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Does it really matter? Are women really disappointed when they finally get to go to bed with someone and discover he's not hung like a donkey? Could a small dick really be a source of major dissatisfaction if you like the guy in all other respects? Um, a shy friend asked me to post this thread, you understand...

― Rafael S., Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:08 (twenty years ago)

Surely we've talked about this before.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:12 (twenty years ago)

Vagina size: Does it really matter? Are men really disappointed when they finally get to go to bed with someone and discover she's not tight like a Ziploc bag? Could a loose pussy really be a source of major dissatisfaction if you like the girl in all other respects? Um, a shy friend asked me to post this thread, you understand...

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

lol

― battlingspacemonkey (battlingspacemonkey), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

Could a loose pussy really be a source of major dissatisfaction if you like the girl in all other respects?

Yeah.

So that should answer all questions.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

There's a little something called oral sex for the less-endowed. Mind you, the vagina on average is usually only about seven inches in length, and the first four inches or so is where all the sensation is felt.

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

So tell me, is there still some kind of, you know, "friction"? Or is it like throwing a pencil down a hallway?

― Stewie is my hero (nickalicious), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

I most definitely like a big cock. Sorry.

On the other hand, sexual preferences vary a hell of a lot and not all women care that much about size.

― Melinda_, Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes I wish I was gay, just because I love to say "cock".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

Or is it like throwing a pencil down a hallway?

Hot dog down a hallway, nicka, hot dog. A small one.

― giboyeux (skowly), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

There's a little something called oral sex for the less-endowed.

This is not a cure-all.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

HOTDOG

― I STAND CORRECTED (nickalicious), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)

I've always preferred the "glass of warm water" analogy.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

Please elucidate.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:32 (twenty years ago)

(easiest derail ever)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Like sticking your dick in a glass of warm water. Upside: you last forever.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Labia hotdog! The little brother of titfuck the ass! Yes! HAHA! xxxpost

There's a little something called oral sex for the less-endowed.

This is not a cure-all.
Oh, I'm sorry, I wouldn't know! It was a matter of conjecture...

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Erm, my triple-x post was actually a quadruple x-post.

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

Ian, I think all that RYL listening is getting to you.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

Rafael, jokes aside, I know this can be a painful subject. For a long time I didn't have a good concept of how big was big and how small was small, so I agonized over this a lot when I was younger. Anyway, I've found that this issue varies for women -- for some, too big is actually much more of a problem than too small (at least that's what they tell me ...). I'm not going to ask you to post your size, but you can probably find info through Google on what's actually considered "average," and keep in mind that since it's an average, there's a decent range on either side of that that's still "functional." Anyway, I doubt most women, if they really want to be with you, will make it a deciding factor, so don't sweat it.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

i wouldn't know

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

Ian, I think all that RYL listening is getting to you.

You're probably right. And I still don't have the box set because I'm incredibly fucking broke from my Orlando sojourn!

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

Are men really disappointed when they finally get to go to bed with someone and discover she's not tight like a Ziploc bag? Could a loose pussy really be a source of major dissatisfaction if you like the girl in all other respects?
But, there are exercises for that!

To the question at hand, it's not about the size of your boat, it's about the motion of the ocean (or whatever). If I had to choose though, I'd rather have a yacht than a sailboat.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

Like sticking your dick in a glass of warm water. Upside: you last forever.

Downside: You end up peeing

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:50 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes I wish I was gay, just because I love to say "cock".

I don't know why you have to be gay to say "cock." Surely you can say it in reference to your own? I do this all the time! Er.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

JAYMC HAS AN ENORMOUS COCK.

Like that.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

Ok, that was kinda gay.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

Upside down: your lap gets wet.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

But, there are exercises for that!

There are exercises for men, too! And pills, and vacuum pumps and etc etc etc.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

(xpost) EXACTLY.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

I don't like the word "enormous," though, I've decided.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

"Grandiose" is more your speed?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

xpost An exercise to make your dick grow? I'm probably going regret this but: link?

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)

As I've been told, girth is a more important factor than length.

― elmo (allocryptic), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)

GIGANTIC
GIGANTIC
GIGANTIC
A BIG BIG LOVE

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

I'm not providing a link as it would involve a bad google search to do while at work. The process is called... jelking, I think?

