US Open 2004

Meanwhile, doesn't it just seem like forever since The Best Legs in Belgium has played at a slam? It is, though.

Tursunov, Andreev, Sargsian, El Aynoui - lots of potential long matches for Rodge if he's even remotely off for a round or two and those ones get through. And I am going to officially be the only person who is glad Lleyton is #4 meaning he might just get to a sodding semi again...

As for A-Rod, let's hope that Nadal or Blake has the match of their life in round 2 and gets him out of the equation early, or he looks to have a not too awful draw for a while, though MUCH harder than Wimbledon.

Roddick won't win... last year was always in the cards, he went absolutely rampant in the warm-ups, but he's struggled a bit more this year. If Marat decides he wants to play well, Dickhead's losing in the 4th round. (But Marat won't, so oh well.) That said, his early Olympic loss benefits him here... ditto Federer, too.

HAHAHA - potential Venus v Lindsay FOURTH ROUND! Unless Serena pulls out (and rumours are a-swirling), in which case the draw gets rejigged. Lindsay's the hot favourite - undefeated since Wimbledon - but if JHH is really recovered and didn't just profit from two mega-chokes in Athens, Lindsay's not beating her.

Quarter-final predictions from the briefest of glances at the draws -

Federer v Dent
Srichaphan v Kiefer
Haas v Hewitt
(God only knows, maybe J Johansson) v Roddick

Henin-Hardenne v Kuznetsova
Myskina v Davenport
Sprem v S Williams
Zvonareva v Mauresmo

Sharapova to go out in either round 1 or round 2; Rubin to lose to Washington in round 2; Henperson to lose to Karlovic in round 1.

The glorious qualifiers to watch out for - bonkers trash-talking 15-yr-old Sesil Karatantcheva; non-bonkers, non-trash talking (but 6ft and in possession of her first title) 15-yr-old Nicole Vaidisova.

Anyway, in a repeat of last year, I am off to London in a couple of hours and don't really know where I'll be living when I get back so yeah, no idea how much I'll be on this thread. Look after Nastya for me please!

Andreev-Massu
Srichaphan-Fish
Gros, Jean, Gros!-Hhewwitt
Scuttler-Andy Is A Dick Slap

JHH-VRP
Payload-Venus
Capriati-Molik
Little Miss Marat-Mesmo

Lawks knows why. I'll be around as much as I can - maybe even finish the gloss this time...

Still, I look forward, in a vague bleary-eyed way, to next week.

I can't get live scores working, but what has happened so far is that the men's has been fairly upset-free. Rodge straight sets The Dirty Old Man, gets to meet The Greatest Living Cypriot Sportsman Apart From Possibly Nicky Papavasiliou, Marcos Baghdatis. He achieved that accolade by getting rid of Mutey in four. Novak takes the Czech derby, Delic strolls past Janko Tennis Raver, and Moya and Kiefer won as well. Grrrrreg goes down flailing in five against Saulnier.

But we've had our first seed fall in the lay-deez - Sprem neutered in three by Kostanic. The US gets That Wimbledon Feeling as all its plucky losers, er, lose. Thus far. The Saint Angel, The Genevan Love Machine, Gaggles, Connie M and Bunsen Barna make their usual first round exits. Other than that, the nearest thing we've had to a shock thus far is Tammie getting Gissed in two. Unless Foretz beating Shenay Perry somehow counts...

Elsewhere, Mighty Meg is on the edge against Mazza B, as is Alex "Who invited you?" Bogdanovic vs. Alex "Who exactly are you?" Calatrava.

Marion slinging for it...

On Court Ten!

Right Now!

IT'S POTITO STARACE!!!

And he looks like getting mashed by Alex Popp. Oh well. C'mon Starchy!

And Mirnyi's gone.

POTITO HOLDS SERVE!

Lindsay Lee turning that tide on the pesky Luxemburger and is on the verge of clinching the second. Kucera's gonna have to go some to emulate her, as he's on the verge of losing a second consecutive set 6-1 to Xav-Xav.

In a complete non-shock, Serena Williams is wearing a crazy 'outrageous' outfit. In a huge stunner, she looks bloody good in it - dominatrix black top studded with bits of metal, denim skirt, and KNEE-HIGH LEATHER BOOTS.

What We Missed:

Prince Todd Of Eternia takes his final bow after getting dunked in four by Febreze, emotional farewell to crowd etc.

Two through on walkovers, Golmard and Fixodent take advantage of Labadze and Younes' dodgy ankles etc. Sargs and TJ through with not that much hassle, as were Ags, GAU-DE-TE! and Paul-Henri Mathieu (Exclusively at Debenhams).

She-wise, wins for Dishy, Cara B, (Pleased To Meet You) Miss Haynes, and The Douchebag.

However, what yesterday also saw was lots of people only getting into gear once I'd gone to bed. So we get Chateau Verdasco 1873 hammering his way back against Iggy, Dan-Han ding-donging through against ThumbTack, LLW LBW over Scowler, The Demolition Doll-Rod finally pulling herself together and dispatching Safina, Kucera somehow emerging from the wilderness of losing two consecutive sets 6-1 to counter X's Malice in five, but best of all...

