self-centered people who never ask you questions back in a conversation

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

so its all one-way:

how are you
hows things with you
hows work
hows such and such
how you feeling
how you liking that

with no questions being returned. people like that, even if they dont realise theyre doing it. really annoy me. in fact, when they dont realise theyre doing it, it makes it worse.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I think some people are just very bad at making conversation, it's not necessarily a case of being self-centered.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i agree in theory but i do get sick of being asked those same questions all the time (partly because I can't think of interesting replies a lot of the time) - only because often it seems people aren't genuinely interested, it's just small talk. I don't always ask those questions because the answers tend to be just as predictable.

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Sometimes it's just shyness. Or not wanting to be rude or intrusive, or honestly not knowing what questions to ask. I can be like this, though I try very hard not to be. I'm just crippled with this social paranoia about what questions I can and ask completely strangers - or even my friends.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm with stevem on this.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I have certain friends and we never ask each other these questions - just dive straight into conversation or ask other questions - it can seem aggressive/rude but I prefer it, and being friends it's not a big deal.

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe they don't want to sound like a ping-pong game.

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, but not everyone in the universe is your best friend that you can have that kind of rapour with.

Plus, even with the people that you know well enough to do that, there are still preliminary questions that you ask, even if it's "so what have you been listening to lately, gone to any good gigs, what about Top of the Pops last week, eh?!?!?" rather than asking about life and work and stuff.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

i probably should have been more specific. i didnt actually mean the questions i posed above, i meant questions in general. or back and forth conversation at least, that doesnt sound like an interview. the q's i wrote above are generally banal.

and im actually referring to some family members who dont seem to have grasped the concept of conversation.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

see also:
mardy-ass muthafuckers who make snap judgements about people's shortcomings, never having walked a mile in the other person's shoes.

― g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

OTM g-kit.

im probably the last person who should be making a post like this, as i can be found guilty of doing what someone posted above as "Sometimes it's just shyness. Or not wanting to be rude or intrusive, or honestly not knowing what questions to ask. I can be like this, though I try very hard not to be. I'm just crippled with this social paranoia about what questions I can and ask completely strangers - or even my friends."

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

those questions are fine tho, more specific = seem more like the asker is genuinely interested in the person's response. How many times are you asked 'how are you?' and how many times do you not say 'fine' even when you're not? I know it's nice, but it's also useless, unless both parties are honest and if the response is 'great! because...' or 'terrible! because...' the conversation continues constructively...

x-post x4

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

When it is with family members, it's shyness a thousand-fold, especially with me. In fact, it's doubly awkward because then it starts to feel like a familial inquisition, rather than a conversation. And there's nothing that you really *can* ask back, and you want to even less because the conversation feels so awkward.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i have a sibling who is not good at asking questions in return, or even giving the answers. i used to ask where he was going and he'd just say 'out'. maybe he caused/fought crime on the streets...sadly I think the reticence to communicate properly is a family trait. My old dear doesn't half go on a bit tho ;)

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

still, self centredness is self-centredness. when all you want to do is talk about yourself all day and night, with little care for anyone else, then its tiring for the people youre with.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

The worst thing is my father and I doing the whole 'how's things? yeh good, you? yeh good' routine - I tell him how I'm feeling and what I'm up to but I never really seem to get a level return despite enquiring. Maybe his life just isn't that interesting..or he feels that it isn't...it will never seem right perhaps.

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

What I am trying to say is, it's not necessarily a sign of self centredness.

Maybe the person does't actually WANT you to be asking all those questions! Maybe they feel like a bloody butterfly on a pin!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

oh i get that from my parents on the whole. dont discuss work with them anymore cos it just meets with blank perplexed stares. ditto for most of my family members, really.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

hold on masonic black hole person, if i didnt ask those questions, then there would be no conversation! or it would just be me blathering on and on about nonsense!

then again, these partic. people, i feel the need to ask them bits and bobs - nothing insanely personal by the way, cos if i didnt, they would likely be met with complaints that im too quiet!