(Spam has so much to answer for in terms of my poor, tattered innocence.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

Finally, Rafael, what's the use in worrying about something that you can do, essentially, nothing about? If the size of your cock is a deal-breaker, she wasn't for you, and probably for the better. There are lots of ways for people to get each other off and discovering them is what a relationship is all about.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

If the size of your cock is a deal-breaker

As opposed to the size of a deal being a cockbreaker.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

There are lots of ways for people to get each other off and discovering them is what a relationship is all about.

"Now, amortize the interest. Yeah, that's it... AMORTIZE THE INTEREST, YOU HOT BITCH! OH GOD, I'M CALCULATING THE PMI! OOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

Accountant sex!

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

I have to be honest here, a guy with a 3 inch cock isn't going to be able to do the same as a guy with a 6 inch cock. So depending on your size, the women in question may or may not be satisfied. If she is unhappy about it, then she is not for you. If she can deal with it then it's all good.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:00 (twenty years ago)

On the other hand, if you have two three inch cocks, you can get a job in fetish porn.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

yeah, it seems that this matters to more women than you'd think. But if it makes you feel any better, every size-queeen I've ever known has had a somewhat skewed and immature attitude towards sexuality/ relationships.

(unless you've got, like, a really, really tiny cock)

― jen&tonics, Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

There are lots of ways for people to get each other off and discovering them is what a relationship is all about.

"Ann Coulter taking it up the ass" to thread!

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

But if it makes you feel any better, every size-queeen I've ever known has had a somewhat skewed and immature attitude towards sexuality/ relationships.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

Coulter can go fuck Ewoks as far as I'm concerned.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

You and this Ewok-fucking business...

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

They're like midget hippies but more intelligible.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

So it really would be a punishment for her.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

Much as I expected. Thread dominated by guys, who offer jokes and varying degrees of support. The few women who turn up unanimously say they prefer a big dick.

Oh well.

― Rafael S., Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

It could be worse, Rafael. You could have to worry about penile fractures.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:10 (twenty years ago)

-- M. White (deir...), June 30th, 2005.

This is a healthy attitude, I think. And keep in mind there are lots of things guys are insecure about -- height, weight, intelligence, looks in general, and most guys probably have one or more of these things to be insecure about. And most of them eventually manage to get past it and find someone to be with anyway.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

The two serious girlfriends I've been with have decidedly not preferred a big dick (which is not to say they preferred SMALL ... ahem, ahem). They also both happened to be somewhat petite women -- I honestly don't know if there's a connection, but I wonder.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

There are a lot of factors involved in being a good lover, remember. Penis size may or may not be one of them. Paying attention always is. Learning the subtleties of her body and how she responds ALWAYS is. Having real, not manufactured, passion always is. Taking cues, understanding the way different women express themselves sexually and how to respond to each situation, all of these things are WAY more key than having a huge cock. It's not about eating pussy, and it's not about not eating pussy. It's not about fucking her really hard, and it's not about not fucking her really hard. It's a goddamn skill, and you can develp it (under certain circumstances, I suppose). But more than a skill, it's a VALUE. Sex has to be important to you. Pleasing your partner has to be important to you. Women respond to that more than anything else, big or small cock, confidence or no confidence, whatever.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

They also both happened to be somewhat petite women

I love me some skinny white girls.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

Women respond to that more than anything else

Well, there are exception to even that. Inept eagerness doesn't go over so well, either.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

R, there are always dildos. Straight couples use them, and there are harnesses made for men to wear. You are so not the only guy with this issue, and there is plenty you can do about it.

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

Paunch and Jeanne OTM. There's the final answer, thank you for playing Who Wants to Kill Regis Philbin?, good night.

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

I think I like being called "Paunch."

http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/images_tv/chips_1.jpg

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:31 (twenty years ago)

Is it true that paunch size is important to women?

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

Oh Rafael, that actually reminds me of one more thing. Are you (or your shy friend) at all overweight? Because if you are, losing some weight can actually make a slight difference in size -- it sort of gets buried under the fat, you see. I was psyched to discover this when I lost some weight.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

I don't have a preference. But in all honesty, I've never had good sex so I don't really know the difference.

― female ilxor who has logged out, Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

You would not by any chance be a skinny white girl, would you?

