What's the worst thing you have ever done at your office Christmas party?

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How badly behaved have you been?

I went to one on Saturday night which involved a lot of scrunched-up-wine-dipped napkins being thrown at people in a sort of paintballing adventure, and last year we 'stole' the 15ft Christmas tree from a hotel foyer (though returned it later that night).

Please share your tales of drunken festive silliness!

― C J (C J), Monday, 9 December 2002 21:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I was too drunk to go to mine on Saturday night.

Actually, I wasn't drunk at all. I just didn't wanna go. So I didn't. Yet, somehow, I've convinced the head honcho that he should bring me the leftovers.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 9 December 2002 21:48 (twenty-three years ago)

i dont go to them. and if i did i'd stay 100% sober. work and social, 2 worlds, they dont mix

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 9 December 2002 21:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I almost typed 'Sarah McLusty' again. Oh, silly me, forgetting my name. (cough cough)

Anyway, everyone gets totally wasted at our office parties. One time I had ONE and a HALF jello shooters and ONE beer at one of said parties, and when we got back at work everyone was like, "Woo hoo! Sarah was so wasted at that party! All those shots of jello!!!" Of course, everyone else was really messed up at the party, not me! But they couldn't remember very much...

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 9 December 2002 21:52 (twenty-three years ago)

We don't exactly have one for just our office, but we are included in a larger group one - which I'll be missing this year in favour of the ILE Xmas FAP. In fact, I quite enjoyed it last year, but I think that may have been a one-off. I also get invited to the Registry Xmas party (because most of my work at the uni relates to them), which was astoundingly naff last year: there was hardly anyone in this student union bar they had commandeered - and asking around revealed that they were being charged to attend, and there was only free snack food and orange juice for that money, so hardly anyone was there. (On some sort of special-guest basis, I hadn't been asked to pay.)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 9 December 2002 22:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Should I reiterate the story of the Ritz-Carlton Washington yet again or has that tired out? Highlights include getting belted in the face hard enough to fall down, and my boss and supposed sexual paramour trashing his hotel room (including the complete shattering of some lead glass shower doors). I actually smoked weed that night too, I have no clue why cos I hate weed. The company owner's trophy wife flashed her tits at the entire dinner congregation.

In retrospect, it was the greatest party in the history of mankind, akin to the Romans. It's a shame we don't do those anymore.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 9 December 2002 23:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Christmas 1993 or 1994 when I was too young to take my booze:

Spilled a bottle of wine over someone's trashy dress; stripped off; showed round a picture of Richey Manic in the xmas NME saying how much I wanted to fuck him; got really angry and shouted at someone because she'd had some kind of cosmetic surgery done to her belly; came on to my supervisor, who was married and in her thirties. That's it, I think.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 9 December 2002 23:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't remember if I've told this one before. In 2000 the company I was working for, which barely exists anymore, threw a ludicrous Christmas party at "The Lighthouse" at Chelsea Piers (= a giant glass-in room on the docks). The $ were flowing, Enron was one of their clients, tables just groaning under chocolates and roast duck; two sushi chefs worked constantly to replenish their tables of rolls and sashimi; unlimited champagne, bad funk band, you know, the WORKS. Everyone was wearing a tuxedo or some sort of evening gown except me, I had "my jacket" on and anyway got stonking drunk and made out with a colleague of mine and her friend outside on the balcony, all of us forgetting (?) that the walls were made of glass and everyone could see everything. When we came back inside people avoided us like we were radioactive. Freelancing rules sometimes!

― Tacky Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 9 December 2002 23:41 (twenty-three years ago)

only ever been to one work xmas party, and it was totally embarrassing. we ended up listening to santana and bob marley on a ghetto blaster and smoking a lot of weed in a park, then lying in the grass and giggling a bit too loudly at a troupe of 8 year old boys playing soccer nearby who then got highly self conscious, shouting back at us justifying their every move (eg. pulling their tshirts over their heads: "it's the fashion! nyer!".)

― notminna (minna), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 00:33 (twenty-three years ago)

i went to one exactly once. never went again. i spent half the evening under the table (literally) with a bottle of wine, danced in a conga line to ricky martin, snogged my most hated enemy in the creative department and got in a fight which ended up with me being sent in a taxi home in disgrace with a black eye.

now, for a lollies aftershow, that would be par for the course, but this sort of thing is looked down upon at advertising agencies.

