How many times have you been in love?

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Infatuations and crushes = heaps

Love = 2

― C J (C J), Sunday, 12 January 2003 10:57 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll let you know when it happens...

― kate, Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:04 (twenty-three years ago)

love = 3

― That Girl (thatgirl), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Just the once.

― Tom (Groke), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Love: once with a cat called Tuna.
Infatuation: about a hundred times a day, every day.

― toraneko (toraneko), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:16 (twenty-three years ago)

what's the difference between love and infatuation?
(no 'lady, if you have to ask...' answers please)

― minna (minna), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:33 (twenty-three years ago)

felt like the real thing at the time = 6 or 7
actually was = 3

― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:35 (twenty-three years ago)

so matos what distinguishes 'feels like the real thing' from 'actually is'?

― minna (minna), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:39 (twenty-three years ago)

perspective, mostly--i.e. not being an overhormonal 19-year-old; being older and realizing how lonely I was at a given point and how I mistook what was in reality a fling for the END OF THE FUCKING WORLD. I'm very happy I don't do this anymore; so will whomever I date next.

― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:43 (twenty-three years ago)

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, gawd, this is a question for the poets and popstars of the world...

Infatuation is that ooooohhhwwweeeeeeee... feeling as discussed in the multiple crush threads. It's mostly sexual and/or oxytocin-based. It doesn't have to be returned... Love is that thing that happens when two people kind of grow together in that emotional intimacy thing. Erm... I'm not very good at explaining. I'm really confused about this point because I see other people involved in it, but I've never experienced it. OK, exactly twice in my life, I've *thought* that I was experiencing "in love" for real, but in both cases there was such deception and lying and abuse and control/manipulation on the part of the other person that I have to say I honestly have no clue what it's like when it's not like that. I wasn't "in love" with the other person, I responding to this fabrication, and the "love" was a fear-conditioned response to avoid abuse. So I can honestly say I've never been "in love" and when people start to explain their experiences of "in love" it just makes me sad and unhappy and sends me spiralling into pits of despair that I've never had that, never will have that, and that the infatuation/oxytocin rush is as far as I'll ever get.

OK, this is really making me upset and unhappy so I'm going to have to think about Pliny's asslessness as he bends over to set up mic stands for a good half hour to snap myself out of this.

― kate, Sunday, 12 January 2003 11:48 (twenty-three years ago)

2.
no wait.
1=puppylove.
1=obsessivelove

so, no.

hm...

― ***1979*** (***1979***), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If we're gonna count crushes/infatuations then around 87

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:03 (twenty-three years ago)

so love = infatuation + it is returned + you actually know them + perspective - that's some pretty rigorous protocol, doesn't it sound a bit rockist?

― minna (minna), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:18 (twenty-three years ago)

if you insist

― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Man I love rockism!

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
I'm not in love

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:35 (twenty-three years ago)

*vomit*

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:36 (twenty-three years ago)

It's easy for me: lots of crushes and infatuations, but one love, that lasted 23 years. There's not much I wouldn't trade for another such.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey, I like that 10CC song.

"I'd like to be hit by a truck
Cause then I would know that I'm not made of steel
And I'd like for one day to be a whore
Everyone's got a price and I'd like to know mine
But I don't want to be in love
Cause it's something I've done before
No, I'm not in love
Not in love any more"
-UVS (speaking of celebrity crushes that found their way uncomfortably into real life...)

― kate, Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:44 (twenty-three years ago)

actually I have a love/hate thing for that song. The lyrics are sort of bogus but the keyboards are OK.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Between 0.1 and 1. Depending on shifting definitions.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Most definitely once, possibly even twice, but the second would've been in high school so I'm hesitant to elevate it to the same level.

I'm pretty prone to developing empty crushes too, but these are fickle and tend not to be based on much more than half-hearted fantasy.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 12 January 2003 14:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Twice I think.

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 12 January 2003 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm going to have to think about Pliny's asslessness

The Elder?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 12 January 2003 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah yes, Roman fetishisation, yeah! He's dead = his ass is dust!

Ned you've not been following the Jonathan Richman-quote crush thread, have you?

― kate, Sunday, 12 January 2003 15:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Very definitely fallen in love once, quite recently, and it ranks among my top 5 most life-ruining experiences. Definitely not recommended.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Sunday, 12 January 2003 15:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned you've not been following the Jonathan Richman-quote crush thread, have you?

Um, apparently not?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 12 January 2003 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Capital L Love - twice only. Little l love - plenty of people.

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 12 January 2003 18:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know. That sounds stupid, but I do wonder if the one time I was in love or if it was a crush that was blown painfully out of proportion on my part.

― Nicole (Nicole), Sunday, 12 January 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Sigh.

I have a "because I'm bored and he's cute" crush on an area soundman who has been renamed "Pliny" to prevent googlage.

― kate, Sunday, 12 January 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Curse you intervening post! That's nothing to do with being in love or lllllluuuuurrrrrve, I'm just trying to give Ned the Cliff Notes version of another thread.

― kate, Sunday, 12 January 2003 18:16 (twenty-three years ago)

It's just occured to me that, in the initial stages, I never actually thought I was (or could be) in love with either of the girls that turned out to be my Capital Ls (they both kinda snuck up on me).

But, oddly, over the past eight years, there have probably been 3 others with whom I was dead certain I had Capital L feelings for at the time when, in retrospect, I can see now that I absolutely didn't.

