How do you feel today?

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I feel like crying my eyes out for no good reason really.

Thanks for asking.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Super!
Thanks for asking.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Glad to hear it.

You're welcome.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel I deserve better.

― Harold Media (kenan), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel hungry and restless, and still annoyed from nearly eating a wasp this morning.

― Cathy (Cathy), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm bored and aggravated. Even more annoying, I'm too scatterbrained to make myself do something that will solve the problems I've identified so far. Sucks to be inside my own head.
:^P

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I was feeling okay, then I wasn't feeling quite so okay, then I felt okay again. My hands and arms kinda ache, like they are rusting, hmmm, not nice. Right now, I feel hungry.

ps. hope you feel less like crying soon penelope.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been feeling slightly sick all day. I've been drinking too much recently, what with it being summer.

― Wooden (Wooden), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

achy too much coffeee

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Autumnal. Kinda.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you, Jel. Actually, I DO know what's making me feel so sad. A beautiful, gifted, clever, 14 year old girl I know, died last week from cystic fibrosis and I just can't manage to shake off the tragedy of it all and the what's it all about questions.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

:-( I'm terribly sorry to hear that, Penelope. Sounds truly awful.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks, Ned, it is, especially for her devastated parents and brother left behind who also has the disease.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

*shakes head* I have no philosophical advice to give there beyond platitudes -- so I will spare you them.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel ok, a little frustrated and under-monied perhaps, but it feels like I've finally shrugged off my inertia and have some (eventual) direction and possible happiness on the horizon.

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

cranky, jealous and groggy before I got to my new apt and took a nap. Now I'm dandy. Sleep is good.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

pissed off

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

and VENGEFUL

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Against?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

AND ALL YOUR KIND

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Overwhelmed. Disconnected. Exhausted. Gassy.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

no, just work people, actually

sorry if I scared you, Ned :(

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm headachy and overall-achy and tired, but I keep grinning anyway. Just...because.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been in meetings for two days straight so I'm tired and bored and sick of people.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

i have been feeling really stupid lately

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

shitty.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel awful. I don't know why. Just overwhelmingly sad and depressed and nostalgic and lethargic.

― kyle (akmonday), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel awful and I know why, which sucks.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm anxious. stressed. my grandmother is getting worse (i just found out last night from my mom). i don't know what i'm *doing* with me life.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Paranoid as hell because Ghana could be shaking and earthquaking "any time from now".

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like kyle.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

OH NO I'M GONNA DIE OH NO

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm just feeling blank. I wouldn't mind a big iced coffee type of thing. And a nap. And a hug.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Last night I had some weird emotional breakdown and then couldn't sleep and then ended up sleeping on the couch most of the night and woke up with a headache...which makes it weird that most of the day I've felt more alert and awake than usual. I, uh, actually feel pretty good. Huh. Maybe I need to sleep less.

― eat fudge banana swirl (Nick A.), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I recommend and endorse Sony's "Playstation 2" product.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

You can all e-mail me your woes and I will reply back with an e-shoulder to cry on.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I recommend and endorse Google's fabulous new "Gmail" service.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Manic. Slightly dizzy. Wanting, more than anything, to run away.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't fear the Reaper anymore.

― andy, Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

It's almost like *I* posted this.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, I made myself respond to two job ads; this represents a baby step toward solving one of my identified problems.

In the meantime, Penelope, a decent young person dying under particularly pointless circumstances is a legitimate reason to want to cry.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I spoke too soon about being dandy. Annoying patrons and (for the lack of a better phrase) stinkin' thinkin' are status quo enough that it won't necessarily wreck my mood, but someone just dropped off three books that smell distinctly of KFC.

I didn't need to be reminded of how good chicken is.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Remember, chicken is good.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I HAVE NO ACCESS TO THE COLONEL'S WARES!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

No one has e-mailed me looking for an e-shoulder. I was looking forward to bringing cheer into the world.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

mandee, how about e-buttz

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I should email Mandee but I'm feeling too lousy.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Right now all I'm giving out is e-shoulder, Jon.

Stence, tell me your woes.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

tired, achy, and congested, but i've got a spring in my step because my temp assignment just ended and unless instructed otherwise i have JACK SHIT to do for the rest of the week. i just cracked open a beer.

the bad news is that i had received a message asking me if i wanted to make $85 for a two-hour focus group thing, but when i called back to say hell yeah i'll do it, they said they were looking for women who'd just gotten married. i should have lied. fuck.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I sent you a friendster message, Mandee.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Fucking angry.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks for the e-shoulder, Mandee. You are a treat.

Still bummed though. Not even Badfinger's "Carry On" can bring me up today.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

After hearing of Penelope's sadness, I'm reminded of similar incidents in my life (no-one close to me, thank goodness) and of the way they make me feel about mortality, illness, charity and children. I'm so sorry for your loss.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I e-hug you, Boots.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like a spider: I should be afraid of you, but you are afraid of me.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Tired. Bit stressed because I can't do my assignment.

― Dirty Muriel (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks, J.Lu & Mark

I've had a good bawl so I'm all cried out, for tonight at least.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I bought official PS2 game PRINCE OF PERSIA because work sent me to Best buy so now I am teh happy.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sad because of the things that will never be.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel both totally awesome and yet overwhelmed with the desire to bang my head on a table repeatedly.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

don't

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Underwhelmed

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I am happy because my new apt allows me to surf the net on the couch AND has a freezer. It's also well lit and the walls are actually conducive to artwork (previous ones were slanted and the texture was spiky). So I've got me a big Yeah Yeah Yeahs poster I got for free today. Karen, oh...

There's something to be said for abstaining from simple pleasures (like, say, immediate access to ice) for a year. Coke, ice, net, comfy seat...woot.

I'm sure this serenity will last for at least two hours.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm good

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 06:09 (twenty-one years ago)

good, good.

i'm not so great. writing an appeal to have my suspension from college revoked. the first appeal was rejected. so this is pretty much teh last chance.

but Wings is on nickatnite soon!

― artdamages (artdamages), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 06:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Tired, achy and fed up with work, same as every day lately. Wanting to sit in the sun in a clean house and write stuff, rather than come home in the dark to a shitty stinky house that needs cleaning up and have nothing to do but cook dinner and die on the couch raarrr ok I'm better now :(

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 06:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Angry, mostly. And filled with rage and hatred. It's like all the love that I had in me has rotted on the vine and turned to bitter vinegar and I'm filled with anger and hatred and rage.

And also very, very scared. I got the appointment for my biopsy/lumpendectomy - it's next week. It feels like forever that I've been waiting for it, and now it's so close, I don't have enough time to get my head around it. I'm very scared. Not of dying, I've never been afraid of dying, but I'm scared of pain and I'm scared of losing the mobility in my hands, like my mother did.

But this probably needs to go on another thread.

Sorry you're feeling terrible, Penelope. Sometimes the only thing you can do is cry.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel terrible.

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Really sorry to hear about this Kate. I hope the lump turns out to be benign.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I've felt better.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Exhausted. Still in a panic about getting all my stuff moved out by the end of the month. I'm supposed to write performance evaluations for my staff, and I really don't want to do it. Hell, I don't want to do any work whatsoever. Sleep is easy, but actual rest is scarce.

Working on a couple glasses of wine and watching Riot On Sunset Strip

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:08 (twenty-one years ago)

like garbage. like a rutting pig. like a hollow vessel ... like ... you get the idea.

