunday morning; German children, uncomprehending, switch over to the A-Team.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Kids Do the Darndest Things When Animals Attack

― Amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Cold Teat: Thirtysomething drama in which all cast members have particularly prominent nipples

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

What Not To Bare: Trinny and Susannah go round your local park chastising flashers.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Trading Graces: Neighbours dine and pray together

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Dislocation, Dislocation, Dislocation: Phil and Kirsty get what's coming to them

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:49 (twenty-three years ago)

The Mod Couple: Swinging Cats try to get along
The Odd Squad: Felix & Oscar go undercover

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:50 (twenty-three years ago)

This whole thread is my first honest laugh of the day. I kiss you!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned - its just Ned.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned, what caused the dishonest laughter?

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Things To Do In Denver When You're Ned

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Saddam and Son - Saddam and his boys live in a junkyard rather than a Presidential Palace. "Oh Uday, this is the big one! I'm going to see AllaH!"

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Crappy Days: Richie, Ralph, and Potsie deal w/their mid life crises and life after 9/11. Every episode is 'a very special' one.

(Do you mean the show Mr. Ned, Chris? The one where we put peanut butter in Ned's mouth)

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Isn't there a show called Ed?

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Six Feet Chunder: Calista Flockhart presents the World Vomiting Championships

Alive... With Chris Moyles: The Radio 1 oaf presents an irreverent look at the days events live from the wreckage of a plane crash in the Andes

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Friends": Just like "Friends," except they're Quakers.

― Nemo (JND), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Imperfect Strangers: Two cousins live together in Chicago. They both come from similar backgrounds and are very serious and sensible. Hilarity does not ensue.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Brazier - Sit-com about the hilarious life of the pompously snobbish Conservative MP for Canterbury and Whitstable and his Loving family.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned, what caused the dishonest laughter?

I'll let you know as soon as I finish walling up this Amontillado-drunk clown in a jester's suit.

Things To Do In Denver When You're Ned

Oh dear.

Do you mean the show Mr. Ned, Chris? The one where we put peanut butter in Ned's mouth

TMI.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Charles is Charged: the trial of Scott Baio
I Lug Lucy: a gang of fun-loving teens transports the remains of TV's most beloved comedienne across the country in a quest to find themselves.
Party of Flies: Bailey and the gang on a deserted island

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Changing Tombs: Carol Smillie wanders around cemeteries looking very pleased with herself as her compatriots redecorate the graves of the rich and famous according to the peccadilloes which they loved when still alive. This week, Linda Barker makes over Jim Morrison's grave at Pere-Lachaise to accomodate a tap that pisses pure Jack Daniels, and Laurence Lewelleyn-Bowen lends a racecourse theme to the Queen Mum's crypt

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Tree's Company- Two green saplings and a fully mature Redwood share an apartment above a lumberjack. The roommates conspire to fool the lumberjack into believing the Redwood is not worthy to cut down despite evidence to the contrary.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

You've Been Farmed: Lisa Riley bounces around the nation, ploughing hapless members of the public into the ground.

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

La Law: A Frenchman tries to make it in the cutthroat world of an American lawfirm -- romance and hilarity ensues.

M*A*S*H Ups: Goofy Korean War era Army surgeons sing "Sk8ter Boy" to the tune of "Sweet Child o' Mine" or vice versa.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Flowing Pains - The show revolves around the girls menstrual period.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I am now literally collapsed with giggling laughter on the floor. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:08 (twenty-three years ago)

joe i'm looking for that list we made ages ago but i cant find it, but i do recall:

Who Wants To Be A Legionaire? (chris tarrant cajoles the naive and bewildered into joining the Foreign Regiment)

She's Gotta Habit (fashion magazine hosted by Whitney Houston)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Diff'rent Strokes - Arnold and Willis decide they are going to revive rock music and form a band.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Hahaha I'd forgotten She's Gotta Habit. Ace

Am trying to mainly think of new ones though

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:10 (twenty-three years ago)

The Fresh Prince Of Bel-mont (adventures of a streetwise young man as he moves from the rough side of town to his uncle's mansion in er, North Wembley)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Richard & Nudey: Nursing home chatter at teatime with Richard and a blow-up sex doll. Judy is unavailable because she has collapsed in the studio left clutching a bottle of Finlandia.

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

lift not left. damn my mittens

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark S and Mindy

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Only Stools And Faeces (hilarious sitcom featuring loveable rogue, hapless brother and deranged war veteran uncle, the twist being every scene takes place in the khazi)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:17 (twenty-three years ago)

and hey lets rip off Lee & Herring at all opportunities:

Bent Coppers - sitcom about two policeman, one of which is corrupt, the other homosexual, and they both have curvature of the spine, and they're both made of copper

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

That 30s Show
promo tag-line: "finally, the comic possibilities of bread lines and constant financial worry are tapped"
Plus, "a Hispanic foreigner introduces marihuana to unsuspecting middle class Americans...the consequences are high-larious"

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

The National Ottery Live!: Footage of the water-loving mammals playing in their WWF sanctuary. Much better than the thing it replaces.

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

The Dick and Dyke Show. Mary Tyler Moore comes out of the closet. Much strapping on of dildos ensues.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Dawson's Greek: Joey and Pacey are astonished when Dawson brings a strapping six-foot javelin thrower home, having finally given in to the subtext

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Beast Enders - collection of hilarious stories about simple country folk caught pants-down with livestock. Dan Perry presents.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Cheers, Steers, Beers, and Queers: When the old gang come to visit Sam at his new honkey-tonk gay bar in Texas, cultural misunderstandings lead to loads of laffs!

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Bland Designs: Another hour-long Channel 4 documentary featuring a young professional couple painting their loft apartment magnolia

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Slackadder - Rowan Atkinson returns as the dastardly squire, this time spending the entire 30 minutes smoking weed and trying to ask Baldrick if he can go down the petrol garage and get some chocolate

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Bargain Cunt - David Dickinson on the global sex tourism industry, with a prize for the team who can return with the most impressive Thai bride.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:22 (twenty-three years ago)

The Sutty Show

teatime fun with Uncle Peter and his array of animal hand puppets

this week: Sue's coming round so the others decide to mutilate her and bury her in a shallow grave rather than risk her wrath at them having not tidied up

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Footballers Hives: Jayne Middlemiss explores the welts, boils and blistering sores of the Premiership. This week: Gary Neville

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Footballers Hives: raunchy tongue-in-cheek drama revealing the secret bee-keeping fantasies and itchy lesions of Premiership star spouses

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

tcha! great minds eh joe?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

jinx!