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Sometimes I feel shy to ask friends simple questions because I'm embarrassed that I don't already know the answer. I've been making a conscious effort though lately to fill in the blanks about my friends' histories and families. The other night it kind of backfired when I asked a friend who I usually talk about politics and culture with "Did you get along with your father?" The question made him really uncomfortable and he shifted the convo back to the superficial. There are some friends who don't seem to want to share much about themselves, who would rather keep it about what's on TV or what they're listening to.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Why excuse shy people? Those fuckers get away with murder, fuck them!

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

OTM maria d and dadaismu (kinda).

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Shy people often ARE very self-centred, when you get right down to it

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

That might be true, but if it is, self centredness is not a crime, you know.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost
Well, duh. They're overly concerned about what others are thinking about them, not so much about what they're thinking about others.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

so its all one-way:
how are you
hows things with you
hows work
hows such and such
how you feeling
how you liking that
with no questions being returned. people like that, even if they dont realise theyre doing it. really annoy me. in fact, when they dont realise theyre doing it, it makes it worse.

-- splooge (sploogeyo...), August 12th, 2004 3:05 PM. (later)

are they going on and on and on about themselves though? or just answering and then not asking questions back? if it's the latter maybe they just don't want to talk to you and is hoping that you'd go away! (if it's the former then yeah, self centred fucks)

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I might be one of these "self-centered" people a lot of times, but I think it's mainly because I'm a poor conversationalist with people I don't know well or don't share much in the way of interests with. I just go blank and can't think of anything to say or ask.

― na (Nick A.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Not a crime but not very pleasant for the rest of the human race really

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

but its not a self centredness because they think theyre so great and arent interested in anyone else, its shyness because theyre scared theyre not that great and noone else is interested in them.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I like when Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie reply with "Do you love it?" to simple statements like "I'm 17."

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

splooge OTM

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Thinking you're so great and thinking you're crap are two sides of the same coin, Confucius say

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

not the SAME side though.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Confucius also say, "NIGGA GIMME THEM CHEESE PUFFS!"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you didn't give enough description of what was going on.

If they are going on and on at great length about themselves, then that is rude. I'm more guilty of the one-word stuttered answers and then awkward silence while I try to think of what to say.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry, did you say something?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Can we talk about me now?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Outgoing people tend to just be more interested in what's going on around them -- they get out of themselves and stop worrying about whether they're great or crap.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

i made this post, you selfish fuxors, it's all about me.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost
Hey spooge - how's such and such?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

ok.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

ummmmm

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you love it?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

well yknow...

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

i love to love it.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm fine, thanks.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

This is where I would probably start going on and on about myself.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought you already had

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

lets say if i gave you an essay length reply, would you be going on and on about yourself?

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe i can sometimes be a shy fuxor, especially when i think people expect me to be going on and on, that i do the opposite.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm trying to reform myself, so when I realise I've filled an awkward gap by talking about my family or job or something, I try to say a mental "stop" and ask "so how's your job going?" or something like that.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

actually im not really a shy person, just a little quiet in those occasions.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Were you shy as a kid?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

not really. maybe as a teen. not as a kid though, definitely not.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I was, it pretty much sucked, tho at least I knew when to keep my mouth shut, unlike now (!)

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you shy now?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

hi maria, aka caring shrink, i can be, probably around new people sometimes. i want to go back to my big mouth days. oh how i miss those times!

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

caring shrink!! ha ha!! I had written a post about myself and then caught myself and then instead asked a question!! ha ha!!