― jewelly (jewelly), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:11 (twenty-one years ago)

another night of interrupted sleep again last night (rain rather than car alarm) so a bit tired. was told to work on something completely different from what i've been working on for the last 4 months yesterday too, stuff i'm not particularly keen on or qualified for (whilst the stuff i've been working on has been given to someone else who also isn't particularly keen on it or qualified for it)

and the tv schedules are kinda odd now. BB5 finished leaving a big hole and BBC is obsessed with the olympics and CSI is all repeats and this has, i dunno, upset my cicadian rhythms somehow, a 'between stools' feeling. and everything i've been listening to recently has been from years ago (revolving paint dream, bunnymen, prolapse, quickspace). i dunno, i have some kind of living in the past thing going on, hard to explain.

i guess if that's all that's wrong i'm kinda lucky...

― koogs (koogs), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Cicadian rhythms? Are you off to sleep for 17 years, Andy?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope you feel better today, Penelope.

― Cathy (Cathy), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

There was a terrific downpour earlier on during which we heard a huge bang - lightning hitting something, we think. I still have that post-adrenalin feeling and am a bit twitchy.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 13:59 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry, I had a pie and peas for lunch

― Porkpie (porkpie), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks, Cathy, I do. Amazing what a good cry can clear out.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorta sleepy really. But there's a dinner and movie planned with friends tonight, so yay! (I realize in comparison to everything else this is sorta mindlessly cheery but hey, it is how I feel right now -- good thought to all those who need them.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

crabby before, now moderately drunk and pretty happy.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Spread far too thin. This morning I awoke after a big whopping hour and a half of sleep to my alarm clock (on my cellphone) going batshit, hitting snooze repeatedly, frustratedly, thinking for some reason it was constantly paging me with Olympics updates.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuzzy but wired around the edges: too much coffee drunk in order to combat 5-hour sleep because I went to see my friends' swanky new flat and ended up drinking wine and talking rubbish until 1 a.m. Going to get a haircut after work, so excited but slightly apprehensive about that.

I hope all who've been having bad times or even mildly crappy ones are doing better or can see light that is not from an approaching train at the end of the tunnel.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

> Cicadian rhythms? Are you off to sleep for 17 years, Andy?

you learn something new every day, i guess, i'd never realised they were two different things. what a minefield, one little character and a 620500% difference.

― koogs (koogs), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

overwhelmed

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

glum and sluggish. though excited at the prospect of getting drunk and watching football with friends down the pub later.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

happy! my landlord just returned the shower curtain I knew I left at my old apt (as well as a box of mac and cheese I didn't know I had). plus Greg Dulli is covering Mary J. Blige on my stereo, making it sound like everything else he's done since 1996. What a goofball.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Today I feel quite good!! Going record shopping on Friday! yay!

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"Thank you, Jel. Actually, I DO know what's making me feel so sad. A beautiful, gifted, clever, 14 year old girl I know, died last week from cystic fibrosis and I just can't manage to shake off the tragedy of it all and the what's it all about questions."

You don't know me, but I'm REALLY sorry to hear that. I mentioned on an ILM thread that my most recent ex-girlfriend is a 25-year-old with CF, and while we don't talk anymore (long story,that), I'm always going to wonder and worry about her.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a bad headache, which is making me cranky towards everyone and everything.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

that hamburger is keeping me from eating lunch

SO GROSS

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I WISH I had a bad headache that was making me cranky

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

not bad. I kicked a man.

― cºzen (Cozen), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom - hug?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel ok. I feel........OK!

work is good, have some money, going to cologne on friday. on the negative side writing is a total non event.

on the positive side I have been spending alot of time alone with my super big crush. on the negative side, she has a boyfriend. but on the positive side she said "we have a connection Ronan!".

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

actually physically I am shattered, I've had a weird flu which makes me feel like fainting or forces me to sit down for the last 2 weeks or so. It comes and goes, I figure late nights and stuff have been aggravating it, namely one massive all nighter the day after I got afflicted.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

yesterday i pushed myself hard on the bicycle, so i was tired & sore all night . . . but today i am excited! my boyfriend comes back tomorrow from spending three weeks away in england, i get paid on friday . . . i'm going to bake an apple raspberry pie tonight . . .

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Better than I have done for days, now. God bless the mighty triumverate of beer, music and football.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sure this will change in the morning though.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel kinda weirdly more exuberant. Maybe it was the coffee.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

bone tired.

― jess, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

No longer so paranoid, though I keep hearing Sarah Connor in my head, saying "Everything you see here is gone!" She also says "Kyle!" a lot too, which doesn't help my battered self esteem. Work's not too bad now, though. Kinda tired, but flushed with some feelings of (unwarranted) accomplishment.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Butt feels numb.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I see jess has been getting some action again

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

That was a quick 3 minutes.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Much better now.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 19 August 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

At this very moment, just fine. Around 1 pm today, however, I had an acute wish-I-was-dead moment as I stood at a payphone in the sweltering heat, dope sick, spending the last 50 cents I had only to get the (never checked) voicemail of The Man who could make it all better. I was sure I was gonna be sick all day but things worked out.

― Aaron A., Thursday, 19 August 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like I want some APPLE CRUMBLE.

― apple, Thursday, 19 August 2004 08:01 (twenty-one years ago)

asloosely flugged.

― Uh-Huh Him (Enrique), Thursday, 19 August 2004 08:05 (twenty-one years ago)

i feel gross

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

One day later and I still have the headache. Maybe my brain is going to explode in an entertaining fashion.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i also have a headache courtesy of last nights helpings of beer and vodka lime, which i haven't shaken off even with the aid of painkillers.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Really, really not like working. I feel wound-up and primed to shout at people (plus ca change, maybe). I feel *resentful* that I'm expected to do a crappy PA job to keep my career on track. I'll be fine tomorrow, I'm sure, but grrrr.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:20 (twenty-one years ago)

This morning, stressed out and pissed off. Now, considerably more relaxed and glad that tomorrow is Friday.

― eat fudge banana swirl (Nick A.), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan you're going to that Kompakt thing?!?!

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope he is!! go ronan!

― cºzen (Cozen), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorta groggy. Really need to get a good night's sleep tonight, or on Friday at least.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

did i read this right?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

depends, whose voice are you hearing when you read it?

― cºzen (Cozen), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

big bird

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel weird today. I spend most of yesterday crying, but then I started writing. I wrote a "column" type thing, vaguely intending it for publication, for the first time in a year. Then after a few hours, decided it was rubbish.

I feel like I have to learn how to be myself again, all over from scratch. I feel overwhelmed.

I still feel angry and filled with hatred towards Joe, but I'm trying to cut the fingers off the emotion, to keep it from climbing into my boat and wrecking it.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:46 (twenty-one years ago)

sick

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:52 (twenty-one years ago)

yep cozen/stevem I'm going to Cologne today. I am now writing a Dizzee review then I have to pack and stuff.

I feel very tired cos after I went out on a "hot date" with my friend who has a boyfriend, I missed the last bus and went out to a club and did some drugs to help me feel more positive about my "hot date".

It sort of worked, not that I was too negative, but now I'm so so so tired.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:53 (twenty-one years ago)

THE BUZZ.

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:57 (twenty-one years ago)

i feel like throwing up. will starbucks make it better, or worse?

