HELL FREEZES OVER!!!

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So, erm, I have a DATE tonight.

How does one go on a date? What does one do? How does one cope? What should I *WEAR*?!?!?

An (apparently) intelligent, creative, interesting, nice, attractive man actually asked *me* to go for drinks and stuff.

Is this my life? Erm, what did I do wrong?

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 09:35 (twenty-three years ago)

arrrgh. no. a date. shit. what do they do on telly? no one outside the U.S goes on dates or goes to proms or stuff. i dunno . kate . I DUNNO. shit. a d.a.t.e...yikes. crikey. um small talk and stuff. is this the synewave guy? or whatever he is. sorry...don't know. DON't KNOW.
i'm sure you'll do fine though. Just two people eh?

― gaz (gaz), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 09:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, it is indeed the soundartist who makes electronic music out of Radioastronomy. That guy. I internet stalked... OOPS! I mean, google researched him and I'm just really impressed by all the things he's done. And when I met him, I thought he was just some drunk DDB who was chatting me up in a bar! There's pictures of him on various sites. He's cuuuuuuuuute.

I dunno, I like going on "Dates" because it makes the whole thing feel special. I haven't been on one in over a year, though. I don't like game-playing and that whole "Oh, we're just hanging out, and pretending like we're not interested in each other, even though we're totally checking each other out" crap. If I'm attracted to someone, it's like "Let's go on A Date." I know that makes people nervous, but fuck it. I like being honest about things. The *worst* is when you make it clear you are on A Date and the guy is just like "Aw, no, but we're just hanging out and stuff and we're not really together and..." Fuck that. If you can't stand up and say you're interested enough in someone to be on A Date then don't play around.

No wonder I have dates so rarely... sigh.

I am not going to get neurotic about this. I am not.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 09:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I also have a date tonight (well, it's actually a brazen setup on the part of some of my friends but there you go) :)

It's not with Kate though. Or at least I don't think it is.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 09:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh KATE JUST GO ONNA FAHKIN' DATE AND ENJOY YRSELFFFFF!!!!!

but perhaps not in yr tooting bec(k) costume ahem ;-)

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 09:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Hands up, who here has been on A Date in the past six months or so. How did it go? How were you made aware that it was A Date and not just getting together to check each other out while pretending not to be together?

That would be really freaking weird if Matt got set up with someone and it turned out to be an ILX-er! Very funny. But no, my date is not with Matt. Good luck with your date, though. Is it an actual BLIND date? I have not been on a blind date since... wow, well, a long time. Like, five years or something.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 09:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, it is blind as a bat. There will be other people in the pub with us though (hence being more of a setup), so the worst that can possibly happen is that we won't fancy each other and it will be a nice pleasant evening in the pub instead. Having people to hide behind is a good thing...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:03 (twenty-three years ago)

whats a date?

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:03 (twenty-three years ago)

It's like a kind of sickly dried fruit.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:04 (twenty-three years ago)

(Mental note, do NOT make jokes like that tonight...)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Blind dates = awkward and generally yucky, which is why I avoid them.

A Date = two people who are potentially romantically or sexually interested in each other get together to enjoy a mutually shared activitiy in the hopes of getting to know each other better and explore the possibility of commencing romantic or sexual relations.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Note to Matt: humour is a great way of defusing awkward or tense situations. And if she doesn't get your sense of humour, it wouldn't work out anyway. That's how I feel anyway...

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I really don't think there are women who want me going on about red-arsed baboons and the BON video, thank you very much. Unless Dan Perry has a sister.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:11 (twenty-three years ago)

The last time I hung out with my Nice Ex (not Whoretone, but the China Travel Writer) he spent nearly the entire night talking about baboons. We had a bloody good time! And he has a very lovely girlfriend. So you never know, there's two girls who don't mind guys that talk about red-arsed baboons.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Dates are freaking weird and I hate them!

I don't think Brits are generally equipped for it. It's more like - so, this is what people on TV seem to do, we should give it a try! General awkwardness ensues. I don't find the high-pressure 'ok, impress me' atmosphere very easy to navigate. I'd rather just meet someone at a party, or with friends, or whatever.

