BIG PRICKS vs. small dicks

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big pricks are great but a problem in later life as gravity takes its toll,
small dicks command less attention, but their feint candle burns for much longer?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, that STILL doesn't rhyme.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

But does it reason?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9804/02/teens.smoking/link.joe.camel.lg.jpg

― sexyDancer, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

They do both do some reasoning though, don't they! For their ownx0rs. (As the modern oral tradition would have it.)
The questions however remains: Are big pricks better to think with than small dicks?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 19:54 (twenty-two years ago)

The real debate is "showers" versus "growers", I've heard.

― Cathy (Cathy), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

(I think I'm gonna be at that thinking fellers show too)
-- martin m.

martin, you sure you didn't wanna post that on this thread really?
;)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I think I'll take a shower.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

O wait, N.! I'm afeared you may have mixed up the threads also...

The real debate is "showers" versus "growers", I've heard.
-- Cathy

Best are those that go through marked waxing and waning.
-- N

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I assure you not.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

There is much more difference in the size of limp dicks than erect ones. For me, a really big one looks great - but sometimes then when you are actually trying to, for instance, get your mouth around it, it seems a little less appealing.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks for that, Martin.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

There are marked differences in sizes of erect ones too!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, yes - he only said 'much more'.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

But much more implies something different from what you have just said, you know.

I have read somewhere, most likely something awful like Cosmopolitan, that the average is like 5-7" for erect but I have seen smaller and larger and now I have no idea what my point was, erm. I would say I have seen as much variety in size flaccid as erect, but then again I'm not a boy so I have not got access to hundreds of other men in school locker room scenarios on a regular basis so YMMV.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I have noticed that Ally - but it is a fact that flaccid dicks vary much more. There have been studies! I've seen a couple of large limp dicks which barely grow at all when erect.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmmm I have seen that twice but OTOH I have seen larger-than-average limp ones that grow quite a lot still. I believe you though!! I have also seen twice quite quite small limp ones that didn't grow like at all, which seemed wholly bizarre to me.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

You two should get out your scrapbooks.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

research has shown that the size of the flaccid penis does vary much more than the size of the erect penis. This is probably due to the simple fact that a "flaccid" penis can assume all sorts of sizes itself depending on temperature, circulation, general cardiovascular health and whether you're relaxed or nervous or had a bit to drink or just had a cigarette. So flaccid measurement really means fuck all.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

there's the classic addage...are you a grower or a shower,

i.e. some men's simply get harder while staying the same basic size, while some men's expand in size from a bit to quite a lot.

conventional wisdom says the former are the ones more likely to get naked in front of other people...

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I'm talking averages - the spread I've seen of limp dicks goes from less than 2 inches to over 6, probably 7 or so; erect dicks, I think it goes from about 5 inches to maybe 12 - proportionately a smaller range, but still a big variety.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

conventional wisdom says the former are the ones more likely to get naked in front of other people...

...but less likely to try to get an erection when they do this.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Well that's just a wordy way of fence straddling isn't it.

xpost Dan conventional wisdom then assumes that all of the "showers" have the same basic size of "large" which I do not believe to be true!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Less than 2 inches?? Oh my!

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Ugh according to my extremely mouthy ex-roommate, he is wholly telling the truth about less than 2.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

The fact remains that these studies have been done and proved Martin and Tom's point by science

Also, I would guess that growers are less likely to volunteer for these studies, making the difference even more marked.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know what I'd do if mine was less than 2 inches. That would be so embarrassing. I mean, unless you were an extreme grower and made a point of having an erection at all times it was on view. Mind you, after swimming in cold water...

