Wish me luck; today i'm going to finally make a move on this girl

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who i've wanted to make a move on for a couple of years.

we're close friends, which is why i've held back.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

whats the most disasterous way i could do this?

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

surprise nudity!

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

girls like chocolate.

i could sellotape bars of chocolate to myself and then make a move.

i mean, what kind of girl could say no to a 5 foot 8 bar of chocolate that talks?

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I knew this would be you!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Build her an egg nog waterfall.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

oh you knew it would be me did you

you KNEW?

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:27 (twenty-one years ago)

would it work if...

i make a move and if she rejects me then i go "oh haha, i was only joking anyway"?

does that work?

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

No.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 27 November 2004 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

oh haha i was only joking anyway.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 13:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Liar. You FUCKING SCUMBAG!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 27 November 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

i've liked you for quite sometime

w4nn4 make a baby?

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

just give her a kiss, let her do the talking.

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, 27 November 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

who i've wanted to make a move on for a couple of years.

we're close friends, which is why i've held back.

Don't do it.

It will end in tears. Yours.

Trust me.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 27 November 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Trust me, it CAN work.

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Saturday, 27 November 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Trust me, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 27 November 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

No no - TRUST ME! IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!

― dog latin (dog latin), Saturday, 27 November 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

ah, the famous 'long game', how sweet it isn't

― *@*.* (gareth), Saturday, 27 November 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I like Teeny's answer.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 27 November 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

heres a motivational mp3.

― :| (....), Saturday, 27 November 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Good luck!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 27 November 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

We await the results eagerly...

― The Lex (The Lex), Saturday, 27 November 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Keep us updated, willya?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 November 2004 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

ok so i bottled it.

but im going back over this evening so i might still do it.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you dressed as chocolate bar?

― Orbit (Orbit), Saturday, 27 November 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you dressed in egg nog?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 November 2004 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Try this approach:

'We've been the closest of friends for x years now. We've always had this deep understanding between us.. have you ever wondered, why haven't we gone further...? Because I have cheese fry - in my pants. And it's hot. So very hot'.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 27 November 2004 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha

its glandular

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 27 November 2004 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

HAW

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

you'll never do it, hari ashurst

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

he's doing it NOW!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man, I don't have a good feeling about this at all. Dude's gonna get bushwicked.

― 57 7th (calstars), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Whatever you do, don't wait until the moment when you see her beginning to move in on one of your friends, and then drunkenly do the "I love you!" thing in an attempt to derail it. In a room full of people you know. It doesn't work.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost Have you seen Hari? He's really cute.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

No, do that! It'll be great, and in hindsight you'll see you've given yourself a hilarious story to tell at parties and other social events (and that is the greatest gift of all, my friend). That is, when you've cultivated a new group of friends and started a new life.

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

What Matt said, I mean.

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Saturday, 27 November 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

With great shame i report i wussed out...again.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

OH HARI

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Home Alone: C/D?

― ke[hm, Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

so $girl has a boyfriend

― Does John Coltrane Dream of a Merry-go-round? (ex machina), Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

deadite alright [7:10 PM]: she was almost lying on me and then said "i dont know where to put my arm, argh" at which point i should have taken her arm
deadite alright [7:11 PM]: instead i just suggested she bite it off.
deadite alright [7:11 PM]: doh

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i dont think i can post here anymore after that, roxy.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

BUT I LIKE MERZBOW

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i was right! try again, though.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Sunday, 28 November 2004 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

As a last ditch effort, rig up something that lets you cry tears of real egg nog if she rejects you (and tell her it's glandular).

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 28 November 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Good idea, she'll be licking his face in no time.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 28 November 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

disapointing thread! I read through it all in hopes of a good ending.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 29 November 2004 03:54 (twenty-one years ago)

GROW ONE BALL

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 29 November 2004 04:33 (twenty-one years ago)

with my own recent girl whining i feel bad for not reading this earlier.

good luck? i don't know what to tell you (see my first sentence)

― g--ff (gcannon), Monday, 29 November 2004 04:40 (twenty-one years ago)

haw teeny

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 05:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Do crushes ever *really* turn into relationships? I mean, really...?

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

YESYES

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you talking about ILX crushes? In which case I'm scared. (And I really ought to do a better job of nipping mine in the bud.)

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

fucking hell this girl woke up me up texting me at 8:45 on my day off because she thought she saw my car.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

God no, "ILX crushes."

xpost HARI SHE LOVES YOU

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

That would be a fair conclusion, I think.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Freudian!

x-post

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

On this thread, Teeny is the most OTMest motherfucker ever to be OTM. KISS HER MANG.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Early morning texts are a v. v. v. good sigh.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

kiss her what?

xpost

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Kiss her mange?