Dates = pressure = bad. That said, I'm sure it's just my problem, so good luck to you people going on dates, have fun, etc.

― pete b. (pete b.), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:17 (twenty-three years ago)

You know what? I find the pressure of "Are we on a date? Are we just friends? Is he interested in me? Are we playing games? What the fuck is going on here?" MUCH worse than the pressure of "This is A Date." I'd rather know what we're doing and draw my own conclusions than play this game where we have to pretend. The Impress Me factor seems far higher on non-dates - or rather, I feel like it's up to *me* to impress the guy into fancying me on non-dates. A pressure I don't feel on A Date, because if it wasn't implicit that we fancied each other, we wouldn't be on the date.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:21 (twenty-three years ago)

i have never been on a "date". its too formal for new zealanders. we just get drunk a few times and then root, like civilised people.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 10:29 (twenty-three years ago)

ah, i always knew it. New Zealanders are just Australians who can't talk properly.

― gaz (gaz), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 11:02 (twenty-three years ago)

don't come the raw prawn with me!

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 11:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Here's a clue stop talking about him on the internet. You know where this all lead up to last time.

― Samson, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 11:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Whoreton would never have FOUND OUT that I was talking about him on the internet if I hadn't told him.

Soundartist Boy only checks his email from web cafes, so I hope there's no danger. Asking me not to talk about boys on the internet is like asking me not to breathe. Come on!

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 11:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I would be horrified if I had asked someone out on a date and found out that the whole thing was discussed in minute detail on the 'net. Just be careful Kate! ;-)

― Samson, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 11:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Samson, do you Hate Fun?

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Speaking as someone who has actually come across people discussing me on the Net behind my back (not ILX), I can tell you its actually quite flattering.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually, I kinda agree with Matt. So long as they are saying something nice. If I went onto some electronic noise discussion board or something, and found him posting "Oh wow, I've met this really sweet Sugary Girlpop Girl and we're going for drinks, weeee!" I'd be really really flattered.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:10 (twenty-three years ago)

I can confirm that hell has frozen over - because I've just got a new job too. Something must have changed. Have dating fun!

― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:19 (twenty-three years ago)

And, you know... after much deliberation last night I've decided that the US and Britain have every right to bomb Iraq. Because they're EVIL, and we're GOOD! YAY CAPITALISM! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

― Ed (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:23 (twenty-three years ago)

My god... I'm listening to that new 50 Cent album and it is, quite simple, DA MUTHERFUCKING BOMB! Word up! Bling!

― The Pinefox (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Excuse me, but I think it's SLIGHTLY more likely that I might someday get a date with an attractive DDB than Ed become a Hawk or Pinefox start liking hip-hop.

Ha-HEM.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:31 (twenty-three years ago)

But only equally as likely as hell freezing over?

;)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:35 (twenty-three years ago)

i've never actually been on what you could call a date before (sob)

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:37 (twenty-three years ago)

alright then steve tonight we'll go for steaks

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:39 (twenty-three years ago)

i like the eagles.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:40 (twenty-three years ago)

haha Ronan, no, that would be like dating MYSELF!

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I've been on a couple of dates in the past couple of months. Relax. Have a good time. Take turns paying for drinks. Tell your funniest stories. Smile, make eye contact. And go home (by yourself) while you're still having a good time.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Aw, have (literally) terrific dating fun, chaps. Just remember to wipe sweaty palms on trousers (or on skirt with ladylike charm) before grasping the hand of THE OTHER in greeting.

And Starry, new job really really? If so, WICKEEEED!

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:47 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread has cheered me WAY the fuck up!

PS: wipe sweaty hand on _your_ trousers/skirt. If you're not wearing any, the date is already going well.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Fun? What is this thing called Fun? Here's a tip, go and see a movie, sparks conversation and awkwardness. And don't sleep with him on the first date! Do crazy romantic Audrey Hepburn things. On my first date we went to a big statue in the middle of a main road and I picked all the flowers just for her.

