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fuckin stupid cont'd

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i started out talking about my "drug problem" (i've had a narcotics habit on & off most of the last 5 yrs after many years of "casual" use) on ILX pretty much right from when i 1st started posting 'cause i had the idea it was a topic that was surrounded by a lot of crap & i would provide a honest view of etc etc from the user's/loser's POV, covering the pos. & neg. aspects of the whole thing but essentially warning against it. things didn't turn out like i planned it tho 'cause mainly nobody here seems to particularly need "warning" anyway, i've got nothing useful to actually say against it, i feel inhibited about telling any of the nasty offputing stories 'cause they involve other people who know people who know people & they'll read about themselves or stuff like that, & even stuff that wouldn't incriminate anyone except myself i generally have chickened out of telling the really gross stuff 'cause it always seems to come across as check out how badass i am, i overdosed or some shit, & yeah in general i wish i'd never started on the subj, whenever i chip in about the shit i feel like i come across as just gratuitously mentioning it & mostly probably seeming pretty pro-, a drug bore, a , i believe the term is "pigfucker".
anyway here's something concrete bad that i can tell you happened to me, last night i took some stuff & set out to drive back to the place where i'm staying, realising too late i ws in no state to drive - i was going all cross eyed & couldn't see properly so i was driving real slow - fortunately the sts were deserted but then a car got on my tail & i started to sweat like crazy 'cause i thought it was a cop, i pulled over & let him pass & started out again but he waited for me & got on me again, pulled me over & i was sweating like a pig so i'd taken my shirt off - 2 a.m. on a rainy night in c-town, looking pale & haggard & horrible & pretty obviously fkd up. he asked me if i was ok & i said i had a headache & felt sick & yeah i know i was driving slow & sort of jerky because i was having vision problems - all true - anyway cop wants to look at my arms, cop wants to look in the glove box - there's a loaded 'fit in there almost 1st thing he sees - bam, i'm in real trouble. i'm in court on wednes a.m charged with driving under infl. of drugs, possession of heroin, possession of "a needle" [sic]...it does not look good.

― (....), Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:06 (twenty-three years ago)

i didn't put my name on this shit but anyone who cares & a lot of people who don't are gonna know who this is, right? so pls do me a little fav & do not mention my name if you reply to this thread, i'd appreciate it. i don't know what i'd expect in the way of answers anway, it's not like i expect any advice or can even concieve of any kind of useful adv that anyone could give me...i guess i'm telling you about the crash 'cause i feel like IOU it for boring you with all the thinly disguised as anti-dope, pro-dope bullshit i have bored y'all with. sorry.

― (....), Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:13 (twenty-three years ago)

the cops kept me all night in a pukey cell & let me out early this a.m. & i ran thru the rainy city in my t-shirt & thin nylon shirt getting soaked soaked soaked, man i felt good. i mean just to've been let out of there @ last. but now it's all closing i again, i have atracted heat on myself, i have let down my friends, my mother's gonna find out probably (=the only person i partic'ly bother to hide it from, i know it'd be better to tell the truth but i figure it'd kill her, well not literally kill her but she's already been thru this & if i can avoid her ever knowing she's just generally gonna feel better ), disapointed all the people that love me (all 2 of em or whatever), maybe go to prison (unlikely, but about the scariest thing i can think of)...i dunno...just pray for me or wjhatever you people do ok?

― , Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

― Sean (Sean), Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I am also sorry. Best wishes and hope things work out as well as they can for you.

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Did they take any blood or urine sample from you? Are you in the UK or elsewhere (sorry, don't know much about overseas law, but know more about UK stuff)

― C J (C J), Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:49 (twenty-three years ago)

That is really terrible -- I'll echo Sundar here and hope that things work out as well as they possibly can in this situation.

― Nicole (Nicole), Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:51 (twenty-three years ago)

If you are in the states and this is a first offense, odds are you won't serve time. However, expect your license to be suspended and at least a year of probation. If you have had any dwi/ouil type offenses in the past seven years, expect to lose your license for a year and have a damn difficult time getting it back (true for most states as far as I know).
Otherwise, I am sure you understand the risk of what you are doing, but for god's sake think about it again and consider whether it is all worth what you go through. I realize it seems impossible to kick, but watching your friends die and/or start turning tricks to support the habit can make things seem even more difficult than they already are.
I wish you the best of luck in any case, I hope things turn out as well as possible.

― webcrack (music=crack), Sunday, 8 December 2002 01:17 (twenty-three years ago)

im sorry too, i wish there was something more i could do or say. i doubt ( and hope not ) that a prison sentence will be the result, but yes i understand your feelings of having let down people, especially your mum. mums are pretty resilient though, and try not to beat yourself up too much over how other people will feel, i think you have enough to deal with right now.
anyway, im thinking of you and hoping for the best outcome.

― donna (donna), Sunday, 8 December 2002 01:52 (twenty-three years ago)

thanks for yr super ultra niceness, all you people are thee gratest. yeah prison isnt a big likelihood but it isnt a 1st offence...i don't know...probation would not be a surprise.
why are nearly all cops such complete shits? i felt like telling all these pricks, you know, it's just your fucking JOB, why are you acting like you got something personal against me? fuck the police.