STARCHY DID IT! Yes, despite blowing the first set 6-1, Sex Lives found that once Alex popped, he could actually be stopped rather easily, and took the next three 6-3 6-4 6-3. Beautiful. The rest may as well give up now...

*(apologies if this has been done to death in an earlier thread)

Yep, Marat's out in the first round once more, Tea & Quizzed does him in four. 27th seed Ljubicic out injured vs. H-T Lee, but other than that no major upsets - Hrbaty and Massu have particularly easy times of it, Timbo makes a meal of disconnecting Ivo-9, Hanescu gives PanPan trouble for a set or two before the Thai finds his feet and takes it in four.

In the women's, only two matches have gone beyond two sets thus far, one resulting in Shinobu putting Smashnova to the sword, the other in Barbara Schett being a bit rubbish. Server Nova find herself being accounted for yet again by a particularly vicious Princess Anastasia, JHH is through easily, and Sanchez Lorenzo, JieJie, Marrero and Emmie L are all taken out with quite upsetting ease. And as if things weren't bad enough for Steady Mike, Elena Liquor Saver's gone too. She was seeded 25th and everything.

Linz is kicking off her farewell tour in style against Kurhajcova, Ma-Sho-Na has lost the first to Serra Zanetti, and, to no-one's great surprise, Michael Llodra and Gilles Elseneer have had two tie-breaks from three sets, both of which Llod's won. Elsie took the first set, though, so there's probably a bit of mileage left.

JCF has just dropped the first set against Tom Zib. Daniilidou-Talaja turning into a mini-thriller, Eleni squaring the third at 4-4 having been 4-1 down - after a ferocious trading of advantage, she emerges with the upper hand and now just has to serve out for the match...

Elsewhere, Airwolf a set up on Ram John Holder, and working class hero Alex Bogomolov Jr. is close to coming back from two sets down to take Stef Koubek the distance.

Meanwhile, Farina-Elia gets a break up once more on Spearsy, and Andreas Seppi went two sets down against Scuttler. Then he went 5-1 up in the third. It's now 5-5 in the third. Might wanna stick a fork in that one.

Silvi takes the second set 6-2 and then goes and has her serve broken in the first game of the third. This may well go on a bit, unlike Koubek-Bog 'Em All Off, which the Austrian looks to be taking pretty handily, and Frazier-McCain (The Better Municipal Parking Ticket), which looks to just be a matter of crossing the I's and dotting the T's. And there aren't any T's, either, so that shouldn't take too long.

JMG two sets to the good vs. Rajeev, Clement takes the first against Arthurs, Zib and JCF 5-5 in the second.

JCF back to one set all, and after a minor hiccup Castanets wins her first ever Grand Slam set 6-3.

I've seen both Serra-Zanetti sisters play, and my mind stll boggles at how either ever win matches... they're both rubbish, absolutely awful. Miss Washington, hang your head in shame... to think that just last week you were putting La Shaz to the sword, too.

Abbie ended up getting speared in the third 6-4... sexy lady, we'd rather see you bare your soul. Meanwhile, Kuzzie sent the Brat Sesil to bed without any supper and with only two games won.

Will Alexandra "there are predatory lesbians in the locker room" Stevenson win her first main draw match of the year? She's a set down but 5-2 up in the second against Vivi Ruano Pascual and her lovely "I rake in millions a year from doubles so fuck this singles lark" attitude.

Ferrero Rocher continues to be crap, only just squeaking the third set against Zib. Compatriot Nadal is totally barbecuing HeuBurger though.

*I went to check this! At Roland Garros 2001, Castanets beat a baby Bartoli, who had been wild-carded in. Boo-ya to all the Catalina haterz.

JCF also found himself in tiebreak hell - he won the 3rd set on one before losing the one in the fourth. Then again, he took the last set 6-3 so it don't really matter, but you'd imagine he probably wouldn't much look forward to seeing Zibba-Zib-Ah again.

Straight set strolls for JJ, Dickhead, Interflora and Volandri (Hippensteel, Servenpurgatory), Nadal nearly blows it but not quite against Heuberger - breezes the first two before making a pig's ear of the next two, then pulls it out in the last.

Women - Shazzmatazz has a helluva time of it against Granville, takes the first set 6-3 only to come unstuck 7-5 in the second, and then she has to squeak the third 7-5 to get through. The Grand Slam might be a bit off the cards, then. Petra reliably gutsy yet unsuccessful against Venus, VRP sees off Stevie in two, Pratt sticks Cat, Payola takes out Nan-Nan Liu (oh, the fun we could have had...), and Dally Randriantefy is through an' all.

Tzipi Obziler beat Angelique Widjaja too.

does her lovliness help or hurt her with the crowd?