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I think my only point here in this showers versus growers debate is that it is strictly erroneous to assume all "showers" ie men who don't change size much start out big and all "growers" ie men who do change size much start out small. That is all. NA I'm sending you a copy of my memoirs in the mail.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

it's great we can all talk dick so freely. I was once on holiday near Rangoon, and let me tell you the dicks there are VERY unlike our own.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

One would hope that the studies avoided that self-selection pitfall - that shouldn't be difficult. (I typed hard first, then changed it for obvious reasons.)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, yes, Ally, some men just have tiny dicks full stop.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)

The biggest cock I've ever seen was on this one guy in basic training. He had one of those almost-to-the-knee dangler dongs. He was dumb as a fucking brick and his head had strange wrinkles on it from his forehead back, large crevasses parallel to his spine. As long as we are telling cock stories I will just go ahead and admit that I was unable to stop glancing at him while he washed his privates, which he did rather vigorously, I might add.

I have also seen two naked drunk guys swinging their dicks back and forth to make a slapping noise against their thighs. If I recall correctly Björk's icelandic jazz record was on the boombox at the time and shortly thereafter the girl seated next to me said "I can do that too!" and proceeded to make a similar sound using her tits. Military service should be mandatory, obviously.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Martin - you're probably right. I've read these studies too (maybe every insecure teenager does) and I suspect they're probably from some dodgy compulsory 1950s study.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

if a dick grows in the forest and noone's around, is it any bigger?

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

(data was probably gathered from some Scout camp or something - imagine the badge)

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I notice we are all talking length here, really. It's common knowledge (whatever that is worth) that thickness is more important. But I think these things seem to go together - I mean, the thickest I've seen were also among the longest, and the thinnest among the shortest.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I also some TV programme about a guy with a monster wang, who had problems... filling it with blood. Consoling thoughts.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate the 'it's the girth not the length' cliché. It just gives men something else to be insecure about!

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow Tom that party sounds worse than any party I ever attended in my entire life, even worse than the one where me and my friend Jay were so bored we pretended to make out for an hour. I can't imagine being fucked up enough to actually want to show off weird slapping noises I can force my tits to make, and I think watching guys do that would make me a lesbian forever.

xpost I find you are correct vis a vis thickness Martin but I have not done any dodgy 1950s studies to back up this evidence.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, some of the biggest that I've encountered were among the least hard - it makes sense, physiologically, I suppose.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, that STILL doesn't rhyme.

No, but in my head it's rapidly turning into a JC Chasez parody chorus.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

It's common knowledge (whatever that is worth) that thickness is more important

Not. Always.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm pretty sure all the parties I've been to have been worse than anybody else's parties ever, actually.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

The worst thing I ever heard about this subject was from my ex-roommate, as I said earlier, who went on and on and on and on for like TWO HOURS describing how disappointing her then-boyfriend Jeremy's dick was. It was apparently about the length of her thumb, perhaps slightly bigger, and "about as thick as the cat's tail". I was horrified and extremely sick and kept asking her to not discuss this any further with me but she wouldn't stop.

So obviously I must share this with everyone possible, to spread the pain.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean it was like, ok I have to SEE Jeremy again, can you shut up?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I should consult my old friend F about these statistics (I'm seeing her Friday). She created and edited a mag called Bizarre that many here will have seen, and is an expert on such matters - she's been on talk shows in the UK lots of times as an expert on all sorts of odd sexual things. She might be able to tell me about what studies there are, and if they are all rubbish ancient ones.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

it makes sense, physiologically, I suppose

Limits to the blood pressure the body can provide?

Share the wealth, Allyzay, not the pain.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, it would take a lot more to make a thick 12" dick hard than a thin 5" one, obviously. I'm not implying a universal inverse relationship here between size and hardness, but the only men I've known who seemed to have not terribly hard erections were among the biggest I've known.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

(almost 50 posts and no Momus photo, wow)

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it just takes longer for a person to get fully erect, the larger they are, perhaps.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

who went on and on and on and on for like TWO HOURS describing how disappointing her then-boyfriend Jeremy's dick was

How could anyone talk about a dick for two hours, no matter how great or horrible it was?!>! I mean, how much is there to say?