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Llamarama

youth-orientated drama series revolving around the wonders of South American pachyderms

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Y, Graham Norton?: Irrepressible poovery. Graham proffers more marital aids at unshockable women of a certain age

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Manimal Hospital

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:30 (twenty-three years ago)

The Saloon: Rootin'-tootin' reality TV series

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Hart To Hartbeat

mild-mannered effeminate British artist joins crime-solving married duo in hilarious escapades, aided and abetted by Max and Mr Bennett

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Joanie Loves Chaki - Joanie falls hard for Chaki's devil lock.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:31 (twenty-three years ago)

TVs Takeover - Like The Girlie Show, but with trannies.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Through the Keyhole Surgery: panel must identify the mystery celeb via endoscopic footage of their internal organs. Lloyd Grossmann: "Who would have an enlarged liver like this?"

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:35 (twenty-three years ago)

The Love Goat - Captain Stubing, Gopher and Issac have their way with a goat.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Tonight With Terry Nutkins

(just because it would be nice to see him on TV again)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Dolby City: Hospital drama with excellent sound quality

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Ever Decreasing Erkels

Richard Brier thanks his lucky stars he's married to Felicity 'treacle' Kendall while a poor bespectacled black kid shrinks into infinity

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:38 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.asb.com/usr/indtvprd/loveboat/SLB5.JPG

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:39 (twenty-three years ago)

The Rockford Piles: Hilarious hour-long look at James Garner's chalfonts.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I Love Lucy Lawless: Xena as a bumbling housewife who wants to show her sword prowess to the world

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:44 (twenty-three years ago)

a classic from TVgohome:

Indiana Jones And The Doomed Office Romance

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Blue Geeta: Ilx regular gets down and dirty with children, animals, copydex and fluff.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Make Room for Diddy: upper class white kids get a new, blingy step-father.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Homicide: Fife on the Streets - Having been transferred to rural Fife from Baltimore, our favourite TV cops become frustrated at the lack of mass murderers and gang rapes

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:52 (twenty-three years ago)

The Nukes of Hazzard: UN weapons inspector Hans Blix gets given the runaround by two rednecked bonnet-sliders and their hotpant-wearing sister.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:58 (twenty-three years ago)

The House of Billy Elliott: Emaciated yorkshire teenager tries to complete the Spring Fashion Collection whilst dancing about like a lunatic.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

The Old Grey Bristle Test: Ageing rock stars compare the colour of their facial hair to see whether it's time to release the anthology of their previous anthologies.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Dempsey & Hairpiece (gung-ho UK cop drama featuring pretty, blonde WPC catching crooks whilst the sexual chemistry between her and her American toupee of a partner bubbles under nicely)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Watch with Motherfucker: Samuel L. Jackson presents cautionary tales for children.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Awl, My Children: matriarch teaches leather-working
Homicide: The Facts Of Life On The Street: Tootie and Blair come under fire for their handling of the Mahoney shooting, meawhile, Natalie gets her first visit from Aunt Dot.
Gentle Ben-Hur: chariots? crucifixions? grizzlies? ONLY ON FOX!
Seventh Evan: Joe Millionaire joins the Raelians
My So-Called Wife: The Debbie Rowe Story
Yoga Bear: Abandons pickinick basket stealing for abtronic meditation
Fear Fractions: hot dudes and sexy babes struggle to complete Grade Four math exercises
Family Tights: Meredith Baxter in form-fitting apparel, need I say more?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Top of the Poppadoms: Jamie Theakston anchors the weekly edition of a show detailing the forty most popular tracks played in indian restaurants.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Please Manute Me- David spade stars as a short white man trying to transform himself into a 7'7" Sudanese basketball player in order to win the affections of a Numidian giantess.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:26 (twenty-three years ago)

All Features Great and Small: the decorating show for pets.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:36 (twenty-three years ago)

The Dud Life: Richard Briers and Felicity Kendal realise that self-sufficiency is definitely not classic, obv., and finally throw in the towel.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Spargate: Richard Dean Anderson leads his team of brave adventurers through a giant blue watery portal into the frozen foods isle of a late-opening, cheapo supermarket.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Born Southbank Sloppy: the show where Melvin Bragg brings culture to the kids, "Fuck, Hanif Kureshi, he's bleeding great!"

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Buffy the Umpire Slayer: Acrobatic teenage girl gives Dickie Bird and cohorts a right old pasting.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 27 February 2003 18:47 (twenty-three years ago)

My Big Fat Greek Wife: this is self-explanatory.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:31 (twenty-three years ago)

It would be the logical follow-up, wouldn't it? The series ender would be My Big Fat Greek Divorce.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Green Bakers: two Martians open up a diner...it's My Favorite Martian meats Alice

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Mediterraneans do not get divorced. They just get old and bitter.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:41 (twenty-three years ago)

The BJ's - most cutting edge animated cartoon of an african-american family EVER

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:44 (twenty-three years ago)

ARGH.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Baklava tastes good.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Welcome Back, Blotter--an elderly woman rekindles her love affair with the local paper's police reports

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 19:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Laverne and Hurley: Hijinks ensue when Liz wears That Dress to work and gives Carmine a stiffy.

The Vice is Tight: Bob Barker puts the squeeze on his lovely assistants.

Wheel of Misfortune: contestants spin for letter clues to names of major disasters.

Snatch Game: Incredibly, Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Sommers fuck in this repeat from 1975.

The Mong Show: mentally disabled contestants drop their skills in front of D-list celeb panel. Available in syndication package with Snatch Game.

HR Fuck'emup: kicking Witchypoo straight to Lidsville.

Farmed: battery witches cannot invoke Power of Three to escape small, inhumane cage.

The Absurd: Ionesco performed for post-pub crowd inna Channel 4 stylee.

Captain Raveman: Discovered in the ruins of Castlemorton, one perfectly preserved crusty emerges from K-hole to fight crime with hot '70s chicks.

Scooby Don't: these meddling kids get theirs.

Blunder Woman: Amazon with PMT tries to fight crime, cries and drops things instead. Steve doesn't undertand!

