Kebabs

actually, I think kebabmeat is the only kind of meat worth eating.

Kebabs (17 new answers, last on July 26, 2002) "so drunk i can't remember" (52 new answers, last on July 26, 2002)

I gave up eating kebabs when I found the only memory I had of the doner the night before was a chili sauce stain on my shirt and a very, very bad taste in my mouth.

I should add that this is now more than a decade ago.

trying to eat them without spilling them all over yourself if you're messy eater Ronan=very difficult.

eating them in front of other people (like most food)=horrible.

Tonight I'm gonna try to make a Carmel Corn Kebab.Everything tastes better on a stick!!!

Huge barrels of rancid fat left outside the rear entrance (ie right beside the *only* entrance to our abode) in the middle of summer. Not to mention the crates of freshly delivered carrots, onions and lettuce left parked at the door of the filthy outside toilet. A truly revolting experience but we were broke and the rent was cheap.

And the feckers used to nick our mail in search of cash as well. Arg.

..
"oh, and a can od dr pepper please boss"
"chilli sauce boss?"
"everything boss"
"three seventy boss"
"cheers boss!"

Strangely enough in an odd ILE/IRL crossover, when our boss was buying us lunch the other week, we got round to talking about kebabs and their all over the face amazing properties of waking up and having some dodgy lettuce clinging to yr bonce. Urg.

Oh yeah and there is no such thing as a falafel kebab! There is falafel and hummus in pitta but it does not a kebab make. I am GUTTED cos the place that used to do lovely falafel and hummus by Leicester Sq has now turned RUB and now I do not know where to go for nice falafel. COISES.

gardenia rose to scendance in the aftermath of Omar's being renamed. Omar's WAS THE KEBAB place at one time. green street RULES.

<3 KEBAB IN NAAN BREAD SO FUCKING AWESOME

Results 1 - 10 of about 3,810 for "dodgy kebab". (0.04 seconds)

That low? Blimey

Sometimes nothing beats a donner kebab. Spiced minced lamb! Perfect. Salad and sauces, perfect. Emma wont let me ever have them.

Claim that they're for Bob, then sneak bites.

Doner in naan is the only civilised way to do it. Doner snobs can go take a flying fuck at the moon.

Hi,

Is there a decent quality kebab place in Central London? I can't think of one apart from that slightly depressing looking huge one that is by Tottenham Court Road station.

Only criteria: kebabs have to be served wrapped in a bit of paper, not on a plate.

actually, second criteria: none of those kebab in naan bread bullshit!! why not have it on a fucking baguette!?

none of those kebab in naan bread bullshit!!

ah man i fuckin hate that. what a let down that always is.

rong

i still dunno why more people don't have it in a lahmacun tho

they do it's called a munchie box

I had my first kebab in ages last week when being too lazy to cook dinner. I like to think they are healthy because of the liberal use of salad and the vaguely healthy connotations of pitta bread, but I have no idea if this is true or not. I suppose the dozen or so pints required to usually think of eating one negates any bonus health points gained from existence of lettuce.

xpost munchie boxes are the greatest invention in the history of the world.

munchie box is not what i am talking about

Where in London can I get 1 (one) munchie box?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

http://pugwash.cat5.org/articles/munchy/images/munchy-640-3.jpg

Jesus Christ! I don't think we have anything resembling a "munchie box" in the US.

I mean what are those fried thingies next to the fries/chips? What is in the little cups?

Things next to chips might be onions, might be very wilted salad. Dunno. Little cups usually chilli sauce and the odd delicacy just known as pakora sauce. Contents of munchie box vary depending on your kebab shop of choice. The last one I got had tandoori chicken wings in it.

Those chips need cheese on them.

Quincie, they are WINGS with SAUCES in pots alongside. I see pakoras too, like Ailsa mentions.

This thread is making me want to ride to Dalston for a kebab...just because.

Guys I totally want to eat all of that thing. Tho the fries/chips look a little meh.

