Anticipating BEOWULF.

Honestly, I thought this was a parody thread. I'm shocked.

I'm not.

SCENE: HOLLYWOOD

PERSONAGE WITH MONEY: "They aren't making any more of those hobbit films. I smell an opportunity! Is that schmuck Zemeckis doing anything these days?"

http://www.fangoria.com/graphics/articles/3743_article.jpg

Still, I thought this was a parody thread too!! wtf

Then there is Angelina Jolie as the demon mother. Good God. If you've ever thought Jolie was attractive at all you will explode when you see her in this. The stills they showed me had her naked with this T-1000 like liquid gold covering parts of her body. There were 3 photos with varying degrees of skin shown, the last just barely covered what the skimpiest of bikini bottoms would cover. Her face is absolute evil seductress, as pretty as she's ever appeared on film before. Va-va-voom!

Thank you, Mr. Nerd. And:

Grendel looks absolutely nothing like Crispin Glover, at least in the stills I saw... well, he did look creepy and Glover is creepy, but it didn't look like Crispin in make-up or a suit. Actually, if he shared a resemblance to any cast member I'd say there was a slight Anthony Hopkins look to his face. According to Avary, he and Neil Gaiman went to the original epic poem and did as literal a translation as possible, with the only liberties filling in holes in the story, either gaps in time or something left unexplained.

Thank you very much.

now imagine that's Crispin Glover instead!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

GOD

WHAT THE HELL

Uh:

http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2007-07/31402365.jpg

The first thing that leapt to mind was Alexander:

Angelina Jolie's lips look even fuller than usual. She's emerging naked from a pool of dank cave water, rivulets of gold streaming gently down her body.

"Giiiif meee sonnnn," she coos, in an Old English accent.

That new Mangroomer commercial looks rad

Adapted from the oldest story in the English language, "Beowulf" is a hyper violent and highly sexualized tale of the warrior Beowulf (Ray Winstone) who must slay the monster Grendel (Crispin Glover). Later, Grendel's mother (Jolie) seduces Beowulf so that she can produce a replacement heir that will allow her to reestablish her dominion over the kingdom. (Hence, Giiiif meee sonnn.)

http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2007-07/31402371.jpg

Most useless bit of random info EVER at the end here:

Winstone is actually 50 years old, but thanks to wizardry of motion capture technology, he and other main characters age onscreen from teenagers to 70-year-olds as the film progresses. "It's been a long time since I've looked 17 or 18 years old," Winstone said, on a call from the set of "Indiana Jones IV," in which he plays a character called "Mac."

it is kinda awesome that Crispin is in this

it looks rubbish! most of these films do

this will be the best movie of all time

is there a trailer somewhere?

I hope there's hella mead-passing in this film. That's really all I remember from the book: mead dranking in a mead hall decorated with an arm. That and some really, really boring poem about a king.

was seamus heaney the script doctor?

I keep reading Winstone as Walston.

Adapted from the oldest story in the English language

erm... uh...

this will be in 3-d

I have grown to really like ray winstone tbh

he's in Indiana Jones 4!!!

he was my favorite gangster in The Departed!!

he was the extremely prolific dad-knight who yelled a lot in King Arthur!!!

Wau, is this going to be homoerotic at all?

"May I touch your horn, King Hrothgar?"

I was so excited!

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

"It was like watching the cast of 'Tron' performing bad Shakespeare in the round," Gaiman said.

BETS MOIVE EVERR

seriously, jeff bridges and david warner doing shakespeare? hell yeah!

also:

http://img.engadget.com/common/images/3060000000051310.JPG?0.90770951046614

BEST MAUVE EVER

I have grown to really like ray winstone tbh

SEXY BEAST

Um.

"Early on we were sitting around, just (fantasy) casting," Gaiman recalled, sitting in the lobby of the Chateau Marmont recently. "Then we got on the subject of Crispin. Bob said he would never work with him again because he never hit his mark and didn't understand how scenes cut together. But as he went on, you could see Bob realizing that was completely irrelevant if Crispin was in a motion-capture suit covered in dots, every move recorded."

It was density!

I support all of these statements and I will go see this dumb fucking movie.

erm... uh...

-- rogermexico., Wednesday, July 25, 2007 12:10 AM (Wednesday, July 25, 2007 12:10 AM) Bookmark Link

Beowulf is in Old English. That's still English, dude.

Crispin's made more good movies than Zemeckis has

I have grown to really like ray winstone tbh

this implies that you were not in luv w/him all along, which i do not understand!!!

http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2007-07/31402365.jpg

okay is this really confusing to anyone else who is aware of what ray winstone actually looks like :[

NO SHIT

I shd go to his gym.

That's still English, dude.

Hwaet teh hell? Anglo-Saxon is about as close to English as German is...

It's all computer generated.

