Misquoted aphorisms

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DV to thread! Here it is, my "phrase" thread:

Some of my favourites are sayings misquoted and/or made up by my very own mother:

My mum on coincidence : "It's funny how the wheel of circles turns".

My mum on a human tragedy: "It brings a tear to my throat." (This is my no.1!)

My mum agreeing with a friend over the phone: "You are talking to your MIRROR IMAGE".

My mum on receiving an unwanted bill or communication: "I'm going to take this over there right and shove it RIGHT UP THEIR NOSE".

Of course, this last one is altered so that she doesn't say "ass" in front of her children. heaven forbid. But the previous few make perfect sense to her and bring delight to me in the recollection. Does anyone else know someone that does this?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 13 December 2002 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Does "for Christ sakes" count? Or "running the gauntlet"?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 December 2002 13:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Has anyone been so pissed off by one of these cliches that they have tried the so-called impossible/stupid act in question? eg:

Polishing a turd.
Teaching an old dog new tricks. -Surely this can't be that hard!

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 13 December 2002 13:22 (twenty-three years ago)

my mum says things are "state of the ark" => then she says, "i never understood that phrase" => then we explain it

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 13 December 2002 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)

damp squid/ballpoint figure

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 13 December 2002 13:36 (twenty-three years ago)

State of the ark = shipshape, able to hold every kind of animal and survive the worsest storm in humang history.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 13 December 2002 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Next door neighbour once came by and said that she had a crow to pick with us.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 13 December 2002 13:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Was she in Slipknot?

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 13 December 2002 14:40 (twenty-three years ago)

"I'm going to take this over there right and shove it RIGHT UP THEIR NOSE".

Its interesting to think of this as an aphorism. A wise saying. Remember my childred, ...__________

My fave is " The man who shows his hidden parts may one day end up having the sucked by a homosexula gorrila."

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 13 December 2002 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Pick one from many Arthur Daley/Del Boy lines.

"The world is your lobster" etc

― James Ball (James Ball), Friday, 13 December 2002 14:49 (twenty-three years ago)

My parents say "crow to pick" all the time. They are in Slipknot though.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 13 December 2002 14:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Shit not Slipknot, is that what I typed? I meant Malahide Golf Club.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 13 December 2002 14:51 (twenty-three years ago)

_Fromme_ Neppa Venette.

― Hunter (Hunter), Saturday, 14 December 2002 05:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Ronan that's the best typo ever.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 14 December 2002 05:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I worked with a guy once who poured me the wrong bourbon from what I had rung in. When I confronted him he said "Come on, bourbon's bourbon, six of one, two of the other".

I had to patiently explain that six of something and a "half dozen" of something are actually both six.

― webcrack (music=crack), Saturday, 14 December 2002 05:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah my hand just slipped!

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 14 December 2002 15:16 (twenty-three years ago)

fourteen years pass...

"but my request was pre-emptied"

― mark s, Monday, 6 November 2017 17:59 (eight years ago)

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