― Just Kate (papa november), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Whatever you do DO NOT read too much into early morning texts, she might have just been sitting on the bus on the way into work or something. A good friend of mine kept getting early morning texts for that exact reason. Then he tried it on with her and she threw him out of the house.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I assume, that they were still downstairs, when he tried it on.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Kiss her mane, surely.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Certainly it would be more likely evidence for an attraction that against it, I think. And the fact that she thought she saw your car - false identifications will happen much more when thinking about the person a lot.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

(x-posts)

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

hari we're starting to get the impression that you suck at girls

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Kiss her, minger

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh god, have you heard how he got his last girlfriend? Tell them, Hari.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, tell us!

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she thinks you're stalking her and she's trying to confirm, as in "OMG that wasn't your car outside my house at eight in the morning, was it?!"

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Look at this thread:

http://ilx.p3r.net/thread.php?msgid=4583566

Gem of advice everywhere.

It depends on how much you really fancy her. If it burns like a bullet in your soul every time you see her, or every time you look into her eyes your entire being questions the longing of its own relentless existence, then you have a duty to see if its reciprocal or else you'll nervewr forgive yourself for not trying.

If however you just want a fuck, then forget it.

-- Herbie 4000 (herbi...), May 5th, 2004.

But the best thing is - get drunk and lunge. If it works out great, if not, then you were drunk. It's fanbloodytastic.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I miss attaractive and crushable girls.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You need to practice your aim, Barms.

― Jesus Christ, Paraplegic (Mark C), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Barima, you've got to get over me someday.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

It just wasn't meant to be, ok?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Roxy, you're not and never were my secret ILX crush! How many times do I have to say it?

(Incidentally, the response to your first post is "Never!")

Bazza, I'm guessing the photo of you in your nightie is responsible for my bow-and-arrow talents severely atrophying. And the nightmares, therapy, suicide attempts, itching burning sensations, bad shoes, Disney singalaongs, Bush's second term...

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Roxy's my secret ILX crush. Oops!

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

(Oops, on the other hand, has never been my secret ILX crush)

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"get over me" = "put your body on top of mine"?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

god i realized that possible misinterpretation right as i hit send and hoped it would just pass without comment

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"just pass without comment" = " just happen without delay, come on you hunk of hot manflesh"?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

well i never

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

who's that MOTIVATIONAL MP3 from? i mean the artist!
who is that tune by????!!! it's fckn ace.

i love these human interest threads.

― piscesboy, Monday, 29 November 2004 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"well i never" = "SUSSED"?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

i am a homewrecker

― Does John Coltrane Dream of a Merry-go-round? (ex machina), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Roxy, I know I make an excellent first impression and everything, but October is almost 2 months behind us now, and I've put on lots of weight since then. And sometimes, I forget to wash.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Monday, 29 November 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

BTW, I don't have a secret ILXor crush. I just wanted to make you jealous ;-). (Then again, if I did, would I admit to it? Heheh)

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Monday, 29 November 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

how i met my last girlfriend:

i went to this beach showing of 'Green Mile' and did the maracrena in the execution scene and she came and asked for my number because of it.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Monday, 29 November 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

how did you meet/hit it off with/pull/seduce your last/current lover?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 29 November 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Good luck, Hari. I don't think it has to be soul wrenching to be a meaningful attraction, unless perhaps she is already in a relationship. Anyway, just go for it. Try flirting kind of heavily and see how she reacts maybe?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 29 November 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I've beeen told not to post to the crush thread while drunk. Oh dear.

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Monday, 29 November 2004 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

WHERE ARE THEY NOW UPDATE!

so between the last post and now the following has happened:

We held hands briefly after a gig but stopped when we saw her friend and sister.

She talks about me all the time at home (thanks to her sister for that nuggest of info).

Last night we held hands pretty much all night (we were both drunk though) and shared a taxi home (we live next door) and held hands in the taxi and stuff and then cuddled on her sofa when we got into hers.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 1 January 2005 10:17 (twenty-one years ago)

you could well be in

― m. (mitchlnw), Saturday, 1 January 2005 10:59 (twenty-one years ago)

really now, it sounds like the only thing left to do is make some formal move/announcement/date for coffee

― m. (mitchlnw), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Looks good, just don't give her any ping pong balls. I tried that once and it didn't work at all.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:10 (twenty-one years ago)

unless its all just a drunken mishap.

but really im pretty happy about this.

(xpost)

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I couldn't imagine anything so perfect as having someone to hold hands with, drunk or not.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:15 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd hold your hand.

i got to say "I REALLY LIKE HOLDING YOUR HAND" last night. I said sorry right after for saying something so lame and she giggled.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)

There's nothing lame about that at all. She, if she's good, will think you're nothing but sweet.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:21 (twenty-one years ago)

really, 2005 can only go downhill from here.

its peaked too soon!

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

No, I think it'll only get better. Just don't forget how you feel now.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i wont

i listened to so many awesome songs last night because i couldnt sleep. I think i finally killed the menacing ghost of new year past.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 1 January 2005 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

More importantly than anything else, though, don't keep ILX hangin' on the details. We need to be informed, you know...

