Getting Married at 20 or thereabouts: C/D

If you take out the "at 20", that's a far more interesting question.

interesting yes. makes sense NO. ;-)

I'd like to be married. No, really. Horrible thing is, I used to get asked all the time when I was about 20. Now no one has asked me in ages. Marriage would have been disasterous when I was about 20. Now I suspect I might actually be fairly decent at it, and no one wants to marry me.

:-(

Well, uh.. maybe try something that makes you enjoy life instead? I got caught comparing myself to everyone else and trying to play the "most successful human being" game back in the day, and I failed horribly and became a lot more miserable for it. I never want to make that mistake ever again.

Human beings are more alike than they are different. Why would getting married because all my friends have found contentment that way be a mistake? I mean, all my friends EAT and BREATHE, should I stop doing those because I don't want to be like everyone else?

Oh come on, kate. That analogy is quite a stretch.

I am getting cranky and depressed, I should really just go off and curl up with a book.

The marriage bit was entirely irrelevant, but we made the same sort of commitment (but personal, not civil or religious) at a young age, and we both benefitted from it and had a long happy time together. (Obviously it would be nicer still were we still together, but you can't have everything.) Anyway, this isn't to say that hooking up long-term in your teens (or after being together for a few days) is the course of wisdom, but it can be good. If I can find another relationship as good that lasts over two decades again, I think I'll have lived a pretty satisfactory life.

I guess nobody expected it to last, but nearly 35 years later, they are both as happy now as they must have been when they were younger...

I know they are probably the exception to the rule, but they're proof that getting married at 20 can be classic.

I haven't thought much about getting married- my boyfriend & I (we're both in our mid-twenties, so no early twenties marriage for us (-; ) are pretty honest with each other that our careers are very important to each of us right now, which means that we're probably going to be logging quite a few frequent flier miles for the forseeable future. He's an officer in the Coast Guard, which essentially means moves every two years- and even if I did move with him, he'd be out in his boat a lot, so there would still be a lot of time we'd spend apart. So, who knows- we talked about this right before he left in January, and were laughing at the whole catch-22 of it all. He wants me to have my own career, and is really encouraging about it- but at the same time, that means we can't easily be together, because my job ties me to a desk in one city.

I don't think i could have gotten married at that age though.

But still, getting married in the western sense of giving up exclusive rights to your body to one individual and cohabitating with the same, when, in the context of a market economy and a society which enables a person to live more or less "independent" of others, is certainly a colossal dud, in my book.

May you dream of wedding bells and sugarplum fairies, Kate.

So now I've decided that I WANT all that, now I'm evil the other way around? What-EVAH!

(And if you type "expectations" over and over, it starts to look funny.)

Then a year ago I got engaged. To a Canadian. 3 months later he called the whole thing off after we'd been going out for 12 months(couldnt bring himself to move to Australia - took him a year to realise this... gah!).

So now I'm a bit cynical about the whole thing. *sigh* I dont wanna start thinking about my lervlife again I might get depressed.

For me, getting married at 20 was complete DUD. We were in love then but we were still so young. You change as you age. We weren't mature enough to weather those changes in our marriage.

That said I think it's completely dependant on the people involved. and if it doesn't work, hey you can always get divorced. ;)

Before I was married, I was involved in several "long-term" relationships which turned out to be not so long-term at all. Being married changes things, or at least it did for me. There's a difference between drifting apart from your girlfriend, and drifting apart from your wife.

I know polyamory is in vogue now, and it's considered uncool these days to make and hold a vow to another human being, but I think I made the smart choice and everyone else is suckers. I found the woman I love, and I loved her enough to know that I'd want to be with her the rest of my life. Why wouldn't I want to marry her?

That said, I wholeheartedly endorse living with someone for a year or two before you pop the question, or accept one that's been popped. If you're meant to be married, you'll know it in a year or two, and if the idea of waiting that long chafes, you're probably still in the infatuation stage, and ought to be able to see your future spouse in the light of reality before you run off and get hitched.

We are as committed to each other as it is possible to be. We've stood by each other through some tough shit and come from that experience even more strongly bonded together. I do not see why we need some "ceremony" to signify this. I am frustrated by the legal problems associated with not being married, but I stand by my guns in this argument.