And HEY! I am fun! I bought the new Moldy Peaches in celebration of my new job!

― Samson, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:52 (twenty-three years ago)

um yeah, go for it kate. have a hoot.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:55 (twenty-three years ago)

My god... I'm listening to that new 50 Cent album and it is, quite simple, DA MUTHERFUCKING BOMB! Word up! Bling!

I take it you downloaded it off teh Interweb as well...?

― DG (D_To_The_G), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

A movie? But I *hate* movies! And that's a good thing to do with someone you barely know - go and sit in a dark room for two hours and don't talk. I'd rather chew my own foot off! For me a good first date is to sit somewhere with low music and good atmosphere, and see if you CAN talk for two hours without external stimulus. Cause if you have nothing to talk about when you're just discovering each other, you're sure as hell gonna have nothing to talk about when you know each other well. A little bit of alkyhol is a good thing. Too much is a bad thing. He got me very pissed the first time I met him, this will not be repeated. And no, first date sex is almost always a bad idea. It means the person will be out of your life within three months. Hell, just having sex with a person means that he will be out of my life in three months, but that's just my luck. :-(

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:02 (twenty-three years ago)

yeh movie isn't good for FIRST date, I'd even suggest bowling but then i am a sad bastad

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I went on a movie for a first date and we're still together 11 years later.

(Yes, I hate these kind of posts too. Sorry.)

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:27 (twenty-three years ago)

This is the time when I want to hear *success* stories! When I'm miserable and alone, I HATE couples and I don't want to hear about their happiness. When I'm about to go on a date I'm more than slightly nervous about, I want to hear about how it can be good and wonderful and all that.

Yes, I know, I live in a Hypocracy.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)

it's too late as I believe this date has already happened but if not, Scrabble is a great thing

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:44 (twenty-three years ago)

D4rn13ll3 in tweeist shockah.

I'm just dated.

― Tim (Tim), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:45 (twenty-three years ago)

::chortle::

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I would CERTAINLY go on a Scrabble date! Hell, I would go on a GROUP DATE if it meant going to a Scrabble club.

I am currently playing a game of Scrabble with myself in the front room, much to the amusement of the other inhabitants of Mentality Towers.

― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I *hate* scrabble. I hate bored games. No, that is not a misspelling.

God, no wonder I never go on dates. You can't take me to a movie, you can't play games with me. We were going to go and see some Dronerock, but he's busy the night of the dronerock bonanza. Sigh.

Only seven more hours... how I supposed to pretend to be interested in accounting now.....???

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate, you told me once about playing a very Glengarry Glen Ross version of Monopoly with family members.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, I only enjoyed that because I found my brother's trust fund and looted it before he could! Hah!

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 13:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, it is indeed the soundartist who makes electronic music out of Radioastronomy.

Ha! I just figured out who he is. Am I the first?

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 14:29 (twenty-three years ago)

NO no no no no no no, please this is NOT a guessing game! Please, keep his name or anything like that off this thread. I will get cross and I will ask it to be moderated off. This is NOT going to turn into another Whoreton situation. I will be very cross.

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 14:45 (twenty-three years ago)

*sulks*

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 14:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Me and Frances May Morgan were joking yesterday that we were going to write a contining soap opera based on the entire London experimentalist music scene... gah, now I feel like I'm living it!

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:01 (twenty-three years ago)

And best of all, I hear that Sean from Autechre is enjoying a sly affair with Jason Pierce's wife... but only because she wants to get her hands on his 303.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

*sheds a silent tear*

― hstencil, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:07 (twenty-three years ago)

This is turning into the dirty dronerock HEAT or something... sheesh!

Oh no, I'm sorry, hstencil. We can still flirt over the interweb, though!

― kate, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah, well as long as we can still flirt, that's cool.

Congratulations, kate, I wish you success on your date!

― hstencil, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:12 (twenty-three years ago)

ARE YOU GOING OUT ON A DATE WITH THE NEWLY REFORMED STRANGLERS???