Seriously where is I DIED? I want to open a munchie box place next to the Jumbo Slice in Adams Morgan!

It will be called "MUNCHIE BOX"

ooh clever

I am in on my own tonight and was going to get a takeaway as a treat. Am still fighting temptation to get a munchie box, and should probably stop clicking on this thread...

quincie, there are regional versions of the "munchie box."

upstate new york (rochester and....?) has the garbage plate.
there are plenty of diners where i grew up where you can get a "sampler" of appetizers/munchies. like chicken fingers, fries, onion rings, potato skins, fried seafood etc.

still haven't decided on favourite kebab place in bethnal green...have been shopping around.

I'm a terrible man for the chips and meat tho, with some chilli sauce or something.

http://www.perduefoodservice.com/resources/images/Home%20Plate%20Appetizer%20Platter.jpg

this thread isn't doing my plans to not eat shit food this week any good.

this week i have gone out of my way to eat greasy, heavy, disgusting foods.

sunday:
75% of a large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms. dipper in disgusting things like buffalo wing sauce, blue cheese.
8 chicken fingers.

monday:
poutine, bacon cheeseburger

tuesday:
buffalo wings, peanut butter & bacon sandwich on toast.

and yes, that is ALL i have eaten the past few days.
my colon don't feel so good.

dipper = dipped

No one ever believes me when I say my mother fed me peanut butter and bacon sandwiches on toast when I was a child!!!

oh, i used to eat those as a kid a lot.
total comfort food.

bacon, banana, mango chutney and mayo, surprisingly good. it was in a book, not a weird invention of my own.

Yeah I recall pb+bacon being delicious but I have not had one for at least two decades! This may have to change this week!

TODAY.

no one's actually answered my question yet

I might go to Gigs.

Shame that there isn't one in central london of the quality of Crystal in Holloway or King's at Earl's Court though. Or Selale on Green Lanes.

Doner kebabs not exactly very healthy shock.

Officers from 76 councils sampled 494 kebabs to test their nutritional value, during the Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services (Lacors) study.

Did it really take that many? I'm all for rigorous scientific testing but I think you'd pretty much get the idea after, say, 50 kebabs?

They can have my doner when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.

I don't give a fuck what they say, it's gotta be healthier than fish and chips. At least there's salad on a kebab.

I tend to eat my salad with a big bucket of lard, I assume that is perfectly healthy too?

This is political correctness gone mad.

there's a place on the corner of great eastern road near Liverpool St that does fucking incredible chips and meat, with chicken instead of lamb. One box is enough for 2 people easily, the chicken is amazingly seasoned and they have about 4/5 diff sauces laid out on the tables for you to experiment with. only drawback, it is expensive at 5.50. still, when drunk, this is unbeatable.

x-post the healthy British fry up must resume its rightful place above bleeding heart foreign fare

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3515/3231147422_8537ae2caa.jpg

My breakfast today.

Which I made largely because of the talk about kebabs on FiveLive while I was showering.

It was worse on BBC1, they kept showing kebab footage.

You presented that breakfast very elegantly, Nick.

yeah was about to say, 10/10 for presentation. my eggs are a fucking shambles.

-1 point for putrid British attempt at sausage

That sausage is a Sainsburys Butcher's Choice Cumberland sausage, thank you very much, and it was delicious. Tonight I shall have three of them, in toad-in-the-hole.

But yeah, I knew I was gonna take a photo, so I arranged things very deliberately...

I don't get Cumberland sausages.

I have not touched a kebab in about seven years, mostly because I still have horrific flashbacks of the hairy man in a Canterbury kebab shop whose arms were covered in congealed fat from where he'd brushed up against the kebab. I am far from the world's healthiest eater but that can fuck off.

As in, you buy others, or you don't understand them?

xpost

I just don't see the appeal, they're too herby or something.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cumberland_sausage

The Sainsburys Butcher's Choice ones, I suspect, are just a common pork sausage flavoured with pepper.