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I was shy as a kid, but now I just talk a lot of crap when I get going, but some days it's just not there. Do I ask people stuff at FAPs? I dunno, I hope so. I usually answer questions about myself with "you knows" "and stuff" and airy fairy hand wafting.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

This is where I confess (again) that I think I'm an introvert and then everyone points and laughs.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm shy, by the way. Depends on the situation, though. I'm an awkward conversationalist and I have the red-face syndrome. I've been trying to learn tricks for keeping conversations with people I don't know going. I've always had an aversion to small talk, but I'm starting to figure out how to move it to move interesting ground.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"move it to more"

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

*points and laughs*

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey you're mean! ;-)

The trick with small talk -- not that I have a foolproof way -- is to find something to focus on and develop the conversation more. But it all depends if one person says something that the other can pick up on, and maybe that opportunity never quite arises. The other night an attempt to that failed alas, basic two line exchanges as part of a larger group at a good local bar, but said other person was friendly enough and apologized for feeling very tired.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Sometimes the clue to being an introvert who is thought of as an extravert is to know *when* to be social, and to know when *not* to be social, as pointed out on that other thread that I am rapidly derailing.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

like ned, if i told friends i thought i was an introvert, 95% of them would probably laugh too. at least i hope they would. i think.

family is probably another matter.

maria, let's hear the post about yourself!

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd agree with Kate there. I DO have my introvert moods, and I don't expect people to mindread, that would be unfair. Sometimes I really look forward to meeting up with others but other times I have to kick myself into action to do that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

There's a friend of mine who does this, and will physically position themselves in front of other people in conversation so-as to cut them off so they can be inserted as the dominant social character. For years I've been frustrated with it, but if I bring it up to the rest of my friends they will defend this person and inform me that 'this is just how s/he' is. I find this incredibly frustrating, and have made the analogy of an alcoholic's wife as 'enabler,' though this doesn't win me many accolades. </rant>

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I am an introvert, that test (biggs-myers? myers-briggs?) told me so.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyone claims they're shy

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

... well not everyone, but you know what I mean, more than actually are

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot what I was going to say about myself. I do truly struggle with the red-face thing, though. I'll have days when it's awful. And then I start thinking "oh no, when I get up to the counter to pay, my face is going to turn red" and then I start sweating. I just blushed thinking about it. I guess it's not as bad as stuttering.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't claim to be shy now, tho that may just be because I was SO shy before

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Red face is quite sweet

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe you should stop / start drinking, M?

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost
not when it's happening to you ~ though when I notice other people blush, I think it's sweet. I try to remember this while the beads of sweat are popping out of my nose and my glasses are fogging.

I stop/start drinking on a daily basis ;)

The red-face thing doesn't bother me for long periods until I think about it again. Today I'll probably blush.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Now i've turned this thread into one about me. See how self-centered shy people are?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

im meeting lots of new people tonight.

*toasts*

cheers!

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeremy, do you like to drink?
Splooge, what do you like to drink?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

See how self-centered shy people are?

YOU HORRIBLE PERSON.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeremy: How are you liking your drink?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Splooge: How is your drink making you feel?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

My idea of an ideal day would be to have no one say "How are you doing?" (including times when that just means "hello," which is even more irritating anyway).

― Rockist_Scientist (rockist_scientist), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Drink splooge...no, wait a minute...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

x-posts to maria and dada, right now im drinking a coffee, but later tonight, when im meeting new people, i will be drinking my fave drink, which is JD and coke, pref. doubles. i also like shots of various sorts, maria. i also like girly drinks like smirnoff ice and bacardi breezers.

maria/dada, what do you like to drink?

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost
Maybe "What are you doing?" would be better. Followed of course by "do you love it?"

These days I'm liking the Magic Hat. I usually stay away from the hard stuff cuz I can't be trusted. Definitely not shy when drunk.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

me neither.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, I'm with that!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

But sometimes have awkward times when during the light of day when I'm feeling shy and I run into someone with whom I was not shy by dark of night. Not talking sex. When drunk I can get very outward and entertaining (I'm told).