Trailer is out.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/beowulf/

Hwaet teh hell? Anglo-Saxon is about as close to English as German is...

Actually not true. Anglo-Saxon is part of the same linguistic group as Frisian, Dutch and yes, English. The Low German linguistic group. Modern German is derived from High German, and much further apart.

wake me up when guillermo del toro adapts john gardner's grendel

Actually not true. Anglo-Saxon is part of the same linguistic group as Frisian, Dutch and yes, English. The Low German linguistic group. Modern German is derived from High German, and much further apart.

LOL I stand corrected. Okay, Dutch then... I'm just sayin', describing Beowulf as "in English" is pretty dopey. I'm picturing the studio reader handling it with tongs...

bunch of squabbling nibelungs...

I don't know anything about Beowulf but this looks ridiculous and ace.

I don't know anything about Beowulf but this looks ridiculous and aceawful

I guarantee this will not be as good as The 13th Warrior, starring Antonio Banderas as an Arab.

i don't know what the point is of doing this nearly realistic cgi shit. it just looks strange and off.

hey Antonio Banderas was a MOOR not an arab
it is conceivable that he himself does in fact possess a phenotype that would have definitely been for real at the time
the part where he is like the only clean-shaven dude in the party is straight up horseshit on a stick though, true

this will probably not be as good as the thirteenth warrior or even as good as king arthur, but it will still be better than alexander.

kingdom of heaven director's cut will remain the number one, however. sad fact that the title and lack of bloomps-as-leading-man-box-office-pull (plus nobody knew who eva green was yet either) doomed it to a mere 4 DVD box set instead of the cultural touchstone status it deserved

Þanon woc fela geosceaftgasta; wæs þæra Grendel sum,
heorowearh hetelic, se æt Heorote fand wæccendne wer wiges bidan;
þær him aglæca ætgræpe wearð; hwæþre he gemunde mægenes strenge,
gimfæste gife, ðe him God sealde, ond him to Anwaldan are gelyfde,
frofre ond fultum; ðy he þone feond ofercwom, gehnægde helle gast. Þa he hean gewat,
dreame bedæled deaþwic seon, mancynnes feond. Ond Angelina Jolie þa gyt
gifre ond galgmod gegan wolde sorhfulne sið, sunu deoð wrecan.
Com þa to Heorote, ðær Hring-Dene geond þæt sæld swæfun. Þa ðær sona wearð
edhwyrft eorlum, siþðan inne fealh Angelina Jolie. Wæs se gryre læssa
efne swa micle, swa bið mægþa cræft, wiggryre wifes be wæpnedmen,
þonne heoru bunden, hamere geþruen, sweord swate fah swin ofer helme
ecgum dyhtig andweard scireð.

I know right!!

why is there a chick with her boob hanging out on the posters for this? as i recall this story didn't have any female characters besides grendel's mom, who was NOT a hottie (or human).

Trailer looks like ad for an xbox game tie-in.

this looks really miserable

ok wtf is this "in the name of the king" movie with jason statham, sir burt reynolds and Ray Liotta!?

Trailer makes this look like a terrible, cheaply made film that the A-list have signed up for as a joke.

robert zemeckis is really following this "realistic" cgi shit right up his own ass.

ads look like a shitty videogame

at first I was mildly curious to see Crispin Glover in this but uhhhh....

HELLO AM I KILLFILED HERE

ok I didn't say "shitty"

A man named Farmer sets out to rescue his kidnapped wife and avenge the death of his son -- two acts committed by the Krugs, a race of animal-warriors who are controlled by the evil Gallian.

Jason Statham ... Farmer
John Rhys-Davies ... Merick (as John Rhys Davies)
Ray Liotta ... Gallian
Matthew Lillard ... Duke Fallow
Leelee Sobieski ... Muriella
Burt Reynolds ... King Konreid
Ron Perlman ... Norick
Will Sanderson ... Bastian
Claire Forlani ... Solana
Brian J. White ... Tarish
Kristanna Loken ... Elora

This might actually wind up more profitable by default.

directed by uwe boll, too. He knows how to get this stuff under budget.

poor claire forlani

haha I might be the only person alive who wanted to see this more after seeing the trailer. but then, I liked 300 (btw, seems like kind of a bad idea to put "I! AM! BEOWULF" in the trailer 6 months after "THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAA!").

is this an emperor's new clothes thing? i look at the trailer and it's like, "doesn't anyone else see that these images are totally ugly, stiff, and unconvincing??"

http://home.comcast.net/~wardomatic/polar-hanks.jpg

i don't know what the point is of doing this nearly realistic cgi shit. it just looks strange and off.

Talk about answering your own question!