― Samson, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Dates are fun. Dates at concerts can be really, REALLY fun.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Going out on a date WITH THE NEWLY REFORMED STRANGLERS would be sort of cool, I guess. You can ask Hugh about Elastica! Hooray!

― Samson, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

(FYI: I do not have a sister. I have a mom, but she's still married and doesn't swing.) (To my knowledge, anyway.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:19 (twenty-three years ago)

A thread of dating lust, what?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate is OTM about dates and pressure. The fact that you both know that, ideally at least, you are both there because of some mutual attraction, both takes away the confusion of not knowing, while giving you almost a get-out clause - it's all too reasonable to be occasionally flustered or awkward or whatever, cos you know it's a *date*.

Who are all these people who don't go on dates? I simply don't believe you. So when you get together with someone you are never alone together? If that happens, that's a date.

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 22:36 (twenty-three years ago)

(To my knowledge, anyway.)

Dan...we should talk

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 22:38 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought this thread would be about a Don Henley money grab.

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 22:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark, a date is waaaay more formal than that. A date is "dinner and a movie", that sort of thing. (Although I totally agree with Kate about the movie thing.) Just hanging out with someone, alone, is "just hanging out". Dates involve prearranged times and places and are filled with the sort of awkward tension described above. There's a certain *intent* behind a date.

That said, all the dates I've been on recently have been, you know, pretend-dates, where I pretend we're on a date and it never occurs to the guy that we might be on a date, usually because he is straight.

Then again I have slept with people on the first date (well though it was more "hanging out" than a date actually) and had the relationship last a few years. If you both actually are excited about one another then you can get away with sexing it up the first time. But if you just have sex with someone in order to reach a quick closure then, you know, no, that won't last.

Rah rah Kate!

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 22:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark, a date is waaaay more formal than that.

No, it isn't. This misconception is why so many people have catastrophic dates.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 22:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, and/or this is why I've dated many people but gone on very few dates -- I have specific meanings for what a "date" is. And I try to avoid them.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:19 (twenty-three years ago)

A date, eh? Can't help much, as I've never been asked out. As for what to do? RELAX. Be yourself. If he can't enjoy you for who you are, sod him.

Congrats though. Seriously.

No, it isn't. This misconception is why so many people have catastrophic dates.

Exactly. A date can be as simple as two mates going out to dinner in their sweats. Tis cool, as long as both people understand that it is a date.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes but what does "understand that it is a date" mean?

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:44 (twenty-three years ago)

It means both parties understand that there are romantic feelings involved in the relationship.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, see, I usually think of dates as happening when there is the potential for romantic feelings and you're trying to see if they're going to become a reality or not.

And that is more or less what I meant by "formal" -- I didn't mean there was a prearranged script necessarily but that there are extra expectations and rules and whatnot -- there's more baggage. It might have been the wrong word to pick but I think of it as being more formal for some reason.

Anyway I think we are agreeing but using different words.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Merci for the clarification, Dan.

Read Dan's new book, "Dictionary of Dating Lingo", and I've even got the tagline: "For the novice, the clued-out and the ageless teenager"....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:56 (twenty-three years ago)

or "for the novice trying to score a clued-out teenager"

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, oops, it's just not worth it. Don't even bother.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:01 (twenty-three years ago)

"there is the potential for romantic feelings and you're trying to see if they're going to become a reality or not" => "you are looking for romantic feelings in the relationship" => "romantic feelings are involved in the relationship"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Do not ream me up the ass with your clever "logic", Mr. Perry.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know if this is going to help Kate's date, but I read a fascinating thing today. The Italian renaissance poet Torquato Tasso fell in love with a girl called Lucrezia Benedidio. But she was dating another guy. Tasso started thinking that everybody was in league against him, and shortly afterwards went mad.

His rival -- who soon married Lucrezia -- was Machiavelli.

― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Do not ream me up the ass with your clever "history", Mr. Currie.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Everybody is in league against your ass, Piuma.

― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:35 (twenty-three years ago)

A league of my own! Hurrah.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:36 (twenty-three years ago)

well, i think if you get on well enough and had a good connection last time you met you should do whatever the hell you want and think positively. i met my s.o in a similar situation, had the big old first date thing, it went well, he came back, we're getting married in a few months.

generally i do think that the whole idea of sleeping with someone on the first night can be a bit of a minefield, but i don't know..... it's always worked for me!

― jeanne picot (jeanne picot), Thursday, 27 March 2003 00:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I still would say that I am going out on "dates" with my SO, but I guess it's not the same thing at this point, but to go back to when we first started dating in September: I said that I wanted to take her out to dinner, which seemed to pretty clearly indicate that it was probably a date. I have to admit that she made it relatively easy for me to ask for her phone number initially, since she said something about how she was looking for a group of people to get together and go out dancing with (and I was with a bunch of dance friends that night), so I asked her for her number. Since I had taken it as part of this agreement to let her know when I'd be getting together again to go dancing with friends, I wasn't sure if I should call her up and just ask her out. (I just thought it might seem like I had gotten her number under false pretenses.) I waited a while, and then an occasion came up when I was going out dancing with some people, so I invited her along. However, I then felt it was okay to call her up a couple days later and ask her out on a real date. (I still don't know whether she was actually interested in dating me when she gave me her number at first, and I'm almost afraid to find out. I don't want to be disappointed.)

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 27 March 2003 01:47 (twenty-three years ago)

And Kate, I agree: I'd rather know whether it's a date or not, and what's what. That's why I usually go for the jugular by asking someone out for dinner rather than the often recommended, safer, lunch (or coffe/drink, etc.). (I'm talking as though I have asked a lot of people out over the years, which isn't exactly true.)

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 27 March 2003 01:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Is it true that your band is as good as Death by Chocolate? If you are as good looking as the singer in the Donnas I might want to sign you to the label I am thinking about getting together as soon as I quit my job at Carrefour.

All my love,

Sebastian the Feisty Frog

― The Providian, Thursday, 27 March 2003 02:11 (twenty-three years ago)

but only because she wants to get her hands on his 303.

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 27 March 2003 04:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I had a nice pleasant evening in the pub.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 March 2003 09:14 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, to clarify some things up thread... Dan said something about you need to be aware that both people have romantic feelings. Make sure that is *potential* romantic feelings. The date is to explore whether those feelings can become more than potential. I think that's an important distinction. I know it may be intimidating to some to be "Asked Out" on "A Date" but I'd rather know, to me it takes the pressure off.

As to my own date, without going into too much details... swooooooooon! I'm just so stupidly implausably happy and I keep waiting for someone to pinch me. It's not fair to compare, but compared to the usual sort of stupid rock boys I go out with... wow. The reason he's not intimidated by me is because he's about ten times more intelligent than me. I get the same feeling as when I'm talking to Mark S. sometimes - that you'll be bopping along having a nice conversation about experimental maths and philosophy and free jazz and suddenly he'll just say something that makes you realise you are suddenly looking into the depths of this vast, almost superhuman intelligence and you are like a fly beside his intellect. Which is a bit scary, but also kind of a relief.

I just don't understand. He's seriously intelligent, he's unbelievably talented, he's charming, he's witty, he's super good-looking. Why the hell does he want to hang around with *me*? But, erm, apparently he does. We're supposed to go out again at the weekend. And he invited me to his "Opening" next week. Aaahhhhhhrt paaaahhhhhrties, darling. I'm just floating on a cloud. I've got stubble burn on my face. Sigh. It kinda hurts now, but aaahhhh, kissing him was so nice.

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 09:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Apparently I've been on a date with Dang Perry.

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 27 March 2003 09:48 (twenty-three years ago)

And he invited me to his "Opening" next week.

Somewhat forward for a first date, isn't it?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 March 2003 09:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I told him I wasn't going to his opening on a first date. By that time, it will be our third date, and I think if you've not been to someone's opening by the third date, then it's not going to happen.
;-)

(I am going to be really disappointed when I turn up and actually have to stand around looking at a load of conceptual art!)