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 1 January 2005 12:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Sounds ideal, Hari - a drunken mistake tends to be bad smooching, awkward, numbed sex and then fleeing rapidly in opposite directions. Repeated hand-holding sounds like two shy people who really like each other.

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 1 January 2005 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeh, keep us informed. Check if she's playing with her hair well regularly.

― Johnney B, Saturday, 1 January 2005 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

which awesome songs did u listen 2 hari?

― piscesboy, Saturday, 1 January 2005 18:06 (twenty-one years ago)

i can't really remember. 'don't talk put your head on my shoulder' was one.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 1 January 2005 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

update:

we held hands again and watched some 'brasseye'. just though i'd let you guys know.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Monday, 3 January 2005 22:46 (twenty-one years ago)

i didn't think they had 'brasseye' in the 1890s!

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 3 January 2005 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

How romantic! It was the Paedophile Special I'm assuming?!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 3 January 2005 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

isn't everything the paedophile special these dark days?

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Monday, 3 January 2005 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"Why can we no longer think of the British Isles without the word "paedoph" in front of them."

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 3 January 2005 23:00 (twenty-one years ago)

okay

well we've been holding hands still but recently conversation seems kind of awkward and almost forced (but seems more natural when we're holding hands).

i want to ask her out or kiss her or something but shes really busy with exams this week and next, and i don't really want to add to her stress.

what should i do?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait two weeks?

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Caitlin is a genius, indeed! of course you wait the 2 weeks dude!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

you've waited this long.

I am in a similar situation. the girl has a boyfriend though so I am sitting tight.

have you tried MAKING HER MIX CDS

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

but...

what if in those intervening two weeks she changes her mind.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

also, she likes the mix cds i make her because shes not very into music.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I really wouldn't hassle her in those 2 weeks. If she changes her mind then there is nothing you can do & tbh she can't have been that into you in the first place. Just bide your time & be a friend then BAM tell her after her exams.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

what did you put on the mixes

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:52 (twenty-one years ago)

well she likes bands like blink 182, green day, elliot smith and such.

so i put some stuff thats just a little bit further out than that like Dismemberment plan, Neutral Milk Hotel, Stooges, etc. And some funny clips from TV shows she likes.

she doesn't like rap or dance or pop.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

STOP HOLDING HANDS WITH HER! Really. You're entering into incredibly fudgy areas of 'acceptable affection' after which it will be nigh-on impossible to read any signals at all. But you might be past the point of no return on that one already.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)

(Also whatever you do don't let her know you've posted her photo on the internet whilst also asking complete strangers to interpret her every move.)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

we haven't held hands all week actually.

well, very briefly today.

i kind of have a bad feeling about this now.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Make a move on one of her friends just to see how she reacts.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

(Also whatever you do don't actually do anything I tell you to do)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:41 (twenty-one years ago)

hari, i fear your window is closing, you may have to just bite the bullet, orchestrate something fairly light and romantic, and lay it on the line. good luck!

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:42 (twenty-one years ago)

When making mix tapes or CD's for girls, you should never pick songs that she likes -- always songs that you like that you want her to like (but not so far removed from her existing tastes because you don't want to freak her out too much). Then you see if she likes them.

That's the only way to know if the relationship would work out or not.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:42 (twenty-one years ago)

how about i make a move on you matt?

a bukkake move.

ninja style.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Just keep holding her hand (on your crotch).

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay. I'll go out with you.

SEE HOW EASY IT IS?!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

shes coming over tommorow night.

maybe i can ask her out.

and if she says no i can cry and say its because my tattoo hurts (im getting a tattoo tommorow)

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:45 (twenty-one years ago)

so i threaten bukkake and she'll go out with me?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

That's sure to work.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

by day, he holds hands with girls. by night, he talks about bukkake on the internet.

ladies and gentlemen: hari ashurst.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

A tattoo of what?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

the confederate flag.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:47 (twenty-one years ago)

in a weird parallel when i hold hands i think about bukkake and when i talk bukkake i'm thinking about semen still.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:47 (twenty-one years ago)

im getting the symbol from the front of 'D.I go pop' tattooed on my stomach.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:48 (twenty-one years ago)

those last two posts have dramatically thrown your sexuality into question.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:49 (twenty-one years ago)

oh cmon, what girl WOULDN'T want to go out with someone who has the DI logo tattooed on their stomach?

― lemin (lemin), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:56 (twenty-one years ago)

thats what i was thinking

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/images/d/disco-inferno/di-go-pop-technicolour.gif

???

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Girls like cars and money

― Relationships Ron, Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't make out it hurts too much, otherwise she won't ask if she can touch it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

thats the one.

i was considering getting it done on my chest (the nipple being that circle thing)

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Not the belly button?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

perhaps.

hey if i get it done on my penis then does that give me an excuse to show her?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

hari, don't do that, as you will regret it for the rest of your life, or at least certainly the duration of your ilx posting career.