I have never seen an all-CGI feature film that didn't look like complete shit. I find the aesthetic completely baffling.

yeah this still has the same uncanny valley problem that these movies usually have, but it at least looks a couple steps better than The Polar Express (which may be the very definition of faint praise). a lot of the stills look better than the trailer, which makes me wonder if the stills have been touched up (or less digitized) than the actual movie or if the real problem is how they rendered motion.

films have been "rendering motion" pretty well for a few years, guys

http://www.silentera.com/PSFL/img/films/A/ArriveeduntrainenGar1895-01.jpg

sick framerate dudes!!

maybe i'm using that term wrong, i dunno, sorry. don't need to be all "guys/dudes" about it, i'm the only person you're zinging. but you know what i mean, the whole uncanny valley thing on different levels for pictures/inanimate objects and film/moving objects.

no i wasn't trying to zing you actually!

i think it's basically a lot of blinkered nerdiness to get impressed by something that looks awful just because it's made on a computer.

i don't know what you mean by "uncanny valley" either, splain?

huh I'd never heard of this "uncanny valley" concept before but yeah, it describes my reactions to CGI pretty accurately

x-post

i hate to be lazy/obvious and just link wiki but boom: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley

xpost

haha gff HATES the wikipedia SO MUCH

i did not know that about him. my apologies.

oddly this phenomenon does not apply to old-style hand-drawn animation, which in many cases I really love.

pop gestalt theory re. uncomfortability w/r/t to difference between cutely, comically lifelike things and their actual animation: like there's a 'valley of uncanniness' between life-like and living that verges on horror.

i really do

xps

maybe cuz cel animation usually isn't making a concerted attempt to actually look "realistic"

x-posts

kind of just a slightly-reductive update of Freud's literary theorizing about Coppelius

Oh, holy shit. I hope they do a good job of it.

this kind of captures my sense of disbelief and indignation.

PKD got a lot of mileage out of this uncanny valley concept

Shakey, the locus of the horror/discomfort is the point at which it becomes difficult to tell between life-like and living. Hand-drawn animation, like you said, (and maybe I'd extend a bit) is never able to reach the point where it appears to be wholly real.

OMG THIS GRAPH:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f0/Mori_Uncanny_Valley.svg/461px-Mori_Uncanny_Valley.svg.png

uncanny valley explains why we hate zombies!

"dancing zombie" should be just a couple clicks lower than "healthy person" on that scale

i kinda feel bad for throwing around uncanny valley as if everyone knew it or should feel dumb for not knowing it earlier, it really felt like the kind of thing that would've been discussed on ILX a hundred times before even if i'd never seen any such threads firsthand.

no I'm glad you brought it up, its v interesting

TRENDWATCH: obscure theories with comedy moustaches

the important distinction between moving and non-moving prosthetic hands is the best part of that graph, which is my favorite thing this week.

I am so going to see this fucking stupid movie in IMAX 3D and I will laugh and laugh and laugh. However, I must pose this question: are we really disturbed/horrified by the life-like-ness of the animation technique, or is it just seeing Ray Winstone artificially deaged 30 years and half-naked.

I'm gonna hold out for the Faerie Queene movie, I think.

Edmund Spenser: total noize bro

I'll play the videoux gamme

Angelina Jolie IS Duessa

this shit looks mad wooden

I don't really think this movie is going for hyper-realism and, as such, is more successful in its renderings than things like, say, that Final Fantasy movie from a few years ago, or Spiderman 3.

^^^^^^^

I don't think the Catholics would let the Faerie Queene movie get made.

MABINOGI 2

spiderman 3 fuckin' blew sweaty ass

David Hanson, a roboticist who developed a realistic robotic copy of his girlfriend's head

"I don't need you anymore after all!"

is "developed" a euphemism

From award-bloggin' hoe Jeff Wells:

Beowulf has been approved by the Academy's animation committee as one of the twelve animated features eligible for the Best Animated Feature Oscar! Unexpected but amazing news! Robert Zemeckis and Roger Avary's film now stands an excellent chance of taking the prize because it's such an eye-filling mind-blower -- a truly revolutionary step in the delivery of 3D thrills and animated envelope-pushing.

What this decision really means is that it's now down to a contest between Beowulf (emblematic of the new realms and wonders of mo-cap digital animation that are now upon us) and Ratatouille...

"wonders"

apparently jeffrey wells is already obsessed with it, so dud

mo-cap more like mo-crap amirite

btw the 12 eligibles are Alvin and the Chipmunks, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters, Bee Movie, Beowulf, Meet the Robinsons, Persepolis, Ratatouille, Shrek the Third, The Simpsons Movie, Surf's Up, Tekkonkinkreet and TMNT.

It would be awesome if the trailers were a big boondoggle and the whole movie was animation of an envelope getting pushed around on a desk.

s1ocki, imagine if Jay-Z had made a Beowulf album!

btw the 12 eligibles are every major studio animated release

So the actual nominees will be...?

