What exactly *do* men want out of relationships?

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Is it cynical and wrong to think that men want nothing more than an uncomplicated time of it? Someone to do their laundry, cook their meals and provide a plentiful supply of sex so they don't have the irritating bother of having to look for it elsewhere?

Or is there more to it than that? Do men really value companionship, someone who loves and understands them, someone they can trust etc? Or is this a myth perpetuated by women's glossies?

What exactly is it that YOU want out of a relationship?

I'm all ears......... (not literally, obv!)

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 18:58 (twenty-three years ago)

uh.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:02 (twenty-three years ago)

good question cj.
not being a man, i cant really respond but im interested to see what 'they' say.

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:04 (twenty-three years ago)

As my bf does all the cooking and I very rarely do his laundry, I would think that he values my companionship. I do think he wants "an uncomplicated time of it," but doesn't everyone?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not sure...someone to share things with, go places with, laugh with.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, do women want a complicated relationship? I'm confused - wouldn't everyone want smooth sailing?

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I think that my bf really values our (10-year) emotional relationship, but he's verrrrrry keen on the sex and food too. (He cleans way more than me, though.)

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:07 (twenty-three years ago)

It's just that I've been having a discussion with a guy here in the office who says that "you women seriously underestimate the value that men place on simple companionship, which is worth more than sex or having someone to do domestic chores".

I wondered if he were off his trolley or not, that's all.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:07 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.no-nic.com/images/Smoking_Monkey-small.jpg
same as any other simian

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:11 (twenty-three years ago)

surely EVERYONE, regardless of gender, ultimately wants to be loved and understood by someone who can be their best friend as well as lover, and that someone is one they can have fun with, absolutely trust, honour and respect, if not always obey ;) sounds pretty good to me, in fact i am kind of in that situation right now and have been for a while...tho thats not to say its not a flawless relationship.

do i actually want a 'relationship' is a more relevant question to me right now? i think yes but i worry about what it may mean i'm missing out on...

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I feel sort of insulted by this question.

Distribution of Time in Normal Relationship:
2% - Sex
5% - Her doing things that benefit him in some way
5% - Vice versa
88% - Sitting pointlessly in each other's presence

What looks important?

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Someone you can be proud to be proud of.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:19 (twenty-three years ago)

this thread is dum

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:19 (twenty-three years ago)

but if we're getting away from CJ's nonsense, then yeah - Andrew's is pretty spot on.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Ha: can someone retitle this "MALE INDIGNATION THREAD?"

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:29 (twenty-three years ago)

dont you all just want to be looked after and have sex-on-tap?
haha, thats what i heard anyway.
" fuck the companionship gimme a sex-slave "
ok admittedly this comes from various unenlightened males :-)

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't have the time to look after a full time sex-slave.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:49 (twenty-three years ago)

dont you all just want to be looked after and have sex-on-tap?
This is all I want. Maybe I'm really male?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Sex-on-tap is well known for its creamy head.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Thank you, I needed the laugh. However cheap. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I certainly don't want sex-on-tap, what if it starts dripping?

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:53 (twenty-three years ago)

You can get a shot for that, PJ.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Intimacy.

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 19:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I would need a washer woman - BOOM BOOM!

Oh we do have fun.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Or is this a myth perpetuated by women's glossies?

I think the biggest myth perpetuated by glossies of any sort is that you can safely generalize about what any gender wants. I'd have to try really hard, and phrase things really vaguely, even to make generalized statements about what women-in-relationships-with-me have wanted -- and for that matter, I haven't always wanted the same thing, and I'm just one guy.

There may be things which are true of 90% of men 90% of the time, but I don't know if being aware of them would actually be helpful. More likely you'd just fuck up the other 10% by not dealing with things on a case-by-case basis.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:39 (twenty-three years ago)

''Is it cynical and wrong to think that men want nothing more than an uncomplicated time of it?''

yes it is.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:46 (twenty-three years ago)

As much as my (single) friends will look for the next hot chick, saying something blithe like, ‘man, if I could wake up next to that every morning, I’d be a happy man,’ I don’t think that it’s solely about sex.