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 27 February 2003 22:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Snatch Game: Incredibly, Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Sommers fuck in this repeat from 1975

Why do you torture me so?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 22:49 (twenty-three years ago)

That 30s Show
I would SO watch this.
It would be my favorite show ever.
Though I think I might prefer That 20s Show.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Thursday, 27 February 2003 23:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd watch it just in the hopes of catching some bitchin' slang

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 23:13 (twenty-three years ago)

A Question of Wart - A panel of celebrity guests attempt to identify public figures by studying closeups of their myriad skin afflictions.

Fop Gear - Frilly shirted mincers exhibit disturbing, near sexual pleasure over a load of suits and stuff.

CD:XU - Explicitly confrontational version of the children's music show, presented by Colin Newman.

― Ferg (Ferg), Thursday, 27 February 2003 23:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Buried With Children: a couple's joy in heaven is ruined when their kids join them...many digitally-created celebrity cameos occur

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 23:46 (twenty-three years ago)

HR Fuck'emup would be my favorite show ever.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 27 February 2003 23:51 (twenty-three years ago)

High praise indeed, Ally.

The Mary Tyler Whore Show: Ms Richards turns tricks for her pimp, Lou Grant.

Why do you torture me so?

Because I can.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know if I'm very good at these but here goes nothing...

Law & Order - Criminal Incense. Starring Vincent D'Onofrio as a unconventional hippy detective who drives the criminals crazy with his poncho and joss sticks.

Gammy Gammy Gammy - the wacky exploits of a gay pensioner and his flatmate pensioner, as they sit at home trading stories about their gammy legs.

Sects in the City - the lives and times of four cult members and their crazy antics attempting to convert strange men in bars.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:06 (twenty-three years ago)

my god this thread has redeemed my life

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Soap Special...

Coronation Chicken: All Toyah, all naked.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I am almost crying with laughter. This is bad, as I am at work.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:16 (twenty-three years ago)

my god this thread has redeemed my life

It's beautiful and wonderful, isn't it? I can't contribute, I just want to read and laugh.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:16 (twenty-three years ago)

The Orifice: the daily goings-on of your friendly bodily inlet/outlet

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Sigmond the Semen Monster: the spunky adventures of this happy-go-lucky creature and the teenaged boys hiding him in their garden shed.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Squarebob Spongepants: the adventures of an incontintent fuddy-duddy

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:24 (twenty-three years ago)

The Secret Wife of Us - the zany exploits of a group of friends in a sunnny beachside suburb. See how long it takes before they work out they're all married to the same woman! Hilarity ensues.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Jim: hahahhahaha *pees self laughing*

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:25 (twenty-three years ago)

What Not To Share: the hosts critique guests' appearances on daytime talk shows, pointing out that televised confessions of incestuous transsexual affairs are "tacky" and "very last season."

MALF: hilarity ensues as a typical nuclear family adopts a Midwestern-American Life Form who laughs at his own catchphrases and eats cats.

Survivor: Rocky's favorite band is back for a reunion tour ... but which one of them will viewers vote off the stage for failing to properly display the Eye of the Tiger?

Alias, Smith, and Jones: Jennifer Garner, Jeff "the Frugal Gourmet" Smith, and Star Jones star in an intrigue-filled madcap western, the pilot for which is rejected and then turned into an acclaimed but puzzling feature film by David Lynch, with the addition of an eye-opening Garner/Jones love scene.

The Flip Wilson Show: Home Improvement's "Wilson" jumps the gun on his 15 minutes of nostalgic kitsch and challenges members of the audience to flip him in return for valuable prizes.

The Discovery Channel's Jumping The Shark week: Mearth! Mabel! Maddy and David DID IT, and so did Tony and Angela!

Casual Acquaintances: New York twentysomethings living beyond their means make awkward small talk over coffee before they all lez up.

All Creatures Great And Small Are Good Eats. Alton Brown dishes up every damn animal you ever heard of, and he does it with a smile.

American Perky Gothic. An exact remake of American Gothic, but this time Gary Cole combines his role as Sheriff Lucas Buck with his better-known portrayal of Mike Brady.

Austin City Outer Limits. Live country music explores tales of the improbable, the bizarre, and the just plain wrong. Hosted by Chris Gaines.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Inspector Padgett: "GO GO PADGETT BLING! WORD UP!"

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 28 February 2003 00:59 (twenty-three years ago)

To the Manor Born on the Fourth of July: the wacky exploits of a well-bred upper class British woman who became an anti-war political activist after being paralyzed during the Vietnam war.

Funniest Home Pornos: title says it all, really.

― delwyn, Friday, 28 February 2003 01:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi Andrew ;P

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 28 February 2003 01:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Funniest Home Pornos: title says it all, really.

A series that would live in infamy. And run FOREVER.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 February 2003 01:42 (twenty-three years ago)

genius

absolute genius

Top Queer: Jeremy Clarkson discusses his favourite homosexuals

SCREAM! Holiday Home: The ubiquitous Carol Smillie offers you the chance to win a haunted house in warmer climes. This week the crew restore a Transylvanian castle

Futurbananarama: Animated adventures. Set 1,000 years in the future, this is the story of the girl band who just won't stop releasing shite George Michael covers in a bid to reclaim their 1980s fame. This week, Jacqui rejoins the band after her 419th facelift, and Siobhan Fahey tries to commit suicide when she realises that she's been married to Dave Stewart for over a millennium. And will the gig at legendary nightclub S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T go according to plan? Featuring a guest appearance from Busted and their time machine

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 09:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Inspector Padgett: "GO GO PADGETT BLING! WORD UP!"

