university/getting a life/getting a job/moving

to get the kind of job you'd like the most important thing you could do is obtain the right contacts, this comes above getting a degree of some kind altho obviously that would be a huge and ALMOST essential tool in itself. but not the be all and end all. if you dont go to college you should try and get as involved as you can in music-related activities that can help you make contacts and references e.g. contributing to websites or making enquiries about getting work experience at a radio station, local press office or gig venue could be advantageous in this respect - just be aware its very competetive and most people are there cos they knew the right person, schmooze like there's no tomorrow. these things can at least get you closer to the action, and if any of them ever involve Radiohead in some way then there's your chance. in the meantime if you havent done so see if you can contact Radiohead's PR people by e-mail and try and maintain some kind of contact, ask someone there for advice

maybe you should get a job for the moment (record store? or one of those cool jobs your friend can get) and see how you feel six months down the line...if you see your friends are having a great time at college (as can happen) then you can maybe apply somewhere later on and do a course designed for a career in PR, you've still got plenty of time to figure out what you wanna do so try not to worry about it too much...things tend to fall into place and if you want to do something THAT BAD, you just need to nudge it when it comes and grab it with both hands

hope thats of SOME help at all...

Their UK PR manager right now IS my contact. So I've got connections. She likes me quite a bit. My other connection is the head of their merchandising company. Who likes me as well, and would probably be willing to help me out a bit.

I'm just so confused.

Melissa, go here: http://www.sjca.edu

If you feel there's no course that will suit you then don't feel you have to go to college NOW. I have seen ppl who took the wrong course and it really set them back. Even then ppl who get degrees in one area do something completely different. just through chance they find the thing they wanted to do.

have patience and please do not contemplate suicide.

good luck in whatever it is that you choose to do.

Have you thought about trying to move out right now, maybe to someplace not so far away from your mom? If you've never really experienced independence, this might be a good first step. If you try it out and find out you're not ready to cope on your own, it will be easier to move back in with your mom than it would if you had already moved to England. Just a thought.

Sorry if this isn't so relevant but what happened to them? Might there be anything to return to and explore further here? I also agree with Nicole in that independence is pretty crucial. It could be alienating at first, even dire, but from my experience ambition and a sense of value/meaning tends to grow out of enduring these things. It's better than being locked up in mundane suburban bedroom depression anyhow.

so you have "connections" with people who could "help you out" in getting a job you would love? and you're confused?
I'm not sure I'm ready for it, not sure how it would work out, not sure that postponing college is the right thing to do in the face of possible but not absolute job opportunities. I don't want to be without job or degree.

If you have any doubts about college, then wait until you are ready to go. There is no shame in taking a few years off. There is no point in going to school unless you really feel like you want to be there and nowhere else. I learned this the hard way.
If you already have contacts for jobs, this is even better. Spend some time working, get connected with yourself, and with the life you want to live.
This all sounds really good to me. But I just don't know...

Have you thought about trying to move out right now, maybe to someplace not so far away from your mom? If you've never really experienced independence, this might be a good first step. If you try it out and find out you're not ready to cope on your own, it will be easier to move back in with your mom than it would if you had already moved to England. Just a thought.
I've thought about this. The issue is, here, I'd be completely on my own. I have no friends here. In England, I could easily find a roommate.

Sorry if this isn't so relevant but what happened to them? Might there be anything to return to and explore further here?
I seem to have lost most of my creative impulses. The need to write, paint, photograph, compose... All gone. Probably a combination of crippling low self-esteem and lack of stimulation. I really feel like less of a person now than I did a few years ago. I had it all figured out then. I wanted to go to NYU film school, and I was so sure about it. I just find the idea less appealing now. I don't even watch movies anymore, much less want to make them. All my loves and interests are just disappearing.

Aaron said to take a year or a few years off and that might be a good idea....I've read that if you want to go to college after that it's usually not held against you, and can work in your favor ("look she's independent and can do work"), so it wouldn't screw up your chances if you changed your mind and decided you DID want a four-year degree later.

If you do end up wanting to go to a mid-sized liberal arts college (and you're still looking in NY), Ithaca College is big on music and English so you could look that up.

It sounds like everything's complicated, and confusing, and I don't know what you should do, so I wish you the best of luck and I hope you become happy.

Something else to keep in mind is the icky icky job market right now (though maybe it's better in England?).

Don't despair--it sounds like you have a much better grasp of what you want to do with your life than I did when I was 19 (and I've turned out fine, so far)!

• go to the health services at your community college and make an appointment to see a counselor (this is probably a good first step if it is free b/c you are a student, and even if they don't have someone who directly can help, they ought to have contact people in your area


• speak with your mom and tell her how you are feeling, because support from family is a good thing to have, and see if she can help you find a professional to get help from (how much/how little you would like to say is yr discretion of course, some families are more/less supportive than others).. but you know, it is not anyone's fault and nothing to be ashamed of.


• If you think that life is not worth living and are feeling suicidal, please know that being depressed means you are likely to think nobody notices/cares what happens. They do care, even if you can't tell right now. And if you are about to do something to harm yourself, make a call first : (list of crisis hotlines in Illinois.


• If you like to be documented like me, I much enjoyed reading Andrew Solomon's The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, it came out last year and is v. sympathetic, comprehensive, and well written. you can download a chapter
  
  I hope I don't sound like I am overreacting, but I would rather err on that side - being depressed really sucks, and I take it pretty seriously.
  
  Also I meant what I said before about going walking/getting exercise of any kind. It does wonders. If you're the type, like me, who would tend to sign up for classes b/c she is really ambitious, and then not go so she can feel bad about that.. Don't do it! Instead, if you're sitting around thinking too much & getting that nauseated/stasis/can't-do-anything feeling, tell yourself, I *do* want to feel better and I'm just going to go walk to the grocery store now, or I'm going to put on some Daft Punk & have a little dance party in my living room, or whatever you can manage.
  Furthermore, don't beat yourself up right now for not having the future planned out - depression can do this weird time-warp-thing where you're constantly deferring action and thus missing out on the present. Concentrate on the present. If these future-plan issues are troubling you, write them down, you can come back to them later after you're feeling better and then make decisions with a clearer head.
  And one more thing. If Radiohead is your sort of idee fixe.. don't take away your coping mechanism now, but when you have gotten help and things are starting to look up again, it may be worth trying to cut back gradually on the Radiohead. Not now tho! I understand how important it is to have that little piece of structure that kind of lets you order the rest of life. I am gonna confess right now to having been a huge Nine Inch Nails fan in a particularly wretched part of my life. At least you have TASTE. :)
  So hang in there! Send me an email if you want, I put my proper address in this comment.

  ― daria g, Friday, 11 October 2002 02:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Erm, messed things up there a bit.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Friday, 11 October 2002 03:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Damnit, that's YaBB code, not HTML.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Friday, 11 October 2002 03:40 (twenty-three years ago)

There is lots of good information and advice on this thread. I hope it comforts you to know that you're not alone.

hey, baby...

but the more I research it the more I realize it may not really be the place for me.

awwww...

Sorry, couldn't resist. More seriously, it does sound as if there is a chance of getting a job in an area you might really love. I am not at all suggesting that you throw out other ideas, but I think you are missing a chance if you don't at least ask some questions, see if these Radiohead PR people might be able to offer you something. If not, college looks better. If so, give it a go, and if it doesn't work out, you have some experience and maybe more money with which to launch into college next year. As I say, at least see if there are attractive opportunities there.