(xpost yes, definitely do THAT)

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:03 (twenty-one years ago)

shes coming over tommorow night.

maybe i can ask her out

dude

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

you can't just write dude like that.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

unless dude stands for Don't U Do Eet.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Wish me luck; today i'm going to finally make a move on this girl

November 27th, 2004 7:10 AM

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

dude. read what you wrote.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i read it again.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Discussion is awkward because you guys have been holding hands forever and moves should have been made already!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:10 (twenty-one years ago)

shes really shy and stuff though, i think she likes taking it slow.

should i write her a letter.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you should go on a date with her and then ask her out in the middle of the date.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

dude holding hands for two months was "taking it slow" in the 17th century, MAYBE

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i asked her to the cinema and she said maybe and that it depended on whats on but i just gave up and invited me round mine tommorow night and i think shes gonna come over.

(new post - we've only been holding hands for about 2 weeks)

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:15 (twenty-one years ago)

LISTEN TO SPENCER HE IS WISE AND KNOWS ABOUT LOVIN' AND DERRIDA

I messed things up this summer with cutest girl I will maybe ever have a real chance with, dropping the same kind of pussy-ass science you are droppin' RIGHT NOW LIVE.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:16 (twenty-one years ago)

my dad and derrida were friends. true story.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:17 (twenty-one years ago)

That is now your official pickup line!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i usually use "hi my name's cheese and im good in bread"

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

that would totally pick me up.
This is yours to lose now, she obv. likes you otherwise she wouldn't hold your hand, buy her a big bunch of daisies and then make with the sex.

― Nellie (nellskies), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, show her your intenet fame. She'll be impressed.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

might i suggest the thread where YOU JUST WET YOURSELF

― lemin (lemin), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:54 (twenty-one years ago)

How would having sex with daisies help him any?
xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 14 January 2005 01:27 (twenty-one years ago)

39 minute xpost!

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 14 January 2005 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I type slow!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 14 January 2005 01:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I had literally fallen asleep between opening this thread and posting.
It's an exciting life I live.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 14 January 2005 01:42 (twenty-one years ago)

sex her a bunch and then make with the big daisies

oops x-post

― kit brash (kit brash), Friday, 14 January 2005 10:26 (twenty-one years ago)

So tonight i asked her out.

and she said yes.

she's my girlfriend - HAPPY ENDING

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Yay Hari!!! Ending? We figured you'll just keep telling us all about you two forever.

― Michael White (Hereward), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

dare you to pee on her

― mark p (Mark P), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Mark Pee

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Take photos! You'll become an ILE celebrity!

― Michael White (Hereward), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

at first she said "can i think about it" but then i rationalized that we both like each other and she said "okay then".

and i asked for confirmation and she said yeah.

so i guess its all good

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:52 (twenty-one years ago)

i think you have to go out a few times before you get to call her your girlfriend! well, i guess that's for you two to decide.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:52 (twenty-one years ago)

no no

the custom of english teenagers is you say "will you go out with me" and if they say "yes" it means you are boyfriend and girlfriend.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:53 (twenty-one years ago)

at first she said "can i think about it"

I'm not sure I understand where this is going.

― Michael White (Hereward), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Great news, Hari! Best of luck with it continuing happily for a very long time!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

, i always thought of boyfriend/girlfriend as a status you sort of decide upon when you have a good reason to expect it to continue well into the future. i figure it would take a few dates to figure that out.

it's weird to think of calling someone your girlfriend after one date. i guess in the states you'd say "i went on a date" or, after two or three, "we're dating." in fact i'm sort of reluctant to use the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing until i've been dating for a few months. but i'm weird.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

its a pretty weird difference from countries.

i mean we haven't even been on a date. she comes round a lot though.

i hope she doesnt regret this tommorow.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 22 January 2005 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

i think your approach is most common amt, just dating someone doesn't necessarily mean anything (certainly doesn't mean that y'all are exclusive)

― ade (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 22 January 2005 01:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Agreed. Normally you have to fill out a few forms before a legit boyfriend/girlfriend relationship can be established.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Saturday, 22 January 2005 02:15 (twenty-one years ago)

WHAT DID I TELL YOU DUDE?

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, 22 January 2005 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

And she gets to kick the tires.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 22 January 2005 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

aw i mean come on that's great isn't it?

so this here 'Long Game' of which everyone spake, *works* then?

― piscesboy, Friday, 28 January 2005 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

so this here 'Long Game' of which everyone spake, *works* then?

My horoscope the other day said: "Look around you! The person you've been trying so hard to attract has already fallen for you hook, line and sinker. Just be patient and wait for them to make the first move."

(oh, if only i believed in horoscopes)

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 28 January 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

aww yay!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 28 January 2005 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I really hope you've done some snogging by now.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 28 January 2005 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Yay Hari!! WHY ARE YOU ON ILX YO?

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 28 January 2005 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

(but also YAY!)

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 28 January 2005 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

hah

we haven't kissed yet, everything is kind of nervous and stuff. I'm kind of hoping she isn't scared and regretting her decision.

