Salespeople (classic or dud)

The worst is at Victoria's Secret, to change the topic away from insurance and back to salespeople. They are obnoxious as anything. I go to the flagship store, since it's new and around the corner from my house, the big giant one just opened on Broadway. It's really nice, lovely, has virtually everything you could want in lingerie in it...but they have the absolute worst salespeople, even for a Victoria's Secret (and any girl will vouch for you that VS is generally a hell anyhow). You will literally be asked by the same person FIVE TIMES in one trip if you need help, if you have the Victoria's Secret card...You can't walk in the door without having 3 different sales reps say, "Welcome to Victoria's Secret, my name is Mindless Asshole Drone, let me know if you need help!" You go upstairs to the bras and at least 2 of the wenches try to fit you - do I want you to just come up and start grabbing my tits? If I want you to grab my tits, I will ask! The people at the register ask you 100 times if you have a VS card - meanwhile, I am HOLDING MY VS CARD IN MY HAND. It's a neverending disaster of pushy obnoxious vapid sales girls. You go in the dressing rooms to try on corsets and at least 5 times you get a knock on the door (first one within about 3 minutes) asking if you need anything. It's like, I haven't hooked the thing, for heaven's sake!

And ordering thru the catalog is no better, the second you say, "And that's it" they say "Are you sure you don't want hot pants?" IF I WANTED HOT PANTS I'D SAY "AND THAT'S IT, EXCEPT ALSO THROWN IN SOME HOT PANTS".

Worst experience at VS: I was looking for a bra in my size (another peeve, they run out of 34C inordinantly fast), so I asked the salesgirl, against better judgement, for a 34C. Her reply? "You can't possibly wear a 34C." "I'm wearing one right now, fuck off". "No, you aren't that size. I will measure you." She proceeded to yank my arms up and measure, basically with me protesting but slightly too stunned to DO anything about it.

The fucking result? "Oh, I guess you are a 34C". I had the girl written up by her manager :P

GRRRRRR! Hate pushy shop assistants. Why would I want help flicking through the T-sirts? Good grief.
And shops that have more staff than customers, especially if you go in and you're the only customer in there and the four s/assistants all watch you as you amble - with increasing self-conciousness - around the pants and socks section. GRRRRRRR.

I like putting on ludicrious clothes too. I once went to a bridal store and tried on 8 wedding dresses. "I have to think about it, you know, it's a big decision". I wore my mom's engagement ring in. My friends found it hilarious.

That's why I order my records from Lunamusic, on account of the fact they always send you an invoice saying "WE LOVE YOU [name of customer]". It may well be a cynical marketing exercise but I think it's a nice touch. Of course, they don't really love me. Then again, the money I spend they probably do!

However, go into a shop like Duffer or YMC or, well, basically anything on Conduit Street or Floral Street in London and you'll be equally as cross with the assistants for looking down their noses. When this happens I just join their mailing list, using my work address (you know, edgy fash mag), thank them, and return 30 minutes later for a proper browse. I notice the sucky-uppy creeps are always so much NICER then...

Or at least one day I will do that.

Anyway, you should be aware that this one cuts both ways. Dealing w/thee general public daily, U soon learn that most folks are basically OK, some folks are SUPER, and sad to say, some folks are just complete a$$holes. Of course, the assholes all come in on the same day. The minor stuff abounds - folks who ask you a question, and when you try to answer, bark another one out, and repeat, and repeat etc etc. Folks who bring back "faulty" stuff, which on inspection, turns out to be from somewhere else EG, you sell someone a michelin inner tube for their bike - they bring it back - "it went down as soon as I put it in", so you take it out of the box and look at it, only to find a tatty old cheng shin tube, which we don't sell. (blankly) "Oh. Sorry, I must have got them mixed up". Had this ploy been successful, they'd have been a grand total of £3.95 richer.

More common is people who come for stuff, where they don't know what they want - "I'd like a hoover bag" (we sell hoover bags) "what type of vacuum cleaner is it for", (stroppy)"well, *I* don't know, can't I take a look at some" (we generally stock 250 different types, so...no, I'm not going to spend the entire morning watching them go thru the bags, when they'll probably pick the wrong one, then bring it bax0r to complain when it doesn't fit, even though I advised them not to buy it) "is it an upright or a cylinder"...."I don't know" etc etc etc. OK once, but the same folks will come back time and time again w/the same routine.