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 10:01 (twenty-three years ago)

suddenly he'll just say something that makes you realise you are suddenly looking into the depths of this vast, almost superhuman intelligence and you are like a fly beside his intellect.

Kate in Dating Colonel Kurtz Shockah!

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Thursday, 27 March 2003 11:39 (twenty-three years ago)

everyone is intimidated by something

― superhuman scary spidah s (mark s), Thursday, 27 March 2003 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Ha ha! Thanks for letting us know, Sinkah! You may have a BRAIN THE SIZE OF A PLANET but you are powerless against my HIGHLY TRAINED AND DANGEROUS SPIDER ARMY!!! Just you wait till I get out the Dust Bunny Corps, as well...

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 12:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark is clearly not afraid of dust bunnies.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But they are BUNNIES!!!! And bunnies are clearly EEEEEEVIL!!!!

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate = Anya shocker. Now I know why she's a real vengeance demon at 8am ;-).

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey, but I was NICE this morning! I was happy and chipper and even chatty, despite having had less sleep than I've had in ages...

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:05 (twenty-three years ago)

(true! but still, I may have a life is buffy, buffy is life point)

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

sinkah fakes his spua dupa intelligence ;-)

(hey mark I met b** w*tson yesterday at the derek bailey gig and I told all the horrible things you've been saying abt him and his hero zappa. he told me he'll be teaching you a lesson or something like that)*

*this may be a joke

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:07 (twenty-three years ago)

What, I may be a powerful and ancient vengeance demon, but I will still fall in love with the geekiest boy on the block?

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:10 (twenty-three years ago)

sinker is ineffably wise and fearless.

me? feeling GOOD today. sun's out, spent the morning hanging out at uncut towers listening to the new f mac album, no mediocre haters to bring me down. and i got (and banked) an ENORMOUS cheque for feb uncut work!

i think i'm definitely going to cut the day job to a part-time basis. i can certainly afford to... :-)

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

those are not dust bunnies they are spare kitten-golems

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks, Mark, I just spat strawberry yoghurt all over my monitor.

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Are you sure it wasn't Vengeance Demon ectoplasm?

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Apparently I've been on a date with Dang Perry.

AND my wife!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

How do I explain this to the Guild Of Handsome Young Soundartists? In the middle of a heavy snog session, I suddenly start spouting ectoplasmic pink goo. "Oh, sorry, did I forget to mention, I'm a vengeance demon?"

GOHYS: Ooh, err, I'll get me coat... but first can I *SAMPLE* that really cool squelching noise yer ectoplasmic pink goo is making?

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:28 (twenty-three years ago)

**i think i'm definitely going to cut the day job to a part-time basis. i can certainly afford to... :-)**

Thought you'd quit, M?

**spent the morning hanging out at uncut towers**

Did you see Mr. Jones?

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:31 (twenty-three years ago)

I just don't understand. She's seriously intelligent, she's unbelievably talented, she's charming, she's witty, she's super good-looking. Why the hell does she want to hang around with *me*? But, erm, apparently she does. We're supposed to go out again at the weekend. And I invited her to my "Opening" next week. Aaahhhhhhrt paaaahhhhhrties, darling. I'm just floating on a cloud. I really must shave. It must hurt, but aaahhhh, kissing her was so nice.

Don't be so down on yourself Kate. Nobody has a monopoly on self doubt.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate, the good news here made me smile. Then Marcello made me smile some more - I expect you'll be able to throw away the old day job stuff soon, Marcello.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

yes dr c, but i'm a temp so there will doubtless be other day jobs as of next monday. but at least i can negotiate to go part-time in any future assignments.

just missed jonesey this morning. and roy carr. dang!

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 27 March 2003 13:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Hurrah for kate! I hope it's a beautiful weekend for you.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 27 March 2003 14:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Love, love, love in the springtime...

