"bastard"

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So a couple months ago a woman who lives in my old hometown gets in touch; she's an aspiring journalist and wants some advice. We begin corresponding, and since I'm going back home for Xmas we make plans to meet up. This happens, is fun and pleasant, and though we aren't able to do so again before I leave (she gets sick), she is coming to NYC and we'll see each other there, preferably on NYE. As it happens, she's visiting lots of old friends/schoolmates, so despite a couple of attempts to do so it doesn't happen. No big deal, but I'm mildly irritated after waiting for the phone to ring on two occasions she tells me she'll call. Whatever--she's busy. No biggie.

A week ago she wrote me an email. I have been swamped with work (in particular, a couple of large-ish scale projects I'd rather not divulge at the moment, with a third to come) and put replying to her on the back burner. Earlier tonight (Saturday) I thought, Hey, call her, but I didn't have my cell phone with me (I was out most of the evening) and decided to do it when I got home. It slipped my mind--I've been working on stuff for the past few hours. I check my email and there's a message from her, subject line: "bastard." It's short but vehement: she's sick of my bullshit, I need to get over my own ego and why couldn't I just deal with the fact that she was busy in NYC?

I wrote back something about how busy I've been (and in truth I wasn't in any great hurry to talk to her considering that she stood me up twice). Tried calling twice, too, to no avail. My guess is she was drunk as fuck (I actually ended the response by asking how drunk she was), but this still rankles. Advice?

― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, 19 January 2003 09:07 (twenty-three years ago)

to be honest i would suggest a polite but rather distant email, something along teh lines of...

"Hi!!!

Good to hear from you again, hey man, i knew you were busy in NYC! dont worry about it, i know EXACTLY how you feel, mental at the moment isnt it?! I know what you mean though, its so easy tio get caught up ih yourself when you got a lot on. seriously though man, you have to give me a shout next time you're passing through, hopefully well be able to hook up next time. anyway dude, hope everythings still cool with you too...

peace out,
matos

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 19 January 2003 11:13 (twenty-three years ago)

No. Firebomb her house.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 19 January 2003 11:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Sub "peace out" with "take care" and you got it made.

― Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 19 January 2003 11:30 (twenty-three years ago)

If it was me, I'd just forget about the whole thing, move on and meet some new people.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Sunday, 19 January 2003 12:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Doesn't sound like she's making a very good first (or second, or third) impression -- is this really someone you want to get to know better?

Seeing the outburst from her side: Some people (including me, sometimes) take it personally when they're counting on a timely response from someone and that person doesn't respond, or takes a long time to do it. It doesn't take very long at all to send off an e-mail, even to say "I'm swamped right now, can I give you a call in a week or so?" and if I'm left hanging what goes through my mind is that the person doesn't even care enough about me to spend fifteen seconds on an e-mail (or is deliberately avoiding me).

But if this girl is sensitive about those things, she shouldn't have stood you up on New Year's Eve with no explanation. That's just rotten. Sorry.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:32 (twenty-three years ago)

hire mongolian mountain men to skin her alive

― jess (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:37 (twenty-three years ago)

If it wasn't for that horrible girl, you could have gone out with Jody Beth, Mary, Geeta & Rosemary on New Year's Eve and MET ME!!!

So she's clearly a dud.

― Arthur (Arthur), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:42 (twenty-three years ago)

My point EXACTLY.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Wait, is it considered generally cold to sign off with "take care"? I do that a lot I think.

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:50 (twenty-three years ago)

did she apologise / explain her failure to call the times when she said she would? ( apart from telling you to get over your ego 'cause she was busy )
no?
shes rude then, and yeah arthur is right.

― donna (donna), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Nah, "take care" is heartfelt detachment, it is the general human compassion, it is an ethic of civility rather than an ethic of care, take care is compassion's boyfried.

― Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 19 January 2003 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh no... I actually did care.

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 19 January 2003 21:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I actually sent her a messge along the lines of "fuck off" so I'm with the majority of you. thanks, everyone!

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 20 January 2003 00:15 (twenty-three years ago)

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