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus, Ally, your ex-flatmate sounds a bitch.

Not. Always.

I am imagining the grotesquely shaped thing that prompted this comment from luna.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK OMG JEREMY DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK OMG JOHN HOLMES DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK OMG MOMUS DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I am imagining the grotesquely shaped thing that prompted this comment from luna.

Which just brings to mind the horror stories of pachyderm coitus. Sometimes the bull will break the cows back in the throes of passion. The whole thing sounds kinda off to me.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not as bad as the corkscrew penises that some animals have.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm hoping that is not the voice of experience.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHAHAHAHA Let's have a moment for Ally's ex-roommate!

Fucking meetings have completely ruined my "what if you're a grower AND a shower?" comment.

XPOST CORKSCREW.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's pigs. Or cats.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

The worst has got to be those barbed penises like cats have.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"FUCKING MEETINGS"?

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

(you're such a romantic, Dan)

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I dated (albeit briefly) a man who was 6'8" and had a 4" penis. It wasn't thick, either.

I know from disappointment.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw a rhyme, about a guy who have a corkscrew penis, in a toilet cubicle, at niagara falls. his name, if I recall correctly, was "screwy" and it didn't end at all favourably.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Do some work, RJG. You'll feel better.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Fucking meetings

Aren't those called trysts or rendez-vous or dates or something?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Not in this hypersexualised and hypermediated world we all find ourselves in.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:00 (twenty-two years ago)

"Just lie on your front and think of your grandma"

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

oops - wrong thread

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

How did we go from dicks to your grandma???

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, Sugar, want to go for a fucking meeting?

"Just lie on your front and think of your grandma"

Ha!

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

N, you're killing Grandma!

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"She's already dead!"

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

The worst has got to be those barbed penises like cats have.

"I'm hoping that's not the voice of experience" etc

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

where's cunty?

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it is a sort of voice of experience. I had a cat that went into heat and ended up making sweet kitty love right outside of my bedroom window and the sounds they made were sheer terror to my youthful ears.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Nothin' brings the noise like pussies bangin'.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

(I hate myself.)

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

That's okay, we love you!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno Jeanne... Female cats in heat make an assload of noise even when there are no male cats within a hundred miles. Some of the most freakish meows I've ever heard came from she-cats in heat who couldn't get no lovin.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, some of the biggest that I've encountered were among the least hard - it makes sense, physiologically, I suppose.

yes i have noticed this.

also as far as the 6" being the average thing goes i can say than in my experience average id a fair bit bigger than this.... or maybe i have just been lucky ( not that i have a thing for it!)

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

They do kind of sound like aliens that want to suck the spinal fluid from your medulla oblongata, don't they?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

This surprises you? Welcome to my human life. xpost

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I'm now too scared to consider calling my next gf 'Boom Boom Kitty Fuck'.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

ally, I wasn't implying that all growers start out or end the same size, just that some people grow when they harden, and some people just harden.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

...STILL this question remains unanswered:

Are big pricks better to think with than small dicks?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I'm now too scared to consider calling my next gf 'Boom Boom Kitty Fuck'.

Yes, THAT'S a recipe for disaster!

B: "Mom, Dad? This is Andrea."
B's M&D: "Hello, Andrea!"
BBKF: "RrrrrrRRrrr... RRrrrrRRrooooaaaawwwl.... RrrrrrWAAAAAAAAAAAAayuuulllllROOOOOOOOOAWRroooolllll"
B's D: "My spinal fluid!"

[END SCENE]

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Female cats in heat make an assload of noise even when there are no male cats within a hundred miles. Some of the most freakish meows I've ever heard came from she-cats in heat who couldn't get no lovin.

Yes, the sound is screechier and most painful sounding than even the worst Bjork song.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Some of the most freakish meows I've ever heard came from she-cats in heat who couldn't get no lovin.