Tommy Berdych carries on his Rodge-bashing momentum in outhustling Bjorkperson over five sets. Poup is out injured so Davydenko walks right on. No seeds out in the men's thus far, and Karol Beck is handsomely through as well.

The Olympic effect doesn't work for Luscious 'licia, though, as she gets herself straight-setted by a suddenly-resurgent Dani H. Ohter than that, little to report int he way of completed matches - Vento, Patty, Aiii and Kostanic all through pretty easy.

And blow me down if Bobby Sods hasn't just done Fernando Gonzalez in four.

That's not Axl Rose, by the way, it's Lindsay Lee-Waters. She's just lost the first set 6-4. Youzhny's just got shot of Montanes with consumate ease, Golovin is just about to do the same (one senses) against Kid Origami and Jeff Morrison and Tuommi Ketola are having a tie-break that is taking ages.

Guga and Trouser Pless are having a right little tussle on the Grandstand court, the Dane two sets to one up. Kohlschreiber and Half-Hitch are two sets to love ahead of Bendytoes and Red Ken respectively. Go-Go Golovin did beat Morigami, by the way.

I bought a new tennis racket at the weekend - they were practically giving them away at Lillywhites. If I get two minutes' respite tomorrow between organising Hebrew proofreaders and nudging Gulim 28 Bold two-liners a pixel off the letterbox I may revive the FAGOT thread.

USOpen.org continue to sin and then redeem themselves - first suggesting that Federer was "out to win the only Slam to elude him" (Huh? First 'freedom' fries, now this? I know the Reps are in town, but come on), then casting Safin as the victim of "a precipitous summer swoon" (I imagined Big Mar fainting clean away, Fay Wray-style). Revamping the IBM scoreboard so that it's slow and ugly (I've got Richard Krajicek bound and gagged in the corner to stifle his punchline to that one) and then printing a near-hott pic of Citizen Smiff (I do hope she wins). They taketh away and then they giveth a littleth biteth back.

Currently: L(a/e) Mesmer bounces back to level but Gaga shuffles horribly close to a four-set demise vs PlessToPray.

Kuerten not drawn just yet, he's back to five-all and serving, but the jig might be up for Jules, who's nineteen days older and three inches taller than me.

(Elena D's just lost her first service game)

Julia V and Amelie M seem to be taking an awfully long time to get their sixth game started. Flicka one set to the good against Arnaud The Lesser, FC Den Van comes back to 5-4 down from 5-2 down, Mello and Chela indulge in spontaneous festival of serve-holding.

!!!!!!!!

From the indignities of public libraries to the indignities of a dialup connection at my parents' house... as much as I would love to, I cannot join the tennis fest tonight. Have fun y'all. I aim to settle somewhere with decent internet access by the time this tournament finishes.

Pless does Kuerten in 4. Haas outlasts Sanguinetti, Fedge drops set to Bagghy but wins anyway, Arazi-Carlsen goes five with the Moroccan on top, NalbsFlickaSanchezSomeotherpeople all through with varying degrees of ease...

Craps crushes Serna, Demmie does similar to Joey Beltrame, Mesmo comes up rosy v. Vaks, Maggie M minced by the Haynester, and wins too for Fabz, Dechy, Skeevo and Vinegar Tits.

So far - JHH Obzliterates Tzipsy McStagger (I'd been thinking of nicknames for her ALL DAY, damn you) but loses a set in the middle, Big Dave, Rubes, Silvi, Bovo, Payo, Rova and Shinobu all through nice n' easy.

Manwise roosters - Gaston Gaudigone at the hands of TJ, PavSriSantoH-TKiefer all through mind. Which brings us up to speed...

(xpost. Oh dear. Perhaps it is good Lex can't see this right now...)

Danii With Two I's is coming unstuck against Medina Garrigues, Kucera is getting Improbable Comeback Fever v. Hrbaty and Golmard-Henbloke and Agz-Florist have only just kicked off.

It'll always be the CCCP to me. Our boy Spud is once again showing that a broiling in the first set softens him not one little bit - bouncing back vs Rawkus.

Bah - xpost. I gotta go home.

That's her, that is.

KK now two sets all with Diamond Dom. One shudders to think what would happen if him and Potsie met. Mayer gets the early break v. Agassi.

I can see it. I resigned myself to the inevitable post-Olympic slump ages ago, though, because I have come round to the fact that Nastya is a stupid fucking headcase who doesn't deserve my support (but gets it anyway, oh well, because you can't control your favourites). And I've watched !!!vetadze come up through the ranks very fast this year, and I'm kind of pleased she'll get all of Nastya's bonus points.

Kuzzie through over Pratt, who looks more like an elderly gerbil than ever at the moment.

Go Star Ace!

And just getting started are Mardy Fish and Michal Tabara. Mardy's held serve. As Half Man Half Biscuit might say, "You're hard."

See what you mean, but there's also definite echoes of mediocre Aussie 80's kids TV series Pugwall...

Meanwhile - the damn Frenchy's gone 3-2 up on Tim! Drat!