I’ve dated models and had my share of groupies, and can honestly say that after a while, you get tired of having sex with someone whom you are with, solely because she’s really hot. When you are not having sex or feeling a pang of pride because she looks good on your arm, you find yourself alone with her thinking either ‘for god’s sake can’t you just shut up,’ or ‘my god, you are the stupidest person i’ver ever met,’ or ‘can’t you for once agree with me,’ etc., or worrying that she’s thinking one of the same about you.

I think that what has allowed my wife and I to have a successful relationship (+11 years) is that we value each other’s companionship above all others. We each have our friends, but at the end of the day, we’d rather be in each other’s company than any one else’s. While we have very similar interests, we allow ourselves to learn new things from each other and teach each other what we’ve learned from other sources.

I think that too much is made of the claim that we just want sex and a pizza afterward (nice as that is, though).

― No One (SiggyBaby), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:07 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't even fucking believe this thread, hey yeah if I just had someone to do my laundry that would be fine.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:14 (twenty-three years ago)

insert obligatory "I was being sarcastic", dug my own grave there long ago.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, I'm not knocking the laundry thing.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know what you're talking about.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:17 (twenty-three years ago)

It's not very nice to refer to your S.O. as "the laundry thing", let alone withholding sex.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Nabisco, N, Ronan = OTM. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Or, alternately, to boggle over the thought of what kind of men CJ must be meeting.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I was pretending to ignore your sarcasm clarification, Ronan.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Everyone would like to not have to deal with laundry, cleaning etc. if they could, no?

Which doesn't mean, I think, that guys are looking for getting that out of a *relationship*.

HAhahaha "I'm just about finding someone I like to spend time with. If she does my laundry too, that's a bonus."

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I love doing the laundry. No, seriously. I don't like being cooked for all that often either. And I most definitely Don't Want Sex on Tap.

I don't think I'm in the best frame of mind to be answering this question right now to be honest.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:26 (twenty-three years ago)

What exactly *do* men want out of cargo ships?

Umm... wheat, sugar, coffee... hi-fi equipment... rice... dunno.

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Sex seems terribly overrated; I've never had much interest in it, personally.

― Curtis Stephens, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:36 (twenty-three years ago)

No need for anyone's mind to boggle over C J meeting strange men - I have a perfectly fine bloke all of my own who is quite capable of ironing his own shirts etc etc - this thread started as a result of some strange comments a male co-worker of mine made today. I just wondered whether anyone else thought along the same lines as him, that's all - but evidently not (for which I am glad)

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Mostly compainionship but if they'll do the laundry and can suck the chrome off a tailpipe its a bonus...

― brg30 (brg30), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Someone you can be proud to be proud of.

This is the nice way of saying 'make my friends jealous and prove that I'm worthy'

Basically all I want out of a relationship is a peer who can validate my existence eg Obv. I was put on earth to make you happy and ditto for you likewise

That happens in real life, though /sarcasm

― Millar (Millar), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:19 (twenty-three years ago)

That's very cynical, Millar and I think Andrew's sentiment was a lot purer than you give him credit for.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Do men really value companionship, someone who loves and understands them, someone they can trust etc?

Again not trying to speak for all men, but for me, yes. As Nabisco points out, the sex is a small part of the time. I can't imagine there are many women who are going to do much more than half of the housework, and quite right too, so that's not a part of the equation. Andrew mentioned intimacy, and it is the hugging and hand holding and falling asleep touching someone that I think I miss most, when I'm single (e.g. now).

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:27 (twenty-three years ago)

That's very cynical, Millar

hmm err can I do this to myself? SHOCKA

― Millar (Millar), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:32 (twenty-three years ago)

I am one man who doesn't value companionship of any kind and doesn't care whether someone loves me or understands me and doesn't give a shit about having anyone to trust at all ever.

is this the right thread?

sometimes I want sex.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I was referring to your comment make my friends jealous.

What are you threatening to do to yourself?

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, I forgot to finish that post... SHOCKA!

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:36 (twenty-three years ago)

LAra and Millar in rampant miscommunication becoming fodder for ILX joke SHAKA!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:38 (twenty-three years ago)

It's a SHOCKA. SHOCKA!

