Every Relationship Ever

Girl meets boy. He is hard-core Catholic and this causes issues. They break up.

Girl meets boy. He emigrates.

Girl meets boy. He has a girlfriend.

Girl thinks, 'sod this for a game of soldiers, and anyway I like sleeping with a whole bed to myself.'

Boy is too shy to talk to girl.

Girl goes away.

Boy is sad.

Girl develops ridiculous crush, believes boy to be living incarnation of her muse, becomes totally obsessed, worships ground boy walks on.

Boy freaks out, thinks girl is NUTS and leaves.

Repeat every three months until new album is written.

hehe

(oh so true)

i have nothing to say about this thread

Woman meats Man. Man is horrible cunt. Woman's friends don't like Man. Woman stays with Man off and on for ages. Woman and Man fight. Woman and Man fight more, and break up. Woman meets Man-2. Man-2 and Woman have wonderful relationship. Man-2 is supportive, kind, and affectionate. Woman's friends really like Man-2. Woman feels overcrowded. Woman dumps Man-2. Woman gets back together with Man.

etc.

the end.

Pattern B: Boy fancies girl. Girl accepts boy's overtures. Some time later girl realizes boy is wrong for her. Boy refuses to admit he is wrong for girl. Girl abruptly shuts out deluded boy. Girl has bed to herself but can't sleep.

Is that a euphemism?

Sadly not. More of a stigmatism, in fact.

(parse as you wish)

Girl meets boy. Her gaydar isn't working, he's locked in closet, but that's okay because he becomes a-list art-world homo and they are friends to this day.

Girl meets boy at Creation Records/Shoegazer party in Islington. Affair goes transatlantic when girl goes back to US six months later, but boy meets groupie just before girl comes back, so long not-pretty breakup is on cards. Girl *hates* groupies even more as a result.

Girl meets boy through Riot Grrrl dating service, they go out for six months, amicable breakup, still friends.

Girl meets very famous boy at Idler party, pulls, dates very casually for six months because he's a big slut, gets bored, stops returning his calls.

Girl meets boy she goes to interview, pulls boy about a month later, is elbowed out of way by French groupie sister of boy's bassist who goes back to boy's flat and doesn't leave for six months. Boy later apologises, as French girl bonkers (girl notes whenever any boy identifies other girl as 'mad' he's probably halfway to shagging her).

Boy from shoegazer party returns to girl's city after *adventures* and resumes friendship with girl. It's not always easy.

Girl meets loads of people she likes, but All About Eve situation develops with younger 'best friend' who'll shag anything, so long as girl expresses an interest in it first. Takes ages to work this out, but girl has last laugh when STDs passed to one would-be suitor by ex-bestie, the only town bike in London with stabilizers.

Girl meets boy at party in King's Cross, has one-night stand, discovers boy has girlfriend in Paris, bins boy off.

Girl meets smart, tall blue-eyed boy at rooftop barbecue. Six months pass before anything happens. Girl and boy now living together in London's Trendy Clerkenwell.

Girl meets boy.
Everyone gets giddy.
Girl is tragically forced to move away with her family.
Everyone gets melodramatic.
Everyone breaks up.

This is men's sekrit knowledge and must be hidden. Everyone forget you read this.

Boy meets girl, they decide to go out, girl changes her mind almost instantly, boy decides to be more careful in future.

Boy finds drugs and dance music, girls become less important.

Boy meets girl, girl likes drugs and dance music, they get together, boy wishes they could have some kind of sane normal conversation outside of weekends. Girl gets back with boyfriend, boy wonders is this going to change anything.

Boy meets boy, who in fact he he had met prior, but let's say for the purposes of this that he just met him.
Boy quite likes boy as a friend, but other boy has different ideas.
Boy spends night of drunken cuddling on couch with boy, is brought round to these different ideas.
Boy breaks it off with boy a while later b/c of issues with commitment and age gap.
Boy decides that he can deal with these issues.
Boy and boy spend two years hatching an inscrutable private language, which may be excusable because they are going out.

er...and?!