Okay, I was going to say more but I've been distracted by a banner ad for Ugg Boots. Someone in marketing needs to lose their job.

Hrbaty through after mammoth five set tussle.

It would be kind of amusing to see Agassi go out here.

Fish now easing into gear, 3-0 up on Tabara in the third. Everyone else is going with serve in the first.

Raymond-Kirilenko kicks off and goes with serve. Frazier break up on Brandi.

Lisa Lisa can't solve a problem like Maria - she's dropped the first set 4-6, as has Brandi to Frazier...

Tobacco Bar reels Fish in after a protracted struggle (watch for all those who had stellar Olympic performances to fall early here); the Henperson isn't quite ready to be elevated to New Todd Martin-hood just yet (Grizzled Todd, after all, reached a Slam final in his career), and sunk Golmard in four; Miss Kirilenko froze in the headlights of the Lisa mafia, lost the second set in a tiebreak and died in the third.

Novak and Frazier won as well but they're booooooring.

As of now, Shazza has dropped but one of the first eight games against Weird Jelena Jankovic, and there's another Massu-ively long strong battle going on as SargSarg goes a break up in the fourth, though he's two sets to one down...

Two in fact: Aus94 and US99. Again I invoke the spectre of Tim Mayotte - his performance ceiling is the same as Thamble's.

Massu-Sargo (16th July 1919, Russia increases wood exports to Portugal) continued in its massive tussleness for ages. The fourth went to a tiebreak, which the Armenian feller took 8-6. With that momentum, he (Comparatively) raced through the fifth set 6-4 and the Olympic champ was no more. Another seed fell as Dent got cremed by PH Mathieu, but Moya made it past Delic in four.

ANd in the women's, V-Nuss overcame a tough first set to breeze past Shikha-dikha-dai-aie, while Shaz turned in another double-sided performance - first set 6-0 as though Janko hadn't turned up, and then the second set somehow goes to a tie-break, which Jelena somehow wins. And then Shaz takes the third 6-1. Hmm.

Possibly the biggest shock, however, came with Piercey's win over VRP - not so much for the actual victory but the ease with which it was achieved. 6-0 6-1, after taking out Loit 6-1 6-2 in the previous round. Might want to be watching out for her...

This is the Olympics hangover! Everyone who made the semis or better there is suffering now. Look! The evidence!

Massú: out
Fish: out
González: out
Dent: out

Henin-Hardenne: taken to three sets by Zippy Tzipi, who at the age of 31 has never been in the top 100
Mauresmo: taken to three sets by Vakulenko, who was on something like a nine-match losing streak coming into the US Open
Molik: out
Myskina: out

Dani H and her legs are on the verge of repeating themselves too, lose a tight first set, then go to war in the next two, and Patty mgiht well be schuffling off. Karrie Beck is strolling against Pless, not much happening elsewhere. Yet.

Earlier on, Tommy Haas did indeed lose his third set 6-1. He then won the fourth 6-1, and so Sebrebody's Jeanski Gon. Lleyton gets put through the mangle by Arazi in the first but comes out all red and puffy, as usual, but then straight sets him with barely a rumble. Less trouble for Mello, dispatching Dave S for the loss of just 5 games.

Lady Eleanor de Mentieva is granted free passage after Dechy pulls a sickie, VT's straight sets Zulu with reasonable degree of difficulty.

Meanwhile, look at Sargis Sargsian and his big ol' arms:

http://www.usopen.org/images/pics/large/b_massu_d04.jpg

Ketola struggling to dam Ver Dyke - loses first set 6-3, but 4-3 up in the second, in between thinking of how he's going to rub the fact that he got past the first round in Jarkko Nieminen's FACE. Beck really is on the verge of winning (no, seriously), while Hannomatik, haivng been 5-3 up, is now ahead six-five with Schnyder on strike. Vicne Spadea in 'break down in first set' shocker, Flicka finding PKS irritatingly stubborn.

Flicka finally breaks Phil.

The Legs vs. The Hair is what we in the industry would refer to as "quite close". Han leads 6-5, and is serving.

Further tiebreak action between Tommy and Tuommi, but that's not quite the same thing. TNQ takes the first 6-1 as Peya runs through The Starace Offensive in his mind over and over again. Davydenko whacking the Sod firmly into place at the moment.

I like Schnyder because she was batshit insane for a while.

David N'Koh batters Bobbin 6-1. Berdych goes two sets to love up after taking the tiebreak 7-1. Melzer appears to be waving. Quick hint, Jurgen - Vince Spadea is rubbish.

Elsewhere, Jan Michael attempts to make JoJo leave (get out). Nothing's happened yet, I've just been sitting on that one for a very long time...

Oh, and Jurgen finally takes that first set 6-3.

Joey comes back from a break down to take the first 6-4. Spadea perilously close to winning the second set, Angie H goes 4-2 up on Schiavone all of a sudden.