Once, during the last century, I was apartment hunting with my ex in Paris and we went to see a smallish apartment that happened to have like 5 or 6 young couples inspecting it when we got there. There wasn't much room, so I went to the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table. The owners' adolescent female cat suddenly ran over to me purring like a tractor engine and started to rub her ass on my leg in a most indecorous fashion. As if that weren't already embarassing enough, she began to make these strange screams as rubbed up and down on my leg. Needless to say, we didn't get the apartment.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

My high school girlfriend's mom bred cats, and that had a prize-winning male they kept in a totally separate building just so he wouldn't roll it out whenever one of the females who lived in the house proper was in heat.

I remember once, after listening to one of the female cats whining and rroorwwrraaayywwrrrrooring for about a week, one of my girlfriend's sisters accidentally let the bull cat out of his pen. He followed the crazy meows right to the female in heat and was done like a minute after escaping.

Now that's a sense of purpose.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

bull cat? I thought they were called 'toms'. Did this one have horns or something?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

He had THE HORN!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

That's completely unfair, Michael, unless it said 'must be unattractive to cats' on the advert or something.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeh they are called toms, but this one charged out like a damned bull. I have never seen a cat run that quickly, and I have seen a cat get chased by a truck.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Michael is a Farrelly Bros movie waiting to happen. Or a David Lynch meets Russ Meyer freakout.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I have hurt myself laughing at N's coment about Michael's story!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I will just chime in that I have, ah, done enough research to discover a few data points that indicate that yes you can have a short and thick (erect) penis.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

That's completely unfair, Michael, unless it said 'must be unattractive to cats' on the advert or something.

I dunno, I'm not very good at resisting rampant pussy and without my girlfriend I wouldn't have had enough for the rent. Could have turned into a bad ménage à trois and I'm not sure the cat's parents would have approved.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Also there are gents out there -- adult gents! -- with penises that are less than 5 inches. And not particularly thick either. Sad but true. (Well, sad unless you're into that sort of thing.)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

You can never have too much pussy for the rent, Michael.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

We've already established that sometimes they are as small as 2", Chris. Although I have decided that penis sizes become kind of elastic when these reports are made.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not sure I could have made much off the cat. She was givin' it away.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Not literally elastic, probably.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

All this talk of really tiny dicks makes me think of a kind of Eleanor Rigby like lament.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

N, emo Pt. 2

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll say that I have a penis which, from what I understand, is absolutely average as to length and girth but there have been a couple times when I was swimming in spring runoff when I wasn't half convinced I was chromosomally challenged, if you know what I mean.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Finding N Emo

(xpost)

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"All the tiny penises, where doooo they all belong?"

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, I have no idea what you mean. I'm gonna try reading it again slowly. Perhaps I am just tired.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

(that was xpost to Michael)

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

stop the finding N emo thing, please.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:36 (twenty-two years ago)

There's this thing in the Kama Sutra about matching. It groups men and women into three groups each, and gives names for them. Elephants should pair with Walruses, or something.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I was only flicking through it. Maybe it was a literal thing.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

martin

I'm talking about when it's cold. Little fuxor tries to become an internal organ, as it were.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

At which point, you put Stereolab's How To Play Your Internal Organs Overnight on the stereo and settle down for a night in.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

stop the finding N emo thing, please.

Awwwwww. Still, better than him publicly performing a lament about his dick (in the long run). Here, this is why it'd be wrong:

"Penis, Peeeeee-nis
Penis, if you will
Send me a little girl for me to thrilllllll"

Thanx, Fight Club.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Walruses, or something.
That's just not a good mental image.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Meerkats.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

-Dirge for the Frigid Worm -

Hasn't been performed at all in eons.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was about 16 years old and on holiday we met this guy whose foreskin was considerably bigger than his actual penis. I had never heard of this before. The only reason we found out in the first place is because we were curious as to how he could make fart noises with it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:43 (twenty-two years ago)

You mean you were worried he couldn't?? Making fart noises with your foreskin is not normal, Matt.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Rare talent that boy has, though I don't imagine he'll go far.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

We've already established that sometimes they are as small as 2", Chris.

