BEST NEWS STORY OF THE DAY

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http://patriotledger.com/display/inn_news/news02.txt

(Many thanks to Anthony for pointing this out to me.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 January 2003 03:48 (twenty-three years ago)

"We're not exactly sure what we're charging them with" = classic.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 January 2003 03:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I can see the humour in it, but really, it's a bit creepy.

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 9 January 2003 03:55 (twenty-three years ago)

It is creepy, but Mark picked up on the best line from it.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 January 2003 03:57 (twenty-three years ago)

teens said adults are unaware of the casual attitude toward sex in many high schools today

Wow, the sky's blue!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 January 2003 03:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe they were oral soul mates.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:05 (twenty-three years ago)

even the bus enjoyed it
http://www.dions.com.au/School%20Bus.gif

― chaki (chaki), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Failing... to... suppress.... bangschoolbus... joke...

Dan? DAN?!

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:08 (twenty-three years ago)

DON'T PUT THE BLAME FOR THAT ON ME, YOUNG MAN.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Kingston, Pembroke, Halifax and Plympton
Where did this happen? Nova Scotia, Ontario or Massattutecheshssts

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:23 (twenty-three years ago)

alright, check this one
http://www.courttv.com/trials/henning/010603_ctv.html

― daria g, Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Girly Chew Hossencofft???????????????????????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:38 (twenty-three years ago)

You are only surprised that you didn't think of that name first, Dan.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:41 (twenty-three years ago)

"Oh honey, look at our darling baby girl! Let's call her Girly Chew."

"That's PERFECT!"

- Conversations that should NEVER HAVE HAPPENED

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 January 2003 04:55 (twenty-three years ago)

But now that they have, your soul is full of bliss.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 January 2003 06:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Name your kid Girly Chew and someone will cannibalize her. I mean, c'mon, who DIDN'T see that coming? It's not like you need the Ouija board and the magic eightball for this. What's her brother's name, Laddy Assrape Hossencofft?

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 9 January 2003 06:23 (twenty-three years ago)

The disturbing thing is that she would have been named Girly Chew back in 1963, if she was 36 in 1999.

"Kennedy's dead!"

"My god! I'm so overwhelmed with grief I will name my child Girly Chew!"

However, it should be noted that Hossencofft was her husband's name, after all. Maybe her original last name is Chew, which is a common enough Chinese name, for instance.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 January 2003 06:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh yeah, I forgot she was married. Nevermind her brother, then.

Maybe it was a botched endorsement deal with Starburst. Maybe they were planning fruit-flavored "Girly Chews," to appeal to the demographic who thought their extant candy options were far too butch.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 9 January 2003 06:50 (twenty-three years ago)

starburst are not butch.

― anthony easton (anthony), Thursday, 9 January 2003 07:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan is wrong. The best thing about the story is the use of 'sexcapade' in the headline.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 9 January 2003 08:53 (twenty-three years ago)

They're butcher than "Girly Chews," though.

Starburst, that is. Maybe Sexcapades, too. NOT Ice Capades, though.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 9 January 2003 09:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I really won't vouch for the butchness of any kind of capade, come to think of it.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 9 January 2003 09:13 (twenty-three years ago)

One teen said he knew people who had sex under the bleachers at a sporting event.

Doesn't this happen all the time? It's central to my understanding of American high school life. I've often thought that the reason I didn't get any action at school was that there are NO BLEACHERS in the UK. Or hardly any.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 9 January 2003 10:36 (twenty-three years ago)

It's central to my understanding of American high school life.

If it happened, it happened without me, the same as all the drug and sex parties of the eighties in high school happened without me. Not that I'm bitter.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 January 2003 15:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Genuine best news story of the day: two railwaymen refusing to transport arms for new US / UK attack, on grounds of conscientious objection.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 9 January 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Sounds pretty cool to me!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 January 2003 15:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Apparently they've changed the story.

How depressing :(

― Curtis Stephens, Thursday, 9 January 2003 20:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Doesn't this happen all the time?

I think of the scene in Badlands where Martin Sheen offers Sissy Spacek the used popsicle and suggests she eat it because there are people starving in Korea.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 9 January 2003 20:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Here's the link in the archives:

http://ledger.southofboston.com/archives/index.inn?loc=detail&doc=/2003/January/08-3380-news02.txt

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 January 2003 21:26 (twenty-three years ago)

What the fuck? I just read an article about pay raises... what are you guys talking about?

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 9 January 2003 21:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Aaah, just saw Dang's new link...

But you know, the pay raises article was actually funnier.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 9 January 2003 21:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I guess the story in the main link is going to change every day. How classic.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 January 2003 21:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Best Part:

Romney, who made millions as a venture capitalist before being elected governor,
said no lawmaker should feel pressure from the actions of other lawmakers or
from his decision not to accept a salary.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 9 January 2003 21:47 (twenty-three years ago)

But this one is also quite the contender

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/state/20030108-0024-ca-meganslaw-missing.html

"there's so many of them out there, it's hard to keep track."

― brg30 (brg30), Friday, 10 January 2003 00:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't wait to see what the Patriot Ledger has for us tomorrow! Why do American newspapers have such freaky names?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 10 January 2003 01:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Megan's law is so wack. "Sex offender" can = rapist or abuser but also can = has solicited a prostitute, has been naked in public (i.e. streaked a football game on a dare), has been caught having gay sex in a state where that's illegal, has etc.

And in any case it's like having a sign on yr. lawn that sez "surround me with burning torches and pitchforks" and indeed HAS meant assaults on registered "sex offenders" thru vigilante justice and thus invades the right to privacy and ALSO constitutes a form of cruel and unusual punishment -- some dude even had his house burned a few years back and he wasn't even the right guy but the database was so screwed up that everyone thought he was.

sigh.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 10 January 2003 05:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Shame on you, Sterling. It's Megan's Law.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 10 January 2003 08:52 (twenty-three years ago)

'Best' mistake was when a paediatrician was attacked in the UK, when a paedophile scare was going around.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 10 January 2003 13:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Didn't that story turn out to be not quite true?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 10 January 2003 13:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Whatever happened to the days of heavy petting.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 10 January 2003 13:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I've no idea, Nick. I believe anything I read in the papers.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 10 January 2003 18:12 (twenty-three years ago)

sixteen years pass...

Terrible story obv, but mispronouncing a name "Dee Dee Megadoodoo" has to be an all-time most hilarious flub.

https://theconcourse.deadspin.com/that-is-definitely-not-how-you-pronounce-that-name-1831435444

― FUCK YOUR POTATO (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 21 August 2019 21:25 (six years ago)

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