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I need to express my dissatisfaction with the presence of the word rampant in a sentence describing Millar and me.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan in unsuccessful meme creation attempt CHAKA!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:41 (twenty-three years ago)

I know what you meant Lara

I was just wondering out loud whether I could (indirectly) SHOCKA myself

Apparently not because...

you people are all easily confused SHOCKA!

― Millar (Millar), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I am one man who doesn't value companionship of any kind and doesn't care whether someone loves me or
understands me and doesn't give a shit about having anyone to trust at all ever.

is this the right thread?

sometimes I want sex.

In states like Nevada you can just pay for that...

― brg30 (brg30), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:46 (twenty-three years ago)

i want someone to sit watching TV and larfing non-stop with

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Is the man an imbecile?

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I understood that, Millar! I just wanted to run with the "words phonetically similar to SHOCKA" thing.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:47 (twenty-three years ago)

In states like Nevada you can just pay for that...

sex? no thanks.

I don't care/whatever about companionship/love/understanding/trust but I do care about money.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Chaka Khan, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chaka Khan
Let me rock you, that's all I wanna do

― Melle Mel, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Goats, boats and women.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Isn't that the porno version of 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles'?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:55 (twenty-three years ago)

(the boat bits are boring)

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:56 (twenty-three years ago)

It's Irish for 'Wine, women and song'.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:58 (twenty-three years ago)

"PHWOAR LOOK AT THE KEEL ON THAT ONE"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Shall I drop anchor for you Dan?

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:59 (twenty-three years ago)

"MY GOD YOU CAN SEE HER BARNACLES!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Shiver your timbers?

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:05 (twenty-three years ago)

"I'VE NEVER SEEN PORTHOLES LIKE THAT, I BET THEY'RE FAKE"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought you were going to bed.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:06 (twenty-three years ago)

That flagpole's looking a bit rusty...

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:07 (twenty-three years ago)

I just want a partner in crime who's honest with herself and me. Oh, completely adoring me would be nice too. For their sake, they'd have to be big on conversation.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:07 (twenty-three years ago)

I'M GOING TO BED IN A MINUTE GRANDAD.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:09 (twenty-three years ago)

jesus mother of mary

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm here! Ready to defend my statement.

<reads thread&rt;

I'm running away now.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 11:09 (twenty-three years ago)

i want someone to sit watching TV and larfing non-stop with
-- mark s (mar...), February 11th, 2003.

Add to that drinking wine and beer with and occasionally some good sex, and talking about music and shit, and that's it.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 10:46 (twenty-three years ago)

that sounds OK to me too, minus the scatology.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 10:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I have issue with the 'occasionally'.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 10:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Like, only twice a day, or something. Any more and there's not enough time for ISS.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 10:59 (twenty-three years ago)

You are a very reasonable man.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Incidentally, how many additional sessions of bad sex would you expect?

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:03 (twenty-three years ago)

The secret of life

"Rape is an act of desperation, a confession of envy and exclusion. All men- even, I have written, Jesus himself- began as flecks of tissue inside a woman's womb. Every boy must stagger out of the shadow of a mother goddess, whom he never fully escapes....Women have it. Men want it. What is it? The secret of life..."(Vamps & Tramps p. 32)

― Jan Geerinck (jahsonic), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Gah!

*desperately resisting the urge to turn this into a rape-thread*

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Bad sex = 10-1 vs good sex, surely?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Do it good and they'll tell their good-looking friends. Do it crap and they won't hassle you no more. Easy huh?

― dave q, Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, for a hassle-free life...

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm quite reasonable, all I ask is that the other person refrain from paying attention to anything else, but be fixated on me in such a way that they're not a pain in the ass, ie giving me 'space' and 'complete devotion' as per whatever I want at the moment, is that too much?

― dave q, Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I just want to be adored.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:57 (twenty-three years ago)

As ever dave q, you are a paradigm of virtuous reason and egalitarianism.

I want someone to buy me wine.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 11:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Do it good and they'll tell their good-looking friends.

This is true, but does you no good whatsoever. It's not like these girls see you on the street and come up and proposition you based on stories of your exploits. They don't seek you out at parties like a good-sex-seeking-missile. At most they'll point and giggle and whisper among themselves and generally ignore you other than that.

In my experience of course. I'm waiting to be proven wrong. Still waiting.

And, uh...SHOCKA!!!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 19 February 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

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