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"Everybody wants to get it done. It could be the next mainstream thing aside from piercing."

"After splitting his tongue, Emrys Yetz, 20, said it wasn't long before he could move each half independently and do party tricks like picking up pens and pencils."

"The only downside, he said, is eating ice cream, since it's harder to make a scoop of your tongue when it's split in two."

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 20 June 2003 14:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I consider myself pretty blase about piercings, tattoos, etc., but I have to admit, I can't believe people do this.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 20 June 2003 14:54 (twenty-three years ago)

That picture actually made me queasy (and I have my tongue pierced)

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't find the split in his tongue quite as disturbing as that GREEN FUNK growing in the crack!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, it's like George Clinton ate moon cheese and then shat in the guy's mouth. EW.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Depraved corporal punishments that become youth fashion statements- sooo classic. Next up: wind your entrails on a stick!

― Hunter (Hunter), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

The human-snake guy must be pretty mad now that everyone is copying his style.

― fletrejet, Friday, 20 June 2003 15:07 (twenty-three years ago)

In this and other articles I've seen, splitters tout their new found lingual dexterity, I'm glad there's a an actual performance enhancement going on here.

I'm thinking of having my toes cut off. It might hamper my mobility, but I'm planning on being the next Tom Dempsey. (A mis-spent Guinness Book obsessed childhood permanently imprinted the image of him kicking that field goal in my brain).

― Hunter (Hunter), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I may have more to say later but for now

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A BIKE

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

okay if that's a little work unsafe then mods feel free to trim the above, but good god I have never felt like a republican more than when looking at that picture.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:22 (twenty-three years ago)

That is horrible horrible horrible horrible.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Weirdly enough, I'm not IMMEDIATELY disturbed...but I think that's only because there's no blood or anything.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Heh, people split other things right down the middle too, and can quite possibly wiggle the halves independently.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Ok, whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean, Sean, you need to keep it to yourself.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

this may very well be the single worst idea ever thought up by any human in all history.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:35 (twenty-three years ago)

It sounds very painful, but if people want to become 12 ft lizards let them.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

You can't WANT to become one, you just are.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Increased lingual dexterity, sure, but from what I've heard you wind up lisping like Sylvester the Cat.

― Layna (Layna Andersen), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:39 (twenty-three years ago)

OH MY GOD I LOOKED AT THE PICTURE AGAIN. It's totally making me sick and scared and shit like that. It's just so...gross. Arrgh. My mom told me about this but I thought she made it up cos it seems like the sort of thing she'd just say for no apparent reason.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

But do you start eating big-headed yellow birds by stuffing them in sandwiches?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:41 (twenty-three years ago)

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:41 (twenty-three years ago)

(adopts tone ov louche seen-it-all-before whateverness) Yeah, well those ov us who were into ptv, and, like, collecting re-search books have seen it all before, including a man who seperated his (hem, hem) in a likewise manner, and had rings thru both ends, connected w/little chains to who knows where. Re-Search press "modern primitives" tome is the only book I've ever given away b/c i was scared that my g/f wd read it & think bad thoughts abt me (NB I am a total wuss) Search "PFIQ" magazine if you think the above pic a little tame har har harrrgh.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

It seems like this would cause a lisp or something. How could you make a "th" sound (which involves using the tongue to force air through the teeth) with a split tongue? The article doesn't mention any enunciation problems.
haha poss you could make whole new vowel & consonant sounds that no-one else can make!! Thee only way to find out is to get it done!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Just thinking about that pic makes my tongue hurt.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

God, you lot are a much of wusses.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:50 (twenty-three years ago)

_Modern Primitives_ will damage you permanently. A girl I know showed me that book like 10 years ago in a bookstore. The whole second floor of Tattered Cover now evokes a flight response adrenaline rush.

― Hunter (Hunter), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey, I admit I'm a wuss. But at least I can eat an ice cream cone!

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I TOLD SEAN NOT TO SAY WHAT THAT MEANT. APPARENTLY I NEEDED TO EXTEND THAT TO ALL OF ILX. THANK YOU FOR RUINING MY LIFE.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

much = bunch, strangely.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:55 (twenty-three years ago)

If some dude ever showed me his split tongue, I would rip it even more. That is just the type of girl I am. And yet I am still freaked out by this.