Best one yet.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 28 February 2003 09:29 (twenty-three years ago)

The Fey-Team: Ex-members of Felt, Belle and Sebastian and the Field Mice BREAK OUT of the indie ghetto and fight global terrorism and criminal cartels through holding picnics, tombolas standing in front of a tank holding puppies. Features some quality wisecracks by 'Howlin' Mad' Stuart Murdoch.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 28 February 2003 09:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Champion the Wonder Hearse: Overly slow, coffin-carrying car thwarts the usual variety of red injun hijinks

The Lube: Rock stars and celebrities talk to Jools Holland about their lubricant of choice. This week - Marlon Brando bones on incoherently abotu a knob (sp?) of butter

Sabrina the Teenage Snitch - Crime/sorcery crossover in which Melissa Joan Hart magically conjures up damning evidence for a large fee

Pebble Dash at One: Sickeningly graphic chat show with diahorrea sufferers. From Birmingham

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Friday, 28 February 2003 09:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Delia's How to Cluck: Farmyard impressions with the foul-mouthed football hooligan and celebrity chef

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 09:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Los Esimpsiones: The Bee Guy gets his own show.
Whose Brine is it Anyway?: Second rate comedians attempt to identify ocean water samples by drinking them, die.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 28 February 2003 09:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Bramley Affairs: Daily soap for apples

Pop Bridal: Nubile young lovelies sing their hearts out in a bid to win Pete Waterman's hand in marriage

It'll be All Shite on the Night: Dennis Norden presents a preview of ITV's spring schedule

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 09:58 (twenty-three years ago)

The Weakest Mink: Bloodthirsty carnage in the stoat attack gameshow

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:01 (twenty-three years ago)

The Greekest Drink: Jilly Goolden and Demis Roussos present the documentary series on resinated wine

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Clingfilm 2003 with Jonathon Ross: Your favourite floppy-haired critic gives his opinion on the latest releases, as his naked body is wrapped in clear sticky PVC.

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Ehurhurhrhurhruhrhh (Sideshow Bob shudder)

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:18 (twenty-three years ago)

La-La-La-La-La-La-La, La-La-La-La-La-La-La

It’s the New Jew Revue, coming right at you...
Where several kosher animals have fun with what they do.

We learn with our friend Moishe (our friend Moishe!)
I'm his Tsatske Rivka Jo (Rivka Jo!)

With Maier!
Nachum!
Hadassah!

We have fun learning what we don't know.

Kleyn and shayn is Hadassah Hippo.
Very frumm and very eydel is Maier the Moose. (Mooo!)
A Shvitzer who's meshuganuh, Nachum the frog.

A cockamammie thing, the gantze Meshpuccha talk and sing...
With Moishe and Rivka Jo, everyday's a different show!

It’s the New Jew Revue, coming right at you...
It’s the New Jew Revue, coming right at you

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:18 (twenty-three years ago)

On the Game Academy: Divine Brown presents the new reality TV show. With one person eliminated per week, the more tricks our contestants turn, the more money they earn! With resident pimp Steve McFadden.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Soap Operatunity!

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Sam, that would be the best programme EVAH!

Oh no wait we had Soapstars and it was shit. Oh well

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 10:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Wish You Were Greer - Judith Charmers circum-navigates the hair of esteemed Antipodean journalist

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 11:20 (twenty-three years ago)

The Clifton Factor

Gordon Burns hosts the quiz show that pits 4 contestants in a battle of physical and mental dexterity as they attempt to outdo each other in the 'run around with your legs inside an ostrich puppet' challenge

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 11:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Battle Royale - Eastenders Special

The dappy residents of Albert Square are simultaneously rounded-up and transported to a remote island where they must face each other in a no holds barred showdown using whatever weapons they can muster. Ratboy Robbie gains an early advantage with his trusty mutt Wellard by his side but don't rule out Pauline Fowler and her spiked rolling pin and frying pan just yet!

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 11:32 (twenty-three years ago)

You sick bastard! Wellard is lying on the vet's table and might not make it!

― Emma, Friday, 28 February 2003 11:38 (twenty-three years ago)

having already seen off Jamie, evil Martin sets his sights on Barry Evans who is lying on the beach gasping for air.

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 11:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Wellard will be resurrected as a deadly fighting MACHINE come full moon. Mark my words.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 28 February 2003 11:41 (twenty-three years ago)

I love the way Stenders is fighting Corrie's ratings whitewash with the hot twin storylines of Wellard's accident and Jim's exploding bouze factory.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 28 February 2003 11:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Starry & Hutch: Two hip detectives travel through the MEAN STREETS in an American car painted up to look like a GIANT BRANE and occasionally stop for SOSSIDGES! MMMM!!!!

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 28 February 2003 11:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Play Awhy: A specially-selected panel of celebrity judges ponder the merits of Brian Cant's existence

Knackerjack: Fun and games as Stu Francis examines the scrotal sacs of a team of youngsters. And then gets locked up

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Friday, 28 February 2003 12:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Granorama - political discussions. Presneted by Thora Hird. From her Stannah Stairlift.

What the Historians Did for Us - Adam Hart-Davis cycles round the UK's universities, demonstrating how History students made the rest of us look like diligent, keeny spods who weren't just pissing away all yr money for three years, Mum, honest....

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 12:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Blakey's Seven: Stephen "On The Buses" Lewis in interstellar action. "I hate you, Servelan....."

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Friday, 28 February 2003 12:17 (twenty-three years ago)

News at When?: Erratically-scheduled news programme

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 12:18 (twenty-three years ago)

American Masturbators - Contestants masturbate in various physical challenges while ex buff porno stars try to beat the shit out of them with giant q-tips.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 28 February 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you all forgotten Walking With Breasts??

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Jizzwas

nuff said

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Cuntdown - Richard Whiteley's collection of soft hairs lovingly removed from the vicinity of various lady love-pockets.

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

BeastBenders - gay animal antics

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Watchblog - Nicky Campbell, Kate Sanderson and Pul Heiney compell ppl who haven't updated their online diaries lately to add new material: the public have a RIGHT to know what they've been doing lately!

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:27 (twenty-three years ago)

We Are the Champignons - kids take part in running and swimming competitions whilst dressed in foam-rubber mushroom costumes.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:28 (twenty-three years ago)

The Right Stuff: Politically-biased morning talk show

Open Blouse with Gloria Hunniford: The grand doyenne of chat bares her manky neoprene cleavage at a selection of the z-list. On today's show, Mark Curry talks frankly about living with his mum and Toyah Wilcox shows us how to crochet your own vibrator

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Robbin' of Sharwood - a mismatched gang of outlaws steal curry powder from the rich to give to the poor

Cheggers Sprays Crop - Keith Chegwin applies herbicides, fungicides and pesticides; sometimes backwards!

Songs of Krays - Roger Royle and Aled Jones introduce your favourite ditties abt East End organized crime

Supermarket Creep - Dale Winton asks contestants to guess which Sainsburys or Tescos employee is most despised by their colleagues

The Stubble Deckers - Melvyn Hayes and a gang of kids go round punching ppl who haven't shaved lately

Chunderbirds - Puppets vomit to save the world from disaster

They Think It's All Dover - Crazy panel game where the sleb guests have to identify the Kent locations pictured

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:42 (twenty-three years ago)

"Cheggers Sprays Crop" are the funniest three words in the history of consciousness

(i actually daren't read this thread properly, and I'M AT HOME ON MY OWN!)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh god this is the funniest thread ever.

