Making amends after making a moron of yourself

Sorry chris, I don't know how to help. I'm afraid I'm close to the exact same thing that happened to you happening to me. I should shut up now.

this is her problem.

you need to explain politely to her that y'll try to moderate yr. emotional etc.etc. but really given what exists between you two etc. she's really just running from her problems.

haha i guess like some book like "the rules" about how to trap a man despite his fear of comittment might be useful or something.

but really if you're just "i quite like you and would like this to work if possible so i'll cool it and let's see if we can't moderate here" is the best way to approach this i think.

i think your only option now is to be relaxed about it, see what her next move is. if shes saying you're too full on, dont be full on (yes i know she said to move, which suggests full on, but forget that for the minute, deal with the situation as is). also the more room you give her to say, the clearer her views will be because theyll be proactive rather than reactive, you'll get a better picture of what she actually wants from this

Alternately, you could go the chilled "I'll dial down my emotion and see where this takes us" route, but that doesn't make for entertaining television AND gives her the opportunity to unintentionally stomp all over your feelings until you snap and overreact, thus ruining all possible romantic futures. The first way cuts to the chase in a manner that would be fun viewing for the whole family.

(Serious answer: go for the lower-comittment relationship, but make sure she understands how you feel about her.)

That being said, I'd follow the advice given above, and see what happens. It'd also be useful to try, in a low-key way, to figure out exactly what it was that set her off and what her vision of the relationship is/was. But if she can't treat you with compassion and understanding (and saying "play it cool with the next girl you meet" via email is neither), my experience is that -- no matter how wonderful a person may be in other ways -- if they lack those capacities, a relationship with them is bound to be an exercise in pain, angst, and emotional S&M. (In one of the cruelties of life, sometimes the most narcissistic people are also the ones with whom it's easiest to fall passionately in love, because of the all-or-nothing character of their attachments -- a person like that can make you feel like you've been understood and loved like never before, but can then turn around and cut you off in the blink of an eye, for reasons known only to them.)

btw I also have no idea what "a paranoid need to love and be loved" is supposed to mean -- from what I know of psychology, that phrase makes no sense at all, and seems like just a sort of random lashing-out to me. Also, how old is she? This kind of behavior is a bit more forgivable in someone who's 19 than someone who's, say, 25; the 19-year-old may grow out of it, the 25-year-old, not so likely.

God bless ILX!

XXX

ILXOR

= whee it's to (as we say in Bristol, ie where it's "at", seen?)

Goodbye for now :)

Lots of love, you've made me laugh out loud many a time you crazy sad ********* - ciao for now.

Fuck, you'd have never have guessed I type up peoples' conversations for a living would you!

Liz Fraser/Frazer - I LOVE YOU

I'll shut up now - that Damon's a lucky chappie...

Blue Be*l Knoll will never die..........................

Expand on this, it seems crucial, and you don't seem sure. Did you genuinely mean it, or was it just idle chat. I think there's a lot of room for this being a misunderstanding in this situation. Also, even if she did mean it, you taking her up on the offer is an absolutley enormous step and it seems like she'd have every right to get scared at that point. I wouldn't jump to the her playing games thing quite so soon.

I'm just emotional, sorry guys, sorry.

this sort of thing is so intensely painful--hang in there.

I was very taken aback, but having since observed his actions/comments from a distance (both literally and emotionally) I can see he was an issue ridden child all along and I just let my usual judgement get clouded.

People suck. Its a good lesson to go through though, makes you clearer and stronger for the next time :)

See, I'm imagining some scenario where boy and girl have some small fun, and then:

Boy: We should be together.
Girl: Ah come on! You have a girlfriend, and we live so far apart.

And then, not long after:

Boy: I left my girlfiend! I've come across the country to stay with you!
Girl: Yikes!

However, as a result of some very promising e-mails, telephone conversations and text messages I had been misled into believing that there was the distinct, tangible prospect of a "relationship" in the offing.

I was wrong.

But, you know, listening to "Lazy Calm" by Cocteau Twins on my good old crappy MP3 player, life seems good, right and exactly how it should be.

I shall pray for Iraq tonight.

Sleep tight ILX.

Sincerely.