I told her i was gonna take her out for valentines and booked a table in a cool resteraunt though.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 28 January 2005 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe i should try to kiss her tonight when she comes over.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 28 January 2005 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Suprise cooties!

― Captain GRRRios' Giggletits (Barima), Friday, 28 January 2005 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

good to hear Hari.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 28 January 2005 17:28 (twenty-one years ago)

three weeks pass...

UPDATE:

Okay so we've been together a month on monday. She made me an awesome valentine with different colour card and stuff and she cut a heart out of red card and drew us holding hands in the middle.

We've 'snogged' by now too. But the whole thing is still a big secret.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 19 February 2005 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you told *her* about it yet? ;-)

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 19 February 2005 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 19 February 2005 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

J/K

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 19 February 2005 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

i was just confused!

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 19 February 2005 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Wow this thread seems old now.

I considered logging out or whatever since that seems to be in fashion but i really don't see the point of it.

We've been together for 5 months now and stuff. We haven't had sex: she says she isn't ready and i'm respectful of that i told her that it was important that she takes as much time as she needs over it. But I can't help but think that maybe she isn't ready because she doesn't like me that much? Is this silly? Also she never really talks about her feelings or displays affection. She seems painfully shy of these things. And aside from the odd moment or two it doesn't seem to be getting any more open (which I thought it would after a while). Any possible reasons for this? Any ideas on things I could do to make this better? I don't really want to talk about it with her openly because i realise that if it's a problem with her shyness or whatever then bringing it to light won't make it any better but might make it more awkward and forced.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 10:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Also i should mention that at the end of July i'm going on holiday to New York/Canada with her and her family!

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 10:44 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a big milestone, a family holiday!
It's really admirable that you've waited this long. I consider myself to be gentlemanly but i'd be long gone by now

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Sunday, 26 June 2005 10:56 (twenty-one years ago)

This is kind of flippant and I don't want to be unkind, but if there is no sex, no displays of affection and no expression of affection, what makes it other than a friendship? I'd have thought that was the vast majority of what separates a friend from a girlfriend/boyfriend. That isn't meant to mean "if there's no fucking what's the point?", it's real puzzlement. I understand the reluctance to ask her, but I think it's appropriate and reasonable to do so, if approached with sensitivity and concern and affection, which I'm pretty sure you can do. It's not unreasonable to want to understand this, and I think you would want to help if it is something she would like to get past but is having difficulty. It's hard to imagine what you can do to change what doesn't sound a terribly satisfactory situation without understanding it, and it's hard to know how to do that without talking about it.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 26 June 2005 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah i see what you mean. We cuddle up and kiss and stuff all the time and some other things but aside from her occasionally stroking my hair or what have you she never initiates a kiss or stuff like that. The talking about feelings is an odd one, we're both very shy people.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 11:02 (twenty-one years ago)

We had a really good period a couple of weeks ago and then her exams started and she gets really stressed out and tired so i haven't seen her that much but they finish on tuesday.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she feels like what's fueling the relationship is that you have something to build toward so once that's done there's no impetus for the relationship.

― ffff, Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't understand

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)

What will the goal be after you have sex? How can you top that?

― ffff, Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh right. Well it's not that, because we get along great and have some really fun times, i just wish we were closer.

I think sex is a really big deal to her.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

has she had it before?

― jermaine (jnoble), Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you ever said to her "I wish we were closer"?

xpost

― ffff, Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

how old are you two? just out of curiosity...

― post-phil, Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm 19 and she is 18. And she has never had sex before. Before beign with me she had never even held a guys hand.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, she's just scared. you need to build up her confidence as much as possible. compliment her kissing, tell her how amazing she makes you feel, etc. are you terribly experienced? if so, she might be afraid to disappoint, especially if she's heard tales of your exploits in her previous role of good mate. remind her continuously why you like her so much, why she's the one for you more than anyone else, and make her feel sexy... eventually she'll loosen up enough to let things go further.

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 26 June 2005 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

That's good advice i feel. I've been trying to do that as much as possible. She will known about my exploits no doubt, i'm kind of experienced but to her I must seem terribly experienced.

The main goal for me isn't sex though, though i view it as really important i think the most important thing is the joint affection e.t.c and with that everything else will fall into place.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Dahlin has good advice. She's just scared. I used to get complaints from my first boyfriends that I wasn't affectionate enough; it wasn't that I didn't care for them, I was just kind of out of my element.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Sunday, 26 June 2005 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah i guess when it comes down to it we've had some great times and shes stuck with it for 5 months so she must like me enough. The general aura she gives off is definitly a scared one.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

she isn't going to get a better opportunity than this, as far as comfort and being relaxed and stuff goes

― charltonlido (gareth), Sunday, 26 June 2005 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

you sound like a gem! i'm sure it'll all go swimmingly. good luck!

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 26 June 2005 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Also she never really talks about her feelings or displays affection. She seems painfully shy of these things.