Reel of Fortune-Contestants dance in circles for 30 minutes until eventually floor collapses in a particular spot containing prizes.

Lame-performing arts school for crippled young teens looking to hit the bigtime.

heArt Attack-Neil Buchanan attempts to rile contestants into cardiac arrest, occasionally falling back on some he prepared earlier when things go wrong.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Funniest Home Pornos: title says it all, really.

When I was visiting my dad a couple weeks ago, my bf and I stayed out in a little guest house, equipt with tv and vcr. Beside the vcr were 2 America's funniest Home Videos UNCENSORED. I asked my dad about it and he said that someone in the family bought them for my step-grandfather.

Anyway, we dared to pop one in and the first full 5 minutes were just shots of old ladies' sagging breasts. In one, this middle aged woman was taking her breast out to feed her baby and the sound effect was a fake MOO noise. Then they started segwaying (sp?) into the next theme which appeared that it was going to involve pets trying to have sex with their owners. BLECH! I thought it was going to be wholesome family fun.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Snot's Landing - Soap set in an American coastal cul-de-sac where mucus mysteriously falls from the sky

Father Ned - An attempt to explore his Irish ancestry sees Mr Raggett join the priesthood and wind up living on Craggy Island

Perry & June - Smutty goings on in Surrey suburbia

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Archie Funker's Place - Archie decides he's no longer racist and discovers his love for Funkadelic.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Sarah I was totally expecting you to say you found some homemade porn.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry to dissapoint, Chris. But, at the same time, I am very very thankful I didn't.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Are you Being Lurved? - Comedy set in the clothing dept of a large store. Barry White stars.

Howard's Tray - Michael Howard, driven to distraction by the recent problems in the Conservative Party, shows his favourite tea-tray to ppl in boaty south coast town, to general bemusement.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Call My Muff - Bob Holness presides over show where Alan Coren, Sandy Toksvig and their respective teams guess whether the other team's slang words for femail genitalia are real are not.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:16 (twenty-three years ago)

i would wilfully watch ALL of MarkH's suggestions!

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned Dwarf - ILx's most fondly regarded elder statesmen find himself marooned in space 3 million years in the future with a talking cat-human hyrbird, a hologram of Dan perry and the ship's computer Kevin Shields for company

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Baddiel and Skinner Unmanned: The unfunniest fucks on TV sit in a darkened studio with nobody there to work the cameras.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned

in this gripping documentary the parents of David and Frank reveal how their offspring were in fact 'accidents'

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Tomorrow's Wor-ee-urld!

Science show presented by Avril Lavigne

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:22 (twenty-three years ago)

The Frantic ToadShow: This week in Salisbury, members of the public bring enraged toads to be valued by the panel of experts.

Bled Ringers: The team's impersonations of Brian Sewell, Russell Crowe and others take on an added pathos as their arseholes are painfully leeched of blood.

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Byker Grave - Kids show set in a cemetary in Newcastle.

Its A Points Decision - Anarchic game show presneted by Stuart Hall where there is no result and hence it has to go to the judges - Dervla Kirwan and Jossie of Jossie's Giants to decide which small UK town wins and qualifies for:

Jeux San Front-teeth: anarchic pan-European gameshow for gap-toothed people everywhere.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Tomorrow's Wor-ee-urld!

Laughing my fucking bollocks off, mate.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Grot Property: Alice Beer gives you the chance to win your own council house

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:25 (twenty-three years ago)

The Carpet-Munch Bunch

explicit fruit n veg based kids cartoon

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Compton

Hugh Drew Barney McGrew Cuthbert Diddle and EASY MUTHAFUCKIN E Y'ALL

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:27 (twenty-three years ago)

The Tragic Roundabout: Florence suffers brain damage after coming off the roundabout and splitting her head open on the concrete slabs, so Dougal writes a strongly-worded letter to That's Life in a bid for the slabs to be replaced with rubber tiles

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Golden Shower Girls

disgustingly explicit hi-jinx with the loveable FLorida-based quintegenarians

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Father Ned - An attempt to explore his Irish ancestry sees Mr Raggett join the priesthood and wind up living on Craggy Island

Only if I get Father Jack's liquor.

This sounds accurate. But surely I'd be marooned with a chickenbear too?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:32 (twenty-three years ago)

E-yoR: C Robin MD deals with spraying blood and bitchiness along with Dr. Pooh, Tigger et al.

Manfreak Roadshow: nymphomaniacs hang about in a convention center being "evaluated" by a team of experts, including the Outhere Brothers, Rob Lowe, Kid Rock, Jenna Jameson, and Bill Clinton.

― g.cannon (gcannon), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Faking It: Five people play the game in which they have to fake their orgasm convincingly. The best moaner wins a week on the Isle of Man. Rhona Cameron presides.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned the Chickenbear makes a cameo....you even get to see his homeplanet!

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:35 (twenty-three years ago)

RentaProst - Alain Prost retires from Formula 1 to find himself in a house-share with a pantomime horse and ppl who pinch their noses then disappear

Charlton and the Wheelies - a sarf London football team has its matches disrupted by pitch invasions from Eddie Kidd and Evel Kenievel.

Friends Like Cleese - Teams compete to outwit each other at doing silly walks, Hitler impressions ect ect.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:36 (twenty-three years ago)

E.Arrrrr!

love issues and keyhole surgey with fearsome pirates instead of boring old Dr Green and Alex Kingston

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Ming Dynasty

OTT soap drama set in Denver Colarado about rival families, the twist being everyone is extremely unattractive

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:38 (twenty-three years ago)

NewsKnight - Current affairs of the day presented by Sir Gawain of the Round Table - verily.

Tame Team - Tony Robinson and a bunch of bearded hippies are sent to subdue a wild beast for domestication. This week the Beast Of Bodmin!

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Noel's House Party-Noel Edmonds hosts a weekly rave with guest djs including Erick Morillo, Norman Cook, and of course Noel himself, giving you the key to the wiggly worm.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:41 (twenty-three years ago)

NewsKnight would be great - "have at thee Paxman!"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Spambot Wars: Which team will find the most addresses?