― , Sunday, 8 December 2002 02:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Echoing all the good thoughts above. Here's for the best on Wednesday.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 8 December 2002 03:33 (twenty-three years ago)

*sighs* So if you killed someone on the road, were we still meant to pity you? I'm sorry for your problems (I also have a fairly decent sized drug habit hence the anonymity not that peeps couldn't figure this post out) but I have seen the result of some asshole "realizing too late" that they aren't fit to drive - gee you mean drugs and alcohol fuck you up??? - and it's just...I want to pity you and punch you senseless at the same time.

Just please please please the results of Weds nonwithstanding don't do things like that anymore. We're both already killing ourselves slowly with the drugs, no need to use a car to do it faster and poss take other people too.

― not going to say, Sunday, 8 December 2002 03:47 (twenty-three years ago)

YEAH YEAH I KNOW.

― , Sunday, 8 December 2002 04:01 (twenty-three years ago)

& Yeah it's a feeb excuse but there was nobody on the rd. & i was going real slow. i don't know why it didnt occur to me to just stop the car & lie down in the back for a while, but it didn't.

― , Sunday, 8 December 2002 04:07 (twenty-three years ago)

it's not a good excuse - I mean I just don't drive, it's easier but I know not everywhere has excellent public transport and not everyone has patient chauffers erm "boyfriends". I don't know exactly what you had taken (you mention possession of heroin but I don't know if you were actually using that at the time) so maybe you didn't know what the effects would be but you just have to assume the effects of everything will be the worst effects possible. Safer for yourself and others that way...

I don'tk now, there's not really much I can say besides that cos if you get caught doing that again then you will get in a lot of trouble for it. Hard to stop yourself from doing the rest of the stuff, I've been telling myself "last time purchasing" for a long ass time. :(

― not going to say, Sunday, 8 December 2002 04:11 (twenty-three years ago)

(and if you can figure out who this is and don't mind me knowing who you are, email me??)

― ngts, Sunday, 8 December 2002 04:15 (twenty-three years ago)

jeepers. good luck for wednesday, I really hope things turn out ok for you.

― Elisabeth (Elisabeth), Sunday, 8 December 2002 08:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I admit to agreeing with the stuff about driving while not in control - I think this is appalling disregard for the safety of others - but I hope that things don't go badly for you. I know nothing about American law that I didn't pick up from cop shows on TV, so I've no idea if the cop searching your glove compartment is legal (perhaps your obvious condition validates it), nor do I know how likely you are to get offered help instead of or as well as punishment. If the latter is light and the former available, I hope you'll try to take advantage of it. Maybe the net result of all this will be to allow you to make a change for the better. I don't say this as someone at all opposed to drugs - I only see them as a bad thing when their use gets out of your control, but it does seem that it's got to that point for you.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 8 December 2002 11:40 (twenty-three years ago)

i know driving while fucked up is the thing i most deserve punishment for - i ain't proud - but it's the count i stand the most chance of getting off. ('cause they didnt breathalyze [?sp.] or blood-test me, just gave me some weird semi-random-seeming tests like "touch yr nose. now touch my finger. now touch yr nose again. etc)
so that doesn't seem very fair - if that's the way it goes - but you know. the law isn't really about the real rights & wrongs of the case, it's just about being a slick tricky MF. so, you know. whatever it takes. i promise i'll never drive in that state again tho, ok.
anyway i didnt really understand what was happening at the trial, i hadn't even gotten a chance to see the duty solicitor or anything...i'm remanded until feb., anyway, i will use the time to seek some legal advice & make some sort of visible provable cleanup moves. i think i am genuinely finally pretty sick of being a junkie.

― the subject, Thursday, 12 December 2002 18:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I have no sympathy for you whatsoever. Get some help.

― exdruggie, Thursday, 12 December 2002 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

wasnt asking for sympathy. i'm just telling you what happened & is happening. & i AM getting help. ok?

― subject, Thursday, 12 December 2002 18:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Well I have sympathy. Getting clean is the hardest thing you'll ever do; it's so difficult, very few addicts ever manage to stay clean longterm. Good luck with everything. I'm sure you're suffering horribly.

(Your own resistance to the help available is going to be your greatest problem; it's always that way for everyone.)

― estela, Thursday, 12 December 2002 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Hope things turned out OK and continue to get better.

― Arthur (Arthur), Thursday, 12 December 2002 21:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Good luck with getting clean - it's worth all the effort and misery, and I'm sure it will be a mitigating factor for the court.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 12 December 2002 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

thank you nice people.
hey but what can i do instead of be a drug addict? it has ruined me for, like, pretty much anything else.
seriuos suggestions or funny suggestions or anythin, c'mon hit me

― duh, Thursday, 12 December 2002 22:41 (twenty-three years ago)

i think you should "learn to play the EZ way".

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 12 December 2002 22:51 (twenty-three years ago)

you could be a 'gritty and realistic' extra in TV dramas and Dogme 95 films

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 12 December 2002 22:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I have no idea what else you can do, as I know nothing about you beyond this thread. I suspect that you won't find out until you try.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 12 December 2002 23:20 (twenty-three years ago)

As has been already said above, I really hope stuff turns out as best it possibly can. Good luck and all that.

― Livvie, Friday, 13 December 2002 04:11 (twenty-three years ago)


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