I understand about the sex, if she's inexperienced, but I must admit I am a bit concerned about her not talking about her feelings. I can't imagine being in a relationship where you didn't talk about your feelings. And I don't know how much that can be chalked up to being scared or inexperienced -- some of it, maybe, but I wonder if some of it's her personality, too. Hari, do you talk about your feelings with her in a way to make her comfortable and prompt her to share her own?

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 26 June 2005 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, very occasionally i make reference but i'm also pretty shy of this. Her not talking has made me a lot less confident about talking about my feelings.

Now and then I'll make reference to how long we've been together or tell her i've missed her if i haven't seen her in a while and she kind of goes a bit red and looks very shy.

How would i go about talking about my feelings in a way to make her comfortable?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

"I don't mean to embarrass you, and I'm not trying to get you to say anything. I'm just nuts about you. Wanna go get something to eat?"

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

shes 18! shes going to have to live in the real world soon!

― charltonlido (gareth), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe i could tell her how much i like her and then kind of talk about how i liked her for a long time before we got together?

Or would that level of detail and backstory freak a girl out?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

You haven't talked about this yet? What do you do together?

― ffff, Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

dont tell her the backstory. just let her know how much you like her

― charltonlido (gareth), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The backstory is the funnest part!

― fff, Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm not creped by backstorying but i always get drunk or something and let it out then feel weird about it, it's probably not a good idea

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I think talking about feelings in a comfortable way is quite hard. But i see how it is important especially in this case. I need to find some comfortable perhaps witty charming way to talk about my feelings instead of slightly random outbursts as it has been so far.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"Being around you makes me feel really happy" is nice, and not too intense.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Thats good. And so if i start to talk about my feelings more and stuff, does ILX think this will make her feel more comfortable about opening up?

I think one of the only times shes really let her feelings known is when she said "you looked very handsome tonight" after our college prom.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, silly

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 26 June 2005 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

This is by far the oddest relationship i've ever been in but she feels too special not give 100% for.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you tried asking her how she feels? She may be too shy or lack the confidence to voluntarily share her innermost thoughts, but perhaps with a little gentle prompting she might be persuaded to. When you're cuddled up together, tell her how comfortable you feel when you're with her, then ask her whatever it is you'd like her to answer.

It's sharing these little confidences which build up the trust between two people, and if your relationship is going to have any chance of surviving you're going to have to get used to communicating with each other.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah I know. I'm usually quite awkward at that stuff but if i persevere and take it slowly it'll work i suppose. I haven't ever really asked her anything or prompted her for fear of appearing lame or something.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

That's the thing, see. If you're both painfully shy, then the problem is compounded - she'll sense your awkwardness, which will make her more uncomfortable. Try and take the lead - as difficult as this may be for you - and you'll probably find she'll respond positively to it.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

darling boy, we need to talk

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I have to trust someone and have talked endlessly about feelings and backstories before I'll ever cuddle up with them. double cross post

― ffff, Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

We're the opposite. I can sense a lot from her kiss. Sometimes kissing lasts for ages and she really goes for it sometimes. There's definitly passion there.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I strongly suspect she really likes you a lot, but is clearly very shy and is finding it difficult and is maybe expecting you to lead - not as in push her anywhere, but as in take a step and invite her to join you, small steps at a time. There are lots of very, very good suggestions how to do this. Good luck. (And if you want to talk offboard, you know where I am.)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 26 June 2005 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Sigh

Everything is still the same and it's really frustrating. We just talked about how she felt about sex and all she said was that shes no good at talking about feelings and stuff and hadn't really thought about sex. I told her to let me know when shes ready and that I didn't want to pressure her into anything. Then I told her I love her and that i wanted to express it.

I don't even know if i want any advice because I seemed to have tried everything. I just wanted to write down how frustrated i am.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

fuck a bag of gymsocks bro

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

And let her catch you to make her realise how randy you are? That's pretty ludicrous.

― The Gospel Comes to New Guinea (Eastern Mantra), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:26 (twenty years ago)

Maybe I could fuck a washing machine and kill several birds with one stone.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

Vibe on.

― Negativa, True Believer (Sheryl Crow in a Britney costume) (Barima), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:46 (twenty years ago)

vibe on?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:49 (twenty years ago)

could it be some serious body-image problem or somesuch? does she dance? swim? skip?

― jermaine (jnoble), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

She jokingly dances. She is very self-concious though. I've never ever seen her wear a bikini or anything like that. When she swims she does so with a t-shirt on usually.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

Well, I'm presuming you'll be fucking a washing machine that's actually switched on and shaking like a Californian fault line.

x-p

― Negativa, True Believer (Sheryl Crow in a Britney costume) (Barima), Sunday, 31 July 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

she said was that shes no good at talking about feelings and stuff

I think that after six months in a relationship, people either start talking about "feelings and stuff" or start breaking up.

and hadn't really thought about sex.

She is lying to you about this.