I've not had a kebab in ages, but I have recently got into making myself a minced lamb pattie, fried, in a pitta bread with coleslaw and chilli sauce, which is a very good, and much less fucking dangerous, alternative.

xpost; they're not meant to be herby at all, just peppery!

The whole _point_ of a kebab is the rushed injection of grease into your body.

I appreciate that, BUT I also do'nt want to die.

Wow @ apostrophe catastrophe.

Hairy dude with kebab fat smeared over your arms, what's on your ipod?

Grease Megamix

^^^ That's my number 1 party CD banger right there.

-1 point for putrid British attempt at sausage

Unlike Irish sausages...

Haha, yes, I'd forgotten that scare!

Anyone who cares about that is a big girl who can't take their harmful dioxins.

So says Mr I Don't Want Turkish Hair In My Food

Whatever happened to all those thousands of people who died of Mad Cow disease?

Arthur Smith brought kebabs in for James Naughtie and John Humphreys on the Today show this morning.

Dioxins got Ireland where it is today. Real dioxins for real fucking men.

Noodle Vague otm, I find all British sausages too herby/peppery. Need to just make a really good plain pork tasting sausage, if anyone has a recommendation for this please let me know.

First one in the list.
http://www.porkpie.co.uk/shoppe-product.asp?ID=3

Lincolnshire sausages are herby, cumberland are peppery. Just saying.

it's all famine instigators oppression meat to me

I don't know. I like pepper on most things but over-seasoned sausages are just too heavy-going. A lot of the low-fat or gourmet ones don't taste right either. There's got to be enough fat in there so they're not dry. I like a plain sausage that's not bland exactly but needs to get along with the other ingredients on the plate. The brown sauce is there to bring the spice.

Thanks nate, I can never remember the difference between Lincolnshire and Cumberland sausages, I just avoid them both.

I like all sausages tbh but I know what you mean. The ones I posted are seriously good plain pork sausages but obviously a bit pricey. But if you're ever passing Melton Mowbray...

I don't know. I like pepper on most things but over-seasoned sausages are just too heavy-going. A lot of the low-fat or gourmet ones don't taste right either. There's got to be enough fat in there so they're not dry. I like a plain sausage that's not bland exactly but needs to get along with the other ingredients on the plate. The brown sauce is there to bring the spice.

100 percent otm. you can't seem to get a plain sausage (and not bland, just not like tasting all spiced) in Britain. this what I mean in my criticisms, in Ireland all sausages are assumed not to have herbs/pepper from the get go.

Only plus of this, I just don't eat sausages anymore, one less fried food to congeal the arteries.

i would like a sausage with bits of black pudding in it. does such a thing exist?

Fry-up hierarchy:

Black pudding > sausage > egg > bacon > tomato > fried bread > mushroom.

^suggest ban

Swap tomato for beans and I'd agree.

Needs a mug of strong sweet tea as well.

Only including things that can realistically be fried in a pan. Needs some kind of fried potato product in there as well.

cafe-wise, sausage very often the worst thing on the plate.

Beans over tomato = realest talk. Can't really condone Matt's hierarchy. Not a big fan of potatoes at breakfast. In an ideal world would have white pudding high, high up the list.

cafe-wise, sausage very often the worst thing on the plate

Yeah that's a bit of a truth-grenade too.

Poor quality caff bacon is worse than poor quality caff sausage. I have a very high tolerance for bad sausages though, bad cafe bacon can just be disgustingly salty and dry.

Either way, brown sauce is your friend.

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=40&threadid=43393

Those pictures make me want to vomit!

Some facts about kebabs and health -

Many contain human excrement; in fact it is probably a ratio of 40 excrement-40 reprocessed meat- 20 animal fat and other parts of animal body like the eye, hoof and penis

The fat in a kebab is enough to lead to impotence, a doctor will tell you that consumption of a kebab every 4 days over a period of a year can completely block the flow of blood, it can also cause massive obesity.