― Carey (Carey), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:57 (twenty-three years ago)

You don't know how squirmy this is all making me.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I await the pictures of N.'s thoungue thlippting, thince he thinksh that we are being wutheth.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 20 June 2003 15:59 (twenty-three years ago)

MY EYES THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Pictursh, surely.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Yesh

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:03 (twenty-three years ago)

http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2001/08/02/tigerman128.jpg

― Hunter (Hunter), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Carrot-Top's little seen cameo in The Island of Dr. Moreau, Brando version.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:04 (twenty-three years ago)

WHY DO I KEEP LOOKING AT IT???

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:05 (twenty-three years ago)

jess reaffirms his position in my top ten favorite people on the planet evah with a vengeance

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:05 (twenty-three years ago)

It's like seeing that dead dog in the road that you really are unsettled about but at the same time...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:07 (twenty-three years ago)

You just know I'm going to suddenly think of this while I'm driving home, and accidentally run over someone because I've been eating dairy.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:09 (twenty-three years ago)

The cops don't take that excuse. Or, uh, so my, uh, friend told me.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:11 (twenty-three years ago)

The headline wrt Mr. CatMan reads Tiger man wants fur graft. Ned's headline was way better though.

― Hunter (Hunter), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:16 (twenty-three years ago)

that is fucking horrible

― robin (robin), Friday, 20 June 2003 16:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Tiger Man says: "It's the real me. So many men cross-dress without their partners knowing, or dress up and play cowboys or civil war soldiers at weekends. Me, I'm a tiger all the time and I love it."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 20 June 2003 17:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah this guy's oral hygiene is what's grossing me out the most.

As far as tongue-splitting is concerned. . .eh, whatever floats yer boat.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Friday, 20 June 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I am guessing that the tongue splitting has something to do with the green stuff rather than a generally poor attitude towards oral hygiene. I mean it's nowhere else on his tongue.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 17:19 (twenty-three years ago)

ew ew ew ew ew ew

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 20 June 2003 17:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I bet the ladies really dig this, because you can perform oculingus on both eyes AT ONCE! Aww yeah!

― NA. (Nick A.), Friday, 20 June 2003 17:28 (twenty-three years ago)

It would have been funnier if you'd said 'cunnilingus'.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 17:41 (twenty-three years ago)

YOU HAVE EYES DOWN THERE?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 17:56 (twenty-three years ago)

ND has a VAGINA WITH EYES!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Somehow, every time I pull this thread up, it's gotten so much worse.

...a mangina with eyes?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:10 (twenty-three years ago)

You poor saps really don't understand the concept of oculingus, do you?

― NA. (Nick A.), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.coldsteel.co.uk/articles/Graphs/jesse/jessy-1.jpg

his looks all right

― That Girl (thatgirl), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

DEAR GOD NO IT DOESN'T

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

'all right' is starting to get verrrry relative.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:14 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.bmezine.com/tsplitfaq.html

― J (Jay), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:39 (twenty-three years ago)

the tongue is one of the most immense nervous structures in your body. We have incredibly fine control over it and we receive massive feedback from it. When you dramatically alter its structure and free yourself of the physical boundaries your biology imposes, in some people it triggers a larger freeing on a spiritual level.

???

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

that sounds too similar to the trepanning philosophy. But hey, it's not my tongue.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Are you sure?

― NA. (Nick A.), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:04 (twenty-three years ago)

'Cunnilingus' would have been funnier because people would be like "Who's going to tell him?"

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Dude, get your own damn joke.

― NA. (Nick A.), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:09 (twenty-three years ago)

"Who's going to tell him vaginas have EYES?"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:32 (twenty-three years ago)

I like how Dastoor is trying to quaintly avoid the fact that he believes vaginas have eyes.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:33 (twenty-three years ago)

What's scarier, the tongue splitting or the fact that I know EXACTLY what Hunter is talking about here?