The moral? Fucked if I know.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 12 January 2003 18:24 (twenty-three years ago)

the moral is that you're in lust, not love, as cliched as that is (it ranks 13 on a 1-10 Cliche Scale). remove sex from the question and ponder whether you still have some sort of emotional resonance towards them, or perhaps add in the factor that they may do something hurtful towards you. would you still feel for them? how much does it go beyond just what you want, and take their own feelings into account?

even though i disagree that love = 2 people. not at all, love does not have to be returned. you can be in love with someone for years, deeply in love with them, and he or she may never even find out.

as for myself, 1 & a fourth

― Vic (Vic), Sunday, 12 January 2003 18:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I was in the middle of typing out my statistics but I started nodding off...

Suffice to say I'm a very loving person and an idealist/romantic. I'm also a grouchy, bitter cynic. I find a troubling proportion of humanity stupid, boring, hateful, and rude. But when I meet people I like (even in a non-romantic sense), I fall for them head over heels. I cast them in the best possible light; if I surround myself with people I idolize, it deludes me into thinking the rest of the world's not so bad either, and I feel less depressed. I develop crushes a lot (which I'm used to at this point -- it's pleasantly annoying, like a household pet waving its tail in my face).

When I actually am in love (in a very openly reciprocal loving friendship/relationship), I just become a wellspring of empathy and understanding and concern and martyrdom. That's pretty fucking rare, but I know what it feels like.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 January 2003 19:34 (twenty-three years ago)

one

― isadora (isadora), Sunday, 12 January 2003 19:41 (twenty-three years ago)

one

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 12 January 2003 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I think I'm beginning to get a handle on what love is. It would seem that two people have to know each other for a long time before it could be said to exist, passing all the tests that our presumption would throw aside during an initial lust. I suppose that in the absence of such a significant other in my life I merely grow to love things as much as people; things or people that are around long enough for this process to take place, with serial infatuations running, unfortunately, only in parallel as a necessary satiation of the libido. An unsatisfactory state of affairs but one that has only been becoming so now that I'm also becoming aware of my age. In my twenties it didn't matter. When I was downing several bottles of wine a day it didn't matter. On the upside, I haven't had many traumatizing experiences of its arrivals, departures and machinations that have been alluded to in some of the comments above.
Forgive my rambling...

― Gordon (Gordon), Sunday, 12 January 2003 22:40 (twenty-three years ago)

twice including currently

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Sunday, 12 January 2003 22:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Once in an "if they dare touch a hair on your head..." way.
Once in a crap way which perspective tells me wasn't love at all, merely pity.
And once, currently, in a proper grown up way.

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Sunday, 12 January 2003 23:45 (twenty-three years ago)

i guess twice.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 13 January 2003 01:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Love (to date you) several times daily
Love (to screw you) see above
Love (to fall alsleep and wake up cuddled next to you everyday for the rest of my life) 4

― brg30 (brg30), Monday, 13 January 2003 02:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Three times, plus a deliberate love-dodge because I was happily involved and sensed sweet danger.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Monday, 13 January 2003 11:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I fall in love every day. But love that was reciprocated: once. Still waiting (and working) for it to happen again.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 13 January 2003 11:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Love - 2
Wishful thinking - 2
Unrequited passion - 3 or 4

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 12:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Twice. Current one took months to develop, and is still doing so, previous one I was only with for eight weeks, but at the moment it still rates as the stronger of the two. Go figure.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Monday, 13 January 2003 12:15 (twenty-three years ago)

once....with sophie....

i would say that my relationship previous was love but in retrospect it was more about obsession. we obssessed each other. though, i think we loved drugs, together. oh well - that's what i get for going out with a debutante - her fog, her amphetimines and her pearls.

― doom-e, Monday, 13 January 2003 12:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Once, or I thought so at the time. In retrospect - hmm. I'd just moved to London and I was feeling lonely. Some/ any affection at that time was a dangerous thing.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 13 January 2003 12:23 (twenty-three years ago)

"rose-colored-oh-you're-wonderful-I-think-I-love-you": 3

Actual, real love: 2

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 13 January 2003 20:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know. I prefer not to think about it.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 13 January 2003 21:03 (twenty-three years ago)

thrice.

― stevo (stevo), Monday, 13 January 2003 21:10 (twenty-three years ago)

two times + three more half-way = 3 and a half times?

― , Monday, 13 January 2003 22:02 (twenty-three years ago)

silly crushes = maybe half a dozen, mostly before 15 and loss of virginity to first love

real love = twice, including currently. I've been lucky.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 13 January 2003 22:31 (twenty-three years ago)

i want to change my answer to once, because its convenient for me to do so. its all part of my personal endeavour to completely rewrite my own life according to how i wish it had happened.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 13 January 2003 22:39 (twenty-three years ago)

rosey "it's summer vacation & you're really cool" love: maybe 3 times

actual "i want to spend the rest of my life with you" love: just once

― lyra (lyra), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 02:29 (twenty-three years ago)

3 times

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 02:34 (twenty-three years ago)

So what was her fog like (doomy)?

― maryann (maryann), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 02:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I love everything.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 03:06 (twenty-three years ago)

once.

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 03:27 (twenty-three years ago)

and i still am.

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 03:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Awwwwww!

― James Blount, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 03:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Twice, and I ended up leaving the country I lived in at the time because of it both times. Call me Ishmael!

― James Blount, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 03:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Twice.

Disaster happens in threes...

― jm (jtm), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 05:52 (twenty-three years ago)

i could spout out some answer but i know i'm waiting for the big one that will render each of the previous definitions as lesser.

>/twee<>/emo<

― gygax!, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 20:12 (twenty-three years ago)

html is fun! i kiss you.

― gygax!, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 20:12 (twenty-three years ago)

An "I'm too young to realize I am just idealising you" love: 1

An "I'm still to young to realize how disastrous this is, but I am still crazily obsessed" love: 1

An "I'm old enough to realize I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but still young enough to be crazily obsessed and infatuated" love: 1

― Mandee, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 21:27 (twenty-three years ago)

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