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 20 August 2004 10:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Starbucks makes just about everything better. Mmmmm.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Friday, 20 August 2004 10:10 (twenty-one years ago)

deflated, worried, but otherwise great

― Porkpie (porkpie), Friday, 20 August 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Hungover, disgruntled, slightly confused and deflated, and for some reason cold, despite it being a sunny day in Central London.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 20 August 2004 10:12 (twenty-one years ago)

really hungry, but looking forward to life. was feeling a bit sad this morning thinking about it being september again and last september was rubbish for more than one reason. This year has been mad but good but confusing.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 20 August 2004 10:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Bloody awful. Not looking forward to life. Felt pissed off this morning thinking about it being September again and having achieved fuck all since last September. This year has been shit.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 20 August 2004 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Except it's not September again for another fortnight.

So change that to:

Thinking about it being three years and having not moved on ONE INCH. In any way.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 20 August 2004 10:59 (twenty-one years ago)

My waist has expanded by more than one inch in the last year.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 20 August 2004 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll see that one and raise you one.

8 inches in 9 years - jeez can today get any better?

― Porkpie (porkpie), Friday, 20 August 2004 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I think my brain has shrunk by about four feet, around.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 20 August 2004 11:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, in answer to the question, it is Friday lunchtime and I have just had mac and cheese. A large proportion of the blood in my body has rushed to my stomach and I feel sluggish. There is a Cadbury's Caramel bar sitting in front of me right now. If I eat it, I will feel better, but more sluggish at the same time. I think I will eat it. Here's to another inch, eh?

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 20 August 2004 11:22 (twenty-one years ago)

eat it then jog round the office.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 20 August 2004 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't really have practical footwear on.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 20 August 2004 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Today, I feel okay, like the world's me oyster and I'm choosing to just leave it where it is, but anyway it's time for tea now.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 20 August 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I am super-annoyed by the child seeking attentino in my office; my motivation is to all intents and purposes zero (as I think I've done the last of today's key tasks; and I'm feeling ambivalent about my friend's wedding on Saturday because, as usual, I won't really know anyone there well and will meander from conversation to conversation with people who don't really want to talk to me.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 20 August 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm kinda tired and headachey but it's copacetic because it's Friday, the boss is out of the office, there's nothing urgent on my desk, and I ate two donuts.

― n.a. (Nick A.), Friday, 20 August 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

human

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Super excited and optimistic, but accompanyingly jittery and perfectionist. My apartment is approaching near virginal cleanliness and I'm running out of things to organize.

― LC, Saturday, 21 August 2004 02:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm ok. I plan to go hiking tomorrow, but it's supposed to rain (again). My problems are comparitively small right now.

― jim wentworth (wench), Saturday, 21 August 2004 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyone I know is abandoning me for others. There is one girl in the world I want to be with and she won't return my calls.

― Yeah (ModJ), Saturday, 21 August 2004 03:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Next question...

― Yeah (ModJ), Saturday, 21 August 2004 03:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't stop thinking about my ex. The last time I spoke to her was on the phone back at the end of March during a post-breakup-let's-clear-the-air-about-everything phone call. Bad move - things degenerated into an email fight, and now we don't speak. I'm furious at her for the things she said, but I miss her terribly.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 21 August 2004 07:26 (twenty-one years ago)

my head really really hurts! i shouted FUCK ARSE DICK WANKER TWAT repeatedly for 20 minutes earlier as i woke up.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 21 August 2004 08:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to watch the Olympics all day, but I have stuff to do and fitness to achieve. Boo.

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 21 August 2004 08:23 (twenty-one years ago)

tired/spaced. vague feeling of impending doom.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 21 August 2004 09:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Good. I got woken up this morning by the news that I have won £100!

― Cathy (Cathy), Saturday, 21 August 2004 12:26 (twenty-one years ago)

actually not too bad, although my dad's driving me up the wall with his nagging and lecturing (about money, what else?)

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 21 August 2004 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Awakening.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 21 August 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

cathy was awarded £100, which is a fancier and more reasoned win.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Cathy, a proper £100 (premium bonds?) or some dodgy lottery scam thing?

I'm feeling okay - mixing housework with following the Olympics and the footie. I like to multi-task :) I went for a 75 minute bike ride this morning, and I feel pretty fit - and my tummy bulge is definitely smaller. So, pretty decent right now.

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

proper, as a prize, for excellence, in french.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

My feelings of awful, awful, awfulness re: ex-girlfriend are aggravated by me finding out she's dating a guy I know.

Also, I'm working my day job on a Saturday, after about 4 hours of sleep. Thank God I didn't drink any more than I did last night.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Lethargic. Congested. I keep thinking: why do I bother staying alive any more? It's not as if I'm ever going to do anything with myself.

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Come now, Caitlin, yer a spiffy person. Besides which, I am planning on visiting Glasgow again next year and it would be fun to have a chat and a drink with all you kind folks there.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I've moved away from Scotland. I'm now in the great agricultural wilderness that is eastern England.

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Does Norwich shimmer in the distance?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 21 August 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh, no. I'm near Grimsby, which is quite a long way from there too. Hell, it's a long way from everywhere.

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Like my legs are going to be aching soon. I played tennis with Rob and Ken, then Ken and I wandered down to a different place to play table tennis. I'm not used to so much exercise.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

England won, Spurs won, finally saw I Robot. I'm good.

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 21 August 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

hung over.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 21 August 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Restless. I wish I was in Dublin or London, because that's where most of my friends live. But no, I'm in fucking Mississippi. Every time I see a FAP thread I grit my teeth.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 21 August 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Relieved that my luggage has definitely arrived back from Tallinn and will be reunited with me in a few hours. Otherwise, a little tired but generally ok. Feeling quite in the mood for blogging.

― MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 21 August 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm amazed to *not* feel hung over. And plus, I'm eating these little peanut butter-chocolate-pretzel things that are of the Gods. I'm hyperactive. I feel like cleaning.

― Harold Media (kenan), Saturday, 21 August 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

In the mood for booze, and LOTS of it. I'm gonna drink myself into oblivion tonight, I know it.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Saturday, 21 August 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel fine today, didn't even get drunk last night. My friend who's staying with me, however, has got some weird food poisoning thing and has been puking all day. I feel incredibly sorry for him, and there's nothing I can do except bring him the odd glass of water and leave him be to groan, clutch his stomach and occaisonally throw up. I feel that I've somehow failed in my hostly duties. We were going to go to the Natural History Museum.

― Wooden (Wooden), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Since I started (and stopped) drinking earlier than usual today, I'm debating breaking my rule about only drinking socially and knocking some back in the solitude of my own apt. I know God doesn't count as a person but does ILX?

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 22 August 2004 23:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm having a sneaky solo beer myself before I go to bed.

― Wooden (Wooden), Sunday, 22 August 2004 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

not good, rather morose actually.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 22 August 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i feel awesome. and getting my wisdom teeth out seems to not only have improved my health, but my voice too.

― purple patch (electricsound), Sunday, 22 August 2004 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Hurrah! Now you really CAN sing that punk metal epic as promised. Get the swords.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 22 August 2004 23:25 (twenty-one years ago)

woohooo

― purple patch (electricsound), Monday, 23 August 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Still angry, still getting waves of hate directed at ex, occasional bursts of listlessness and general pointlessness. I really wish I'd stop feeling like this already. Impatient and bored. Dissatisfied and lethargic.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 23 August 2004 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Feeling very anxious. I have a tight feeling in my chest. A drive did nothing to relax me. While I was out I got some stuff to coat and kill the pain in the HUGE canker sore I have in my mouth so that's good. I wish I could sleep.

