ILX speed dating!

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come one come all to the first installment of ILX SPEED DATING -- where you try to get to know someone in five questions or less. who wants to start?

― maura (maura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:46 (twenty-three years ago)

maura can i do you?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:48 (twenty-three years ago)

haha whoops

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:48 (twenty-three years ago)

where's perry when you need him

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:48 (twenty-three years ago)

if that was your first question, then, uh it depends on what your next four are

― maura (maura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:49 (twenty-three years ago)

jess has used up two questions. 3 left.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:50 (twenty-three years ago)

are you really the manager of the quik-e-mart?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:51 (twenty-three years ago)

would that my career could be so lucrative, next

― maura (maura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:52 (twenty-three years ago)

do you have any fetishes?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:53 (twenty-three years ago)

feathers, magnets, magic 8 balls, and you

― maura (maura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:53 (twenty-three years ago)

true or false: lemonade was a popular drink, and still is?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:54 (twenty-three years ago)

true, but only if it is fizzy!

ok time is up thank you see you at the end of thread mixer! NEXT PLS

― maura (maura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:55 (twenty-three years ago)

the amount of pent up sexual frustration in this bitch is starting to get scary

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 04:09 (twenty-three years ago)

is that a question

― maura (maura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 04:10 (twenty-three years ago)

i love how Jess cuts to the chase right off the bat. He has invented instantaneous dating.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 04:12 (twenty-three years ago)

ok
i need to get fucked.

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 04:35 (twenty-three years ago)

To GET fucked or TO fuck?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 04:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Four questions left for Ms. Laura.

Bachelorette #1 - if we were Russian spies being escorted by a CIA operative on some week-long getaway to some impovershed unscenic European nation, which nation would you like to be in, and what kind of beer would you drink?

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:09 (twenty-three years ago)

okay who wants to do me now?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't seem so desparate Jess. You'll never get any takers that way.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:14 (twenty-three years ago)

i thought this was the way it worked, round robin stylee

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:16 (twenty-three years ago)

wait, thats not what round robin means at all

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:16 (twenty-three years ago)

maybe you're confusing it with 'daisy chain'

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:18 (twenty-three years ago)

this is no time for hippy bullshit!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:19 (twenty-three years ago)

unless you meant de la soul

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:19 (twenty-three years ago)

wait, that's "daisy age"

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:19 (twenty-three years ago)

i need to stop drinking

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:19 (twenty-three years ago)

maybe you just need to drink more

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:22 (twenty-three years ago)

your ideas are intriguing to me and i wish to subscribe to your newsletter

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:24 (twenty-three years ago)

subscribe here

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:25 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm not that drunk

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:27 (twenty-three years ago)

don't flaunt that the candy is good unless you came with plenty.

― corny bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:27 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.kidsdomain.com/holiday/thanks/clip/cornucopia-color.gif

― cant you feel my love for you growin (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 05:31 (twenty-three years ago)

horny o' plenty

― Vic (Vic), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 06:44 (twenty-three years ago)

~~Can I just say that I inspired this thread? Yeah totally?~~

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 07:17 (twenty-three years ago)

1: How am I supposed to live without you?

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 07:40 (twenty-three years ago)

[two hours later] some fucking speed

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 09:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you been beating off eagerly all this time?

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 12:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Well you obv know me pretty well already, Mark C

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 12:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Its pretty obvious no one here is going to get to marry the millionare
http://members.aol.com/PJaySin/howto2.jpg

― brg30 (brg30), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Where's the love?

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Well I think their lead singer is still touring at least. Did Canterbury "festival" last year. Fuck knows where the rest of them are. (And yes, I do know that's tenuous, and that there's no "the" in the band name and.....oh, fuck it).

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:29 (twenty-three years ago)

i fell asleep!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:46 (twenty-three years ago)

someone do me now!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:02 (twenty-three years ago)

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:03 (twenty-three years ago)

julio, do you like pie?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:04 (twenty-three years ago)

beef!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:05 (twenty-three years ago)

markp-read top of thread.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:05 (twenty-three years ago)

what is your favorite condiment?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Quick someone, it's an emergency!