I could probably fill this tread w/thee memorable bad ones, and it's a shame, but the REALY bad ones do tend to stick in your memory, here's a couple, anyway.

This guy buys a bike part from another shop, and for some reason brings it to us to fit it. It's the wrong part, and doesn't fit. He throws a wobbler, and asks us for a refund. That's right, he wants *us* to refund his money for the incorrect part that another shop sold him. That's not all. Because he reckions we've wasted his time (IE by spending our time attempting to fit his wrong part THAT HE BOUGHT SOMEWHERE ELSE) he reckons we should give him a free fitting tool. He argues and eventually starts to shout abuse. I had to ban him from the premises. Thankfully, I never saw this fux0r again

Or there was this old lady, very sweet & all that, who used to come for a chatter when she bought her light bulbs. One day, she went off on this reverie abt how there were shipyards all the way down the tyne in the old days. Then she said "and now it's all gone. (pause) I blame the darkies". My BRANE went all funny, and I nearly fell flat on my ass.

This bloke comes in, because his crank arm is coming off the bottom bracket on his bike. I tighten in up for him - I either charged him a quid, or I did it for free, I can't remember. Two weeks later, he comes back - the pedal - IE at the other end of the crank, which we never touched or even looked at, has come loose, and stripped the thread. He wants us to fix it for nothing (IE at a cost of about a tenner to us) because it's obviously our fault, because we fixed *another* fault on his bike two weeks ago. He threatened violence, and actually smashed the front window of the shop w/the pedal(!) which cost us s.th. like 300 quid to fix. This is a terrible thing to say, but I hope something bad happened to him, because he was a nasty person.

I'm running out of steam here, so, there you are for now, apropos of what all this is exactly, I don't know. x0x0

My most annoying customer was actually nothing violent or terrible or awful (all of which happened, which is why I lasted 3 months at the job), but just very obnoxious and irritating. It was a Sunday - always the busiest day, by a long long shot - and the line was astronomical, out to the back of Best Buy. The guy has a wallet full of credit cards, plus a hefty load of cash - and insisted on using ONE credit card which was old and the stripe was scratched. In order to manually enter the number you need a supervisor over and the girl just couldn't get over because of another customer at service causing a load of problems. The man literally stood there for a half hour abusing me instead of USING ANOTHER FUCKING CARD OR PAYING CASH. It was one CD! I could've killed.

There was another who hit on me and I brushed him off, who then proceeded to go to the manager and tell him that I was nasty, making up loads of shit that I said to him. The manager actually laughed because he knew me well enough to knew I wouldn't do it, he came and told me and I was like, the sleazebag who was hitting on me? The old one? And he bust out laughing.

The stupidest I ever felt when I worked there was me and this guy I hung with started talking about tattoos and, specifically, how ass cartoon character tattoos are. We were going on and on and on and on...so his customer leaves the store and as she walks out we notice her tattoo - a giant Tweety Bird on her calf. It DID prove our point that it looks moronic though.

Saleslady/promo girl/sorority person needing some Xmas cash, wielding free supplies of some 'energy drink' as part of a team of four, five people: "EXCUSEMESIRWOULDYOULIKEANENERGYDRINK?" *delivered loudly and breathlessly in vague attempt at sultry voice; I have already walked well past her at this point*

Me: *says nothing, is trying to ignore it all*

Saleslady: "YOULOOKLIKEYOU*NEEEEEEEED*ANENERGYDRINK!" (at this point she is literally running to catch up with me, even though I am walking well away from all this idiocy and showed absolutely no goddamn interest in any of it)

Me: *turning to her, not happy at all* "Look, I'm staff here, I'm not taking finals, and I don't need whatever it is you're selling, THANK YOU." *stalks off*

Saleslady (presumably miffed): "WELLTHERE'SNONEEDTOBE*RUUUDE!*"

Me: *to self* "Fuck you, clown."

awww, don't blame yourself ned!