People who bore the shit out of you in pubs

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Bill Hicks had the line about 'camels have humps for water, I go to clubs to fill mine with hate', dunno about that but I measure how big an ordeal it is by bladder exercise, as in how many times I have to 'go have a piss' to get away from someone! Why are people so incapable of noticing they are boring! Fuckin' Christ! Simple rules -

1)If I am wincing with pain, making no input into the conversation except snide comments or whining 'Ooo-auugh' about a nonexistant tooth complaint, then it means I don't want to talk to you anymore!
2)If I keep inching away from you making that raised-index 'gotta go talk to someone' gesture and conspicuously texting ppl and staring in another direction then it means I don't want to talk to you anymore!
3)Most important, if you own a penis and I am talking to somebody who doesn't then I am NOT IN THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED in ANYTHING WHATEVER you might have to tell me! (For gay readers, sub "If you are ugly and I'm talking to somebody attractive" or something)
4) If you absolutely must speak to me, a drawled monotone of non-informative dribbles like "So, um...yeah...we're here, huh...wow, ummm, whaddya think, hmmmm..." [punctuated with the 'hold on don't go away I'm about to say something interesting once I think of what it is' coat-grab - why DO guys have to make everything physical? Why? I know I'm smarter than you but you don't have to make up for it by trying to physically intimidate me, grow the fuck up!] doesn't count and if you're doing it because you're a loser who has to be seen talking to somebody, anybody then maybe you should connect the dots and figure out why you don't have any friends and I know it's crap but there has got to be a better way for you to connect with the world than screaming into my deaf ear about nothing! (The world answers - "Gee, SOMEBODY's pissed off that his shagging plans for last night went awry! Heh heh" Ummm...)

― dave q, Saturday, 18 January 2003 11:57 (twenty-three years ago)

(Of course, none of this would ever apply if perchance I run into anybody on this board in pub situ as you all seem cool & interesting!)

― dave q, Saturday, 18 January 2003 11:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Are you coming to the FAP tonight, Dave?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 18 January 2003 12:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Dave, these are harsh words but you have put them out there and I think it's better that you did.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Saturday, 18 January 2003 12:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, I hear what you're saying, Dave. I'll explain my thoughts on it at great length to you if you come out tonight.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 18 January 2003 12:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I just like thinking about the fact that I seem cool and interesting, even with a penis

― Tom Millar (Millar), Saturday, 18 January 2003 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

note to pub bores: nostalgic conversations about 80s cartoon shows must go. i am forever involuntarily getting roped into discussing voltron, and while voltron in itself is not an offensive thing, i can't believe there's anyone in the world of my generation who has not had at least 1 exhaustive voltron conversation. they are redundant. let voltron go.

― minna (minna), Saturday, 18 January 2003 16:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Second.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Saturday, 18 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I solved this problem in my life by, like, not going out, ever.

(Worst I ever encountered when I did go out - a D&D bore!)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 18 January 2003 17:53 (twenty-three years ago)

its just football football football with me i find

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 18 January 2003 17:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes indeed- it is now the time for EARLY 90'S CARTOON NOSTALGIA!! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!!

(Worst I ever encountered when I did go out - a D&D bore!)

I'd figured a single D&D player would be inoffensive? They won't talk to *you* about it, after all, will they? It's when they get into groups that you should watch out...

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Saturday, 18 January 2003 23:13 (twenty-three years ago)

They won't talk to *you* about it, after all, will they?

Ph33l th4 ph34r daniel, they will talk to you about it, the only bit I remember being how he phound issue nr 1 ov "White Dwarf" magazine for some small price in jumble sale, when it was really worth 50 quid or something like that. This guy i know got the pub bore treatment from this fetish-head, who he half-knew, who was into partner swapping, BDSM etc!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 18 January 2003 23:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I dunno, I'm still fascinated by this idea of "the pub" as a hub for social interaction. I've never had a conversation about Voltron at a bar.

― geeta (geeta), Saturday, 18 January 2003 23:33 (twenty-three years ago)

note to pub bores: nostalgic conversations about 80s cartoon shows must go.

Fuckyeah, Minna. I get that shit ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Mysterious Cities of Gold, blah blah blah. Yes. Right on.

― OCP (OCP), Sunday, 19 January 2003 01:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Mysterious cities of gold..hmm big wooden bird...memories coming..back..to..me..

― , Sunday, 19 January 2003 01:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Ever get people talking about cars much? That's the fucking worst.

― Michael B, Sunday, 19 January 2003 02:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't go to pubs. Pubs are for losers.

― , Sunday, 19 January 2003 02:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Oi you. Outside.

― Michael B, Sunday, 19 January 2003 02:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Ever get people talking about cars much? That's the fucking worst.

Yeah, cars, motorcycles, soccer and video games. Stereotypical "guy talk" subjects need to FOAD.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Sunday, 19 January 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...

"Mysterious cities of gold..hmm big wooden bird...memories coming..back..to..me.. "

The Golden Condor, it was solar powered and made of gold.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 19 May 2003 11:15 (twenty-three years ago)

i dont think you are exploring all the possibilities of talking to a tedious twat properly?

think how great you look standing next to them.
a.] personality traits are relative
b.] you are so kind to indulge the ramblings of this person.

the whole dynamic is a bit like adolescent ladies who [legend has it]have an ugly friend to increase their chances of looking delicious to older boys and to have someone who is always free to talk to when said boy dumps on them.

use these tools as a tool for your personal social benefit. at least that's what my friends do with me.

pubs are great. bars are rubbish.

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Monday, 19 May 2003 12:26 (twenty-three years ago)

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