Hey Jess, I like pie? Do you like pie too? Wow. Let's talk.

― Graham (graham), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 75 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

1. What was the best book you ever read?

Luc Sante's Low Life; Clinton Heylin's great Dylan bio Behind the Shades; Donna Gaines' Teenage Wasteland, Jim Knipfel's two memoirs; R. Meltzer's Gulcher and L.A. is the Capital of Kansas; Nick Tosches' Unsung Heroes of Rock 'n' Roll; Words into Type; Infinite Jest; Catch-22; any number of music and language reference books

2. How open-minded are you?

Usually very.

3. Where do you most want to travel?

I want to visit the handful of U.S. states I haven't been to yet. I'd also like to see Europe (I spent the summer in Italy nine years ago, but that's it.)

4. What is your dream romantic evening?

I don't have one. My definition of "romantic" changes constantly.

5. What is your favorite fantasy that is not based on the desire to achieve orgasm?

My room is clean, my laundry is done, I'm 35 pounds thinner and extremely desirable to both sexes, I've got tons of money in the bank, and the book I've been planning/threatening to write for years is finally completed.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 6 February 2003 00:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Here are some questions from Nerve.com personals:

Last great book you read?

Most humbling moment?

Favorite on-screen sex scene?

Celebrity you resemble most?

Best (or worst) lie you've
ever told?

If you could be anywhere at
the moment?

Song or album that puts you
in the mood?

The five items you can't live
without?

Fill in the blanks:
_______is sexy;

_______is sexier.

In your bedroom, one would find?

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 6 February 2003 01:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Those personals are the same as several other websites': The Onion most notably, but also several free weeklies such as the Portland Mercury.

Well, I thought it was interesting.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 01:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Last great book you read?

Reading a good one now about stand-up comedy, called The Last Laugh.

Most humbling moment?

My most humbling moments come when I travel outside of NYC and get a much-needed reminder that there's a really big world out there and I'm just a tiny speck in it.

Favorite on-screen sex scene?

The more esoteric scenes in Trouble Every Day and Audition.

Celebrity you resemble most?

Sara Gilbert (Darlene from Roseanne.)

Best (or worst) lie you've ever told?

"I can't be bothered with jealousy. Life's too short." (Dunno if that's best or worst, but it's a lie.)

If you could be anywhere at the moment?

Right here. I'm very content right now.

Song or album that puts you in the mood?

"In the Mood" (haha)

The five items you can't live without?

1) oxygen
2) blood
3) food
4) water
5) music

Fill in the blanks:
privacy is sexy;

getting caught is sexier.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:07 (twenty-three years ago)

In your bedroom, one would find?

A futon, a TV, a computer, a big bookshelf, thousands of CDs, hundreds of cassettes, a pile of clothes, a guitar, various cardboard boxes, my Teenagers for Sale poster ("Young, Soft & Lovely - Nothing is too Wild for them!").

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Last great book you read?

Great book? Either Jonathan Carroll's Land of Laughs or Michael Chabon's Summerland. I don't remember which I read most recently.

Most humbling moment?

Gallbladder surgery, last year. I went from the last remnants of teenage invulnerability and "eh, I haven't felt very good in ... six months ... but I'm sure I'm fine" to emergency surgery and physical therapy, in the same year that my hair started thinning. Dammit.

Favorite on-screen sex scene?

Something from Secretary or the Adrian Lyne Lolita.

Celebrity you resemble most?

I have "a [Kiefer, Donald] Sutherland mouth."

In a jar.

Best (or worst) lie you've ever told?

"It's Finnish."

If you could be anywhere at the moment?

Right here, actually.

Song or album that puts you in the mood?

Nick Cave's Greatest Hits.

The five items you can't live without?

Music, writing/painting/cooking/etc., the right friends, an outlet, and space.

Fill in the blanks:
Trying anything once is sexy;

Doing it again and better is sexier.

In your bedroom, one would find?

