TV shows that should exist but don't.

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Well?

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm still waiting for The Weakest Link Special Needs Special, in which Ann Robinson sets out to show the world how clever she is by berating mentally handicapped children for being 'slow' and 'a bit thick'.

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A real celebrity deathmatch.

― jel, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

survivor 4 - the fags. 16 queens, the one house, no curtains, no desginer/perscription drugs, and sunlight, bloody sunlight - who will win?

― Geoff, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*still laughing* Oh dear. It would last ten minutes.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think Mary Queen of Scotts, she loves to rough it

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Polly Toynbee, live from Amsterdam, going into major record shops and casually shooting dead anyone who has just bought "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly, as punishment for daring to betray her own absurd sentimental version of Holland as anti-American social democratic prejudice.

― Robin Carmody, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I meant to write "paradise" the first time: rather apt, though.

― Robin Carmody, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A weekly music show with me as executive producer.

― DJ Martian, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Man alive!

― Greg, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"World's Cleverest Celebs, Though Not As Clever As They Think They Are", details how Carol Vorderman only has a 3rd class degree in maths from some shitty university and hates Shakespeare.

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd just like to second Greg's "Man alive!"

― Nick, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Martian's show wd have to be not even daily but hourly, I think.

― mark s, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There should be a sitcom about me.

― Ally, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"The Kryptonite Factor", in which contestants have to goad Superman into using his powers by saying rude things about his mum, and then survive the attack.

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A reality tv show on how they come up with new sitcoms. Might have problems hiding all the mounds of coke and blurring the starbucks logo on the coffee mugs but otherwise would offer a fasinating insight into how the hell they come up with such crap.

Mr Wong should get his own tv show too.

― zacko, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Auntie Social", about skinheads in drag.

― Kris, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I still think that I need a sitcom about me. You can call it "Tart"

― Ally, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pro celebrity kangaroo boxing presented by Alan Titchmarsh.

― Billy Dods, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tart: The Animated Series.

Pilot episode : "A Tart, a Mandolin and a Home-made Vibrator." (Guest starring Pauly Shore as the Home-made Vibrator)

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Captain Cannoli can NOT bring his mandolin, I'm sorry. Walking sticks are a different story.

― Ally, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Who the hell said anything about Captain Cockfarming Cannoli? It just so happens that this Mandolin belongs to a homeless 12 year old boy (named Mack Hennley) from Quebec who has ornately constructed the instrument from fetid pieces of Kraft cheese that had fallen behind the counter at the local 7-11.

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A documentary about the people who post on ILe, it would be cool.

― jel, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, that's completely different.

― Ally, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"When ILE Attacks!"

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"When Good Cheese Goes Bad" on Fox at 8.

― Pyth, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A rip-off of Father Ted, except they're three Taliban Muslims. One of them has a DVD player, one of them has a checkerboard, and another loves to make prank phone calls. Every episode ends with all three being executed, but they magically reappear next episode.

― dave q, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You already posted that one.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I did? Shit!

― dave q, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Not my idea, but always loved the idea of The David Copperfields, the magician, the fictional Dickens character and the one who is no longer famous out of Three Of a Kind all living together in a flat and getting into terrible scrapes.

I have invented the finest reality TV show not made yet, its beauty being its simplicity. The show is called Lock-In, and if you can't work out what its about from its names then contact my lawyers who might let you know. Its a Channel 5 kinda show.

― Pete, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ned- it's worth posting again. I want the one with the DVD player to have only a single DVD: "Sister Act II".

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey! 'Sister Act II' is my standard ropey film for use in jokes. Keep off!

― Nick, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Apologies, Nick. How about "City Slickers II"?

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

eight months pass...

Just bringing this one back to point out that they ignored our suggestion for Survivor four.

― Mr Noodles, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

dave q kind of freaks me out sometimes but never so much as with his second-to-last post on this thread (and: ned's faith in the obscurity of the subject)

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

PICK ME! Featuring the increasingly desperate attempts of a completely featureless man to be selected as a contestant on a reality TV game. As public interest wanes in the entire format and the opportunities for audition drop accordingly, featureless man turns his attention to islamist fundamentalism and attempts to befriend Jon Ronson.

― N., Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Shit, I've meant to have done an essay on this.

― Graham, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tracer: Huh?

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

On what, Graham? TV shows that don't exist? Students today have it easy etc.

― N., Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Only one of them. I think it might feature performance poetry.

― Graham, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Being assessed by performance poetry is an excellent idea. I take back everything I ever said about modern education methods.

― N., Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan: name-checking the Taliban three weeks before they got er, famous. Is there something we should know, dave??

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

They were hardly an obscure outfit, Tracer.

― N., Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This makes them sound like a rock band/ pop act/ popular beat combo etc.

― Anna, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well they were definitely not prog

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

are the taliban rock?

― ohohoho, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ladies and gentleman, fresh from their sell out tour of the Middle East, tonight the Bull & Gate is proud to present Talibän

― N., Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The Taliban were famous before then, though. There was something like a regular news report on them every three weeks talking about how nasty they were/are to their chicas.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

(PH3AR MY TURTLESQUE TYPING SKILLZ0R!)

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This is a great thread.

― Mark C, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Celebrity gameshow [Jeopardy, Millionaire, Weakest Link] where they make the questions HARDER than they would usually be for normal people (with the celebs not in the know, of course)...

― Joe, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's Saturday night.... IT'S BARRYMORE..... someone's gonna be...

BUMMED TO DEATH!

three contestants, handicapped by the ingestion of near fatal amounts of controlled substances, have to race across michael's garden and swim across his pool whilst being pursued by engorged.....

you get the picture

― ...., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A very English version of Jackass called "well that's just silly"

― Matt, Sunday, 26 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

six months pass...

I'd kind of like to see a revival of the old C4 classic TREASURE HUNT, featuring Suzi Perry running around the countryside in a maroon outfit.

― the pinefox, Friday, 20 December 2002 19:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Uncanny!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 20 December 2002 20:56 (twenty-three years ago)

"Monkeys on Fire"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 20 December 2002 21:14 (twenty-three years ago)

On Fox, of course.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 20 December 2002 21:14 (twenty-three years ago)

a flaming monkey would burn and squash a fox--you are sick.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 20 December 2002 21:17 (twenty-three years ago)

sam and gollum cook stuff, with your host's sam and gollum.

― bruice stringbean, Friday, 20 December 2002 22:50 (twenty-three years ago)

"Diagnosis Mordor"

Dick van Dyke investigates another Sauron-related fatality. guest starring Barry Van Dyke and Elijah Wood.

― Al Ewing (Al Ewing), Saturday, 21 December 2002 03:31 (twenty-three years ago)

The Real World: Moria -- put one fellowship together and see when they start arguing with each other, sleeping with each other or fighting off huge molten beasties.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 21 December 2002 03:51 (twenty-three years ago)

"What The Fuck Is Wrong With Germans".

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 21 December 2002 03:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I think a good show would have like 20 college football (US-Style) linebackers in a 20'X 20' pen with no nutrition besides Wild Turkey (101, not 80 proof) and PCP, for 4 weeks, with "Reign In Blood" by Slayer on loop.

That's entertainment.

― Helltime Producto (Pavlik), Saturday, 21 December 2002 07:25 (twenty-three years ago)

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