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:12 (twenty years ago)

Yeh i guess you are right.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:13 (twenty years ago)

it sounds to me (who has no valid psych training or experience or anything) like it might be deeper even than a fear of sex, possibly even body dismorphic disorder serious? tho thats just a buzzwordy term that i don't know much about in reality.

― jermaine (jnoble), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

I don't know how serious it is. I mean she lets me lick her boobies.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

If you are worried about fucking up this relationship by being too forward, allow me to suggest that this is already one fucked up relationship. This lass is not even slightly prepared for sex. Waiting for her to become prepared on her own will be a lingering and futile exercise.

Having sex with her will not solve this problem, but only advance her from her present state of being a sweet, naive and timid virgin to being a sweet, marginally less naive and still timid non-virgin. That's assuming the best case, Hari. You've acquired a child lover. Don't be fooled by the mature body.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:19 (twenty years ago)

Oh, she's probably just nervous and doesn't know what to say

*thinks back to dim and distant past when I was a scared wee 18 year old*

There is a huge psychological barrier to get past, for some people, and there is a huge difference between thinking about sex, and actually, you know, *doing* it. I know it was a big deal for me, but don't go calling body dismorphic disorder, or any other psychological shenanigans on me. I just thought it wasn't something I should do lightly, and if you don't have a lot of experience of boyfriends, and you're with someone that doesn't really have the ability or willingness to be open about it, then maybe she doesn't think you're the right person yet, or at least she is still unsure.

But yes, you should be able to talk about it by now. You can talk to a load of mentalist strangers but you can't talk to your own girlfriend? Don't you find that just a bit odd?

(xpost, or what Aimless said)

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:23 (twenty years ago)

has she seen you naked?

― ipswich town centre (gareth), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)

Yes. Impress her with the power of teh wang.

― The Original Jimmy Mod (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Sunday, 31 July 2005 16:25 (twenty years ago)

Hari dude you're handsome as Alberta beef, just be less indie in your demeanor. Go dancing w her and be really physical but in a fun way like grabbing her shoulders or throwing her around, but make SURE to do it to your guy friends too so she can't say shit, and then do it to other girls afterwards to make her jealous, and then go back to her. If that doesnt work just hire some hookers and beat the living shit out of them JK JK good luck

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Sunday, 31 July 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

Oh deaR!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Sunday, 31 July 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

she said was that shes no good at talking about feelings and stuff
I think that after six months in a relationship, people either start talking about "feelings and stuff" or start breaking up.
and hadn't really thought about sex.
She is lying to you about this.

Uh, you don't know her, so how can you tell if she's lying? You can assume but never know. For all we know, she might have some issues with touching, sex or closeness. Or be asexual. You just don't know. Be patient but if you're not willing to wait, then you have to address this issue. I don't mean (especially) breaking up, but at least talk about it. Not with us, but with her.

― nathalie sans denouement (stevie nixed), Sunday, 31 July 2005 20:39 (twenty years ago)

Hmm, thinking back to last century (when I was 19), I can remember a similar relationship, with someone I found "fascinating," but who wouldn't reveal much of herself (yeah, both metaphorically and literally). It ended, cos I think we *all* have an in-built idea about the natural progression of things (like being able to talk / share feelings / be naked in front of each other / be a dick and have to apologize in front of each other etc). The thing about that age is that some people just *aren't and may be never be* good at being close. And that's just them. And once you figure out that much of your transferral of mystery / future-bliss won't happen, then it's time to go. Anyway, it sounds like you're getting more frustrated, and that the best thing to do is try something (tell her the backstory! dance naked! pull some kind of stunt!) to see what heppens.

― paulhw (paulhw), Sunday, 31 July 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

Well after being frustrated I told her that sharing feelings wasn't exactly a hobbie of mine but i do it anyway because it's important. And I told her that the relationship isn't going to work if she can't do the same. She said she would try. I mean we do talk about these things sometimes but anytime we do she goes very quiet and seems very intimidated.

I'm gonna leave it at that for the moment and see if she does make an effort and if it improves things and go from there. This girl is really special to me otherwise I would have given up a couple of months ago.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 22:18 (twenty years ago)

i dunno just how much he was kidding (maybe i'd leave out the 'do it to other girls bit' in addition to the hooker beating) but i was trying to formulate some advice similar to lecoq's actually - next time you have some opportunity to be physical with her, maybe in a social setting, do something bold and surprising, but not in a way thats aggressive or embarrassing to her, and see if your newfound bodily freedom doesnt inspire *any* kind of new or different reaction in her

― jermaine (jnoble), Sunday, 31 July 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

really tho, i aint the guy to be giving advice like this, so take it from whence it comes

― jermaine (jnoble), Sunday, 31 July 2005 22:58 (twenty years ago)

Heh, It's all pretty sensible sounding.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:01 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

threads over a year old

― Hairy Asshurt (Toaster), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:09 (twenty years ago)

So how's it going, Hairy Asshurt? :-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:14 (twenty years ago)

it's going ok

stressful time of year but 11 months of togetherness is cool. Sex too.