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

Kidding. I'm sorry, just being a bit of a creep.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

WHERE ARE THE WHITE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean, who the hell knows if size matters. can you really trust women with something like this? (perhaps im jaded from bad relationships)

― Kacerou, Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

Joan was a junkie, anyway.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 16:01 (twenty years ago)

I never really wondered why Hurting was called that before. Now I am wondering. A lot.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 30 June 2005 16:08 (twenty years ago)

i've been with both ends of the size spectrum & honestly, it depends. some days i want more & some days I want less. you can always get more, but you can't really take away & for that, i think i'd honestly prefer someone on the smaller side of things than the larger. dildos are good, communication is key. i mean, if you're upfront about feeling small, and you have conversations about it . . . i think it would be really sexy for a man to open the door to experimenting with different things, small penis size or not, because he was so upfront about wanting sex to be satisfying for both of us. if i knew he felt inadequate at all about his size, i'd be sensitive to that, but i'd also like to know that if i wanted something larger sometimes that it would be okay to ask for it. but, at the end of the day, sex is so much more than size, and i believe any respectable woman will tell you that (xpost to a lot of people for that).

― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:10 (twenty years ago)

Kelsey is wise and saavy.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:31 (twenty years ago)

I'd be worried about my balls and pubic bone if I wore a strap-on.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

Err...holy xpost. I don't really get the strap on thing either.

kelsey definitely OTM

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

i would hope that there are strap ons made for boys that would fit more comfortably than that!!

― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

Beginner's Hollow Strap-on

The perfect strap-on toy for him or her! This sexy, realistically detailed dong is hollow inside, allowing men with erection difficulties -- and women! -- to enjoy the excitement of pleasuring their lover with a full stiff cock. Beginner's Hollow Strap-On is easy to use and has an attached, stretchable harness that holds the dong comfortably, securely in place. It's your key to exciting new realms of eroticism! Harness is one-size-fits-most. 6-1/2' x 1-3/4' dong is made of sensuously smooth vinyl.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

Thanks, Ned!

― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

i'm sorry to say but hollow shit suxs i hate using my hand to guide the shit in i'm bisexual and i've never since any of my x-bf use their hand to guide it in it just goes is but hallow stap on sux not only that but people need to make a strap on that WOMEN can actually feel we are going into our partner....i hate to fuck and hold make somehthing actuall y realistic interview an actaul guy and see what he feel or if he even has to hold on to his dick when he penetrates before you call it realistic sorry but i am still lookin for a real non bending dildo where i can fuck my girl.... call me a critic of dildos

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

word.

― critic of dildos (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

That last line needs to be a new meme. xpost!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

I can't open that link but I can tell I wouldn't be able to use that contraption from the blurb. Nonetheless, uh, thanks Ned.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

OMG, the fact that Ned provided that info. Whoa.

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

Hey, I just thought, "Huh, wonder what happened if you plug 'hollow strap-on' into google..."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

"plug"

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

Choice of words intentional.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

only 6 1/2? Why bother?

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)

Well, that was for beginners. The next step is the vibrating kind.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:01 (twenty years ago)

That doesn't look any bigger, Ned.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:02 (twenty years ago)

I don't mean to brag, but I don't think I could fit my penis inside of something that was only 6 1/2 inches long and no wider than a normal penis. Look at all the padding in there!

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:04 (twenty years ago)

only 6 1/2? Why bother?

That's what I was thinking, but I didn't want to come across like a size queen even more. I'm probably going to regret saying this logged in, but if your dick is too small, become an anal sex expert and buy a big dildo for your woman. Problem solved.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

I've recommended this woman before, right?

http://www.puckerup.com/home/?&=

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:08 (twenty years ago)

"THERE ARE PHENOMENAL DOUBTS THAT YOU JUST CANNOT HIDE WHEN YOU'RE WAKING UP INSIDE!!!" [/Julian Cope]

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)

that's a good point about the anal sex, cand. i wouldn't think about letting anyone particularly large in the back door.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

Is it weird that I'm not particularly interested in anal sex? I was thinking about this last night.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Giving or receiving?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

when it comes to anal sex, it's not the size of the boat that matters but the motion and the lotion.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

(xpost) Well, either, I suppose.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

Are there any threads about sexuality on ILX that don't end up turning into anal sex pro/con discussions?

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:24 (twenty years ago)

Should there be?

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:27 (twenty years ago)

Fucking xposts everywhere.

jaymc: Yes, you're weird.
Anthony brings the funny.
I haven't seen any mention of anal in the sex addict thread...