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

i try t rephrase whats going on, or what goes on, or how doing you, how goes it, but that just sounds even worse. its like youre trying to cover up the fact you have nothing better to say.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I tried "what's new?" for a day, but it seemed not to garner real responses. For a few days I would answer the inane "how are you doing?" question with "you know how I roll"

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

maria, i had that exact problem the other week, met up with somoene i havent seen in about 4 years at a friends birthday bash, got on amazingly well, as if we were best buddies, talked all night, combusted with laughter all night, then for some reason met up with them the next day as they were near where i was staying, and it was just weird. she was really sweet though, and said i should come round again. i havent emailed her since, but i might do. it might have just been the awkwardness of worrying if i could live up to my intoxicated self!

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not shy when I'm drunk, but I'm not necessarily shy when I'm sober. I do become really verbose when I'm beering, but if I have - say - an Old Fashioned or some other sippable mixed drink I end up quite contemplative.

If it's a beer or two, I'm a total snob:

Dogfish Head: Raison D'Etre
anything by Ommegang
and Schlitz, which I like in spite of myself.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

this post is taking a somewhat self centred turn.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

she was probably worrying about the same thing -- whether she was as easy to talk to as she was the night before.

x-post - Belgian beer rules. My fave has got to be Orval.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I think we've all learned a bit about each other.
*points at Ned and laughs*

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Have we Maria, have we really? Or is this just an illusion of contrived intimacy? Ehh? **Becoming agitated**

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I just learned that you're easily agitated.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

This is an on-line message board. Of course it's an illusion of intimacy.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

So what is it you like about Schlitz?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

The cheapness, and quite a few good associations. It isn't terrible for a super-light beer, and it does, in fact, have a kiss of the hops.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Hops, mmmm. Have you ever smelled fresh hops? I used to brew -- we tried picking wild hops and brewing with them, but they were too bitter.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

*points at Ned and laughs*

*weeps*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

*blushes*

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

:-D

Anyway, you are clearly cool, as is Scott = Rufus is THE COOLEST KID EVAH. Who isn't Charlotte in NYC.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Speaking of the cool males with whom I associate (and am thereby cool by association), did Scott mention on any of the threads that Rufus (20 months old) called 911 the other day? He was playing with the phone. Next thing we knew, there were 2 police cruisers at our house. They were glad to find us all happy and well -- I think they were half expecting to find a baby in some horrific situation.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

but seriously how is everyone?

(Rufus is a cool name btw! :)

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i like Rufus too

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

tho kids at school may replace the R with a D all too readily

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

(was it inspired by bill and ted?)

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Some people in my family thought it was a horrible name when we mentioned it as a possibility before he was born. Now that he is Rufus, they've grown to love the name. He's named after Gen. Rufus Saxton, Scott's great-great-uncle (google "Rufus Saxton").

Yeah, Dufus. We call him that lovingly sometimes. Every name is easy to bastardize.

I'm good, jel. I'm listening to Pedro the Lion. I should be working.

What are you?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

What are you is a doozee of a question, I'm an x-posting fool most of the time! I was listening to Helloween, but now I am going to have dinner.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I love the smell of hops. (xxxpost--Rufus is a cool name, I agree...)

"How are you?" isn't annoying in itself--the intention of it is just to draw the other person out, but it's a shallow enough question that my answer (like many others') is "okay". Okay means, still breathing, haven't had a nervous breakdown, yay.

The initial thought about self-centered people--I immediately thought about certain friends I have who just talk on and on about things in their life, in such a way that I can't get a word in edgewise. I might have lots going on in my own life that I might want to talk about, but it can feel like a major effort to switch from all-about-friend to hi-I-exist-too-this-is-what's-up-with-me. I hate that.

On the other hand, sometimes I don't want to think about what's up with me and just want to listen to stuff about other people's lives, so my friends probably get mixed messages about that from me.

Lots of people on this thread OTM about various things, but I've forgotten who, because it's a long thread...