And Schiavone takes hers, so the 16th seed is through, just about. Seppi looking to make it a good day for erratic Italians, 5-2 up in the third. J-J serves for the second set.

Mary Pentathlon vs AC MariaS and Vene vs Rick Rubin the obvious, screaming highlights from today.

(Trying to coin a decent nickname on this thread now is a little like trying to pen a original pop melody in the post-McCartney era. They've all gone.)

For a while? She's still the biggest fruitcake out there. She may not be in thrall to weird gurus who make her subsist on a diet of orange juice any more, but she has still:

-Dedicated a tournament win to her dead cat
-Threw an on court tantrum against Martinez earlier this year, variously attempting to smash a ball into Martinez's face, doing the hand-fake at the end of the match (extending her hand, then withdrawing it at the last minute with the words "you disgusting bitch"), then calling Martinez a "nasty player" in the press conference afterwards
-Forgot to enter Wimbledon and was forced to apply for a last minute wild card
-Possesses hair like Ma Hingis reincarnated, which has possibly never seen a comb in its life

I like Schnyder for all the above, and because when she's not being moody she's the most talented shot-maker on the women's tour.

I still don't know who'll win the women's title. Henin-Hardenne and Mauresmo will suffer from doing well in Athens. Serena is making 50 unforced errors per match on her better days. Sharapova is worse. Venus is worse still. Fatriati's days of being a Slam contender were over years ago. Davenport's the obvious choice, but I'm still having my doubts. I wouldn't be shocked to see Zvonareva in the final.

Oh god, I don't think I could take another Dickhead victory. Let us not voice that thought again.

"This one's for my poor, lamented pussy."

Payola? CASHED! Shinobu Asagoe witnesses the draw open up in front of her in straight sets.

JHH? Actually, she beat Lisa Raymond in straight sets. Also - Chakvetadze's run grinds to a halt at the hands of suddenly-in-form Danii With Two I's, and Petrova bests Farina-Elia in three-set two-tiebreak marathon-thriller-slog hybrid.

And not only is Eleni D not doign that badly, fellow perennial twenty-somethingth seed Dominik Hrbaty's going rather nicely an' all, straight setting The Shining Star Of Bangkok. Pavel continues his silent ascent with a five-set back'n'forther against Half-Decent, Kiefer makes a mockery of TJ 6-4 6-0 6-1, Ags sends Jiri back early, Santoro fails to overcome the might of Red Fedge, and Moya naised (Mr Jones is very right about the scarcity of nicknames nowadays) in five by Rochus Superior who, after taking out Starchy in the previous round, is probably the odds-on favourite about now.

And just when you think it's all winding up - heeeere's Timmers! Tonight's he's up against Ta Ba Ra, one game apiece thus far.

And Serena battered Patty in straight sets too.

The juniors have begun! Among the names I see on the scoreboard are Nguyen, Fognini, Kryvonos and SCHOOFS!!!!!

Meanwhile, Dementor is a set down against Bepa but serving for the second set, which presumably means she's about to sink in a sea of double faults.

Elsewhere, Roddick races to the first set against Guillermo's Ass Cannery, Llodra handling Melzer with reasonable ease, 1 set and 3-1 up, and Youzh Decay-Beira Mar is a right slugfest - Russian takes 1st 6-2, Czech takes 2nd 6-1, and it's 3-3 in the third.

Elsewhere, our Most Loathed is unfortunately cruising. And SCHOOFS, whose given name is Bibiane, is at 5-5 against one Dominika Cibulkova.

(xpost)

Llodra's about to win, zzzz.

SCHOOFS is a set and 0-3 down, cantering out of the tournament at speed :(

Also in the boy's singles - Scoville Jenkins, the feller that lost to Roddick in the first round. He's seeded 10 there and is a set up on Divij Sharan of India.

The Daniilidou v Asagoe 4th-rounder is tomorrow and will assuredly be on some obscure court somewhere, but it's likely to be brilliant - Daniilidou's very stylish, one-handed backhand and great volleys like a little baby Mauresmo, and Asagoe's a very clever counter-puncher. If Kuznetsova v Pierce is on a court you can get to that'll be awesome too. I assume that Henin-Hardenne and the marquee Venus v Lindsay match will be on Ashe. On the men's side, Henman v Kiefer may well prove very entertaining, especially if you are not British and therefore not saturated with enough Henperson coverage over the years to last forever.

Doubles... Navratilova if she's playing. Also, staggeringly, there's a Turkish player called Ipek Senoglu still in (unless she plays and loses today) - go to her website (http://www.ipeksenoglu.com) and you'll definitely end up cheering for her. I have no idea who else is still in.

Juniors... Gael Monfils is superb, Brendan Evans is meant to be somewhat decent. Donald Young has been hyped from here to Wimbledon as the Next Big US Thing, but as he is currently LOSING, he may not be around tomorrow. Alisa Kleybanova is the Next Big Russian Thing; Michaella Krajicek is Big Rich's sister; Katerina Bondarenko is the junior Wimbledon champion.