My bedroom is more of a storeroom -- I sleep on the couch. So you'd find a futon I only use when the girlfriend stays the night, mass quantities of books, an unused computer, paintings I haven't found a home for, whatever got shunted in there from the front of the apartment, and litter the cats tracked in.

Sexxxy.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:32 (twenty-three years ago)

You're trying to speed date when you already have a girlfriend?! You are shameless!

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't want a date! I just compulsively answer lists of questions. I could never work at a newsstand that carried Cosmopolitan.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:50 (twenty-three years ago)

But Cosmo only comes out, what, once a month? I hope you'd eventually realize that it's the same question in each issue and that you didn't have to answer them again and again...

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Wacky woo.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Are you pitching woo, Lynskey?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay Chris, I'll line-up some lucious ones for you.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:29 (twenty-three years ago)

If you want to kidnap me and some particularly delightful young gentleman, then that might be fun after all.

Hey, I think I might have an answer to your fantasy question... oh, wait, you said no orgasms. Phooey.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:31 (twenty-three years ago)

*lol* Okay, here it goes: double kidnap fantasy - are you both in bondage or just one of you, Chris? And do you get car sick? (Hey, that IS an important question!) Oh, do you just want one delightful young gentleman or more? Care to describe their acceptable interests so I can narrow down the list?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Perhaps you can gather up a selection of aspiring talents and I can choose which and how many I'd like, OK? Obviously they should have a thing or two to say about music and writing, and ideally they create some of their own. Ideally they would be reserved but confident, funny but not boisterous, playful but sincere, warm but just a little evil, considerate but spontaneous...

Oh, dammit, I'm just describing the guy I've got a crush on right now.

Really the most important thing is that they don't use hair product. Blech.

Oh also: I don't get carsick, and maybe my bondages should be a bit looser than everyone elses, you see where I'm going with this?

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:51 (twenty-three years ago)

(Dear Googlers, I ask only that you consider how much of that was written just to please and amuse the general reading public, and not take it as a literal statement of my sexuality. Thank you.)

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:52 (twenty-three years ago)

But Cosmo only comes out, what, once a month? I hope you'd eventually realize that it's the same question in each issue and that you didn't have to answer them again and again...

I'd probably end up postulating alternate-universe-Teps for quiz purposes. "Okay, yes, but what would my favorite flavor of ice cream be if I were a goat?"

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 February 2003 04:21 (twenty-three years ago)

That would be ">"Minty Goats" ice cream, surely.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 04:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, poo. Help Ben N' Jerry's turn tedious artists into sweet creamy heaven! is the link I attempted.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 04:30 (twenty-three years ago)

If I were a goat I would certainly not eat goat ice cream. Takes more than cloven hooves and creamy goodness to make me turn to cannibalism (presumably).

But I love that thread and don't know how I missed it before.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 February 2003 04:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks for the further info, Chris - and the clarifications and so forth. I will come-up with some for you to audition (all hair-product free, if I can figure-out what in the hell that means) and select from, and will consult my "know-type" texts to see how to put you into semi-loose bondage (I assume so you can get free and tickle-torture your fellow kidnapees?)

Any other requests?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 6 February 2003 04:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, and Chris? Thanks for that thread - I once again have managed to strain blueberry tea through my nostrils and over my keyboard thanks to the wit of y'all. (You may be buying me a new laptop if you keep this up!)

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:00 (twenty-three years ago)

where the hell did mike go? it's been almost 12 hours now. this isn't speedy!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:30 (twenty-three years ago)

No shit, Jess.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:31 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, OK...

Question #2: How do communicate with people when you use instant messaging? (Do you use complete sentences, do you make a point to capitalize words, do you use proper punctuation, do you check for misspellings, etc.?) (Doesn't matter if I've already communicated with you via IM; I still want to hear the answer?)

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Hair product means, you know, that some guys like to put goop and mousse and gel and crap in their hair. And it's an instant turn-off.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Question #3: what book are you reading right now?

