I've seen the spoilers. Anakin, having married Padme, catches Yoda giving her cunnilingus. In a fury, he proceeds to chase Yoda out of the house and swears vengeance on all Jedi. In actuality it was not Yoda but a shapeshifting minion of Sidious. Palpatine, proud of himself, rallies the clone army and tries to convince everyone that it is necessary to preemptively attack Dooku's forces before they develop WMD capabilities. The senate almost buys it, but then Jar-Jar says something mean about Ewoks and is roundly criticized by his own party in a pointless subplot that only serves to further tarnish the memory of the late Qui-gon Jinn and distract the representatives from the real issues. Obi-wan returns to Coruscanth to talk Anakin out of being a vengeful ass but fails as per usual. Anakin rapes his own wife in a blind rage, knocking her up with twins, and takes off for the hills. Obi-wan follows. Palpatine succeeds in fucking up the entire parliamentary system thanks to Jar-Jar's idiocy and sends in the army to start serious shit. Yoda sees all this going on, has premonitions, feels the Force, and does nothing about any of it besides utter cryptic warnings to other people who can do nothing. Samuel L. Jackson finally says 'mother-Fucker!' and gets killed by hundreds of screaming parents. The last thirty minutes are a blur of computer animation, Anakin falls into a volcano, credits roll, John Williams gets paid for remixing himself for the umpteenth time in his career and George Lucas walks off with millions and millions of dollars as thanks for making us all sit through another three hours of unadulterated malignant shitoma, which we thought might have promise based on a B-movie he made over two decades ago.
― Tom Millar (Millar), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 05:30 (twenty-three years ago)