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Fantasy Islandski: Proles' wishes granted with Mr Rorke and his assistants, tATu

Fantasy Iceland: I am your host, Mr Björk.

Nick at Nite: Tips on finding, fucking and foirgetting Japanese art students featuring guest appearance by Cynthia Plaster-Caster.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Boba Fett's in Practice - the struggles of an alien bounty hunter to get Middle England's pet owners to accept him

Deputy Borg - a wild west town's inhabitants are shocked to discover that their sherriff's new deputy is a member of an evil alien collective

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:49 (twenty-three years ago)

American Idolator: Who will be America's next archon of the golden calf? Judges: Marilyn Manson, Camille Paglia, and Shirley MacLaine

― g.cannon (gcannon), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Joe Gadzillionare - Yes, ladies. He is a gadzillionare. Good luck!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Rookside-a soap set in Liverpool where large castles who have escaped from chess sets live on rookside close.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 28 February 2003 14:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Hookside - Abu Hamza relocates to Merseyland - warped anti-west rhetoric and tabloid scorn ensues

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 February 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Crookside-the story of a bunch of thieves and scumbags who......(oh wait!)

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 28 February 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

No, CROOKSIDE: Why nobody EVER calls the busies.

Red Hookside: Gentrifying hipsters in Brooklyn fuck and plot against one another.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 28 February 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Home and a gay-tokenistic austrailian soap.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 28 February 2003 15:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Will and Grace and Favour - Two appalling sitcoms move into neighbouring shops, one selling antique jokes, the other selling fuck all of any interest to anyone

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 28 February 2003 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Flid Brother - Year long reality show in which thalidomide sufferers attempt to overcome their affliction in order to complete challenges and endear themselves to the TV audience, completely unaided by the show's producers. Week 19 - David's bitchiness in the wake of Alistair's surprising elimination is beginning grate on the other housemates, but they are unable to take decisive action from their position on the floor in the middle of the living room.

― Ferg (Ferg), Friday, 28 February 2003 15:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Seinfeld & Son - Droll jewish comedian and his working-class black son live their meaningless lives in a Manhattan junkyard.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 28 February 2003 16:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Are You Being Serbed? - Sitcom starring Wendy Richard and an amusing camp bloke about a burka shop in the midst of the Kosovan war.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 28 February 2003 16:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Star Search and Destroy: anybody who doesn't get at least 2 and a quarter stars will be converted into fuel

― oops (Oops), Friday, 28 February 2003 16:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Your Kerrang!, M'Lord - Comedy set in a stately home, featuring a lord of the manor with a taste for RAWK

Your Mani or Your Life - Alvin Hall discusses the pros & cons of collaborating with former members of

The Really Wilde Show - Michaela Strachan is incarecerated in Reading Gaol.

Bard Talk - Tim Sebastian interviews the rich and famous, asking them their opinions on Shakespeare

― MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 1 March 2003 12:21 (twenty-three years ago)

that should read "Alvin Hall discusses the pros & cons of collaborating with former members of the Stone Roses"

― MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 1 March 2003 13:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Slack Books - featuring thirtysomething slacker Bernard Slack, a man who runs a bookstore but doesn't give a fuck if anyone buys anything, because he's too busy smoking cones and eating Doritos to notice.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 2 March 2003 04:40 (twenty-three years ago)

The Shady Bunch: A man and his three pilfering sons form a family with a woman with three confidence-trickster daughters. Together the six kids acquire a fortune tax free, with the aid of Alice their live-in accountant, and Sam the local fence.

― delwyn, Tuesday, 4 March 2003 01:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Suic Idol - Depressed teenagers hang themselves, and are then tersely berated by Simon Cowell and given a mark out of ten by a Eurovision style panel as their lifeless corpses swing unsettlingly back and forth.

― Ferg (Ferg), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 00:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Sven Behaving Badly - the England football manager belies his sensible, calm demeanour by drinking, shouting, failing to tidy the flat ect ect.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 14 March 2003 10:51 (twenty-three years ago)

this thread still makes me bray like a sexually-bouyant mule

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 11:37 (twenty-three years ago)

three months pass...

revive!

Little Whores In The Priory - Jordan and Jodie Marsh put aside their differences and huge breasts for a spot of serious rehab

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 11 July 2003 08:46 (twenty-two years ago)

seven months pass...

Revive again!

I dont actually have anything to add, but re-reading this is making me weep with giggles, and so shall ye all.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 06:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, how did I forget this joy? :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 07:00 (twenty-two years ago)

My Two 'Nads- kind of like Vagina Monologues...

Newly Deads- Nick & Jessica & Carmen & Dave are dropped off in a remote wilderness, given a half day's head start, and then hunted down by yours truly.

Life With Ronnie- a "day in the life" of our 40th prez. hosted by ms. personality herself, Nancy Reagan.

The "Handler"- a disturbed but well-meaning frotteur grapples with various social situations.

i'll stop now.

― Will (will), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I know I say this a lot but this really was the best thread ever.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Blast of the Summer Shrine - Gentle comedy about three Al Qaeda terrorists in a village in Yorkshire. Features hilarious climactic scene involving Osama Bin Laden rolling down a hill in a barrel.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Pinkeye For The Straight Guy - self-explanatory

Popvurld - Sunday morning music magazine hosted by Herr Flick from 'Allo 'Allo

Heidi-Hi - sitcom set on a holiday camp revolving around the mishaps of a young illegal immigrant from the Swiss Alps

Kiljoy - weekday morning debate show in which the host sets about spoiling everybody's fun thru various means

I'm A Non-Entity, Get Me Out Of Here! - oh wait...

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:20 (twenty-two years ago)

http://base58.com/ilx/dhamerandgreg.jpg

(i'm going to hell anyway...)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Not the Nine O'Clock News : News and current affairs. Just, not at nine o'clock.

Shame Les : A scouse family swears, shags and fights to the point where they embarass the host and get thrown off Family Fortunes.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Are you served Being? - Late-night discussion on Heideggerian critiques of consumerism.

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Parking Son : Celebrities go to London, and chat to the owner of the car park while the younger family member attempts to locate a space for their expensive vehicle. With hilarious results.

Back to reality : Various celebs and wannabe's escape from the 'house' only to wake up in another house. Featuring guests from other houses. Eventually they get evicted and have to go to another house. With cameras and 24 hour link ups.

Relocation : Wealthy married couple (no kids) get shown an expensive house which they have to buy and no moaning about the slightly too small kitchen extention.