Ooh...5-3, one break back.

Sutherland's wrist popped at 0-3 (a la Boris vs Godwin, '96 - if Danny Baker ever plastered his face over a tennis video, that incident would be on there) and Hensome plopped into a qf berth for the first time in Queens (as opposed to Queen's). Next it's Rochus or Hrbaty and you'd fancy him for a semi spot opposite Fedz, Agz or Sargz.

Agatha and the Sarge was less entertaining. In fact, it was an excellent argument for abandoning five-setters... there was no point at all in the third set.

I'm so happy for Shinobu! She's such a grand player to watch. I remember her reducing La Hantuchova to tears at Wimbledon a couple of years ago.

Also, Kuzzie pierces Mary (not Marie any more!) 7-6 6-2, hitting - !!! - 40 winners and 13 aces along the way. Jesus Christ, JHH had better watch out.

Women's quarter-finals set:

Justine Henin-Hardenne v Svetlana Kuznetsova
Shinobu Asagoe v Lindsay Davenport
Jennifer Capriati v Serena Williams
Elena Dementieva v Amelie Mauresmo

Hopefully all who attended today had wonderful times!

Justine Henin-Hardenne v Svetlana Kuznetsova

nope. JHH down in straight sets to Petrova. She was pretty awful tonight - 4 double faults and nearly 30 unforced errors outweighed 9 aces and a few flashes of brilliance. The women were preceded by a pleasant mixed doubles with several of my favorites - Navratilova/Paes took out Sharapova/Mirnyi. Some nice play all around though Max stepped on Maria's toes a few times. Healthy number of Mirnyi aces but the big serve didn't go unanswered by Navratilova. In the crowd - Sarah Jessica Parker.

I broke down and got more nosebleed seats to Federer-Agassi.

Poor Lex - he didn't even consider the possibility of a JHH defeat to BluePeterDogova. She'll be back.

So, Fedz-Agz, HennessyGoldCup-Nora, Tomas/TommyH-Karol/Lleyts, JJ/Llodra-TommyR/Anita.

A Kuznetsova v Dementieva final would be nice at this point!

(nb I do like you sweetie, it's just smack-talk)

they were still on sale through normal channels - Open tix are semi-expensive, but I'm in the cheap(er) seats

Chewitt downed Becks as well, but that wasn't as interesting.

I met a hot boy during the match and we played pool to ease the tension. His girlfriend turned up at 4-4 in the last set, oh well.

He's also the ace leader in the tournament, 66 thus far.

Controversy! as La Fatriati beats Rena in a match mostly marked - as most Fat matches in NY are, hello last year's semi! - by a huge, huge pro-Jen bias. A Serena winner about a foot in was called out, and every close call in the last game went against her. Fat claims to have seen none of these (despite the replay clearly showing her looking at the first absymal call!) and gets booed. Umpire sent home in disgrace, Serena says she's 'bitter and angry'. I hope the Demented Diva is ready to get screwed by the line judges.

The line calling has been pretty atrocious generally by all accounts - another notable one was the Bovina winner being called out when she was set point up against Big Dave. It's almost as if they're protecting the American players. Surely not.

Shinobu Asagoe is the only non-American-or-Russian left in the women's draw.

The WHITE American players... oh wait, "white" is implicit in "American", I keep forgetting.

And it's raining now, and apparently will be for the foreseeable future, which I'm sure will lead to more Controversy! like last year.

I really hope the Diva thrashes Fat... Jennifer's comments after the match (gist: the erratic line calls didn't matter because I've had so many in my time, as if that made it right) were kind of tacky. Unfortunately Leeeeeeeena was put on an IV drip after her match... but then again, the woman last year who had to put on one of those did rather well.

I am now rooting full-bore for Davenport.

(This is no different to how Henbot is favoured in SW19, of course.)

good play, no great drama. lots of aces and down-the-line winners and a drop shot or two from Rogwell, and cross-courts and smashes and a beatiful lob over the head by Agassi. upper tier of Ashe empty. NY loves Andre and apparently could care less about Fédereur. In the crowd - Jimmy Connors (I think), some ppl I forget. Crowd hung out in the off-again on-again rain for an hour, with people dancing for the cameras. No money back because 1.5 hrs of play was completed, but we were invited back to watch the rest in the day session today (haha).

Henman through to his first USOpen SF: 6-1 7-5 5-7 6-2 over Hrbaty. Agassi hits back to level vs Federer: 3-6 6-2 5-7 6-3 0-1...

Federer-Henman semi. Blimey. Wake up, BBC.

Somehow, I find myself really wanting the Henmanator to get to the final. Just to prove he can.