Much of the salad is washed in chemicals to keep its outer surface colour, without these the vegetation would be black and withered

You are literal eating dung and killing yourself!

― Carlos, Friday, 5 October 2007 12:50 (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

oh god sorry i derailed the thread

It's okay ken, I suggested banned his ass just to be on the safe side.

honest question re: black pudding

If I buy black pudding from a butcher's, how do I want to cook it? cut into half-inch slices and then just browned in a frying pan?

'cause I need some more black pudding in my life

frierarchy (assuming not in café, but possibly in café anyway)

bacon>irish sausage>egg (scrambled/fried, alternate to your pref) >mushrooms>toast

I actually like black/white pudding more independently of a fry up, 3 or 4 big cuts of it with toast. Mushrooms are a major part of the fry for me. Good bacon plus mushrooms plus buttered bread is fucking amazing.

x-post yeah just fry for few mins each side, cooks v quickly.

Will have to try this Gt. Eastern place; haven't had kebab-cuisine since I lived near Edgware Rd.

I'd like to see some statistics on how much kebab sales rise this week in the wake of this publicity drive.

Beans in a fry up? You're mad!
Also...

never consider kebabs part of a calorie-controlled diet

This is the kind of quality advice we pay our taxes for. Or at least I would if I had a job...

get a job

I'm trying! Actually, no, I might get a kebab first. Then I'll get a job. Possibly in a kebab shop. Or alternatively, will sort-of fix IT problems for kebabs.

Oh wait I forgot, I'm supposed to be trying to be a vegetarian...

good breakfast needs haggis and also a potato scone. i like beans but they disgust me on a full breakfast plate.

a great way to make black pudding is with brussels sprouts and apples - steam the sprouts for 10 minutes or so first then chuck everything in a big pot with lots of butter and turn the black pudding every so often (no need to cut into slices)

i assume when ppl on this thread say "kebab" they are automatically talking about DONER kebabs? cause shish kebabs are freaking fantastic and sidestep many of the concerns expressed herein

i love kebabs but i avoid the doner and will only really get one now if it's a place that makes then in that rolled flatbread (similar to Naan but thinner) rather than pitta which is pretty awful.

doner kebabs invented in berlin as any fule kno, thus = the enemy

strange timing for the report mentioned above:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/4295701/The-man-who-invented-the-doner-kebab-has-died.html

http://photos-a.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-snc1/v2058/104/44/37300281/n37300281_30933616_9039.jpg

pictorial evidence of that place I mentioned early...even bigger than I remember. didn't finish.

OMG

surely they must do a smaller version for a reasonable £2.50

Maybe that's just a very small portion and he has a withered arm?

chilli sauce galore...wash down with a can of beer from any 24 hour newsagent

Fuck me @ that meat & chips.

Those chips look gloriously greasy and floppy, too.

Good donner meat and chips should be chip shop chips, rather than burger/fried chicken chips.

may have been bigger due to being really late/early, about 4.30am, but I got it there before and it was pretty huge too. friendly dudes in there too.

x-post never had chip shop chips with meat and chips. in Ireland none of the kebab places do meat/chips. keep in mind that's chicken meat in the above photo, a pleasant change!

fuck chip shop chips

OMG this thread.

There are no good doners in central London; Dionysius sucks. I have taken hits for the team here, I love good kebabs and there are none in Exmouth Market, Marchmont Street, TCR or around UCL, which means they are missing a trick. A good doner is not an elephant leg thing, but is like the chicken doner in that there are identifiable meat pieces all jammed together.

I find eating a kebab to be a bit of an ordeal, hence my chips/meat love. I agree with Jed tho that the more Indian (?) kebabs are better, with the slightly more naan like stuff. Few great places for those around where I live.