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 23 August 2004 07:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I am feeling cold and wet and pretty fucking pissed off. And the oppressive silence in the office this morning is really getting to me.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 23 August 2004 07:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I really feel like emailing or calling or writing him, and telling him that I actually hate him. I can't stand the fact that he thinks I still love him. But what would it solve? I remind myself that this way, I have whatever precious little moral high ground there is. Some day, it will penetrate his thick skull, what he has lost. But it's not up to me to tell him.

But go, it is SO HARD not to contact him just to tell him how much I have come to LOATHE him.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 23 August 2004 07:40 (twenty-one years ago)

That's only natural. I think you're better than sending him that kind of message right now, or any time. It's not a moral high ground issue, it's a maturity thing.

It's perfectly okay to hate him - something you posted earlier made me think you'd hit the crux of the matter; you said you didn't think he had any friends who weren't to do with youth or his career. And I know people have their tight crews from back in the day, but you can't go 15 plus years without some new blood that's your type. I think you're just hating him for his ignorance, which is a very fancy way of being disappointed in him. He already knows you're disappointed in him, so no real need for a bulletin.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I woke up and my hair was still neat, so today I feel okay!

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like hot fuse wire is being pulled through my digestive system. I have no idea at all what I have eaten to make this so.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, that doesn't sound like fun Anna :(

(plus I'm not at work today, which adds at least 76 points to the feelgood factor)

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks Jel. It hurts and I want it to go away.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't hate him for ignorance. What I hate him for is *using* people.

He just doesn't bother making an effort with anyone, unless he thinks that *he* can gain something from them - and he has a very narrow definition of what he can gain - sex, or his career. Apart from that, he's just a selfish, self centred, arrogant cunt.

An emotional vaccuum, just like his art.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Though I also feel slightly relieved that I only have to work two days this week, and then I don't work again for a week. Sucks that it's recuperation time, rather than a holiday, but still.

(Though, ARGH, I will miss the interweb while i'm not at work.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, it is ignorance purely because he's failed to see how that kind of superficiality doesn't actually get you anything like social or professional success. And then grumbles about not getting ahead for some reason that's honestly not his fault in the 'honest, guv' sense.

Also, dude kind of lives in a bubble. Has to be said. Can't even decide to bloody redecorate.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 23 August 2004 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Anna, it sounds like trapped wind. You can get stuff for it at Boots.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 23 August 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel better today than I did yesterday. Yesterday I went to the ER with a stabbing pain in my side. I thought it was an organ rupturing in true over-reacting style because I have contracted Lyme Disease from a tick bite and now my body feels like it's falling apart. They think it was just "myalgia" (muscle pain). Got prescribed some good painkillers though. Hoping the amoxicillin will shrink my lymph nodes back down to size. Going to nap now.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Monday, 23 August 2004 11:42 (twenty-one years ago)

feeling better this week after a nice weekend. and desperately looking forward to the long-long weekend (we get tuesday off as well, and i'm taking friday), which means this week and next week are both short. yay!

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 23 August 2004 11:58 (twenty-one years ago)

bad head. minor arthritis flare-up.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

semi-wrecked after playing 2 gigs at the weekend. Not enough sleep, too much ruinous west country ale, too many miles at the wheel.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:16 (twenty-one years ago)

You're still coming the GHS tomorrow though, right?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Not bad. Post-hungover, still not really able to think straight. Sore ankles, slight annoyance at increased weight, the usual low-level grumbles. Missing my gf a lot.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

**You're still coming the GHS tomorrow though, right?**

Damn right I am!

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:27 (twenty-one years ago)

is this the "thread where i say" thread for people who don't post on the "thread where i say" thread?

i'm okay. i'm at home, listening to hyped2death-style postpunk and '50s/'60s columbia-princeton electronics geekery. it's 9:45 and i haven't put on pants yet. good times.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

is this the "thread where i say" thread for people who don't post on the "thread where i say" thread?

I was thinking that ;)

Right now I just want to go straight home and sleep for about fourteen hours, but sadly another two and half hours of work have other ideas.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, well, there's a very specific reason that I don't post on the "thread where I say..." so this thread serves its purpose just fine for me.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 23 August 2004 12:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like I've just run out of patience and am going to stop trying to be nice to people because it gets me fucking nowhere. And I'm not just talking about ILx either.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 23 August 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

but where is not being nice getting you?

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Monday, 23 August 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

It's getting you quite far on ILX, Marcello. I hope you do keep it up.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 23 August 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a very very bad back (not helped by having to push the car of the account manager I went to a meeting with across four lanes of the Euston road after it ran out of petrol - it was bad before that, but after....) and it won't go away, even with double dosed pain killers

― Porkpie (porkpie), Monday, 23 August 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

everything aches

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 23 August 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

everything does ache.

now i'm watching a docmentary about kosovo and i'm getting all contemplative about death and whatnot.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 23 August 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

my head is throbbing like gristle

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 23 August 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I had THE GARGANTUAN over at Jimmy John's for lunch/dinner.

stuffed.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 23 August 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

pretty happy, considering it was my first day back at work after my holiday. It's not every day you get to eat green cake made in the shape of a giant gangrenous foot and drink champagne to celebrate the launch of a new book on dermatitis. And I got to speak to my long-term work crush for the first time.

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 23 August 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

FALLING

― sexyDancer, Monday, 23 August 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm ecstatic, actually. i have a ticket to london and a ticket to berlin and most importantly i'm eating a TUNNOCK'S CARAMEL WAFER (the best present i've been given in ages). i'm waiting for an anvil to fall on my head, or something like that.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 23 August 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Scared. But I spoke to the doctor on the phone this morning, so I am reassured that my lumpendectomy will be fine.

But I'm still scared. I just wish that I would stop dreaming about Joe. This fucks me off.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 07:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish someone would give me a Tunnock's Caramel Wafer.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Over to the bumsex thread for you, Ricky.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:07 (twenty-one years ago)

The only thing better than the Tunnocks Caramel Wafers are the Tunnocks Caramel Logs! I've only ever had them once, and I'm still not entirely sure they really exist. Whatever they were, they were delicious. But apparently, you can only get them in Swiss Cottage. Sigh.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Juxtaposed with Barry's frankly incomprehensible comment above, that now sounds like the filthiest thing ever.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:14 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.bluethistle.com.au/uploads/images/TUNN_CL11.jpg

Here I was thinking that they were a product of my filthy imagination, but OH YES, THEY ARE REAL!!!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

But apparently, you can only get them in Swiss Cottage

and Scotland, poresumably, seeing as they make 'em there. It's difficult to discern the scale from your pic above...I'm wondering whether tunnock's Caramel Logs are to Tunnock's Caramel Wafers what Kit Kat Chunkys are to Kit Kats.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:21 (twenty-one years ago)

They don't look like I remember - the logs that I had were round, and chocolate covered, and had sort of caramel crunchy stuff dusted on top. Bigger than the wafers, yes.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:22 (twenty-one years ago)

That's more like it:

http://www.bluethistle.com.au/uploads/images/TUNN_CL02.jpg

The mysterious dust is actually coconut. Yum!

Is there a thread about Tunnocks anywhere?

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~tunnock/

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:26 (twenty-one years ago)

St Andrews? Maybe they are favourite of Pr1nce W1lliam's! Win a polo match, have a Caramel Log! Of course!