Re: Sveta and one tournament too early... I've noticed that lately, there are always some Russians who do spectacularly in Slam warm-ups, and some who do abysmally. And when it comes to the Slam itself, the ones who shine are invariably the ones who had been in a slump. Going into RG, Kuznetsova, Petrova and Zvonareva were the ones to bet on, while Myskina and Dementieva had been in dreadful form; Kuznetsova was the one who'd won the big Wimbledon warm-up; Myskina and Zvonareva did the best in the past few months while Petrova, Kuznetsova and Dementieva spent their time losing in early rounds. I don't know what any of this means, though, other than that there are so many Russians now that someone's bound to excel at any given tournament. Hurrah!

Federer-Roddick 7-1
Federer-Henman 2-6
Roddick-Henman 1-3
Hewitt-Henman 8-0
Hewitt-Roddick 3-1
Hewitt-Federer 7-5
Hewitt-Haas 5-4
Haas-Federer 2-2
Haas-Roddick 4-2

I shan't bother with JJ, cos that's just a dream, innit?

YES. THERE IS NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER THAT JOACHIM JOHANSSON COULD POSSIBLY WIN. NUH-UH. NO SIR.

Int eh mixed doubles semis, it's Stubbs and Nestor against Zvonnie and Bob Bryan. We never seem to say much about the Bryan twins. I hate them.

Johansson's girlfriend is Jaslyn Hewitt... so that semi is in the family!

OTM.

No one doubts that Pandzer is a likeable fellow, relatively unaffected by his burgeoning fame - there are just a few of us on this thread who find the notion of his brand of blitzkrieg tennis flattening all before it pretty depressing. OK, I think I called him a few names at Wimbledon when he pulled that 'rain-in-the-air' stunt when behind to Ancic, but generally I just hate the game, not the man.

GO ALL-RUSSIAN FINAL!

(Stifler from AP is Seann William Scott, yeah? He is super-hot. Roddick looks like a rat. He acts like him though which is v annoying - high-fiving fans in the middle of a match, good god.)

(I am getting this information from the tennis board, where the Williams fans are pissed as hell at Capriati and reporting her woes with undisguised glee.)

She lost 2-6 2-6 at RG... 1-6 1-6 at Wimbledon... maybe Fat will now lose 0-6 0-6. That would be nice!

(In other vaguely shocking nows, Amelie Mauresmo will be the new world number one on Monday.)

Ah.

I'm maybe even happier about this than about the RG final. That was historic, and featured my favourite Russian of them all, but this was on ENEMY SOIL and against tougher opponents (one of whom is a dirty cheat). Also against the crowd and the line judges.

I think this might be a better final, too - I don't think the Diva will be as riddled with nerves as she was then. I'd like her to take it, but I wouldn't mind Kuzzie Thunder Thighs winning and I certainly couldn't predict it.

ALL-RUSSIAN FINAL! ALL-RUSSIAN FINAL! ALL-RUSSIAN FINAL!

(I wonder what nicknames Al3x Macpherson, Dan Perry, Michael Jones, William Swyg4rt et al would have been given during a two week tournament had they been players?)

Henbot two sets and a break down to The Genius - on the way to being a six-time GS semifinal loser. Is this a record?

TH saves a match point and breaks with some decent returns - Fedz might be getting shaky, serving at 6-3 6-4 5-4 for the final.

Both these finals look like thoroughly cracking prospects. And Sky have the coverage. ARSE.

(Mark... Silly work hours: this has been going on since mid-July [though never as bad as this week] due to massive influx of work/highly dubious senior management decisions in response/accepting the comanagement of high profile A-list title which [I didn't realise, and nor did anyone else] would involve a phenomenal workload, endless interruptions and unbearable levels of stress. Overtime: I get time x1.5 at weekends [though wouldn't have come in today if it wasn't absolutely necessary] and just regular time x1.0 in the week; for PB, as middle management, she's supposed to take it all back as TOIL, but if she elects for the cash, she loses half. It's insane. Next week will be worse.)

Fedders, on the other hand, has dropped three sets en route. Two were to Agassi, which is fair enough, but the other was to Marcos Baghdatis. He had a fairly routine win against Costa, and straight-setted a slow-starting Santoro and Henman, who'd already been through more sets than a jelly factory and didn't really look in much form anyhow. He also got a bye into the fifth after Pavel pulled out.

On paper, this is Lleyts' grand return to the big time. On court... zat, mah Breeteesh chums, eez sport, non?

And as for the women - hmm. Kuznetsova has the better form on paper, only taken to three sets once and that by Davenport. She has also beaten the women (Petrova & Pierce) who beat the women (JHH & Shaz). On the other hand, she got taken to 7-6 7-5 by Amy Frazier. She also looks to have trouble getting started - of her six first sets, three have gone to tiebreaks, and she lost the first set of the semi 6-1. The Frazier match also came after two rather routine wins in the first two rounds, which might point to Svet having a bit of trouble with 'occasions', warming up and raising her game.

This would potentially mean trouble against a fast starter.