Dalston, Hackney, Clapton: Turkish/elephant leg
Bethnal Green/Whitechapel: Naan kebab - try the ones at Shalimar Halal on Brick Lane
Old Street: the kebab joint next to the Dazed and Confused office is Turkish and OK if you can't be arsed to ride all the way to E8.

Someone on another forum, who I thought was a friend, has just described my fried egg from the above picture (repeated here so you don't have to show all answers - http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3515/3231147422_8537ae2caa.jpg) as "burnt to a crisp". The cunt.

fuck chip shop chips

― Bondzilla vs Mechaholmes (blueski), Tuesday, 27 January 2009 13:56 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Get this guy outta here.

Willing to bet "Bondzilla vs Mechaholmes" thinks that spiral fries are a good idea.

showusyourbreakfast.com xxpost

i can take or leave curly fries but always a pleasure to disagree with Dom

Anatolia on Mare St does a roaring trade that I, for one, cannot get enough of.

A good proper chip shop chip beats all other types of chip hands down. Micro-chips and oven chips being the worst obviously.

so you never eat chips cooked in an oven? really?

oven chips are rotten. it really pisses me off not being able to cook chips to have with steak tho. my variation is sautéed potatoes with a bit of paprika and stuff. not the same tho.

To be fair, McCains oven chips aren't that bad, if you overcook them by about 10 minutes.

*shakes head at middle class wide boys*

I do occasionally have oven chips but they are usually underwhelming and also a bit of a last resort - chips need to be greasy really.

(Actually I am wrong there is a lot to be said for yr poncey continental style chips fried in goose fat but they are pretty much the greatest thing ever and do not really belong here).

It's easy to make proper chips, you just need to use a hell of a lot of oil.

best frozen chips out there and more than adequate unless you're some kind of precious lunatic:
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/sm3/feb2008/6/1/F92DFA28-AB28-D6EA-7D7A201914224C1B.jpg

but then i am a known sog hater and like chips quite crispy on the outside

Ok, tell me how to make decent chips. I bought a fryer a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of making chips, and I haven't been able to get it quite right yet.

xpost

Enough oil to completely submerge your potato slices. Fry them well. Take them out, drain them, put them back in and fry them well. AGAIN. Take them out, drain them. Done!

best frozen chips out there and more than adequate unless you're some kind of precious lunatic:

ot fucking m, who has the time?

Yeah, that's what I've been doing, I think I need to experiment with temperatures a bit.

Enough oil to completely submerge your potato slices. Fry them well. Take them out, drain them, put them back in and fry them well. AGAIN. Take them out, drain them. Done!

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 27 January 2009 15:32 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Yeah, did this over xmas, matchstick fry style... how do I stop them all sticking together and forming a kind of "chip blanket" though? Dip the potato in cold water after slicing?

you need to soak for about 5 minutes to remove the starch

I just shallow fry my chips - cover pan with oil and chuck in fairly thinly chipped spuds. Needs constant turning and they can get unevenly done but damn they taste good.

chips are for eating elsewhere

i.e., not home

Ha yeah maybe you should listen to nate. I have only done it once and I must have gotten lucky.

yeah special occasions only xp

No wai, good plate of home cooked chips, sausages, peas, giant pool of ketchup = satisfaction.

I'm with G00blar; chips are like Draught Guinness; I go out for them, and stay in for wine and potatas bravas.

y'ponce

who can be arsed to clean up after deep frying? Not to mention the smell.

especially when the bar for satisfying chips out in the world is set pretty fucking low

I mean I know there's a lot of awful chips out there, but the ones that are good don't exactly cost a fortune once you've found them.

Olive oil btw is essential for a good shallow-fried chip.

i dont think you can get olive oil hot enough

It cooks mah spuds just fine.

yeah olive oil gets pretty hot, don't you worry

As long as you don't use extra-virgin

Olive oil goes hotter than most other fats, doens't it?

http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/CollectedInfo/OilSmokePoints.htm

Anyway my problem with most kebas = pitta stuffed full of meat, shoved into poly box and heaped with salad. Impossible to eat unless seated with a fork and even a knife. Kebabs from the vans in Oxford (last time I checked which was hella long time ago) adequately fill the pitta with meat and salad, no box needed, can be eaten handheld.