Shafted : Robert Kilroy Silk takes his career into his own hands.

Real Sex : A young couple make love in their own house without camera crew and Davina lookalike waiting in the next room.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Middle of the pops: Music program focussed on the chart positions 25 to 40.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Family Affairs - incestuous soap that nobody watches because it's on Channel 5.

Holly Jokes - comedic stylings from second-rate Australian pop princess Holly Vallance.

Ready Steady Crook - sad-eyed twat from The Office Mackenzie Crook competes against genuine bad men in order to embezzle paperclips. That's it.

ShAimless - unconventional kind-of soap about scally family and their adorable theiving ways doesn't really go anywhere interesting.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I am SO pleased I revived this thread =)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

The Iver and Erith Show - Philippa Forrester and Ross Kelly attempt to find interesting stories in suburbia. And fail.

Fred Dibnah's Cage of Cream - A flatcapped elderly northerner demonstrates the unsuitability of barred enclosures for holding liquid dairy produce

Talcum in the Middle - celebrities describe how they organise the contents of their bathrooms

I Have Temerity Get Me Out of Here - an oddball selection of campers try to get voted off the programme by jumping into fast running streams, standing on one leg on the edge of cliffs ect ect

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I Have Celerity I'm Already Out Of Here - athletes run away.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Prisoner Cell Block Busters

Bob Holness hosts this quiz in which Bea, Lizzie and the other female Aussie cons must escape The Village by answering letter-based questions while being hounded by large white balls

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Beer Eye For The Straight Guy...

Heterosexual men go out, get shitfaced and take home ugly sexual partners.

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm An Antiquity, Get Me Out Of Here!

who gors this week? Venus De Milo or The Ark Of The Covenant? vort now!

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

changing tombs...
exhuming corpses and flock wallpapering their coffins

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Antique Roadworks...

Traffic cones throughout the ages

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Casual Casualty

Critically injured patients are wheeled in to the ward but the staff sure take their sweet time in treating them

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

The National Lottery Four Tet Set - Contestants compete against the clock to acquire every Kieran Hebden release. EamonnHomes presides.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Smallsville

Young Superman and his fellow citizens roam around in just their pants

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Will And Mace

American comic actor Eric McCormack repeatedly teargasses himself in the face in front of a primetime audience

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Quantick Leap

esteemed journo David Quantick takes over random people at random points in history in order to rectify errors of destiny, with the occasional quip about Dido thrown in

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Gnusknight - Jeremy Paxman dons armour and rides off across the savannah to save the wildebeest from extinction

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Cope 'n' All Hours - Julian Cope attempts to lure customers into his grocers shop. Sqwubbsy co-stars as his rather-too-old errand boy.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

The Hood Life

Thunderbirds nemesis relocates to Surbiton and insists on growing his own vegetables, much to the chagrin of snooty neighbours

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Snow Haunt Me - a family move into their new house to discover that it is inhabited by a ghostly figure spouting political stats while telling them that it's just a bit of fun.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

University Chalice - student competition to see who can consume the most consecrated wine from a large shiny silver cup.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:36 (twenty-two years ago)

2Pac 4 Children

-Deceased rapper becomes a nanny to a suburban family with stressed mother. Hilarity fails to ensue.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Puke Box Jury - Pop acts are judged a 'hit' or 'miss' based on a celebrity panel's opinion of a container of their vomit.

― robster (robster), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Turn On Terry

Everyone's favourite whiny Manco media pundit invites guests to tantalise his erogenous zones before then bitching about him behind his back

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Top Geir : (etc....)

Dr Who? : people discuss horror stories about rubbish doctors, with all the names cut from the sound for legal reasons.

FAPing it : Various ILXors meet in a pub and pretend to be each other

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Another variation on this...re-arrange titles to make a new show.

Hence -

H - Cell Block Prisoner: Reality show with a twist as the former Steps starlet spends one month in a maximum security prison.

Stand Grand: Various Northern stereotypes offer praise to sporting edifices

etc

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

On a similar note - www.tvgohome.com

― hmmm, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Never Mind the Buzzcocks : Pete Shelley and Steve Diggle ask pop music related questions, and the two teams talk about whatever they like and totally disregard the pair.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

as if none of us knew about tvgohome...(this thread was a different, simpler premise anyway)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

I'm Celibate, Get Me Out Of Her! - In which Cliff Richard is forced to have sex with nubile young ladies, much to his chagrin. Mike Reid presents.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 22 April 2004 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

Room Electribe 101 - Billy Ray Martin and her attendant ugly blokes ask various slebs to name things they hate.

Big Bendy Bus - 12 people spend 10 weeks on the number 453 going backwards and forwards. Every so often one of them gets voted off by the public and kicked out onto the pavement outside with no quid coin to put in the machine to get home!

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 4 June 2004 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

seven months pass...

Brilliant thread.

I Love Lucifer: Sitcom about a scatter-brained housewife and her comical adventures worshipping Satan.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Monday, 31 January 2005 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I cracked up at one of the answers above, then felt embarrassed at how it was my own posting from last year.

Mind you, haven't Word magazine nicked this?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 31 January 2005 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

you can't blame them. comedy gold.

― Stevem On X (blueski), Monday, 31 January 2005 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

> Mind you, haven't Word magazine nicked this?

didn't *we* nick this? from lee and herring?

― koogs (koogs), Monday, 31 January 2005 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Then I read the whole thread, and did the same thing again

Go on, you can tell me. Were they really great, or is it I just share my sense of humour with myself? (You can tell me)

thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 31 January 2005 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

too literal, lacking surreal edge

― Stevem On X (blueski), Monday, 31 January 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Fair enough.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

ha, that Sex and the Settee one ended up being used by ch5 didn't it?

'Look Behind You' where presenters of a previously popular cult comedy series live their lives in fear after fiddling about with formats and disgruntling former fans.

― koogs (koogs), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 12:21 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

What Not to Bare - Trinny and Susannah advise ppl on which bits of their body to keep covered on their next beach holiday

Follyoaks - a group of students live in an impractical castellated building (supposedly in Chester)

DissCatches - Channel 4 programme where fishermen criticise each other's fish

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 14 April 2006 11:18 (twenty years ago)

MarkH on fire today :)

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 14 April 2006 11:39 (twenty years ago)

six months pass...