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I am fairly good about using capital letters and making somewhat sure things are spelt correctly in e-mails and postings and whatnot, but IMs? Bah. All lower case. No "r u in2 stuff" abbreviations, but no terminal periods, and only fixing spelling errors if they would, say, ruin a joke.

(If anyone here wants my AIM name, feel free to e-mail me and ask.)

And right now I'm reading Samuel Delany's Shorter Views: Queer Thoughts And The Politics Of The Paraliterary. It's great.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Question #4: Which member of the Village People are you? (If no actual VP member is appropriate, make one up.)

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh. Um. I was the bookish Village Person who stayed at home trying to come up with faux-clever lyrics about picking up young men in Christian establishments. The groupies didn't cleave unto me.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:46 (twenty-three years ago)

To hell with the rest of the questions. JUST DO ME.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Whee! See, this is what I mean. If you had been a Portlander, you would be straight right now.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Still, at least someone has the concept of "speed dating" down pat.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:52 (twenty-three years ago)

#2 - I don't like instant-messaging type stuff. I'm old-fashioned (hell, the reason I stayed to read ilxor after whatever link it was I followed to a thread is because it's not blinking and mauve and crap). But I do use AIM to talk to a few local people so they don't have to call my cell phone (I don't ever plug a phone in to the groundline). I IM the same way I type here.

#3 - I finished the latest Wheel of Time book last night. I'm halfway through re-reading Nancy Collins's Sunglasses After Dark, which might be a mistake since it's a vampire novel and I'm writing a vampire novel. I have some Michael Chabon, Jonathan Carroll, and Lone Wolf & Cub awaiting me, plus stuff from Amazon which ought to be here sometime.

#4 - The Pirate one.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 February 2003 05:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Favorite on-screen sex scene?
The more esoteric scenes in Trouble Every Day and Audition.
Celebrity you resemble most?
Sara Gilbert (Darlene from Roseanne.)

I don't think I've ever been so attracted and so put off by the same person so quickly! I virtually worshipped Darlene, and the closing segment of Audition is the most repulsive thing I've ever seen. Did you mean the torture scenes, JBR? (Answer no if you want some middle aged fool in London worshipping you, obviously - Darlene grown up into a sophisticated New Yorker heavily into the arts is even better!)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 6 February 2003 20:34 (twenty-three years ago)

What is your favourite Anthrax song? (mine is In My World, I know all the words)

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 February 2003 20:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I virtually worshipped Darlene, and the closing segment of Audition is the most repulsive thing I've ever seen. Did you mean the torture scenes, JBR?

Yes, I meant the torture scenes, but it's not like I'm turned on by the violence; I just thought they were filmed and choreographed very gracefully.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 6 February 2003 20:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, I will worship you, then. I think he's a terrific director too, but that's the first thing in my adult life that I've had to pretty much watch between my fingers.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 6 February 2003 21:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, I will worship you, then.

As you were.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 6 February 2003 21:48 (twenty-three years ago)

three years pass...

i should have locked this thread after the second post.

― jewess harvell (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:02 (twenty years ago)

Why the hell did I claim to have inspired this thread? I disclaim all association with this travesty.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:08 (twenty years ago)

so many years later and my question still stands

― jewess harvell (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:11 (twenty years ago)

i mean, uh

― jewess harvell (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:11 (twenty years ago)

IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DATE A JEWESS PRINCESS
1) DO YOU LIKE BOWLING
2) DO YOU LIKE SIMON WEST FILMS
3) DO YOU HAEV A CAR
4) DO YOU LIKETO SHOP
5) DO YOU LIEK TO CLUBB

― gear (gear), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:18 (twenty years ago)

oh, 2003paws

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:28 (twenty years ago)

hey!

― maura (maura), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

wokka wokka

― jewess harvell (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:57 (twenty years ago)

http://www.kermitage.com/html/characterindex/tms/character/fozzie.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 5 June 2006 21:00 (twenty years ago)

Just so long as that isn't you, Ned.

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Monday, 5 June 2006 21:11 (twenty years ago)

I'm not one for bananas in my ear, but it takes all kinds.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 5 June 2006 21:40 (twenty years ago)

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