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:28 (twenty-one years ago)

(Hello, everyone. I'm feeling very insomnia-y today. Well, "today"'s more like it. I know I'm not going to get enough quality sleep if I drag myself to bed right now, so maybe I'll just stay here, online, like a sad sack.

And today is the first day I go back to school. Joy.)

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:31 (twenty-one years ago)

caramel wafers >>>> caramel logs. my first order of business for today is to buy a four pack of tunnock's caramel wafers and scoff them one by one.

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel sluggish and unmotivated. This may be due to the fact that the air-con at work is being fucked around with. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am simply bored of my job at the moment. I've not written anything really for a week or so. My back has been troubling me, but is getting better. I bought a book about back pain, but haven't read it enough yet. The new Embrace record and prospect of them doing very well critically and commercially for once is cheering me up. The weather is not good. My new camera is fantastic, but I can't go wandering taking pix because the weather is not good. I want to capture the strawberry&vanilla light you get on the sea here at sunset in summer, but it's always overcast. I think I need a holiday. I am vaguelly concerned that I don't really know how to get a new job.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I remain rather nervous about tomorrow but am confident that I can get through it all and keep my countenance.

Otherwise I feel strangely serene, as one tends to do when you're nearing the end of (a chapter of) your life.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll second the insomnia-y. Almost 5 AM!

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:51 (twenty-one years ago)

My back is still giving me grief, and the house is a tip so tuidying needs to be done which = no Fapping for me tonight, ho hum, at least I'm feeling better about other stuff.

also - have new boss starting in two weeks, there is apprehension.

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw Chris, come out, I'll buy you a drink!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:03 (twenty-one years ago)

no, the pain and the tidying are taking priority I'm afraid. (ta for the offer though)

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm feeling awake and alert for the first time in ages. yay for enough sleep even with late-nite phone conversations.

also craving a jimmy johns sub now that CCP has mentioned it...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I am feeling absolutely peachy. My new house rules, my new kittens are so very cool & my life is pretty perfect at the moment actually. Sorry to those of you who are in a good place at the moment.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:24 (twenty-one years ago)

kitten pics already

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

'who are in a good place' should obviously have been 'who AREN'T in a good place'!
x-post
I bluddy forgot my pics steve, I'll try to remember tomorrow for those who want to see them!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I HURT ALL OVER

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Why is this, Jess?

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm superb today. i just ate the best lunch ever and my breath is all garlicky

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Jess is obv suffering from a psychosomatic reaction to PRML SCRM's appearance in the ILM top albums list.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure whetther it's my back that's spasming or my kidney, either way = OUCHIE!

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Right now I feel vaguely relieved. Except I'm sure that it won't last.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

i dunno i woke up today feeling like street toughs had taken a length of pipe to me in the night

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I am currently very annoyed with the world in general, and my employers in particular. I need a holiday.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps the SCRM will be stolen.

I feel like telling off about 50 different people this morning, but I am just not in the mood to get any arguments so my blood pressure is probably just going to go up.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

street toughs had taken a length of pipe to me in the night

Over to the bumsex thread with you, Jess.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel better today than yesterday, because my toothache is subsiding and I've been swimming. Looking forward to socialising after work but currently cheesed off with some messy urgent stuff that I've been asked to do this afternoon. Grrrr scraping through bloody badly filed film stores is not my favourite pastime.

I'm not sure whetther it's my back that's spasming or my kidney, either way = OUCHIE!

If it hurts when you pee it's yr kidneys Cabbage dude.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:41 (twenty-one years ago)

nope, it's not when I wee (thank goodness) I just keep getting these weird spasms (on top of the general pain) about five inches up my spine on the right side, and it's rather unpleasant

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Definitely back spasms, then. Try gentle stretching. If that fails, apply a bag of frozen peas.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:44 (twenty-one years ago)

would pastry do?

its odd, and feels like a small creature is nibbling at my nerves (maybe Vicky let Richard Gere in the house while I was asleep?)

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel kind of bored and annoyed with work. Pretty happy about everything else though. Bit of a lingering cold.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I went out for sushi and came back with deep fried chicken, kimchee and lots of rice. It has somehow already manage to beat science and attach itself to my chin. So I feel like a lardbucket. And a ridiculously hyperbolic drama queen.

x-post Chris, are you sitting up straight and looking straight ahead at your desk? If your body is assymetrical or your neck is constantly turned to the side that might be what's causing it.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, only if the pastry is frozen and in small pieces that will conform easily to the curve of your back!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

my posture is well known to be wack, but the pushing of the car across the Euston road yesterday hasn't helped one bit

― Porkpie (porkpie), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm in a bad state again/still. I've missed so much time from work in recent weeks that it is getting me in serious trouble, but I am having appalling panic attacks so many mornings. It's not about work - it also happens when I want to go shopping, or do almost anything. I get insanely tense, to the point of giving myself cramp, and feel terrified. I saw my GP and he supposedly sent a letter asking for an urgent appointment with a psychiatrist, as the GP didn't want to increase my low antidepressant dose without that. This was weeks ago, and I've had no appointment yet. I am not entirely sure that it will come early enough to save me.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang in there Martin. I know you can. Incidentally, from October the Disability Discrimination Act covers ongoing conditions including depression, so your employers could be the ones in trouble if they don't make reasonable adjustments for you. (Not necessarily that useful in practice, I know.)

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Gah! I was drinking whisky last night and I can still taste it

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

The whisky that keeps on giving!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

So what will that Act amount to, Archel? Surely it doesn't mean that they have to put up with me having loads of time off work?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, it's 'reasonable' adjustments. They have to TRY to keep you in post. Admittedly what counts as resonable is pretty fuzzy. But they couldn't just sack you for taking time off, period. The trouble with this sort of legislation as that it usually only gets tested after the fact, so IF you were fired or constructively dismissed THEN you could probably take them to court under the DDA. Not that comforting maybe.

More info at http://www.disability.gov.uk/dda/ and http://www.drc-gb.org/thelaw/index.asp.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I had toasted muffins for tea, that was nice.

Good wishes to you Martin.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Gah! I was drinking whisky last night and I can still taste it

eeurgh! i hate that! whisky and bad red wine have an unpleasant way of lingering.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks, Archel, but I'm not sure it will make a difference. I think my employers have been pretty good to me, really, and patient. Trouble is, I'm a senior analyst there and have been given substantial responsibilities, and when I suddenly miss loads of time, as I have in July and August, it does cause real problems - this doesn't strike me as a discrimination issue at all.

I suspect that, very soon, I will be given some sort of ultimatum: miss more than X days in the next six months and you're out, or some such. This might in fact be good for me: I may well panic more at the thought of losing my job (I don't have the strength to hunt a new one the way I am these days) than simply going to work*, and from past experience once I can get there I'm not too bad, and going regularly makes me feel better whereas not going just makes me worse. The worry is that the pressure of the limits just breaks me completely, which feels like a plausible scenario right now.

*It works this way on time off: once a week is up, as it is today, I have to either show up tomorrow or get a sick note. The latter involves phoning the doctor's surgery, arguing with the receptionist that an appointment next week is no use, then probably having to wait around in their horrible waiting room for ages, then talking to a doctor who doesn't give a fuck, but will ask me how long I want the sick note to cover. I won't know what to say, in that I am no likelier to be fit on any one day than another. All this feels more stressful and 'scary' (obviously it isn't at all scary for normal, well people) than going to work, so I imagine I will manage to get back there tomorrow.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

groggy. my coffee maker's broken. i have to leave for a doctor's appointment in ten minutes and i can't get motivated to finish getting dressed.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel cranky and irritable and vaguely PMS-like and also that sort of sick, nervous, "oh god not again" feeling in the pit of your stomach when you meet someone that you think you might, you know, liiiiiiiike or something.

