my favourite joke when small

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Q: what did the bull say when it swallowed a bomb?
A: a-bomb-in-a-bull!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 12 December 2002 14:51 (twenty-three years ago)

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke

(i used to think that joke was *so* clever)

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Thursday, 12 December 2002 14:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Q: Why was the sand wet?
A: Because the sea weed.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 12 December 2002 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

This is my girlfriend's:

How do you catch a rare bird?
Unique up on it!

She still likes it.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 12 December 2002 14:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't get it. Neek?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

No, neither did I at first---it's a play on "sneak".

?????????

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:08 (twenty-three years ago)

what did zero say to 8?

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:10 (twenty-three years ago)

nice belt

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:10 (twenty-three years ago)

What happens when you sit on a grape?
It gives out a little w(h)ine!

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I was into punch-worthy clever-clogs riddles like "how many eggs can a 6 ft, 200 pound man eat on a empty stomach? ONE, because after that his stomach wouldn't be empty anymore!!" PUNCH *sound of body whistling through air*

Fritz rules this thread

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:13 (twenty-three years ago)

why don't monsters eat clowns?

because they taste funny.

(i remember hearing this joke for the first time & thinking "lucky clowns! they are safe from monsters!" at age 8 or so)

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I loved the one about the wide-mouthed frog which I can't reproduce here as it is both verbal and visual.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Knock, knock.
--Who's there?
Banana.
--Banana who?
Knock, knock.
--Who's there?
Banana.
--Banana who?
Knock, knock.
--Who's there?
Banana.
--Banana who?
Knock, knock
--Who's there?
Orange.
--Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

How do you catch a rare bird?

The way I heard it was:
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
U-nique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way!

(pause for big laffs)

My favorite joke for forever was this completely inane one (must be spoken aloud, of course):
When do policemen smell?
When they're on duty.

― Ernest P. (ernestp), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Knock, knock.
--Who's there?
Granny.
--Granny who?
Knock, knock.
--Who's there?
Granny.
--Granny who?
Knock, knock.
--Who's there?
Granny.
--Granny who?
Knock, knock
--Who's there?
Auntie.
--Auntie who?
Auntie you glad I didn't say Granny?

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Interrupting Sheep

Interrupti-"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Forget when small, that's still my favourite joke!

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Knock Knock

WHo's there?

Interrupting Cow

Interruptin-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Knock Knock

WHo's there?

Interrupting Mime

Interruptin-(silently mouth the word: "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!")

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Officer! I want to report some stolen thunder.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:35 (twenty-three years ago)

What's brown and sticky?

― Dave Fischer, Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

A stick

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

this is my mom's favorite to this day:

Why is the best place to hide an elephant a peanut butter jar?
Because no one ever things to look there.

― Maria (Maria), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

The brown and sticky joke is the funniest joke of ALL TIME.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh god, I got up early to finish my paper after barely any sleep, I'm in a weakened state and Tracer has reduced me to helpless laughter.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Ro you didn't finish the joke WHAT WAS I TO DO, MAN!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 12 December 2002 15:57 (twenty-three years ago)

the stick joke roools

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:01 (twenty-three years ago)

How can you mouth a word loudly anyway? MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM tracer stole my joke.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:04 (twenty-three years ago)

What do you do if you find a trumpet buried in your garden?

Root-it-oot

― smee (smee), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:06 (twenty-three years ago)

What's yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:06 (twenty-three years ago)

What's black and white and red all over?

A penguin/nun in a blender.

(For maximum hilarity, substitute "penguin-nun" for "penguin/nun".)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:18 (twenty-three years ago)

What do you do if you see a Space Man?

Park in it, man.

My sister still loves that one, along with

What's red in white and sits on the mantelpiece?

A piece ’n’ Fire Engine (Fire Engine Sandwich to non Glaswegians)

― smee (smee), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:25 (twenty-three years ago)

i just told suzy the brown and sticky joke and she didn't think it was funny at all. i think it is the funniest joke in the history of jokes. so she says "how much lsd do you have to have done before you find it funny?"

erm...

dammit, i can't remember my favourite joke. too much acid back in the 90s...

― kate, Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:26 (twenty-three years ago)

dammit, i still cannot remember the joke with the best. punchline. evah! i remember the rhtyhm of the punchline, how many syllables it had and everything, but can't remember what it is.

so i'll have to back it up with the COLD COFFEE joke, also known as the dreaded RABBIT joke, which cannot be written down, it can only be told, because half of why it is so funny is the wind-up and the delivery and the funny accents and everything. and the look of total confusion on people's faces when they realise it's over and that's it.

― kate, Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:36 (twenty-three years ago)

What do you call a raver in filing cabinet?

Sorted.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

I just loved that shave-and-a-haircut-two-bits song. A little something cartoons taught me.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:48 (twenty-three years ago)

What kind of bee makes milk?

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:51 (twenty-three years ago)

A booby.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 12 December 2002 16:51 (twenty-three years ago)

What was the first bus to cross the atlantic?