― kate, Tuesday, 10 December 2002 00:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I am not going to go to my company Xmas party (although, come to think of it, there hasn't an e-mail or letter about it). Assuming that the one I went to a few years ago is representative, it will feature:

1) Throngs of middle-aged suburban women and almost no men (and most of those men are gay; not that there's anything wrong with that but my already slim chances of hooking up will be eliminated).

2) Weedy-looking cookies and canapes prepared by these middle-aged suburban women.

3) For beverages, a choice of a ginger ale-and-sherbet punch, or store-brand fruit-flavored soda.

4) No music, until someone remembers in whose office the boombox was left. Then we will be regaled with some CD of a generic children's choir, singing Christmas carols a quarter-tone sharp and at a plodding tempo.

Bah humbug. Kate, can I have your life?

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 01:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Tracer, that's the sort of behavior that gets encouraged at my company, I wish I could give you a job, me and Craig could use the help in IT.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 01:26 (twenty-three years ago)

At the '97 or '98 party, just before our CEO announced who the new associates of the firm, I said very emphatically and drunkenly that I did NOT want to be named an associate. Surprise, surprise, I still haven't been named one, though I might be up for it this year, as my co-worker became one last time. This is even less of a big deal than it seems, but it's the worst, which only goes to show you how cautious I am. I make a point of not getting into any compromising situations at these things -- if I go at all, I don't drink and I don't dance because the overwhelming majority of the folks there are the last people I'd ever want to boogie on down with.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 01:28 (twenty-three years ago)

I once stoo dup and my head exploded all over everyone! It was mincey!

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 03:46 (twenty-three years ago)

does never turning up to any count as a worst thing to do at a xmas party? no-one can ever accuse me of being a friendly receptionist.

― di smith (lucylurex), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 03:51 (twenty-three years ago)

You know j.lu., I was just thinking before I realized you wrote that, that it sounded like my old company's xmas party. official DC just doesn't ever really cut loose, does it.

― daria g, Tuesday, 10 December 2002 04:26 (twenty-three years ago)

official DC just doesn't ever really cut loose, does it.

I suspect that federal regulations requiring drug- and alcohol-free workplaces, if the organization receives federal funding, have a lot to do with this. But my current employer was on the tightest of budgets even before the economic downturn, and therefore can't be spending very much on these events.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 05:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I work in a government office in Edinburgh, looks like things are much less strict here as the powers that be positively encourage office piss ups, in fact one of our clients sent a case of moet & chandon for us a couple of years ago which was guzzled in the office before the dreaded office xmas meal.

― leigh (leigh), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 12:28 (twenty-three years ago)

We don't have them here anymore, we used to and I never went. So much for that. But I can tell you about my drunken Christmas parties at friends house. Lets just say Royksopp and Cognac don't mix.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

refuse to go, mostly 'cause i dont want to pay for the privelge.

― anthony easton (anthony), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 15:14 (twenty-three years ago)

haha, i am djing at our xmas do next week, ph34r my deck skees puny co-workers...

i like xmas parties, as everyone else gets pissed long befor ei do, thus i can get all the goss before they pass out...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Once, the owner of the resaurant I worked at had a huge Christmas party at their GIGANTIC house, where I proceeded to get pissed, piss off the balcony, apparently ONTO SOMEONE.

He was a dirty-ass hippy though, and he got over it whenceupon I sparked a doob.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 15:36 (twenty-three years ago)

We had our party in the ghetto (Jane & Finch area) so I skipped. No way in hell Im taking an overnight bus alone from there.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

i fell asleep on the men's washroom floor of a bowling ally at one christmas party. it was an insane agancy i was working at at the time, so anyone that may've had to step over me passed no judgement.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 20:06 (twenty-three years ago)

My wife (not so) fondly remembers me tripping UP the stairs coming home from one inebriated Xmas party, me having consumed an uncountable number of vodka & cranberries.

― mike a (mike a), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 22:23 (twenty-three years ago)

There's been a reasonably amusing section at the end of The Fiver recently. The anecdotes refer to this very topic and are interspersed with the TV and radio listings at the end of the pieces.

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 00:26 (twenty-three years ago)

I tripped up the stairs at my last company Xmas party but in fairness to me I wasn't drinking - the hotel is shoddy, the rug on those stairs wasn't well done. Multiple people fell, I was just the only person caught doing it by VIPs.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 06:19 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

This year, my answer might be "attended". Tiger Tiger is the venue of choice :(

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 October 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I told the office lesbian I was hot for her.