Beowulf
Ratatoullie
Meet the Robinsons
Shrek the Third
Surf's Up

s1ocki, imagine if Jay-Z had made a Beowulf album!

-- Dr Morbius, Thursday, November 8, 2007 9:45 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

beowulf bar mitzvah!

If all the Fox employees vote for it, I'd think the Simpsons get in. Also, aren't there usually just 3 nominees in the category?

Oh right.

I think Rat is a lock but the other two are a total tossup.

thanks for reminding me to put the ATHF movie in my netflix queue

Some ppl are 'buzzing' about Ratatouille for Best Picture.

(The only American film better than Ratatouille and The Simpsons Movie I'v e seen so far is I'm Not There, unless Killer of Sheep is eligible.)

Beowulf seems to be Fred Durst complete with backwards cap:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/ab/Beowolfposter.jpg

omg

showing up at award ceremonies dressed like that would blow more minds than his smiths t-shirt

It's not just me though is it? I mean it really does look just like Fred Durst. I keep seeing the poster everyday when I get off the bus and it's a headtrip.

Morbz you thought Ratatouille was better than Darjeeling Ltd?

alas, yea

since when does a stuffed animal have a 60% human likeness

pretty fuckin weird stuffed animal if you ask me

78% on rottten tomatos

Please to spot the unintended roffle in Kenneth Turan's review:

What is most troubling about "Beowulf," aside from the obvious, is what it says about the career of Robert Zemeckis, who has gone from being a director of stories like "Forrest Gump" to an orchestrator of eye candy and a willing slave to technological advances.

lol d'jour!

Am I the only one who saw this?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/09/Beowulf2.jpg

It was not so bad, but not so good, either.

lolz, Dargis in NYT worried about Jolie 3D breasts poking her eye out.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071114/REVIEWS/71115001

The movie uses the English epic poem, circa 700 A.D., as its starting point, and resembles the original in that it uses a lot of the same names. It takes us to the Danish kingdom of King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins), where the king and his court have gathered to inaugurate a new mead hall, built for the purpose of drinking gallons of mead. The old hall was destroyed by the monster Grendel, whose wretched life consists of being the ugliest creature on earth, and destroying mead halls.

Following the 7:05 pm show of BEOWULF IN 3D on Tuesday, November 20th, Professor Dick Ringler will be holding a Q & A session in the North Lounge. Professor Ringler is an English and Scandinavian Studies professor at the University of Wisconsin - Madison who has recently published a new translation of the Old English poem.

this seems oddly sad to me

i saw this yesterday. it wasn't bad. the 3D looks fantastic.

I'll prolly go to see this. But not until AFTER No Country for Old Men.

I have to say that I am more than a little disappointed that I already know what Grendel looks like. The posters got his ugly ass all over the place. Would have been so much cooler if he had made an effective, revelatory entrance, right?

Oh I don't want to see Grendel beforehand! Buh. They shld keep showing pictures of only Jolie's nude. BECAUSE I have already seen it 40k times and it is okay with me.

okay this was beyond aweSome for real

No shit? I may have to see this. But after No Country for Old Men.

The whole "artfully placed things in the way of nude Beowulf" was a bit silly. He should have had no genitals, like Angelina Jolie.

Either that or they should release a 15 certificate version where his wang swings about in 3-D.

Thread just makes me :-( that Americans only know Ray Winstone as "the knight with 11 kids from King Arthur". And not "the fucking daddy now".

As my first foray into IMAX 3D, it's a fucking thrill-ride. Shangri-La for boyz. But still lol looking back at everyone in the theater wearing their glasses. Nerds.

Pretty much everyone hating on this movie needs to see it in 3D because it's fucking amazing. Not at all deep or thought-provoking, but sheer jaw-dropping spectacle.

very silly. 3d hasn't improved much since Captain EO it seems. still cool in a 2 hour long metal video sort of way.

I wld go see Captain EO in a second! Is that thing still in Disneyland?

no

Seeing it in 3D = awesome + lols + awesome lols. Can't imagine how ridiculous and tedious and ridiculously tedious it would be in 2d tho.

The sound and light presentation they still insist on showing before the main event is pretty roflicious too. Check out the AWESOME POWER of our 12,000 WATT SOUND SYSTEM... with some bad scat jazz.

Oh, we didn't get that. We did get two 3D trailers, though. For The Nightmare Before Christmas and some live action thing I've forgotten.

Holy shit this movie was bad.

It was like watching a video game.

lol did anyone get the U2 3D trailer?

YES

I sat at the very back of the cinema when I saw this so I didn't even get the one good thing abt watching this movie... looking at everyone wearing glasses. What a bummer. Good thing I didn't have to pay. I'd rather play Shadow of the Colossus again than watch those ripoffs, btw.

Whiney G. Weingarten + Will M. = RONG

I can't believe this thing got made.