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 27 March 2003 14:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Hell has frozen over. Marcello is a not complaining about life shocka'!!! : - D

I had an excellent time last night at a club. Hung out with some seriously cool folk. Was bored by Ringo Starr's daughter! Even passing out from drugs was cool cause I did it as Ladytron Seventeen ended and Cold Turkey was beginning to play! Hooray!

: - D

― Samson, Thursday, 27 March 2003 14:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Drugs are boring! Love is the drug I'm thinking of! Spring is in the air and I'm in... well, deep smit mixed with heavy lust, at least. Gah, I'm so sickeningly happy that I'm revolting myself.

Ach, I will just amuse myself with thinking how painful and traumatic it will be when it all falls to pieces and we start to hate each other and it all goes horribly wrong and...

NAH!!! I just want to sit and grin to myself and hum bubblegum tunes and think wow, he's so clever... and he's so charming... and he's got the most beautiful nose... I always appreciate a man with a good nose.

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 14:41 (twenty-three years ago)

The importance of a good nose cannot be overestimated.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 27 March 2003 14:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay for Kate!

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I can barely remember what going on a date feels like. I mean, I go on lots of dates of sorts with my bf, but we've been together for 4 years plus now, so there really is no question of how the date will end or Does he like me REalLy???

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:32 (twenty-three years ago)

This is the best part. This is the best part of the crush. When you realise that it *is* reciprocated, but it's not gone all awful and weird yet.

I remember last night, walking to the bar to meet him, having that Shroedinger's Crush feeling of "does he like me or no?" and just savouring the emotion.

― kate, Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:35 (twenty-three years ago)

awww, let's hear it for kate! yea, kate!

Tonight I'm going out with a girl I REALLY REALLY like a lot. I'm so nervous about fucking things up, tho.

― hstencil, Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Congrats to Kate, and good luck to hstencil :)

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay, congrats to Kate! fighting back envy Congrats to Hstencil!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:42 (twenty-three years ago)

D'oh! The webbernet ate my brackets!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks, y'all. I'm not really sure if it's a date. I'm not sure if any time we've hung out it's been a date, but it's cool 'cuase this girl is really awesome and even if nothing comes out of it, I'll be happy.

― hstencil, Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:43 (twenty-three years ago)

If you're not sure it's a date, just don't hire a cellist, and all will be well.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Sing her "Don't talk put your head on my shoulder".

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I would never hire a cellist anyway.

― hstencil, Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Congratulations all around! :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 March 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Stencil, if I have tried to teach you anything it's that you can go on a perfectly satisfactory date with someone and not have them ever know it. And you can live a perfectly lovely life and die very happy as long as you live in a world where "lovely" means "wretched" and you're "happy" in the sense of "happy it's over".

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 27 March 2003 17:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks Jesus, I mean, Chris!

― hstencil, Thursday, 27 March 2003 17:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate, wonderful news! I'm so happy for you. Swoon all you'd like....

(Expect a lightning-fast email in your inbox)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 27 March 2003 17:29 (twenty-three years ago)

this thread put a smile on my face, aww! congrats kate on the scruff burn and Marcello on the cheque. (I myself have only scruff and chequeburn)

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 27 March 2003 17:37 (twenty-three years ago)

didja get any?

― j fail (cenotaph), Thursday, 27 March 2003 18:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Um, just a bit crass:<

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 27 March 2003 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, this is the bit where the "wheeee" has worn off, and the insecurity hits. :-(

My brain is picking apart everything that could possibly go wrong. And of course, the evil other half of my age old problem - usually it's "Wah, he HAAAAAAATES me cause he doesn't want to sleep with me" but in this case, I don't have that obvious scab to pick, so it's all "Oh, he wants to sleep with me, so it means WAAAAAAAAHHHHH... he doesn't really like me, he just wants sex."

Which is fucking stupid cause, honestly, *I* want sex, too. So why can't I just relax?

Today I have just thought out every way in which it is going to be horrible and heartbreaking and it is going to come to pieces, and when you've had a little tiny glimpse of happiness, it makes it harder to give up. Shoot me. Shoot me please.