I was talking about the erect-style penis.

When I was about 16 years old and on holiday we met this guy whose foreskin was considerably bigger than his actual penis.

This is not entirely rare.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

martin
I'm talking about when it's cold. Little fuxor tries to become an internal organ, as it were.

Okay. Like I said I think I'm just tired. That I was confused by "spring runoff." For some reason my mind didn't make the connection to "cold water."

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if the phrase "I was talking about the erect-style penis" has ever been used before.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Madam, would you prefer a non-erect or an erect style penis?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:48 (twenty-two years ago)

what you want is a convertible.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

NO ONE IS TO TAKE THE TOP OFF OF MY JUNK

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"If you change your mind, we operate a 14-day no-questions-asked exchange policy"

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"Does that come with a son-roof or a moon-roof?"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

what you want is a convertible.

Unfortunately for Dan's sense of humor, you only get a couple of BOINGYs out of those.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

NO ONE IS TO TAKE THE TOP OFF OF MY JUNK

I'm totally using this euphamism for circumcision from here on out.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Euphemism. Jesse Jesus I can't type today.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm confusing "top" with "tip" it seems.

BTW, you're too old anyway.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:53 (twenty-two years ago)

And there should be a comma after 'Jesus'.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

And there should be a comma after 'Jesus'.

No, actually. All of my posts are being typed by a man named Jesse Jesus. I added the "I" to make it clear that I've employed the father and not Jesse Jesus, Jr.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Fair enough. In the meantime, I think your e-mail address is required on the latest Excelsior thread.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

-"Madam, would you prefer a non-erect or an erect style penis?"
-"Oh? Does either of them come with a good heart?"

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Madam, they'll come with just about anything.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

"A good heart these days is hard to find, madam, but a hard cock is good to find."

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

N is TLC etc

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1020000/images/_1024890_depp300.jpg

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Please be gentle with this cock of mine.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Warranty expired, huh?

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't go chasin' penises
Please stick the nutsacks and the balls that you're used to
I know that you're gonna have the whole shaft or nothing at all
But I think you're strokin' too fast.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

HELP ME I NEED A NEW BRAIN

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

The images from that video are now perched precariously in my mind over a sea of....

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Fair enough. In the meantime, I think your e-mail address is required on the latest Excelsior thread.

You do know that my email address is actually my name if you take the "@" and the ".com" out of it, right? Hence my objection to the use of the word "mush" on the excelsior thread. It's a family objection.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Nothing but old tried-and-true vaginal mush for the Mushrushes. Why the rush anyway, martin?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ach, they're making anal mush jokes on the television again, dear, change the channel would you?"

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Man, I hope my parents don't find this thread by googlin' the family name. I mean of all the threads my last name could end up on, it had to be the big pricks vs small dicks thread.

I object to the use of the word "mush" in every context, independent of oriface.

When I was little I took swimming lessons. When I completed the course I got a certificate for my accomplishment. Only the certificate was made out to "Martin Mushroom." I was mortified, but my pops thought it was hilarious. I guess he had that distance that came with having the last name almost 30 years longer than I did.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bootyflake Hour - that's more like it!"

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Lookin back though, I'm still kinda pissed about that swimming certificate. And I'm gonna be 30 in a couple months.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:14 (twenty-two years ago)

HELP ME I NEED A NEW BRAIN

Hm, tried thinking with the dick instead?

*quickly seeks shelter from venga's revenging wang*

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

So people have seen penises while sober???

― Carey (Carey), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I try to avoid it.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 22:46 (twenty-two years ago)

He's got an okra
I've got an eggplant,
I am the walrus

― matthew james (matthew james), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

dude you guys are making my ex roommate seem AWESOME.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:15 (twenty-two years ago)

are there any statistics on the average amount a limp penis will extend/swell in girth when erect?