Yes, Laurel, that's a better phrase. But same intention.

laurel off the money too.

People always let you down in the end. Generally by dying when you've just got to know them well enough to actually like them, I've found.

stop having sex with senior citizens and that won't happen as much stone monkey.

girls whose priorities more closely mirror boy's

Yeah I'm not really following here. What's wrong with dating someone who has the same priorities as you? This actually seems U&K. But I suspect that is not what you meant.

heh, i think i have a dislike of the phrase 'winning in the end' - not to do with relationships, but in general

i hear 'winning in the end' and it makes me think of those classes for kids where they let the kids who are mediocre have some spurious 'achievement prize' for just turning up and managing to last the day without being sick on their shoes. well done, you get to be a winner too boby, heres a MAUVE STAR!

http://www3.iath.virginia.edu/crocker/kov.gif
^^every relationship ever

my every relationship ever could be pretty easily encompassed by the lyrics to the marvellettes' 'danger! heartbreak dead ahead'

Perhaps "shallow" is an unhelpful choice of words, but certainly "girls whose priorities more closely mirror boy's".

Perhaps "girls whose priorities more closely mirror boy's" is an unhelpful choice of words, but certainly "with ability to exist in the real world and an attention span for more than five minutes".

OF more than five minutes, I mean.

>>nice guys DO win out in the end

>only if they learn to stop giving girls exactly what they want!

...or maybe if they grow up and stop chasing shallow girls and go for "nice" girls themselves.

find: assholes
replace: confident guys

find: nice
replace: insecure

but the whole point is that i wasn't having any fun with the the not-nice guys at the beginning and middle.

[i'm 27 so it's kinda weird to talk about beginnings middles ends]

i was using the terms 'winning' and 'end' very loosely...

Married and *still* bitter, Poo? Damn!

You can switch the genders and still have it be just as true.

Uh. I meant that you should be aiming to date people who DO have the same priorities, values, whatever, as you. Frequently a problem for both genders among groups that privilige looks, coolness, showiness, and ends in everyone basically wanting the same, like, four people. Exaggerated for effect, but you get the point. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, and accounts for only some of the nice-guy phenomenon, obv.

bnw is actually way more otm than gareth; i spent a lot of time as a "nice" guy until i realized that it wasn't kindness that was preventing me from getting with chicks, it was insecurity. you can be a nice guy and be confident too--it's just that assholes are usually way more sure of themselves.

You can switch the genders and still have it be just as true.

I wouldn't say I'm still bitter, maybe sort of retroactively bitter for not getting any when I was young, I suppose. I put the tags in to indicate I wasn't being entirely serious ;)

Problem is, one is often attracted to (superficially) what one would *like* to be, rather than what one is. x-post to Laurel.

find: assholes
replace: confident guys

find: nice
replace: insecure

-- bnw, Tuesday, 5 June 2007 15:31

DINGDINGDING. heres your answer folks. insecure guys win out in the end. mauve stars all round!

I agree on the nice/insecurity, that was definitely part of my problem, but the asshole/confident guy thing, eh not so sure. At least with girls I knew, these guys weren't just confident, they were actively shits to them.

actually bnw is saying the same thing as me really, he's just more confident about expressing it right

but the whole point is that i wasn't having any fun with the the not-nice guys at the beginning and middle.

my whole point is maybe they were having fun with you, and i guess maybe some other girls too

Uh. I meant that you should be aiming to date people who DO have the same priorities, values, whatever, as you.

i've found that this does not help. but perhaps i am not the best representative of my gender.