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:33 (twenty-three years ago)

THIS IS SOME FRIGHTENING MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't want my own jokes. What good have they ever brought me?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Um. Wow. I like piercings. A lot. But, well, this just isn't doing *it* for me. (Whatever "it" is, of course.) Looks painful - though I do imagine that the sensation during cunnilingus might be interesting. Hmmm...maybe I need to contemplate this more. I still don't like how it looks, though.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:31 (twenty-three years ago)

I wish people would stop judging me by my appearance! That I've gone to great pains to make my appearance the first, last and possibly only thing people will notice about me, and spent a fair amount of coin making my appearance the central issue of my existence does not mean I should be subject to such shallow snap judgements. Honestly!

― T0ngue-Splitting Girl (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:40 (twenty-three years ago)

(the Tiger-Man article is utterly classic for its use of the term "short back-and-sides" btw)

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Is it just me, or do body-modification texts seem awfully dependent on the sort of weak logic that anything 15th-century Hindus or undeveloped Papuan tribes do must be sensible?

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I mean, just wait until the pro-anorexia people catch on: "Not eating not only has many historical precedents, but a rich cultural history running from prehistoric drought to the Irish famine of the 19th century."

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:44 (twenty-three years ago)

also, "this is what yogis who spent every hour of every day working toward and expressed cosmetically as well as internally = the same is accessible to me despite my having only vague insights into the meaning of said yogic practices in the context of their culture etc" seems to me perhaps the most deeply modern sentiment on record

-yeah N. yer right, there's a sort of shared, willful misreading going on in both these cases

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I dunno, John, I'm told by my family that practitioners of non-eating along the Ethiopian/Somali border experience profound spiritual revelations, including rich new perspectives on their own mortality.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:48 (twenty-three years ago)

"omg they r so LUCKY nobody ever bothers them!!! 'why dont u eat something u look so skinny' no!! god i wish i could go there and just LIVE there where they at least let u live in PEACE"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:54 (twenty-three years ago)

there is something to be said about the dangers of the internet here- EG freaks that would otherwise be subject to at least some variety of socialization and normative behavior feedback are now able to log on and join all 17 other people like them in the tri-state area, which makes them feel all right about looking the fool

― Millar (Millar), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:56 (twenty-three years ago)

omg millar what gives u the right to judge!!!

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 20 June 2003 21:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well if I'm hiring & firing then what gives you the right to work here? Clown.

― Millar (Millar), Friday, 20 June 2003 21:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Insert obligatory Mariah Carey joke here.

― J (Jay), Friday, 20 June 2003 21:01 (twenty-three years ago)

MOMMY

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 20 June 2003 21:36 (twenty-three years ago)

this sounds interesting. been thinking about getting my ass split.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 20 June 2003 21:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Darling, little amputations of that nature are so 1994.

(Seriously, some time that year I read some article alleging that having toes or fingers amputated was the latest body mod trend. Never mind that the Japanese Yakuza have traditionally lopped off part of a finger to show how hard they are.) Of course, the question becomes how do you top this?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 20 June 2003 21:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Momus to thread.

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 20 June 2003 21:53 (twenty-three years ago)

j.lu yeah, I actually have seen stuff about people obsessed with excising parts of their bodies, often proclaiming that said parts feel "foreign" to them or some such. If I recall correctly, one guy petitioned many USA doctors to amputate his leg, but they wouldn't do. So he planned to go to Mexico to get it done.

― Hunter (Hunter), Saturday, 21 June 2003 04:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Uh, that tongue-splitter has no eyebrows. Now, that is SICK and WRONG.

― Monobrow (Hunter), Saturday, 21 June 2003 04:20 (twenty-three years ago)

That is so grim.

― RickyT (RickyT), Saturday, 21 June 2003 07:44 (twenty-three years ago)

There is a documentary about these willing amputees called Whole, reviewed here.