Though it's the first day in a week that I managed not to have an angry crying jag over coffee.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Really kate? Details pls!
I was in a really good mood, but work [read my boss] has managed to put me in a pretty bad mood. Not per se, just pissed off when I am in the office with said boss. generally i cam cool though.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Still shaking off a migraine from yesterday. But kinda good other than that.

― the impossible shortest special path! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

It's an internet boy, PinX0r, don't worry.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh I'm not worried hun, in fact i think it's rather good. Just wanted to know what's what! :-)

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I did manage to get into work the next day (see half a dozen posts above) but have been off work again since then. The panic attacks are worse than ever. I saw my GP about a month ago, and he said he'd refer me to a psychiatrist, asking for an urgent appointment since I was obviously in a bad and deteriorating state. Today I got a call from the community mental health people to ask for more info, and it turns out they got this urgent request today. Thanks, GP. I'm still not sure when I will be seen.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Best of luck Martin.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Hope that they can see you soon, Martin, and that it all works out for you.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel pretty horrible. I really can't stand being in this job very much longer. I don't really know what to do, every time I look for a job, I just feel totally demoralized.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Stence, sometimes you just have to hold yer nose and take the plunge when it comes to job hunting. I hate it worse than anything else on earth - yeah, even "dating". Because rejection by jobs is even more humiliating than rejection by potential partners. But still. It has to be done. See if you can email your resume to an agency or something, let them do the awful hard work for you.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

it can be a bit of a nasty cycle looking for a new job. My b/f was in this rut, his job was actually making him ill it was so stressful, but after persevering he found a job that he really enjoys. Just try to grit your teeth & get to it.
(apols to everyone, i realise this is not a thread to respond to everyone else's thought. damnit)

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks y'all. It's like I know what I need to do, but it's so incredibly difficult (esp. due to some other non-work factors that I won't go into here) to get motivated. But thanks for the kind words.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Good thoughts to all who need it -- as for me, still slightly sleepy but all the work for the day has essentially been done and I have an eye appointment in two hours, which I always like having done (growing up with glasses and being a fanatical reader and writer means I really appreciate the annual checkup; also I'm due for a new pair of frames...)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Cripes Martin, hope you get your appointment soon, aye.

I just feel REALLY FAT today. And need to join the GIM. Ugh. My belly is podgier than, well, I can't think of anyone really podgy, but it's very podgy, that's what I'm saying.

― Starry (hello chickens), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel all crusty and foggy because I woke up with a headache today, something that's been happening every few weeks for some reason. I'm not sure if it's from sleeping weird or from allergies or what. It's pretty annoying though.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel tired. Tired of the constant bad sleeping I've developed, tired of having to go between using the air-con each night and freezing to death or not using it and boiling to death and tired of waking up feeling like crap each day now. I'm having one of my ambivalent moments about being single whilst all around me, all my relatives are badgering me about it. I miss playing music and DJing. I miss my close mates, though the phone/e-mails help a lot. I'm also a bit fed up of my search for a master's programme or whatever in the US, which I hate doing without the support I received for looking at unis the first time round.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

NA, dude, I'm the same way!

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I am very tired. I blame four day weekends.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Waiting for my boss to come back from Seattle to readn the angry, whining email I sent to him two days ago...ticktickticktickticktick

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought you liked your job!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha..."jobs"

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I like my job just great, it's the people that SUCK

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh. Then kill them.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

just got out of three hour training session and have loads of work to do, but feel ok as i just found out the tiger lillies are playing boston oct 30

― kephm (kephm), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

& sort of baffled why the 'live through this' thread on ILM is so popular.

― kephm (kephm), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Because Courtney is Courtney.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

It's Courtney bashing, what do you expect?

x-post, hah!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm feeling better than I have done for weeks - I'm putting this down to a few good things happening at the weekend and another potentially good one just round the corner. And a general feeling of "hey, maybe shit doesn't matter as much as I think it does", that helps.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

oh yeah, the haters.
xpost

― kephm (kephm), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel happy that it's sunny and I'm going home to a good meal. Other than that though pretty cheesed off with work, and kind of in pain across my shoulders from carrying a heavy box of books to work this morning.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

superstressed. too much stuff to move and pack and throw away, too many people to try to see, and the never-ending garbage dilemma - how do i sneak inappropriate trash past my lazy yet eagle-eyed building superintendent?

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

In other cheering news, I was married on this date in 1981. We split up just over three years back, after my suicide attempt. Actually, the anniversary isn't really troubling me, but it is a slightly sad thought.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

inappropriate trash!

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Martin - best thoughts etc and I know you'll pull through this tough time.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, what Dr. C said - thinking good thoughts etc.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

My head's feeling a bit fuzzy. And it's f'in cold in the office. But I'm generally happy. I slept well last night on freshly washed sheets.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I got my highest score on Solitaire the other day, 6000 and something, cleared the decks in 113 seconds. God, I'm so bored.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

tickticktickticktickticktickticktick

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Pissy. Feeling unappreciated at work, having had minor mistakes revealed today and, oh, I dunno, I feel resentful at things. Nervous that there are more mistakes waiting to be uncovered. Which is anti-motivational. I want to go home, but because it's big boss's first day back in the office afer 2 weeks away I don't feel I can just stroll off when my appointed hours are up. Grrr.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

God, Mark, you are me. Only handsome!

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Now I'm feeling completely crazy and weird and nervous and all whacked out because I found what would be the perfect job for me online (yes I know I shouldn't be looking but FUCK IT) and just now used the company's fax machine to send in my resume (that's EVEN WORSE I know but FUCK IT). FUCKFUCKFUCK I hope I hear something, someday. Gonna go to the post office and send a hard copy, now.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Today I feel like blowing up all of Texas. If I blow up Texas, my baby's momma can't move there with my son in tow, now can she?

*googling 'where to buy nuclear weapons'*

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel totally out of sorts. I bet my reaction time is really bad right now. If anyone were to throw a ball at me, I'd probably just watch it in slow mo until it hit me in the chest.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

a little sick, I have been for a month or so, very dizzy, but relieved that I finally got over my fear and went to the doctor and he diagnosed a fairly minor illness. was extremely worried leaving work to go and see him today. also I've just worked 9 days in a row and have tomorrow off thank god.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Good luck, hstencil!

I still feel sort of sick. The vicodin doesn't quite do enough to ease the pain of my "renal colic".

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Drowning in self pity.

It's getting to the point where I can't tell any more if it's self pity or actual clinical depression. :-(

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:07 (twenty-one years ago)

God, kate you're me today. only with longer hair (just).

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Aww kate, *hugs*
I feel quite good today. Pretty tired though after a good w/e!
Am trying to decide whether to apply for a new job that I've seen. I've got the application form & everything. hm, i wonder.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i need hugs too!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:28 (twenty-one years ago)

::hugs to all::

PinX0r, I've emailed you before seeing this, but if yer boss is still driving you crazy, it might be worth applying for another job, just as leverage! He might be less annoying to you if he was scared that you were going to leave!