― kate, Friday, 28 March 2003 09:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Why not start out on an optimistically honest footing and say 'look I really like you Handsome Soundartist, and I think it's going to be damaging to me right now to just have casual sex. So, is that what we're having/will be having?' (Delete as applicable.)

If he hedges, HIT HIM IN THE NOSE no matter how attractive that appendage is. Or, if it's not too late, just don't have sex with him yet. (Not in any girly game-playing way, but anticipation is half the fun remember.)

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 28 March 2003 09:50 (twenty-three years ago)

NO, no, no, no, no, don't get me wrong. Casual sex would actually be just fine. Hell, any sex would be just fine! If we were honest and up front about "yeah, we're just mucking about" that would be well and good and cool with me. But I don't want to ruin a great friendship, blah blah blah etc. and have us hate each other in three months like happened with Whoreton.

I am totally being a Clever Elsa about this and obsessing and this is bad. I should just relax and enjoy the crush.

I just wish that he had better email access so that he could actually reply to my emails and not leave me feeling so "argh! he hates me!"

― kate, Friday, 28 March 2003 09:55 (twenty-three years ago)

im not sure i'd agree with that approach, its quite blunt for so early on. i admit that i am sort of a naive/romantic, in that i think things should unfurl naturally, so i'd say don't push the issue, just take things as they come. i know that sounds horribly vague and unhelpful, but sometimes raising an issue makes it an issue.

hmm, i'm not explaining myself very well am i? anyway, i'm a big believer in not rushing anything along, but rather letting things take their course at their own pace.

or, in other words, do what you've been doing this far! so far it all seems to be going fine, so you must be doing something right this time! no big changes! dont stress!

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 28 March 2003 10:04 (twenty-three years ago)

(that was reply to archels suggestion)

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 28 March 2003 10:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah not stressing if that's possible is preferable to my suggestion actually. Especially the hitting in the nose bit.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 28 March 2003 10:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes. Precisely. What Gareth said (for once). It's too early to know anything, I should just relax and take things as they come, but does anyone know any sure-fire techniques for getting your insecurities to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! because I think the reason it's been successful so far is I've managed to keep him from meeting my Insecurities. (God, they're like annoying meddling in-laws that fuck up my relationships.) And the longer it goes before he meets The Insecurities (now there is a punk band name) the more chance of "success" it has. Sigh.

― kate, Friday, 28 March 2003 10:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Umm, everything is fine. Before you have yourself married to this boy remember it's one date. I think you are obsessing a teeny bit. Obsessions are never fun. But I hate fun so I dunno!

― Samson, Friday, 28 March 2003 10:33 (twenty-three years ago)

What Gareth said (for once).

heh, you see! i can be right about things occasionally;)

(remember, relax, enjoy being with the person, just try and be the person you've been so far!)

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 28 March 2003 10:36 (twenty-three years ago)

kate, yeah, I don't think you should worry. Just take things, ahem, as they come. Wait, that doesn't sound good. Okay, what I'm trying to say is that if you're patient, things will more than likely turn out in your favor.

That said, nothing happened with me last night, but I still had a good time (on a related note: thanks to the Warlocks, I am now deaf).

― hstencil, Friday, 28 March 2003 14:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Before I leave work for the weekend... (Suze has taken her Mac to Sheffield so no interweb) :-(

Wheeeeeeee!!! I'm back in crush city. He rang me and we are def. doing something this weekend. Hooray! So yes. Relax, deep breath, go with the flow, everything is going to be OK.

BTW, were the Warlocks any good?

― kate, Friday, 28 March 2003 17:33 (twenty-three years ago)

(They had some technical difficulties, but they were all right. Their songs all sound like the same Spaceman 3 song, tho.)

― hstencil, Friday, 28 March 2003 17:41 (twenty-three years ago)

seven months pass...

I was looking for a different topic, and I found this thread... Hard to believe it was only 7 months ago! It felt very, very, very good to re-read it, though.

:-)

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 09:47 (twenty-two years ago)

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