― nickn (nickn), Saturday, 21 June 2003 07:50 (twenty-three years ago)

*crosses self multiple times*

I think I'm going to turn away now and watch some sort of emergency medicine documentary. The blood and gore on that show doesn't really unsettle me, unlike this thing. *shivers*

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 21 June 2003 22:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I looked at this thread, and said to someone, "I've finally found the worst picture on the internet". But then she wasn't much bothered by it.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Saturday, 21 June 2003 23:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I have a strong desire to pat the tongue splitting chap gently on the head and say slowly and clearly "that's very nice, you're quite the individual. Well done" before ruffling his hair and giving him a couple of shillings for gobstoppers.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 21 June 2003 23:37 (twenty-three years ago)

You think that's .... hair you're patting?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 22 June 2003 14:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Euw, this is so gross. Did you have a good look around that website? Most of it, you had to have a password for! It is pretty gross all in all this whole body mutilation thing. I really don't understand it, please explain if you are into that. I'm not saying it's wrong, I just don't get it myself!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Sunday, 22 June 2003 19:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I hope to god Andrew, I hope to God.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 22 June 2003 22:09 (twenty-three years ago)

God why did I look through the photo galleries on that website? How do you even have sex with all those piercings?

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 22 June 2003 22:32 (twenty-three years ago)

God why did I look through the photo galleries on that website? How do you even have sex with all those piercings?

Carefully, one would assume.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 23 June 2003 02:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Has anyone here got anything like that? I'm really totally intrigued now, I mean the picture of the girl looked like she had piercings like blocking the proper bits. And the guy had this massive like 20 gauge thing hanging out the tip, plus scrotum piercings (which really wouldn't affect sex). I imagine that would really hurt to have sex with that.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally - did you register with the site to gain access?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:32 (twenty-three years ago)

No, but they let you see like one picture. And of course it's the most disturbing picture--OR IS IT? God that thought just hit me. THose could be the totally run-of-the-mill photos. Christ on a bike.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally, I have a friend who got her clitoral hood pierced. The next day she went to a loud RAWK show and stood near the bass amp, which produced enough (erm) vibes for her to say it was the BEST SHOW EVAH.

But EEEEEUWWWWWWW. I'm not liking the tongue splice at all and I have owned Modern Primitives.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Obviously the next step is for him to get breast implants in both halves of his tongue.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:41 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm charging you royalties for that post, Dan. Cough up.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:48 (twenty-three years ago)

"S**n C*rr*th*rs' Lawyers Are Starting Legal Proceedings Against Me"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm charging you both royalties since it was my boob implants that brought up the whole topic of Dan's forehead implants which then caused the whole tongue thing, FUCK YEAH.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:57 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

OK I gotta warn you that this is the harshest thing I've maybe EVER seen outside of the Budd Dwyer video. DO NOT watch it if you respond badly to 1) blood 2) moving images depicting extreme body modification.

That said, a tongue splitting in process is available in glorious living color in MPEG form here here.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 02:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Closest I've ever come to getting a link exactly right right.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 02:46 (twenty-two years ago)

http://216.219.160.214/gb/csfs2/ouch.gif

― Dada, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 02:50 (twenty-two years ago)

that guy in the second picture looks like he has two tongues. eeeeeeee. no green stuff, though.
anyways, all, if you think *that's* intense, you should check this out: (i dunno how to post the link, i actually can't use a computer at all, someone is typing this for me while i sit in a big fancy leather chair at a giant mahogany desk)
(oh, and NOT NOT NOT WORK SAFE)

http://www.bmezine.com/extreme/free/cmhurt/labial.html

― praying mantis (praying mantis), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

an article on the rights of tongue splittX0rz

and a thought provoking interview with anders sandberg on issues relating to physical transformation
http://www.bmezine.com/news/people/A10101/anders.html
It's from the same zine that featues stuff not safe for work, but this page is ok.

"BME: Do you think that the mass acceptance of minor body modifications (piercing, tattooing, plastic surgery) will help in the acceptance of more radical transhuman modifications?

AS Yes, to some extent. Just the acceptance that the body can be modified for "frivolous" reasons is an important step forward. And it also establishes a kind of "self-transformation infrastructure" that in the future might encompass more radical possibilities."

― Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if anyone who bought "modern primitives" actually kept it? Where did all the given-away or otherwise got-rid-of copies went?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

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Tongue Splitting: C or D

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A BIKE

MY EYES THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING

WHY DO I KEEP LOOKING AT IT???

MOMMY