But she's playing Elena Dementieva. Not only has she only had one straight-sets win, that match (vs. Beltrame) was only one of two where she managed to win the first set. The other one was the match against Jennie, and she then went on to lose the next set 6-2 because she was so shellshocked at winning the first set 6-0. However, it cannot be denied that Ellie is even more gritted than the average RAF Wing Commander's teeth. Losing three of five first sets means coming from behind to win three times. And she did that against Safina, Zvonereva and Mauresmo, proper big-name types. And then coming back to take that tie-break against Capriati on her turf... her serve might still be for shit, but it would appear that other than that she definitely isn't the same girl that went to pieces on the big stage at Roland Garros.

And for that reason alone, I'd give her the slight edge. She's been here before, Kuzzie hasn't. And you'd be reckoning Ellie really, really doesn't want that previous experience hanging around in her memory any longer.

Opening breaks have been traded - 1-1.

Consecutive breaks, now consecutive holds. 2-2

And then they all get naked?

I want Dementieva to win because A.) it so puts the lie to the whole conventional wisdom of 2001 when the women's game was supposed to be turning into the All-Power Muscle League, and B.) she's often described in the press as "fragile," as in "the fragile Dementieva," and I think The Fragile Dementieva is a good band name among other things.

Hooray for taking the class of the thread down, spittle! Good stuff and ABOUT TIME TOO! After all, nobody is going to be saying rude things about Rodge/Lleyt tomorrow, so we've got to get some ribald comments in for the women!

ELENA, ELENA! ELENA! Serving at 4-2. She's had difficulty returning Sveta's serve, to be fair, but when she's had a window, she's been brave enough to take them. And oddly, she's saved a few break points herself.

Nonetheless, if she can keep capitalising on her opportunities on Kuzzer's serve - of which there are more than there were - she should still take this set.

Oh man, she goes to deuce. Not good.

(x-post, I swear...)

Which might be fair enough if it weren't the same people saying how Myskina, and then Sharapova, wouldn't have the same impact as Anna K... blah de blah de blah.

Well, spam to that, because Kuznetsova has a beautiful smile.

I don't know how that translates to the pros, though.

Anyway, is this the first U.S. Open winner with braces?

Oddity: most of the top women have far better backhands than forehands. Venus, Serena, Justine, Nastya, Amelie, Lindsay, Vera. The two major exceptions... gave you your US Open final.

Re: cheats - the only cheat in sight this tournament was America's own sweetheart.

Re: serves - ED actually had a decent if unspectacular serve when she first emerged from the nascen tennis player incubator which is the junior circuit... but she developed a chronic shoulder injury in '021 which meant that she could only do these weird slice serves if she wanted to play without pain. The injury has long gone, but the damage to her technique remains... she says she's been working on it, though.

Re: Braces - last US open finalist with them... Venus in '97? I can't remember whether Martina the Second still had them in at that point, if she did it might have been an ALL-BRACED-UP final.

Re: rankings... I will pop over my that tennis board and check what the resident rankings geeks say.

Re: tonight... I don't care how well Chewitt is playing, he's not good enough to beat Fed. And he's had tough opponents, but all of them fall squarely into the "dangerous floater" rather than "bona fide top tenner" category. And Baghdatis is just out of juniors and a Future Force.

1. Mauresmo
2. Myskina
3. Davenport
4. Henin-Hardenne
5. Dementieva
6. Kuznetsova
7. Clijsters
8. Capriati
9. Sharapova
10. Williams, S
11. Zvonareva
12. Williams, V
13. Petrova
14. Sugiyama
15. Schnyder
16. Suárez
17. Bovina
18. Sprem
19. Molik
20. Schiavone

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040912/capt.xnyf09120217.us_open_xnyf.jpg

And her interview was fantastic too: "I don't know what I hate about tennis. But what I love, I mean, that you really ‑‑ like I think I can express myself in the court, you know. It's not just because it's goes like this, I play this tennis. I think I express myself with my game, you know. The same as singers sing songs what he really feels, not somebody else writing this song, you know."

That said, if Roger steamrolls over him, that's just tough shit and you don't go into a grand slam final against the best player in the world without having an inkling that it might happen.

Well done Roger. Time for another bagel.

FUCKING SERVE AND VOLLEYING! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Men's singles: Roger Federer
Women's singles: Svetlana Kuznetsova
Men's doubles: Mark Knowles and Daniel Nestor
Women's doubles: Virginia Ruano Pascual and Paola Suárez
Mixed doubles: Bob Bryan and Vera Zvonareva
Boys' singles: Andrew Murray
Girls' singles: Michaella Krajicek
Boys' doubles: Brendan Evans and Scott Oudsema
Men's singles: Marina Erakovic and Michaella Krajicek

You will note that the boys' champion is an Unexpected Brit!

Traci Austin sported orthodonics, right?

1. Federer

(3000 point gap)

2. Roddick
3. Hewitt
4. Henman
5. Coria
6. Moya
7. Agassi
8. Gaudio
9. Massu
10. Grosjean
11. Ferrero
12. Schuttler
13. Safin
14. Nalbandian
15. Pavel
16. Johansson, J
17. Robredo
18. Hrbaty
19. Kiefer
20. Srichaphan