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:27 (twenty years ago)

gotta rectify that

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

"rectify"

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:29 (twenty years ago)

i have little or no interest in sex, in general!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)

gotta rectify that

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)

General Lee?

http://www.dankind.com/images/entries/charger.jpg

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:31 (twenty years ago)

That's okay, Mandee, some of us have enough for everybody! (I'm not a sex addict though...)

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:31 (twenty years ago)

not particularly interested in anal sex = not particualrly interested in having a g-spot orgasm.

Not that you have a g-spot, john. What I mean is, don't limit yourself. Butts are great.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:31 (twenty years ago)

rec·ti·fy ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rkt-f)
tr.v. rec·ti·fied, rec·ti·fy·ing, rec·ti·fies
To set right; correct.
To correct by calculation or adjustment. See Synonyms at correct.
Chemistry. To refine or purify, especially by distillation.
Electronics. To convert (alternating current) into direct current.
To adjust (the proof of alcoholic beverages) by adding water or other liquids.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

To convert (alternating current) into direct current.

My buttsex is like WO.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

This would maybe be a more pressing issue if I was actually ever having sex with anyone, period.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:34 (twenty years ago)

To adjust by adding water or other liquids.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:34 (twenty years ago)

"pressing"

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:34 (twenty years ago)

jaymc, i don't think you're weird. i wasn't open to the possibility for a long time. in fact, i haven't gone "all the way," but you know, the butt is nice.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

yes, i know.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

it's still weird talking to you on these threads.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:36 (twenty years ago)

Are there any threads ~~about sexuality~~ on ILX that don't end up turning into anal sex pro/con discussions?

wow, mega xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

This would maybe be a more pressing issue if I was actually ever having sex with anyone, period.

Having penetrative sex during your/your partner's period: classic or dud

― matlewis, Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

"Baby, I'mma rectify that ass. By which I mean refine or purify, especially by distillation. Let me love you down."

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

err.. how does one turn that into a link to the thread of the same name?

― matlewis, Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

yeah, i know. whatever.
xpost.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

matlewis: just post the URL, it automatically converts it to a title.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:39 (twenty years ago)

you learn something new everyday

rec·to ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rkt)
n. pl. rec·tos
A right-hand page of a book or the front side of a leaf, on the other side of the verso.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:42 (twenty years ago)

Dan, when did you start channelling Smoove B?

― J (Jay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

You imply there was a start point.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:46 (twenty years ago)

No diggity, no doubt.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:47 (twenty years ago)

Oh,and btw it's called jelquing.

― J (Jay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:48 (twenty years ago)

Not that I've read about it or anything . . . uh, I gotta go.

― J (Jay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:52 (twenty years ago)

i think momus has been doing that jelquing thing

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

Do 200-300 strokes/day
Yes, I'm sure you have other things to attend to, eh!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

twas an xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:57 (twenty years ago)

xpost Maybe he was born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 18:57 (twenty years ago)

And from within one to several months of exercise, the penis will appear rather enormous; this is due to the impaction of blood in the penile tissues.

Eh...am I alone in thinking mind over matter there?

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

http://archive.salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/04/12/salvini/index.html

This guy claims he's doubled his penis size by jelqing . . . in salon.com!

― J (Jay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

Goodness gracious. In a way, I want to see for myself if it makes a difference, but I'm already perfectly content with my lot and so I won't bother.

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:32 (twenty years ago)

It just seems so time-consumming. Then again, the same can be said about Kegel's.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

Plus you don't need to molest a PVC pipe when you do Kegel's.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

Well, even if you don't need to . . .

― J (Jay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

oh snap, i must have downloaded the wrong instructions

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

Of all the awful contexts for the phrase "oh snap"...!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

I never really wondered why Hurting was called that before. Now I am wondering. A lot.

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), June 30th, 2005.

It's cuz I hurt 'em so good.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 30 June 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

To most people, Mike Salvini might appear to be, well, a freak. Besides the fact that he's a recovering obsessive-compulsive heroin addict with agoraphobia, who in their right mind stretches his penis over a length of plastic pipe? But Mike Salvini is a hero and an inspiration to thousands of men who dream of building their own fearsome endowments -- not because of how big he is, but because of how far he's come. He's not Mike Salvini to them, though; he's Double Long Daddy, guru of natural penis enlargement. And before he calls it quits, he wants to have the largest dick in the world.

Double Long Daddy....bwahaha!