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost
bon appetite! I just had some chicken soup with leftover rice and veggies mixed in. Yum.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyone on earth is probably guilty of being self-absorbed at times. It's natural. I am curious about other people and what they are up to though, and I like when people ask me stuff about myself. That's only natural too. I have always tried to steer clear of people who are ONLY interested in themselves. They can get pretty boring. And they usually don't have a lot of interesting things to say about the rest of the world.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Comments on this related thread would be welcomed:

Greeting Conventions

― Rockist_Scientist (rockist_scientist), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost to Scott
Thanks for the soup!

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

As for the greeting conventions, I agree that eye contact is important when saying hello.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

sometimes i'm guilty of spotting an acquaintance in the grocery store or wherever and i don't feel like saying hello and making some awkward small talk so i avoid eye contact and pretend i didn't see them. sometimes i wish they issued masks at the entrance of my local grocery store.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, that's annoying, getting trapped like that when you're feeling antisocial/tired. I am not good at escaping those sort of situations and probably end up coming across as sort of bitchy to such people.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyone on earth is probably guilty of being self-absorbed at times. It's natural.

YOU DAMNED EGOMANIAC.

I try and be cheery in those 'i am antisocial/tired' moments when I am out and about. How to quietly flee is important.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't like asking the standard who/what/when/where/why/a/s/l inverted-pyramid sort of questions straightaway because I always feel put on the spot when people do that to me. Besides, I'm less interested in the specifics of someone's vital stats than what kind of ideas and opinions they have about things. So I try to ease the biographical questions into the natural conversational flow.

I usually am interested in other people. I'm glad to let them talk if they're talkative sorts. Sometimes I interject with a question, sometimes I don't. I'm really more intuitive than inquisitive.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 12 August 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like shit when I realize people have been asking how I am and I haven't responded in kind.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 12 August 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

hows such and such
how you feeling
how you liking that

Yeah, I hate those questions. I prefer:

How's that such and such working for you, baby?
How you feeling down there? Good?
How you liking that, bitch? Huh? HUH?

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Thursday, 12 August 2004 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Shitty jokes aside, there's a fair bit to agree on here, and Rufus is a nice name. peeps be cruel.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Thursday, 12 August 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Im wondering why conversations have to be give and take questions at all! Why not just talk *about* something? OK it might not work with a stranger, but kicking into a "so, I saw this thing on the news about bla bla" and swinging into some silly/good convo that way always works with me and mine.

Also, whenever people ask me "how are you", I TELL THEM. I tell them I'm tired, or angry, or happy, and I tell them in detail.

That'll learn em. Dont ask if you dont wanna know! >:)

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 12 August 2004 22:12 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post, im not a fan of non stop locked in eye contact. i prefer to lock in, veer off a little, then come right back.

anyway, hope everyone is fine this morning.

― splooge (thesplooge), Friday, 13 August 2004 07:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm a little sleepy today - went to see a late showing of Manchurian Candidate and then our drunk neighbor stopped by. Did you have fun last night? How do you feel today?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 13 August 2004 12:11 (twenty-one years ago)

last night started off really well, left home after having two malibu and oranges, then got to the bar after meeting my gf, then went to meet all her co-workers. which was nice actually, was feeling nice and tipsy and quite :)

when we got to the restaurant however, the drinks started going the opposite, non happy way and i found my self looking everywhere but the table, at other girls (though i dont think anyone noticed this, i hope), her boss's blouse, and wondering if a group of corporate workers could be any more mediocre and boring. i might just be tired this week, but i think im turning into an anti socialite, almost proudly so. apart from saying i looked bored and unhappy as the night progressed, my gf said she had a good night. so the night gets a general )-| to :) rating.

how was manchurian candidate?

― splooge (thesplooge), Friday, 13 August 2004 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i feel a bit lame typing such self-engrossed things, i think im going to have to stop, get a stern grip, before i turn into someone i dont want to be.

― splooge (thesplooge), Friday, 13 August 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, venting is always good, sir. No matter what the forum!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 August 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

venting is one thing, feeling like your brain has been pulped through the namby pamby filter is another entireley!