But I'm just passive aggressive like that...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:33 (twenty-one years ago)

omg i've realised that i've just voiced my need for internet text based hugs. i can't be doing well.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:34 (twenty-one years ago)

p.s. yeah it never hurts to apply for a job!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

To kate: we had a long chat on friday & he is biding his time here as much as I am. He knows I am only here now for the maternity benefit. Not sure if it's worth changing jobs just at the moment, but this other job does sound really interesting.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, in that case it's probably worth staying.

Though who knows, just because you apply for another job, doesn't mean you have to take it. Only if it's *really* interesting, and a lot more money...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sad, lonely and deflated. And fat.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

You are not fat. A girl prodded my belly in a club on Saturday and I suddenly felt all self-conscious. Then I realised I was being very silly.

Mark, fancy a lunchtime pint at some point this week?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, I'm fat, too. But that could just be the PMT. My face looks all lumpy.

And I've supposedly got a date on Thursday. With a lumpy face and clinical depression, yeah, *that* will go well. :-(

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 6 September 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I've avoided this thread so far for fear of sounding like a bleating shit but today everything's one part sugar to two parts salt. It's more a feeling of impending doom and claustrophobia more than anything else.
My job is not so much driving me crazy as just unsettling me. I thought I was certain for the axe only last week but it seems they have decided to keep me on even though my probationary trial is now over. But now I'm thinking, well I joined the company at a much lower wage than they originally advertised so if they are going to keep me on, shouldn't I be getting the amount they were originally offering? It's only fair isn't it? Unfortunately it's a small local company and the woman I'd need to ask is one of the tightest I've ever met. I can't even imagine the look on her face if I asked for a three-grand raise. I've been trying to work my hardest lately so as to impress the bosses, but business is slow and often I find myself with fuck all to do. At other times work is so boring that I can't see the point in doing it.
I was really enjoying writing on my live journal and on stylus mag too but I haven't been able o bring myself to write anything lately. I feel like I'm too busy and as soon as I try and write, my mind goes completely blank. This is a pain as I really want to carry on writing s much as I can.
And then there's the fact that a large number of my friends are going off to pastures new - universities, big jobs in the city, new and interesting towns, travelling round the world while I'm stuck in this crumby sales job in a backwoods village with three humourless middle-aged people whose lives are their jobs. A number of my other friends are doing just as mundane work at a large company I did temp work for about 2 years ago. In many ways I'd love to work there again, not because the job is particularly exciting but because I know a lot of people there and it's made up of people my age. They treat you well, everyone's friendly, there's cups of tea, there's soap in the toilets, they all go out together at lunch and it's just a nice place where everyone gets along despite the rather boring work etc. I don't think they'd take me on again somehow as they dropped me from my temp position rather unceremoniously and out of the blue. I don't know why they did this as I'd been there five months and as far as I know was doing a good job.
So I don't know whether to start looking for different work. 've only had this job for six months and it took a hell of a long time to find. My finances won't allow me to take big risks - the bank are breathing down my neck and a regular income of any sort is mandatory. I'm scared if I leave I'll have more trouble finding a new job due to lack of experience in one field so I am tempted to stay on for another six months just so I can say "Look, I've done this, therefore I have experience". Getting time off to go to interviews is also very tricky - how do people do it?

But it's not all moan moan moan. Right now I have a lot of friends and people I care about around me outside of work - sure it'll be sad and frustrating to see some of them go but there'll still be a lot of people around. Plus at least I have a job which is much better than being unemployed. I'm slowly managing to grab back my overdraft, though it's difficult, and I'm hoping that once I'm back in the black I can find something better to do with myself than mope around my home town.

This is all due to being scared I suppose. I'm just finding it hard to envisage a time when I'm not in debt, not living with my dad and preferably not living in the wilderness of North Hertfordshire. I've been graduated two years now - one more year and I'll have spent more time trying to get out of the student poverty pit than I actually spent a university. And while the people I know who didn't study are all off to different countries or living in their own flats or just able to go and do what they like without worrying too much about the money I can't do this at all.

Sorry, I'll shut up now - I just needed to spout that this morning so no needs to reply. It's the same old bullshit I guess.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt, yes, a lunchtime pint would be swell (in a literal sense re my spare tyre).

DL, life *does* get better. Be scared by all means, but don't let it translate into apathy. If all else fails, use your looks to get you places :)

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:22 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha! I'm reading the entries above and it seems that every ilxor under the sun is fed up to the back teeth with work. this must be a symptomatic. it's a shame we can't just get paid to post to ilx all day lo... oh wait..

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:23 (twenty-one years ago)

mark, yeh it does get better and it is getting better - a lot better than last year at least. and you're right - apathy is my greatest enemy right now. getting home and thinking about writing a music review or applying for jobs is a really difficult hurdle, especially since i work an evening job at weekends so i feel i should be cherishing my free time, not sitting in front of a pc like i do all day every day at work. still i guess it's a necessary evil. thx for the kind words :-)

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:26 (twenty-one years ago)

kate, i want to know about your potential date! sounds very exciting. blind dates make me excited but also make me want to throw up.

i i woke up with a sinus headache this morning. which is crummy, and i didn't get enough sleep this weekend. but i didn't get enough sleep because this weekend was crammed with basically nonstop fun-- including but not limited to indie dancing a couple times, visiting the lemurs in the zoo, schmoozing with people that are apparently a little famous, and swimming in the gorgeous weather! yay.

now i need this week to recover for next weekend.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this is fitting enough to be my last words here for a while.

I don't give hugs, d l, but fuck it. You're one of my most liked around here and I'm sorry to hear that. Besides, I have some understanding of how you feel. One of the larger reasons I left my life behind and came to Ghana was to avoid being in your situation, but believe me, you seem to have more things of real value in your life than I do in mine here and I'm very glad you recognise this and its significance besides. My writing, for what that's worth is also hamstrung by a general disatisfaction (only partly caused by my job, the rest is my dull-horrific-dull personal life) and I wish you well with that also.

Most importantly, try to up whatever self-belief you have right now. Way you talk, things don't seem too bad and at some point, you should get an opportunity to turn things around. Practical advice should be forthcoming from one of the others, I hope.

And big ups to my man Ronan, who I hope is feeling better and will have an asskicking day off.

Bye.

― Sean Bateman (Barima), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

this is exactly what's happening. "You're two minutes late! This won't do!" "Look at this sheet of company paper you've wasted with a bad printout! You make so many mistakes!". It's disheartening and demotivational yes.

I was asked to fill in for someone for two weeks and gladly obliged since it would put me in the good books, despite having to work two jobs at a time. Did I get a thank you or a well done? Did I bollocks. I slipped up a couple of times on the other job as I'd never done it before and wasn't actually sure of what I was meant to be doing. I ended up getting such a bollocking I was a hair's breadth away from telling my boss maybe she should try finding someone more competent me who possesses the powers of ESP and then try paying them £12,000 a year for 38 hours a week because obviously I'm a total waster undeserving of any credit.
Luckily I didn't, but I nearly did ;-)

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:33 (twenty-one years ago)

amen barima - you're right too, it's not so much doom and gloom as drudge and frustration but there are great times in between. hope you're doing well yourself - it seems you made the right choice at least to get out there and try something different.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Aww DL, harsh dude. best of luck with things. Def try to look for another job, I know it's never easy though. Hope to see you in Cambridge again soon. You up for a halloween housewarming??

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

that would be ace! keep me updated mate :-)

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Will do!!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:42 (twenty-one years ago)

If I thought things couldn't get any worse, they always can.