― Loose Translation: Sexy Dancer (sexyDancer), Friday, 29 October 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I got really badly drunk, ashed my cigarette in the salsa dip repeatedly, smoked weed with my boss, and passed out all night in the bathroom. I woke up to our RN walking through the hall shouting "HOT DAMN WHERE'RE MY PANTS"

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 29 October 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

What sort of lunatics do you work with, Lucy?

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 29 October 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

The free bar was closing at 10pm so me and a colleague skipped desert and propped up the bar downing shot after shot of an unknown liqueur until the bottle was empty, then we moved on to drambuie. I'd already had 4 pints of Grolsch and half a bottle of wine before that. I don't remember much after this but apparently my colleague was vomiting everywhere while I sat giggling INSANELY, so much so that the guy I sat next to was convinced I'd dropped acid or E (I hadn't - it was just booze).

I called the security guard a cunt and stubbed a cigarette out on a nice carpet somewhere before I was bundled into a taxi. I passed out on the stairs at home and was discovered there by my housemate. Left my coat at the venue (with my walkman in the pocket).

Nothing too extreme I suppose. Didn't get into too much trouble about it.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Friday, 29 October 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Colonel Poo, who ARE you?

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 29 October 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha ha! I had the same experience as roxymuzak, except for the waking up part!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 29 October 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Last year I was supposed to be helping take down Christmas decorations at the end of our company party but instead was kicking about an inflatable Frosty the Snowman ball with one of my friends from work. Both of us had consumed more than a few martinis and my mind was gripped by that particulalry fierce insanity that only gin provides. At one point, the business manager for the bankers came in, a tall, handsome, thoroughly well-pleased with himself English git, and seeing something approximating the sport of his youth, began kicking Frosty with us. We had devolved to the level of schoolyard children playing keepaway and as he was trying to manouever past me, I, in suit and tie and nice lace up shoes, made a sliding tackle that pushed the 'ball' well past his foot. It just so happened that my other foot came sliding in and banged painfully against his ankle almost sending him over. The look of absolute incredulity on his face was priceless. Needless to say when I went to my gf's Christmas party later that week, I mostly just smoked weed and was very low key.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 29 October 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

that particulalry fierce insanity that only gin provides.

This is so otm.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 29 October 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

last year i drank about a gallon of hennessey and hid behind a pillar with a friend, throwing pieces of salmon randomly at the vip tables.

― lauren (laurenp), Friday, 29 October 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been to an office Christmas party.
I don't think technically I have ever been to a Christmas "party."

As noted in other threads though I usually estimate Christmastime to be approximately the WORST FUCKING HOLIDAY EVER, AND FUCKING AWFUL, AND EXCEPT FOR EGGNOG AND SOME OF THE SONGS I BASICALLY FIND IT A DISMAL, EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTING STAIN ON THE OTHERWISE VIRGINAL WHITE PROMISE OF SNOWY WINTER AND THE NEW YEAR.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 29 October 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

YES

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 29 October 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

HIGH FIVES FOR BAH HUMBUG

― TOMBOT, Friday, 29 October 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Nogermeister, aka Jagenog, (eggnog + Jagermeister) rulz! Best thing about Christmas.

xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 29 October 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

TOMBOT on or at least near the money. This time of year makes me feel restless, nervous, and ennervated. Bring on January already so I can curl up before the fire with a cup of tea and a book and my cats and tell Jack Frost to go rectally insert it.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 29 October 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

WORST FUCKING HOLIDAY EVER, AND FUCKING AWFUL, AND EXCEPT FOR EGGNOG AND SOME OF THE SONGS I BASICALLY FIND IT A DISMAL, EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTING STAIN ON THE OTHERWISE VIRGINAL WHITE PROMISE OF SNOWY WINTER AND THE NEW YEAR.

I hate Christmas, and I hate winter even more. This past winter in Toronto was the worst one I'd experienced since moving here. What the hell am I doing living in Canada?

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 29 October 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

HOLY SHIT NOGERMEISTER

― still bevens (bscrubbins), Friday, 29 October 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

TRY IT!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 29 October 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Christmas time is a time to talk to distant relatives about mail-order meat & fatal diseases. It's in a Billy Squier song.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 29 October 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

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