My friend lets his significant other control every aspect of his life...

I guess I don't understand because my wife is really cool about this kind of stuff, she pretty much lets me do whatever, whenever.

Happened to some of my friends as well to varying degrees. I've been quite vocal with some of them as to how unsuitable the match is, but it never helps. In the end you just have to hope they're happy.

That said, maybe she (friend's fiance) is psycho, but you'll have to find a way to deal with her if they're gonna be together for a long time.

Also, perhaps you're right about the verbal abuse, especially if it's entirely one-sided (i.e. not sparring).

I don't have much truck with partners of friends who dick/pussywhip their partners into social submission (one of my male friends is currently experiencing this delightful behaviour from his insecure girlfriend and although I like her it is really annoying). My solution is to be as pleasant as possible while undermining her authority:

*Call the friend at work to make plans as much as possible.
*Be polite if there are social situations where partners are welcome and make sure you include her. Be nice to her.
*Don't enter into email correspondence with Wifey about anything. If she phones, get someone else at work to take a message or zap her onto messages if she rings your cell.
*If she starts 'social organising' him with you, interrupt her as abruptly as possible and say 'You know what? Something's come up. I'll give X a heads-up later and work it out with him, see you later.'
*Get your friend to turn his phone off for the first two hours you're seeing each other. When he turns the phone back on and sees a billion texts or vocemails, he'll start to do the math.
*Don't get in the habit of taking him to one side or she'll spin it so you've got the problem.
*Don't gang up on her with your bud's mutual friends.

If you have to get nasty, have witnesses:

Mention her freeloading while her hubby goes to the men's room. When he gets back and she says something about it, feign ignorance (if you don't bitch about her to pals, you can make her look crazy in SECONDS).
*Ask what she got him for Christmas/birthday/Valentine's. Here I would go too far and wonder if the gift was an all-clear from the local VD clinic, but my tragic flaw is the caustic one-liner.
*Get her a chemical peel for Xmas from a posh spa.
*If others gang up on her in front of you, do 'good cop' and tell them not to.
*If there is a divorce, that is the time to mobilise friends to be character witnesses against her, but keep schtum about that.

The first section of Suzy's post is all good stuff, but do stay away from part two for a while. The damage is to your friend's confidence, self-esteem and ability to make his own choices. Focus on giving him support, as well as helping him make his own plans, and gradually on seeing what is wrong with the relationship. And good luck.

Dan, I'm so ashamed you failed to take advantage of a mere absence of a comma. YOU'RE LOSING IT!

Ferris: "Cameron has never been in love -- at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."

this thread makes me sad :(

That Cameron quote is 100% dead on. I mean he has been with other girls and he has laid in the past. Of course all the others dumped him right after they had sex for the first time. Maybe he is some kind of freak in the sack. But this one sticks with him....hmmm.

I'm sure my wife would be thrilled if I had sex with her. I wouldn't have sex with her if she was the last person on earth. You know what they say about dogs with acne on their face. It must be somewhere else as well.

That had me gasping until I figured out your pronouns...

what do you all do when your friend is going out with somebody totally awful?

an old pal of mine, a really great guy, like everything going for him, real beacon of positivity and fun, is dating this awful bulldozer rude girl. it's so weird, it was his birthday tonight and she organised a surprise party, which was so regimented that it scared people. she asked two friends of mine to bring him out all day so he wouldn't know about the party, then lambasted one of them, who is a really nice, kind person, if a little shy, for being 10 mins late when they brought him.

she kept awkwardly changing the music even tho everyone else was being all "oh i'll play one tune" polite. really scary and controlling. just like majorly killing any vibe at the party by controlling things.

on the way home i discovered all my friends find this person awful, rude, controlling, just the worst scenario for a truly great guy who could be dating anyone he wants if he realised that. literally nobody likes her as she's so controlling.

friend is v docile and has spoken in the past about not loving her, to everyone/anyone, but somehow got bullied into moving in together. tonight realised we're all terrified this great guy will marry this really mean, rude person, who doesn't even respect him.

i guess you just let someone live their own life...but ilx, what are your stories like this? never had a mate so tied in with someone so bad before.

yeah this sucks

realistically the only real course of action ive ever taken is to just bitchi abt them to all our other friends and doing the whole eyerolling why is he even with her thing and try to wait it out but

you cld always try setting him up w/ somebody he might like better/suits him better, which im kinda tempted to do w/ my one friend whose bf is just terrible