My mum just rang. My grandmother is dead. My botanist grandmother. My mad, wonderful Gordon grandmother, who got a PhD at the age of 79 to prove that she could. I know that she was very old, and she'd had a stroke last year, and she died peacefully, and all that, but I just feel desolate. Christ.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:43 (twenty-one years ago)

:( That's terrible Kate - hang in there. Are you thinking of flying back over?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh no Kate, that's awful. *big hugs*

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry, Kate.

― Sean Bateman (Barima), Monday, 6 September 2004 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Awww, Kate. Poor you and your mum, my best to you both.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 6 September 2004 10:08 (twenty-one years ago)

:-(

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 6 September 2004 10:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Enormous hugs, Kate.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 6 September 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)

:( sorry kate.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 September 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Everything always happens all at once, doesn't it?

I just can't take any more.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 6 September 2004 10:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh hun! I didn't get your email if you want a chat though, you know where i am!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 10:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't stay at work, I can't stop crying.

I was stupid, I called Joe, and he told me to come round. I know this is a bad idea, but I just don't know what else to do. I can't stay here, I can't go home.

Maybe I'll be at the pub later, maybe I won't.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 6 September 2004 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh kate, I hope you're ok!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 11:19 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, jeez. kate, if youre still there i hope you're ok. it could be ok to see joe, as long as it doesn't make the situation worse!

can i meet you when i'm done for the day? if you're near old street at 4:30 you can watch and laugh at me while i have my picture taken with the biggest zit ever on my chin!

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 6 September 2004 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm really sorry Kate. I've had similar news today - I guess if I'd managed to get to work today I wouldn't have got the message that my godmother and favourite aunt has died. She was the member of my family I liked best, a bright and lively woman, and I probably talked to her more than my mother or brother. I've been so bad with panic attacks lately, and missed so much work, that I don't think I can sensibly expect to make her funeral (near Bristol), which makes me feel even worse.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 6 September 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't beat yourself up about that martin, I'm sure she knows you'd be there if you could.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 6 September 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Because I am actually feeling better about my life than I have in some years, I will send my good thoughts out to everyone else on this thread who is bumming out, dissatisfied, angry, sad, sick scared, and/or bored. Strength to you all the same way you have sent strength to me in the past when my depression and self-pity and inability to sufficiently appreciate my life's good things have kept me down. I hope everything gets better for all of you.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 6 September 2004 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

bleh. i've suddenly got a cold and it stinks! it came out of nowhere and i'm tired and congested and feel rubbish. boo.

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 9 September 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

i've got yet another stinky headache today. :-(

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 9 September 2004 09:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I had an amazing Labor Day and have been soaring with happiness all week, but now that I'm back home my mood is in the toilet. I gotta go to work now but I just really wanna stay home and sleep.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 9 September 2004 09:52 (twenty-one years ago)

i've been tired all week, but feeling a lot better today. still not 100% though. it's the annual september season change thing i think.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 September 2004 09:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Downhearted by the sad news around these parts as described by Martin and Kate above, and by Mark S elsewhere, though on a personal level feel pretty good and refreshed.

― Donnie Smith The Quiz Kid, Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Feeling more than OK today, mainly because I'm bunking off shortly for a long lunch with Ken & Starry, and planning to indulge in DVD pr0n in the huge-ass Virgin Megastore after work. I called my mum last night and she asked me how work was going and I got slightly grumpy (not at her) because I had to think about it and realised that I'm pretty dissatisfied employmentwise. Like most ILXors, seemingly. Gah. Small potatoes compared to family mourning though. You people keep on trucking, and I will provide cake to those I see regularly soon. And irregularly, but you know what I mean. Ah sod it, I'm out of here.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)

and planning to indulge in DVD pr0n in the huge-ass Virgin Megastore after work

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

No Ken. not actual Pr0n. Jaysis.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:07 (twenty-one years ago)

faking it?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:08 (twenty-one years ago)

pr0n in the huge-ass?? whatever next?

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:09 (twenty-one years ago)

ask gear!

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Irritated, tired, thankful to a friend who really shouldn't have to put up with it.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 9 September 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a really shit day and I knew from the second I woke up that I would. I hate the company I've been temping for; I hate the way they treat their temps; most of all I hate my sexist, mean, money-obsessed prick of a coworker, whose rudeness I've been tolerating but I finally got fed up with today. I told my agency I didn't want to go back there tomorrow or ever again; my agency begged me to go in for one more day and promised they'd "make it up" to me. I really feel like hell.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 9 September 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I would get sloshed tonight but I'd rather save the money for my road trip.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 9 September 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i am feeling Conflicted.

i just got let go/fired for the first time in my life, which is bad. but i was horribly bored here anyway. but it paid really well. but maybe now i'll get off my ass and find a better job. but this isn't a very good job market, is it? but i'm going to see the orioles-yanquis game tonight. but the traffic is going to suck. but it's the weekend.

fooey.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

damn, sorry.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

fucken orioles better win

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a weird feeling, despite feeling better about things today than I have all week, that I might get sacked today too.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

i had just gotten over the whole "when they ask to speak to you privately they're gonna fire you" thing, too. i let my guard down.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

anyway, i will toast you with my first beer at the ballgame tonight, hstencil

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

ah cool dude! if I make it out tonight and end up drinking, I will do the same for you!

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm curiously elated today, and I've got The Horn and I don't know why, because nothing's really changed in my life. It's just an oxytocin high or something.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

i blew off work and now i'm home playing the new rogers sisters ep at top volume. brooklyn trucker-hat postpunk >>>>> crappy job.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm feeling tiired and sleepy, having just completed my first week in the new job. As I was out of work for six months or so, I'm not really used to the effort involved.

(plus, my previous job was a 10am start - I even got told off once for coming in 15 minutes early. Now I'm here at 8.30, which (on public transport) means leaving home at 7.20)

I also have The Horn. Dammit.

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

What an inconvenient time to get the horn!

http://www.mnh.si.edu/vikings/images/photos/horn.gif

I'm supposed to be going to rehearsal now, but nope. I'm randomly googling photos of dirty rock boys. Oh dear.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

never seen the Rogers Sisters wear a trucker hat! Still haven't heard that record, tho.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like I have the early symptoms of malaria, which is just fucking great.

x-post

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I was suicidal yesterday. But as I'm not even thinking of work anymore, and had a long talk with _Daddy Dearest_ that didn't end up in an heavily-accented shoutdown, so am feeling kind of Much Much Bettah today. We'll see how long this lasts.

I send my most positive work-related thoughts to both mookie and hstence, as I have been where both of you are at the moment. Quite recently, as a matter of fact. And also just heard of another friend getting sacked yesterday, and he didn't even work for Delta; it seems to be teh trend this week. I'm contemplating starting a Getting Fired Mutual Comf0rt Thread.... but that would require me to regularly check ILX... and then my new happy mood would probably tank. Hmmmmm....

― Vic (Vic), Friday, 10 September 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

never seen the Rogers Sisters wear a trucker hat!

nor have i, but their fans sure like to wear them!

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 10 September 2004 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I am trying to figure out how to get myself off the internet once I check my e-mail when I wake up. I'm wasting all my post-wake/pre-work (which is a large block of time thanks to my schedule) on my new DSL hook-up.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 10 September 2004 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

It's especially stupid since all I have to do at work usually is sit on the web. Tre stupid.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 10 September 2004 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)