― mullygrubber (gaz), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm afraid of what my googling will produce.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:28 (twenty-two years ago)

The googles, they do nothing, etc.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:37 (twenty-two years ago)

anyway mully isn't the answer that there is no answer, that there's showers and growers and sometimes both? (Or neither??)

the random distribution of all these factors seems pretty unanswerable, pretty existential. All the tiny penises. Where do they all come from. ALIENATION. Speaking of aliens, shouldn't Darwinism eventually produce a species of people with dicks like this

http://www.sextoys.co.uk/modules/images/topcat_bunny_pearl_vibrator.jpg

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

that's what the spaceship looks like that's going to come and colonize Earth by seducing all our Earth-women away

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

From that site:
http://www.sextoys.co.uk/modules/products.asp?catid=3&rangeid=5&sortorder=sortdate+desc&perpage=9999

Faux vaginas modelled on specific porn stars

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"Moulded in an inviting all fours position you can take Nicole in either hole"

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Why are vibrators so obviously awesome and "realistic vibrating pussies" so obviously lame?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 10 June 2004 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd find a vibrator modelled on a specific porn star more than a little weird. It becomes about the fetishization of one porn star you can never have, having them without them having you, and so on.

(And, besides that, men's masturbation aids seem more than a little superfluous.)

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I couldn't do without my masturbation aides.

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

We call them interns in public.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:03 (twenty-two years ago)

How the FUCK is that thing you posted a picture of "obviously awesome"? It looks like it's going to cause some kind of horrible, horrible injury.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I haven't figured out what the little straw-looking thing coming out of the handle is.

Unless...

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:05 (twenty-two years ago)

That's the frightening, injurious bit.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

in a way, orgasms are horrible, horrible injuries.

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

unless my aides have been having me, for a fool.

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:07 (twenty-two years ago)

OK.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:07 (twenty-two years ago)

the handle is a bunny and those are its rubber ears. they vibrate really fast like a hummingbird.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate my species.

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:20 (twenty-two years ago)

do you wish you were a bunny or a hummingbird?

― the surface noise is so overwhelming that it renders the contents of the re (ele, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Do women usually find the image of a little bunny humping away at them erotic?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:38 (twenty-two years ago)

carbon based lifeforms are inherently inferior to my aspirations
http://www.spaceshipdiscovery.com/discovery/images/robot.jpg

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Anatomically that's female. This is male:

http://www.btinternet.com/~tobor/dalek.jpg

And what a male. Imagine that creeping your bracket on a lonely night.

― New No New Age Advanced Ambient Motor Music Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude's dissin' your trash can, dude.

― TheNewJMod (JMod), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:42 (twenty-two years ago)

http://cdecas.free.fr/robots/images/spartan.jpg

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:48 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, this is a thread about phalluses.

Hang on a second.

Here we are.

http://cdecas.free.fr/robots/images/mk2.jpg

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:49 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.samstoybox.com/toypics/Armatron.jpg

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:54 (twenty-two years ago)

there are way too many phallocentric battlemechs to even start

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 01:58 (twenty-two years ago)

http://blogs.salon.com/0002874/Sheri/scans2/robot2b.jpg

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:00 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/phallus.jpg

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:01 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.americanisp.net/b52.jpg

― TOMB52, Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:02 (twenty-two years ago)

The bunny keeps looking better and better.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.macrophile.com/~seph/art/phallic.gif

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

so coy, yet so confident

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:05 (twenty-two years ago)

there's people who know about the bunny, and there's people who have yet to really see the bunny at work, it seems.

― Peter Cottontail, Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:06 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a sex toys arms race!

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:06 (twenty-two years ago)

d00d, someone drew that in their highschool art class, i just know it.