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

You can encourage circulation afterward by slapping your penis up and down 25 - 50 times.

OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

I could never do this because my penis doesn't owe me money.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

IF IT DOESN'T DO WHAT YOU TELL IT TO, YOU HAVE TO FEED IT TO THE LIONS AFTER SLAPPING IT AROUND

omg omg hahahaha that website is giving me pains.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Oh, Dan and Ally. You're on a roll today!

― Candicissima (candicissima), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

But Mike Salvini is a hero and an inspiration to thousands of men who dream of building their own fearsome endowments -- not because of how big he is, but because of how far he's come.

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

I could never do this because my penis doesn't owe me money.

Mine sure does.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

I mean correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like this magical penis enlargement technique is, like, masturbation, but, like, not finishing. And, apparently, doing this and finishing can cause SERIOUS DAMAGE TO YOUR PENIS.

Questions raised:
A) shouldn't there be a lot of huge dicked men around who were, like, interrupted by their parents coming home a bunch of times while a teenager?
B) shouldn't there be a lot of SERIOUSLY DAMAGED people running around??

WTF!

Hahaha maybe it's all in the slapping it up and down technique? I wonder if it makes a funny fwappy noise.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

Mine owes me an explanation!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

OSCILLaTE YOUR WEINER

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

I wonder if it makes a funny fwappy noise.

of course!

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

FAPPO!

― The Ghost of This Goes Out To All My ILCers (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

But if it makes you feel any better, every size-queeen I've ever known has had a somewhat skewed and immature attitude towards sexuality/ relationships.

hmmm... this is somewhat otm. I used to live/ hang out with a couple of older, ummm sexually liberated chicks when I was in college and this was a frequent topic (which I found fascinating and often hilarious. The recounts of trysts with hair band royalty were classique). But at some point it was like "you're going to completely dismiss a potentially caring, stable relationship over a couple of inches of flesh. How incredibly sad."

note: this post is in no way meant to criticize the sexually liberated female. They are the reason I get up in the morning.

― Will(iam), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

I could never do this because my penis doesn't owe me money.
Mine sure does.

-- M. White (deir...)

roffle city!!

― Will(iam), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

Ally, frankly I'm surprised. I can't tell you how many girls have slapped my post-coital penis on my thighs. I though all girls had done this at least once.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

"the reason I get up in the morning"

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:21 (twenty years ago)

I have never, in my life, slapped someone's dick. Maybe I should, to get back at manfolk for the number of dudes who have fwapped around my boobs like they're goddamn cat toys instead of, like, parts of a human body.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

I mean I might be missing out on all this dick smacking action. Who knew?

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:24 (twenty years ago)

I like smaking people with my dick.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

Agreed.

― Jimmy Mod Is Sick of Being The Best At Everything (ModJ), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

Is that 's' superfluous, Thermo?

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

(okay Ally is going to get my fired because I cannot properly stifle the ROFFLE)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

I can't even imagine the kind of response I'd get if I'd smacked like any of my boyfriends' dicks! They'd probably shove my boobs up to my chin and make some kind of amusing honk-honk noise in retaliation!

Of course maybe that's what Mr. White has been doing in response, I mean I wouldn't know. Where did you find these women, I'd like to meet them.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

I used the expression "cockpunch" last night and one of my (female) friends assumed that it meant to punch someone WITH the cock. Oh how we roffled. We were drunkened.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

I don't know that anyone's ever outright SMACKED my dick, but there's definitely been boing-boing time.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

cock!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

OK smacking someone with it, I get, but you'd have to have some kind of cock of steel to punch someone with it.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

Exactly.

― Jimmy Mod Is Sick of Being The Best At Everything (ModJ), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

(How much trouble would I be in if I made a joke about a certain someone listing all of the song titles from 69 Love Songs in response to getting his dick smacked, like pulling the string on one of those old Fisher-Price farm animal wheelie things?)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

I'd be more of a jab really.

xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

"cock of steel" gives very disappointing GIS results.

(DAN, YOU AWFUL MANG)

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

I've used the word "cocksmack" as an insult. It was really popular when I was in 8th grade.

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

I don't mean slapping my dick. I mean slapping my thigh with it.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Being a champion box eater will beat any penile/vaginal action any day.

― The New and Improved / Kate (papa november), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Stop using sex as a weapon.