Depends on how you construe "priorities", I guess.

max - i completely agree with you, and the same thing applies to girls. i was nice, but totally pathetic and insecure. then i got over it (to a certain extent). i mean, i've met this great who i've fallen for and who is completely different to any other guy i've met, but since i split with evil-ex and realised what a fuckin' sap i had been, i noticed i started meeting an entirely different calibre of guys: good guys! just none of them make me want to spend my last cent flying round the planet to get a even a hug.

i construe priorities as established orders of importance. and i stand by all prior statements.

>only if they learn to stop giving girls exactly what they want!

come on, as if all girls know exactly what they want? half the ones i know don't, including myself, so that is not a helpful assumption! i don't think it's a moral failing, just part of growing up and learning from experience (even though i see how it is frustrating for guys).

also this has totally turned into "every ilx relationship thread ever"

course girls know what they want! ATTENTION

OFFICER ON DECK

OFFICER ON THE ONES AND TWOS

Scenario A
Boy is bored
Boy thinks girl (any girl) must be solution to boredom
Boy meets attractive girl, asks out, goes out, shags
Boy realises girl with whom he has no real interest is not solution to boredom
Boy runs away

Scenario B
Boy is not bored, life is good, boy is not looking to meet anyone especially but perfectly happy going out with friends, work etc
Boy accidentally meets girl, she is cool and very attractive but boy has no desire to get into anything right now
Boy finds himself getting to know girl anyway
Boy realises girl is amazing, a one, if not the one
Boy gets together with girl, no sacrifice necessary
Either Boy or Girl is leaving country/city/state soon, Boy doesn't care about the inconvenience - will make it work
Girl does care
Girl ends relationship
Boy is sad

Lather, rinse, repeat. Currently dealing with one of each of these right now. Still on good terms with Girl B and hoping to convince her to stay in country after she finishes her masters. Three months and counting to make her realise that she loves me enough to make it work.

guys, 'nice' is obv a code for 'boring'

because if anyone ever said: 'wahhh you're too nice for me' i would know it to be 100% bullshit because i am actually not very nice at all

I find that people also sometimes say "you're too nice for me" when they actually mean "I'm an asshole and I won't be careful enough to do right by you." Just FYI.

i also find it hard to believe that hunks like gareth and max have been treated like the nice guy before.
COME ON

"too nice" is a code for a lot of things incl. (from personal experience) "too fat," "not popular enough" (thats a specifically high school one), "unattractive," "way too interested in memorizing speeches from star wars spoken in alien languages," "inexperienced," etc.

haha i was always the "nice guy" until i had a long-term serious girlfriend, which is apparently the best way to get girls into you.

i shouldnt be listened to anyway, i know almost nothing about dudes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

When I went to the pub last night I could barely get to the bar for all these fat ugly greasy dudes who were standing there playing the complete arsehole with their hot girlfriends. Practically the only place to stand was where all the really hot nice dudes were, sitting alone, weeping gently into their pints.

In other words this whole nice guy/arsehole thing = complete horseshit.

haha

When I went to the pub last night I could barely get to the bar for all these fat ugly greasy dudes who were standing there playing the complete arsehole with their hot girlfriends.

hey i was out in camden last night too! i never saw you

I find that people also sometimes say "you're too nice for me" when they actually mean "I'm an asshole and I won't be careful enough to do right by you."

Alas, so true.

in which case they're technically being kind, no?

No, they're just leaving you holding the bag without actually having to give you up.

ah yes, that's why i did it. absolution of responsibility with all the perks that entails. what an arsehole :-(

Here's a test: did she believe you, and go away sadder but wiser to take her chances with someone else? Or did she stroke your hair and say "Nooooo, Charlie, don't you worry. I can take care of myself/it will all work out/I know you better than you think." Because if the latter, you didn't do a good enough impersonation of "kindness".

Or did she stroke your hair and say "Nooooo, Charlie, don't you worry. I can take care of myself/it will all work out"

HEY DERE SOUNDS FAMILIAR EXCEPT MY NAME'S NOT CHARLIE.

and, uhm, i was on the saying end of that and not the hearing end.