― mandee, Thursday, 10 June 2004 02:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude there is NO FUCKING WAY that bunny awful twee vibrator contraption is coming ANYWHERE NEAR ME, even if I was being paid highly to use it. Who gives a shit what its ears do. It's horrifying.

I've always been quite frightened of vibrators to begin with, I've seen technology spectacularly fail and sometimes blow up way, way too many times.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 10 June 2004 03:00 (twenty-two years ago)

people who've used the bunny and know that it's a question of substance over style to thread

― Peter Cottontail, Thursday, 10 June 2004 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

People whose bfs satisfy them just FINE and don't really give a shit about the substance of the tweebrator to thread.

Oh wait.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 10 June 2004 03:16 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.io.com/~rkitover/bm03/penis%20art%20car.JPG

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 10 June 2004 03:36 (twenty-two years ago)

why did i take me until now to check this thread

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 10 June 2004 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I've always been quite frightened of vibrators to begin with, I've seen technology spectacularly fail and sometimes blow up way, way too many times.

Yes, but you could say this about men, too.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 June 2004 07:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Does anyone remember the Penis Puppet Theatre that was all the rage in London about five years ago for about five minutes?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 10 June 2004 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow. When papier-mâché falls into THE WRONG HANDS!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 June 2004 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i think there was a puppetry of the penis show here recently. also i've heard tales of jim rose's "dick circus"

― ron (ron), Thursday, 10 June 2004 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a friend who casually asks people she's met only hours earlier, "Are you a rabbit or an elephant?" The responses to her queries vary considerably but they are usually quite funny.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 10 June 2004 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Puppetry of the Penis was like the indie-pop to Jim Rose's sweaty rock.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 June 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry, I probably meant cock.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 June 2004 22:46 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.jerkcity.com/jerkcity2077.gif

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

that is pretty much exactly how I picture you and jon.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Right then, with all this discussion I guess you're all experts in penisometry, how exactly does one measure a dick? From where, tho where?
Underside, uperside or side-side? How do you take account of curves? Along it or as the crow flies?
Huh?
Huh?

― mei (mei), Thursday, 10 June 2004 23:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I attach a tracking device to the crow and measure its progress via GPS.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm going to be the comic book asshole who asks, is this really a comic strip that just scans Jim Woodring art for each panel adding his own characters?

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:28 (twenty-two years ago)

it sure looks that way, dan. it is the best comic ever, though.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 11 June 2004 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I got a whole bag of 'em here if you wanna get your ruler.

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 11 June 2004 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Upperside, from where the shaft meets the rest of you, along the middle of the penis, taking curvature into account (but noting if it's severe). As the ant walks, you might say.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 11 June 2004 04:21 (twenty-two years ago)

duh. I mean how else would you logically do it?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 11 June 2004 04:26 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a logical way to measure a penis now?

(If it were anything else I'd say the measurement you really want is along the centre, inside. Your method will only be accurate if the penis is dead straight, it'll underextimate for penii that curve up and over estimate for those that curve down (are there ones like that?))

― mei (mei), Friday, 11 June 2004 06:49 (twenty-two years ago)

surely the penis can be momentarily straightened while measuring, no? if not, then tough titties.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 11 June 2004 06:52 (twenty-two years ago)

If it's an erect penis you're talking about, and it really is erect, that would probably REALLY hurt!

― mei (mei), Friday, 11 June 2004 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

haha you thing the rabbit eard device looms alarming? PH34_R M|GHTY CL|TZ|LLA!!!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 11 June 2004 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

seven years pass...

How the hell did this thread wind up in my bookmarks??? I know it wasn't there yesterday, I'm pretty sure it wasn't there this morning. I was at work all day and now here it is!

― Je55e, Wednesday, 26 October 2011 02:32 (fourteen years ago)

Huh. My name appears in the thread, though not my name. How curious.

― Je55e, Wednesday, 26 October 2011 02:34 (fourteen years ago)

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