― Pat Benatar (Haikunym), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

http://www.collectmad.com/COLLECTIBLES/wheaties.jpg

xpost

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

ugh, the word "box."

plus, "champion box eater" just makes me think of wheaties. (XPOST!!)

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

Listen, grabbing hold of someone's dick and smacking other things with it doesn't seem like much of an improvement on outright smacking someone in the genitals! But I will try it, I mean apparently it's helpful, ask that website!

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:40 (twenty years ago)

ILX is truly the most educational website on the internet.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

Dan you have ruined fisher-price farm animal toys for me forever.
Now I am thinking of spreading goatse complete with the barn door opening moo moo sound.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

so so wrong.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

Bah, I actually have to work for an hour and all this hilarious insanity breaks out and I miss it! Sorta. Well done all of you.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:47 (twenty years ago)

Listen, grabbing hold of someone's dick and smacking other things with it doesn't seem like much of an improvement on outright smacking someone in the genitals!

One of the reasons I don't crazy with a girls tits is because I know that they can be sensitive. My balls are sensitive to impact but much more so than Herr Cock so a little light slapping isn't painful the way a slap to the groin generally would be. (Can't believe I'm posting this)

That said, I once smacked the wee bairn up against a guy's shoulder trying to make an interception during recess in Middle School. The testes were unharmed. The little beast however was purrple and bruised so there are limits to the blunt force trauma one can comfortably sustain.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:48 (twenty years ago)

Carzy is apparently a verb. Oh well.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:49 (twenty years ago)

"Purrple Rain" = Prince covers Xtina. If you will.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

"covers"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:51 (twenty years ago)

I'm feeling all dylsexic today.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

As I implied, Dan.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

There should be a sport with two teams of naked men running around trying to slap the peni of the men on the other team. It would be hilarious!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

I think that's been done:

Favorite unintentionally homoerotic sports imagery

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:53 (twenty years ago)

Though I guess they'd just put together teams of men with really small peni, to make it more difficult. Which would be even more hilarious! Imagine the draft!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Imagine the stats!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Imagine the slo-mo replays!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Use lube would be the equivalent of the spitball!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:55 (twenty years ago)

Imagine the steroid abuse!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:55 (twenty years ago)

Imagine the weighing-in.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:55 (twenty years ago)

"And the Russians have been accused of stuffing their nutsacks with steroids..."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:55 (twenty years ago)

Bah xpost.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

Only one thing could make this idea better: roller skates.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

What would the slang terms for this new sport be? The equivalent of 'air ball' or 'no harm, no foul'?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

Color commentator Ron Jeremy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

Rollerdick fencing? What are you people smoking?

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:57 (twenty years ago)

When epee battles saber.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:57 (twenty years ago)

Curses! Foiled again.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

Bruce Dickinson's skill at fencing and castrato wail both explained at once.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

The fancy plural of penis is penes.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

Color commentator

Yes, to lighten things up a bit. The other commentator would be an ex-coach and talk very technically and make astute observations about the technique and finesse of this noble sport. Ron Jeremy would make dick jokes.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 30 June 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

"And today on the Tour de Penes..."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 21:00 (twenty years ago)

What kind of pasta did you say that was?

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 June 2005 21:00 (twenty years ago)

Alfredo.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 June 2005 21:00 (twenty years ago)

Bring Me the "Head" of Alfredo Garcia

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 21:01 (twenty years ago)

I kinda feel like the demiurge . . . I just start the ball rolling in the right direction . . . .

― J (Jay), Thursday, 30 June 2005 21:37 (twenty years ago)

You people are such dickslaps!

ugh, the word "box."
You don't like "box lunch at the Y" at all? I know I do!

― Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 30 June 2005 22:28 (twenty years ago)

Okay, so now that I'm not at work I looked at the jelquing page and ROFFLE-US MAXIMUS

It will be noticed that the head (or glans) becomes extremely red and that it will swell considerably. This is normal and good, and is due to the forcing of blood to that area.

"normal and good"??????

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 1 July 2005 00:37 (twenty years ago)

As opposed to abnormal and bad, you filthy communist.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 1 July 2005 00:40 (twenty years ago)

"Dude, are you okay??? It looks like you're smuggling a coconut in your shorts!"

"Naw man, I've been jelquing. That swelling is normal and good."