― splooge (thesplooge), Friday, 13 August 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel embarrassed raising this but, do you think there might be class differences operating here? I mean I get the impression, with my older relatives, that they were just never expected to converse, that they never really learnt how, and I mean they did literally work in the fields, as flower pickers. And my father works in a manual labour trade where conversation isn't encouraged. When there's a family meal, I have to lead the conversation by asking polite questions and things, but that's because I had the opportunity to read lots of (fiction) books (by members of the upper classes) where they show you how conversations at tables are supposed to run, and what the basic rules of politeness are. I really don't feel like I can blame my family for not understanding how to speak to each other, even though it can be boring.

― --, Saturday, 14 August 2004 00:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I was away from the computer all day. A rare day, but quite nice. Took my son to a pond where he played with other kids. Then tonight made angel hair pasta with veggies all out of my garden and pesto from my basil with shrimp probably caught near here. Yum! Four friends over for dinner.

Manchurian Candidate was excellent. I don't remember the original because I watch movies and promptly forget them, so I can't get into the argument about remaking something that was already perfect. I go in for conspiracy theories, so it fed that paranoia of mine.

As for your night, sometimes it's important to just be there for your gf -- if necessary entertain yourself by looking at other girls (that's harmless) -- no shame in finding company mediocre.

It's funny on this thread how we're embarrassed to seem self-engrossed.

-- --, you're probably on to something about the class differences. Some people feel so uncomfortable with a moment of silence while others feel uncomfortably yakkity-yakking.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Saturday, 14 August 2004 04:33 (twenty-one years ago)

uncomfortable=uncomfortable

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Saturday, 14 August 2004 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I meant to correct the typo "uncomfortablY"

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Saturday, 14 August 2004 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

[removed by request]

anyway i have other friends who don't ask me questions about my life and it doesn't bother me as much cos they are shy. and sometimes i feel like that too, you know, i just don't know the right questions to ask to get conversation flowing freely. to the person who reckons that a lot of people who claim to be shy aren't, its worth asking why (some) extrovert people are the way they are. some of them, in social situations, act because they are uncomfortable with talking to people.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 14 August 2004 04:51 (twenty-one years ago)

this reminds me of something snkr said to grhm, a while ago, that made me sad.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 14 August 2004 05:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm usually a shy lurker, but this thread struck a chord with me.

You know what they say about how good conversationalists hardly talk themselves, but instead encourage other people to talk?

I'm the sort of person who's only too happy to blather on and on about me and what I think and what I like, but unless I'm with close friends, I stifle that in favour of trying to be a "good conversationalist". Of course, if the other person's asking, I'll give whatever answer I think is appropriate, but I agree with whoever wrote: I feel like shit when I realize people have been asking how I am and I haven't responded in kind.

And of course, almost every time I've tried this lately, I either get the self-centred prat who pisses me off or the colourless bore who exhausts me. I can usually sense if someone's just a bit shy though, and try to be a bit more patient in the hope that they'll warm up.

― syntaxfree (syntaxfree), Saturday, 14 August 2004 05:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll warm you up, bungo.

― Fonzy, Saturday, 14 August 2004 07:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"How do you want it? How does it feel?"

"Growin up as a nigga in the cash game, livin in the fast lane now, for real"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 14 August 2004 09:12 (twenty-one years ago)

The other way around:

I can go on and ask ppl endlessly about their lives, without giving the other ANY opportunity to even ASK me anything.

that comes with my biggest fear: ppl asking me how I am, I habve that question.

― erik, Saturday, 14 August 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Isnt't this also known as 'being a good listener'?

― Alba (Alba), Saturday, 14 August 2004 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

(that was an answer to the original question)

― Alba (Alba), Saturday, 14 August 2004 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

(actually it was more like a question to the original answer)

― Alba (Alba), Saturday, 14 August 2004 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

He said selflessly.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 14 August 2004 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

What if all your questions start with "Am I right in thinking that...?"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 14 August 2004 11:09 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.