Going out for chips isn't an option, there doesn't seem to be any decent chip shops in Cardiff.

I think type of potato is more important than type of oil - use King Edwards or Maris Pipers.

yeah I don't fuck with kebabs in a box, unless it's a sit-down joint, like Ronan's upthread seems to be. Al-Dar (there's one on Edgware Rd, one on Kensington High St I think?) puts pickles in theirs to great effect.

Nick no - corn and vegetable oil gets hotter before burning than olive oil does - and extra-virgin starts smoking the quickest

Best chips are from a Pakistani chip shop, with all the spices from the pakora mixed in the grease

you basically haven't eaten chips till you've been to islamabad.

lol "chip blanket"

That sounds awesome Tracer. Pls recommend Pakistani chipshop immediately okthxbye.

try glasgow more

I have yet to find an oven chip that's even close to satisfying in the way that a good fried chip is. There's something cardboardy about all oven chips and even loads of vinegar and brown sauce doesn't save them.

damn straight. wd rather have no chips than oven chips.

http://www.zwani.com/graphics/princess_diva/images/princess-in-training.gif

altho i'm not arguing that oven chips can ever really match ACTUALLY GOOD fried chips

stevem with the zing, this is some prima donna bullshit.

xpost
It doesn't stop me eating oven chips - they're just not very good.

Look I'm professionally working class and when I grew up we had a proper bloody chip pan.

That said, I reckon the reason chip shops were so popular in the first place was cos they were better done by somebody with a big fryer rather than doing them at home. I've got nothing against frozen potato product, I'd just rather have waffles or smiley faces or anything rather than oven chips tbh.

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2515/chunky-oven-chips

Ordering food in the pub and it turning up served with oven chips is the worst. Stand up the Old Nick in Holborn I am looking at you.

"potato wedges"

We do something like that Gordon Ramsay recipe. They work pretty well, a lot nicer than McCains, but imo they're more of an easy roast potato than a chip.

was gonna say; there's nothing wrong with roast potatoes

Pro tip - you can microwave the raw potatoes instead of blanching them, works just as well.

For quick chips I mean, not for roasties.

I must not go to the chippie on the way home

ilx food threads are always the frontingest threads

ilx food threads are always the frontingest threads

― Bondzilla vs Mechaholmes (blueski), Tuesday, 27 January 2009 16:21 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

We're like film threads with basic social skills.

not sure which is more gay tho

ILX food threads are one of two reasons there is an ILX, due to NOM NOM threadjacking in early ILM.

Chips from Fryer's Delight 100m away are done in beef tallow, yum. Can do oven chips for frites but only if involving lots of salt and oil in the oven stage. Always have Fryer's Delight leftovers to chop and adulterate into home fries the next day, which brings us to breakfast.

Ah, the fried potato CIRCLE OF LIFE.

Just had my first ever chiken kofte. Surpsied it took so long. anyway am now happy to state

kofte > shish > doner

chicken or lamb left to individual perference, altho lamb shld probably be preferred for animal welfare reasons. but i licke chicken.

lamb's also better for flavor reasons, dude

techincally i wld agree but there is something satisfying about chicken that makes it the choice of choice frm time to time.

i'm not so into the "ground meat pressed around a stick" thing

pita kitchen in sherman oaks = brilliant, esp for lamb/beef shawarma (i usually get the plate, which is about $9 for a heaping portion of meat, rice, pita, hummus, and cucumber salad).

http://www.thepitakitchen.com/

Washing out the grease trays of the kebab machine at the end of the night was pretty grim when I used to work in a kebab shop. As was having a bath when I got in then having another one when I got up to get rid of the still lingering smell of stale grease.

ate massive gyro today in honor of this thread