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 1 July 2005 00:43 (twenty years ago)

Dude, Where's My Jelque?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 1 July 2005 00:44 (twenty years ago)

Of the 'most popular men' pages on Passion.com, they are ALL hugely, incredibly hung. Just sayin'

― slap, Friday, 1 July 2005 02:18 (twenty years ago)

That swelling is normal and good

Well, you have to put it in perspective, Dan. I mean compared to having tiny white spiders shooting out of your . . . shit, I've said too much again.

― J (Jay), Friday, 1 July 2005 12:52 (twenty years ago)

I was just talking to a friend of mine who's a film lecturer about 9 Songs, the Michael Winterbottom film with the music and the shagging and the gratuitous shots of Gruey's cock, and he pointed out that showing graphic shots of penises and vaginas and oral sex and whatnot would only actually start "transgressing boundaries" when one of these mainstream art/sex films with lots of cock shots features an actor with a small penis rather than your standard Ewan Macgregor / Gruey / sizable dong man.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Friday, 1 July 2005 14:36 (twenty years ago)

What, like Harvey Keitel?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 1 July 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

Dan! It was cold that day. C'mon, man.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 1 July 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

lol @ that "jelquing" page.

OMG random googlers??!!

The worst thing is that I read the first page and I was like omg what if it works? then I read the instructions, urgh.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 1 July 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

I for one welcome our new random-googlers-with-small-dicks overlords.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 1 July 2005 15:35 (twenty years ago)

"what the fuck are you doing in there"

"I'm jelquing, woman! Stop laughing, it's for your benefit!!"

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 1 July 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

fucking a Harvey Keitel. Jesus I have successfully blocked all that from my mind, let's please never mention Harvey Keitel's penis again.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Friday, 1 July 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

Harry K-Tel
I hate your famous guts
I know girls are sitting ducks
I know you've got the bucks
But what gets me is you schmucks
Think you can hit on any girl in the world
Without denting your fronts
As if morals themselves are simply image
Like you've got this gold-plated credit card charisma
To cover all the damage
Harry K-Tel the method actor once asked my sister to tweak
His tits while he jiggled and jangled his allegedly undersized cock
I don't think she complied (though maybe she lied)
But for the next three weeks
They had phone sex every morning between Scotland and New York
I hate your famous guts

How he jiggled his cock and tweaked his own nipples
While holding the telephone
Beggars the imagination, truly
But would be a lot more interesting to watch
Than one of Harry's movies

As written by a man we all know and love.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 1 July 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha I thought that link would be to someone else's website, I was like wow that's really really edgy for Tr4in0!

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Friday, 1 July 2005 17:01 (twenty years ago)

HAHA!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 1 July 2005 17:02 (twenty years ago)

Teabagging to thread.

[guess what this is a picture of? -mod]

― Smack my bitch up., Friday, 1 July 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

A New Book Entitled 'HUNG' Dispels the Myth About Sexual Prowess in African American Males

NEW YORK, Oct. 18 /PRNewswire/ -- When did we begin to buy into the belief that African American men are hugely, powerfully, and sexually endowed, and why do we continue to believe? Pop-culture journalist and author, Scott Poulson-Bryant, answers these questions and many others.

In his new book entitled "HUNG: A Meditation on the Measure of Black Men in America" (Doubleday), Mr. Poulson-Bryant exposes the sociological, psychological and historical reasons this idea has lasted through the years. The book uncovers and reaches under the covers to spotlight our obsession with the African American males sexuality and penis size.

Going back to slavery and the civil rights movement to Hollywood's blaxploitation of sex, Mr. Poulson-Bryant illustrates America's fixation through interviews, personal experiences and historical illustrations.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

STOP IT JE4NN3 UR RUINING EVERTHING

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

"personal experiences"

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:03 (twenty years ago)

omg, Dan, can we refer to you as TEH GHOST OF BLACK PROWESS? (I hate myself.)

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

OMG

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

The Ghost of Leaving Exit Wounds.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

black sexual prowess is a matter of faith. science cannot prove or disprove it.

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 22:16 (twenty years ago)

Science can but try.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 22:19 (twenty years ago)

i can vouch for dan

― strng hlkngtn: what does it mean? (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 22:49 (twenty years ago)

Eddie Murphy to thread.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 23:07 (twenty years ago)

GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!

― mighty mouse, Thursday, 20 October 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

i read an excerpt of this in vibe. it looked lame.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 20 October 2005 03:48 (twenty years ago)

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