Have I Got Jews For You? - satirical panel quiz presented by Will Self. Features team captains Larry David and Alan Sugar, with appearances from Woody Allen and Melanie Phillips.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 6 November 2006 16:50 (nineteen years ago)

TorchWood

Stones bassist is outed as extra-terrestrial witch and burned alive.

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

Top Geir

Norway's finest amateur music critic crashes at 200mph but survives after using bautifully crafted melodies of The Feeling as airbag.

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

I'm sure this was the thread where I came up with my awesome 'Balti Towers' joke but evidently not.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:32 (nineteen years ago)

Indian Restaurant pun thread surely

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:36 (nineteen years ago)

Two Pints of Lager and a Posse of Crips

Reality show in which Ralf Little and that cunt off Hollyoaks see if they can survive a month as members of LA's notorious street gang. Answer: no. And hilarity ensues.

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:49 (nineteen years ago)

Borat Camp

out of control teenagers are sent to Kazakhstan.

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Monday, 6 November 2006 18:08 (nineteen years ago)

Peal or No Deal

Contestants must impress unseen 'banker' with campanology skills to win cash prize.

― robster (robster), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

Children In Tweed

Fund-raising extravaganza in which Wogan, Kerplunkski, Cotton and co. try and stump up enough public cash to render an entire Africa's kids truly dapper

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

Dolby City: Hospital drama with excellent sound quality

-- j0e (joe.bret...), February 27th, 2003 5:36 PM.

ones like these crack me up more than anything else

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

Biel or No Biel - contestants are thrust into film casting careers and have to decide whether or not to cast Jessica Biel as the heroine

F O U N D - a plane crashes in a field in Iowa, rescue helicopters come to their rescue immediately

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

P*A*S*H - follow the story of the 4077 medical as they perform tedious medical exams on ilx server-jockey N. Phay

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

ha ha ha

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

Casually - hospital soap in which there are no emergencies

― ONIMO ph34rz teh NOIZE (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:06 (nineteen years ago)

Touchwood - superstitious extra terrestrials keep trying to jinx each other

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:07 (nineteen years ago)

Flubs - Zach Braff thinks a whole show made up of comedy gaffes is actually worth watching, as long as there is a Shins song playing in the background.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 01:07 (nineteen years ago)

M.U.S.H. - overly sentimental look at an army medical camp during the korean war.

M.A.S.H In The Attic - no idea 8)

(did also consider Pash In The Attic)

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 09:34 (nineteen years ago)

(where N discovers old and valuable guitar pedals in his loft, and auctions them to old antique collectors that have already agreed not to outbid each other)

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 10:23 (nineteen years ago)

Hornby City - Tiny trains run round the floors of the wards of an otherwise unremarkable hospital, snaking between the legs of the even duller lives of the staff there.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 10:36 (nineteen years ago)

Lolby City - "Are you avin' a laff? Is she avin' a laff Dr Beauchamp?"

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 10:42 (nineteen years ago)

Clacker - novelty toy of the 70s psyches out serial killers by making really annoying clacking sounds repeatedly in their face til they confess. (and not some racist variant of the original that you, yes YOU, may have imagined)

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:00 (nineteen years ago)

Quacker - novelty duck calling whistle psyches out... [etc]

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:00 (nineteen years ago)

The Catherine Tate Gallery.

oh god.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:02 (nineteen years ago)

Sporks - secret government agency regularly thwarts terrorists and shady conspiracies using only plastic picnic cutlery in what is meant to look stylish, gritty and modern but comes of looking cheap, derivative and poorly acted.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:03 (nineteen years ago)

Saturday Kitsch-Hen: Anthony Worrall-Thompson suggests decorating your poultry with sequins whilst wearing enormous pearls and listening to Leo Sayer

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:10 (nineteen years ago)

Cattle Stargirl Lactic Car - tortously named revival of the 80s Glen Larson show about a futuristic space cowgirl and her milk powered car.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:17 (nineteen years ago)

Top Of The Poops - Dr Gillian ranks fecal matter.

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

four years pass...

The Mary Jane Adventures - Elisabeth Sladen decides she really can't be arsed to search for her sonic lipstick, but feels really, really hungry.

Cash in the Artic - Angela Rippon and co visit Eddie Stobart to point out that those hidden Seddon Atkinsons at the back of his depot might be worth something.

― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:40 (fifteen years ago)

Top Geir

Norway's finest amateur music critic crashes at 200mph but survives after using bautifully crafted melodies of The Feeling as airbag.

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:10 (4 years ago)

lolololol

― acoleuthic, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:57 (fifteen years ago)

two years pass...

a set of 3 slightly disturbing dramas set on a russian space station and featuring mainly american actors - Black Mir

― koogs, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 14:17 (thirteen years ago)

three years pass...

Great British Stewing Beef

― koogs, Monday, 20 June 2016 21:18 (ten years ago)

Puns of Anarchy - a bunch of dudes make clever internet lists based on wordplay and occasionally discuss the works of Bakunin

― sarahell, Monday, 20 June 2016 22:27 (ten years ago)

ILX then.

― Interpretive Jigglypuffery (Leee), Monday, 20 June 2016 22:31 (ten years ago)

two years pass...

ok, this isn't quite the right thread for this but

https://www.tvwise.co.uk/2018/07/channel-5-orders-in-solitary-celebrity-series/

"Following on from the success of In Solitary, Channel 5 has given the green-light to a celebrity edition of the series which followed four members of the public as they attempted to live in solitary confinement."

i'm sure this started as an armando iannucci sketch.

― koogs, Saturday, 8 September 2018 20:41 (seven years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Hdkt-Vc34

the 'real' one is also using shipping containers as accommodation. and they are exactly the same shade of blue.

― koogs, Saturday, 8 September 2018 20:45 (seven years ago)

four years pass...

Scared of the Dark, that's being trailed on ch4 at the moment is pretty much this ^ as well. all the usual suspects, and chris mccausland who would seem to have a massive advantage.

https://www.whattowatch.com/watching-guides/scared-of-the-dark-host-celebrities-how-it-works-what-happens-and-everything-we-know

― koogs, Wednesday, 12 April 2023 10:31 (three years ago)

Is it really a good idea putting someone with Paul Gascoigne's well documented mental health issues in a situation which seems specifically designed to mentally torture people?

― Maggot Bairn (Tom D.), Wednesday, 12 April 2023 11:48 (three years ago)

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