― Hairy Asshurt (Toaster), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

― Roxymuzak, Mrs. Carbohydrate (roxymuzak), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:58 (twenty years ago)

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:58 (twenty years ago)

So I guess you finally DID make a move on this girl.

― Roxymuzak, Mrs. Carbohydrate (roxymuzak), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:07 (twenty years ago)

...and it only took a whole year for this guy to get laid. Be proud of yourselves, ILM'ers.

― Jo$eph, Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

this is the sweetest thread ive ever seen. i just want to post to be a part of it.

― JD from CDepot, Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:30 (twenty years ago)

hey joseph!

― sunny successor (katharine), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

Heh, I now have a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. :-)

― Cracks (Crackity), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

So he's having sex with you then?

― StanM (StanM), Thursday, 15 December 2005 21:35 (twenty years ago)

Is this the first time someone's started a random lust thread and actually pulled? (Well, apart from Strongo and the teenage lesbians).

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 15 December 2005 21:40 (twenty years ago)

Strongo and the teenage lesbians

This sounds like the first book in a series.

― Dan (Or A Band) Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 15 December 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

Matt I remind you of KNEE IN BALLS COFFEESHOP GIRL.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 15 December 2005 21:48 (twenty years ago)

strongo will not be penning any advice columns

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 15 December 2005 22:32 (twenty years ago)

o i loved that thread so much

― jim p. irrelevant (electricsound), Thursday, 15 December 2005 22:46 (twenty years ago)

it was a bleak time

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 15 December 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

2004, man

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 15 December 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

picking up this waitress

― kit brash (kit brash), Saturday, 17 December 2005 01:07 (twenty years ago)

Well, apart from Strongo and the teenage lesbians).

wha?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 17 December 2005 01:13 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

So tonight i asked her out.

and she said yes.

she's my girlfriend - HAPPY ENDING

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), January 22nd, 2005.

― Hairy Asshurt (Toaster), Monday, 23 January 2006 17:18 (twenty years ago)

Happy anniversary :)

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 23 January 2006 17:24 (twenty years ago)

thanks :)

I'm back at uni now so i didn't actually see her, but before I left for here earlier in january i took her out to a V. expensive resteraunt and got her a rose and all that stuff, which i think she liked.

― Hairy Asshurt (Toaster), Monday, 23 January 2006 17:26 (twenty years ago)

you two are so cute.

one year passes...

If anybody still cares

I'm breaking up with this girl tommorow :(

Currently torturing myself with this thread.

― H-ari A-shurst, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:16 (nineteen years ago)

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

I hate sad endings. :(

But stop torturing yourself with this thread; it's not going to help anything.

― Sara R-C, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

wish i had a bitch i wanted to make a move on

― and what, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

so sad

― lfam, Friday, 9 March 2007 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

why Hari?

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 9 March 2007 20:18 (nineteen years ago)

I dunno, it kinda feels like we're more like friends now. We've drifted lately. And I think that it's clear that we're not going to be together forever. We've had a great two years, but I think it's a a good time to end things.

I'm still mighty sad though.

― H-ari A-shurst, Friday, 9 March 2007 20:29 (nineteen years ago)

re-reading this thread would kill me if i were in your shoes. i had a vv similar relationship at age nineteen!

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 9 March 2007 21:51 (nineteen years ago)

Aw :-( Breaking up is so rough, even if you're the one doing the breaking.

― ENBB, Friday, 9 March 2007 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

Aw Hari :( I'd been wondering where you were at, I'm sorry to hear things have ended for you with her.

― Trayce, Friday, 9 March 2007 21:59 (nineteen years ago)

Currently torturing myself with this thread.

Hi dere my life last summer

― JW, Friday, 9 March 2007 22:01 (nineteen years ago)

Ok yeah, I think I'll stay out of here for a bit.

Good to see some old timers though. I plan to post here a bit more now :)

― H-ari A-shurst, Friday, 9 March 2007 23:37 (nineteen years ago)

Are you going to join a nu-rave band? :D

― JW, Friday, 9 March 2007 23:40 (nineteen years ago)

come back and let us know how the breakup goes.

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 9 March 2007 23:41 (nineteen years ago)

oof, good luck dude.

― ian, Saturday, 10 March 2007 05:19 (nineteen years ago)

It's not bad per se. If you know it's doomed, then break up. Hard at first, but it gets easier. Good luck!

― nathalie, Saturday, 10 March 2007 07:28 (nineteen years ago)

sorry man, thats sad.

― titchyschneiderMk2, Saturday, 10 March 2007 11:00 (nineteen years ago)

it's nice to see you again, hari, but are you just going to hang out with us until you meet another girl and then ditch us again? because i don't think we can't handle that, we are just learning to laugh and trust again.

― estela, Saturday, 10 March 2007 11:15 (nineteen years ago)

I empathise as I am also going through some bad stuff like this at the moment...though not so clearcut, hope it's all ok for you Hari.

― Ronan, Saturday, 10 March 2007 12:54 (nineteen years ago)

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