.
.
Christopher Colom-Bus!

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 12 December 2002 17:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Q: If you're American when you walk into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, what are you while you're in the bathroom?

A: European.

― Paul Eater (eater), Thursday, 12 December 2002 18:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Q: why did the dog sit in the sun?
A: cos he wanted to be a hot dog!

Q: how long does lionel richie sit on the toilet?
A: all night long.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 12 December 2002 23:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Q: What ex-Chelsea player is named after a telly program?
A: Dan Petrescu.

― dwh (dwh), Thursday, 12 December 2002 23:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Can someone explain that last one?

― Maria (Maria), Friday, 13 December 2002 00:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Pet Rescue = (where are you?) a british telly program where an australian mad man goes around looking at cats with sore paws.

― dwh (dwh), Friday, 13 December 2002 00:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I just sent the stick joke to Bush. We'll see what he thinks.

― Dave Fischer, Friday, 13 December 2002 01:41 (twenty-three years ago)

When I was little my dad had a friend named Don Prange. Don had an enormous appetite and facility for coming up with elaborate puns on the spot. The one I remember (which I'm doubtless he's forgotten along with the hundreds of others) went - so there was this real successful choral group made up of retards. They were famous far and wide. At every rehearsal they dined on roast beef and drank fine champagne. But their style eventually faded from fashion, and they fell on hard times. Soon they just brought snacks when they got together, some fruit, and some soft drinks. You might have heard of them - the Moron Tab and Apple Choir?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 13 December 2002 02:20 (twenty-three years ago)

i have 2 other memories of Don 1) he had a fabulous egg nog recipe and 2) he told me if anyone says that the Gospels were written by 4 guys named Matthew Mark Luke and John I was to say "horse shit"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 13 December 2002 02:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I just sent the stick joke to Bush. We'll see what he thinks.

Great idea. So far he has ignored my foreign policy advice. Maybe he will be more receptive to silly jokes.

― Rockist Scientist, Friday, 13 December 2002 02:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Why does Cuba not have any good crew teams?
Because anyone that can row went to America.

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 13 December 2002 02:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Why do computer programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

― Dave Fischer, Friday, 13 December 2002 02:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

― Dave Fischer, Friday, 13 December 2002 03:11 (twenty-three years ago)

not my fave. but a popular one back in the day. There's a convention, and a british guy walks in and is asked if how many sheets he wants on his bed. He says four. An american walks in and he's asked how many sheets he wants on his bad. he says two. A mexican comes in and his asked how many sheets he wants on his bed. He responds IF YOU SHEET ON MY BED I'LL SHEET ON YOUR HEAD!

Classy, no?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 13 December 2002 03:33 (twenty-three years ago)

why is Madonna like toilet paper?

They both get Into the Groove!

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 13 December 2002 08:52 (twenty-three years ago)

What do you call a mushroom who's good at telling jokes?

A fungi to be with.

― Anna (Anna), Friday, 13 December 2002 11:28 (twenty-three years ago)

What is Scrooge's favourite game?

MEAN-opoly!

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 13 December 2002 12:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Why can't you eat a Mexican person's cheese?

COS IT'S NACHO (NOT YO') CHEESE!

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 13 December 2002 12:26 (twenty-three years ago)

(In case anyone didn't get the computer joke, OCTal 31 (base 8) equals DECimal 25 (base 10).)

― Dave Fischer, Friday, 13 December 2002 15:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I got the computer joke. Alas.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 13 December 2002 15:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Q: What comes between fear and sex?
A: Fünf

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 19 December 2002 09:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the cement wall?
A: Damn!

― Colin Saunders (csaunders), Friday, 20 December 2002 01:20 (twenty-three years ago)

When is my dick two feet long?

When it's folded in half!

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 20 December 2002 03:18 (twenty-three years ago)

If small also = teenager, then it is this one:

A man was in a pet shop and saw a bird with no legs. He asked the shopkeeper how the parrot stayed on its perch, and was told that the bird stayed on by wrapping its penis around the pole, So, he bought it as a gift for his daughter. (No, this one's not going where you think it's going.) A few weeks later, he heard the bird muttering to itself.

"Little bird, what are you talking about?"

"Last night, while you were away, your daughter had her boyfriend over."

"Oh, yeah?"

"They got on the couch and started to kiss and fondle each other. Then, they took off their clothes. Then...."

"What happened then, little bird?"

"I don't know. That's when I fell off my perch."

I think listening to jokes like that turned me into a pervert. :-)

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Friday, 20 December 2002 05:49 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

What do you get if Sylvester eats Donald?

A Duck-filled Fatty Puss.

― dog latin (dog latin), Saturday, 21 February 2004 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

BAH. Nobody cares. Why da fuck should ah? Plus translating it to English would take so much away from it. If enough people care to know, I'll post it. 'Cuz it's a bit long, and I'm too lazy to type for nothing.

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Sunday, 22 February 2004 01:38 (twenty-two years ago)

where are you from, francis? the future?

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 22 February 2004 01:42 (twenty-two years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.