'Blood Flows in Schoolgirl Scrap': actual [non-tabloid] newspaper headlines

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from my local newspaper this weekend:


Blood Flows in Schoolgirl Scrap (it was just one girl punched another in the nose, I mean really!)

Shock Therapy Works

cuspidorian, Sunday, 9 March 2003 04:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Couple Had Sex in Public View (in Dunedin of course)

cuspidorian, Sunday, 9 March 2003 05:18 (twenty-three years ago)

uhh, if anyone actually cares to read abt Dunedin debauchery you have to click on 'other items' after the above link, to the left, then scroll down.

cuspidorian, Sunday, 9 March 2003 05:22 (twenty-three years ago)

they sound like tidy exemplars of why one has to read news via one's computer and not bother with new zealand print or television journalism. do enjoy holmes of a weeknight, however.

Clare (not entirely unhappy), Sunday, 9 March 2003 18:23 (twenty-three years ago)

quite the opposite! My favourite part of the ODT was the local news incl the court stuff. Holmes???!!!!? I don't have a computer.

cuspidorian, Monday, 10 March 2003 01:50 (twenty-three years ago)

okay mayb it can be pretty appalling but as far as I can gathr it's far from particular to this country.

cuspidorian, Monday, 10 March 2003 01:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Best headline ever.

Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 18:27 (twenty-three years ago)

You really can't argue with that.

Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 03:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Aww, and they were gonna replace him with Jake Gyllenhaal! Damn, now that I'dve paid to see.

And it makes my friend's review of Donnie Darko with the line "he is the anti Toby McGuire" all the more hilarious.

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 03:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Aaagh! Attack of the Man-Moppets!

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 11:45 (twenty-three years ago)

My favourite recent headline was from last week's Camden Herald:
PING PONG PRICE RISE DING DONG
(about a table tennis league being forced out of the borough because of leisure centre price hikes)

Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 12:01 (twenty-three years ago)

The very first headline I saw in the US last week (at the little newsagents near the bus stops at Newark Airport) was:

UTAH GIRL FOUND ALIVE

Tim (Tim), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 12:04 (twenty-three years ago)

"SUPER CALEY GO BALLISTIC, CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS"

After Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat Celtic in the Scottish FA Cup (?) a couple of seasons ago.

OleM (OleM), Saturday, 22 March 2003 21:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Also, in a Norwegian paper: "ROBERT (4) ATE THE ANGRY MOOSE"

OleM (OleM), Saturday, 22 March 2003 21:55 (twenty-three years ago)

this isn't important but the headline I started this thread w/ was actually Blood Flows On Train in Schoolgirl Scrap

spectra, Sunday, 23 March 2003 11:07 (twenty-three years ago)

"SUPER CALEY GO BALLISTIC, CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS"

After Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat Celtic in the Scottish FA Cup (?) a couple of seasons ago.

Whoah! Did I just do some magickal spellcasting thing or something?

OleM (OleM), Sunday, 23 March 2003 20:12 (twenty-three years ago)

four years pass...

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN2249267920071022

gabbneb, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 14:54 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.geocities.com/grahamp3/images/keegan_fills.jpg

onimo, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 15:00 (eighteen years ago)

Still the best headline ever.

aldo, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 15:06 (eighteen years ago)

Oh FFS

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v292/aldo_cowpat/headline.jpg

aldo, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 15:11 (eighteen years ago)

My favourite headline from the nineties:

DOG BIT WOLF INTO ITS TONGUE

(How the hell did anyone find about this? Did the wold report to the cops?)

Tuomas, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 15:14 (eighteen years ago)

Another favourite from the nineties:

GOLF BALL FLEW INTO MOUTH OF FEMALE POET

Tuomas, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 15:15 (eighteen years ago)

this is my favourite recent one http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/world/asia-pacific/6178659.stm

TTTTTTT, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 15:33 (eighteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

New Scientist (not strictly a newspaper, true) has this today
"Tiger numbers halved by new census"

DOWN WITH THESE TIGER-KILLING CENSUSES!

Grandpont Genie, Tuesday, 13 November 2007 15:26 (eighteen years ago)

My own favourite from recent years: "Woman and her horse found dead on road" (Daily Telegraph)

Just got offed, Tuesday, 13 November 2007 15:40 (eighteen years ago)

...

Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 13 November 2007 15:42 (eighteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.radioiowa.com/gestalt/go.cfm?objectid=8236B5C0-B05D-4449-C61737F94AED9CE4

gabbneb, Thursday, 29 November 2007 06:05 (eighteen years ago)

three months pass...

Robots fly into Antarctic skies

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7302508.stm

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 19 March 2008 18:39 (eighteen years ago)

ROYALS TO GET TASTE OF ANGELS' COLON

milo z, Wednesday, 19 March 2008 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

A TASTE

milo z, Wednesday, 19 March 2008 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

two months pass...

Wonder Woman Actress Finds Body on River

jsimp, Sunday, 8 June 2008 02:08 (eighteen years ago)

The Watford Observer's had some great ones recently.

BOY DIES IN GREEK TRAGEDY

KILLER SKUNK FLOODS LONDON

Plus, from the South London Gazette, this:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1380/621723425_74826e87a7_m.jpg

JimD, Sunday, 8 June 2008 15:55 (eighteen years ago)

Girl: Dad made me dismember mom.

(the link is to a TV site, but the headline was in the paper, too.)

will, Sunday, 8 June 2008 16:25 (eighteen years ago)

Dad made me dismember mom.

great Springer potential there

Curt1s Stephens, Sunday, 8 June 2008 16:29 (eighteen years ago)

"Big Cat Steals Poodle From Lawn"

from the local paper

Abbott, Sunday, 8 June 2008 16:43 (eighteen years ago)

four weeks pass...

cnn.com:
'Cindy Brady' halts radio chat to vomit

jsimp, Sunday, 6 July 2008 03:12 (seventeen years ago)

four weeks pass...

LA Times:

Obama backers Bernie Mac and Morgan Freeman both hospitalized

A bad day for Barack Obama donors.

Morgan Freeman, the iconic voice of God in several filmsActorMorgan Freeman who often plays God in the movies and is a Barack Obama backer is in serious condition in a Memphis hospital after a late-night car crash near his Mississippi home and reliable good-guy co-conspirator of Christian Bale's Batman in "The Dark Knight," is in serious condition in a Memphis hospital after a late-night car accident near his home in Mississippi.

The popular Freeman, who is 71, gave the Obama presidential campaign $2,300 on March 8.

And comedian Bernie Mac, popular TV-film funnyman who got a little vocally naughty at a recent Obama fundraiser, is seriously ill with pneumonia in a Chicago hospital.

Strange as it may seem, it's not all about the election.

jaymc, Monday, 4 August 2008 21:28 (seventeen years ago)

Wasn't Bernie Mac one of those bust insurance companies?

Just got offed, Monday, 4 August 2008 21:30 (seventeen years ago)

This one in this morning's Age was a corker:

Did Loose Zips Sink Schipps?

(re swimmer Jessica Schipper's swimsuit not zipping up properly. Haw!)

Trayce, Tuesday, 12 August 2008 00:15 (seventeen years ago)

Also, the horribly misleading:

Child-porn teacher 'a broken man'

The guy in question was a teacher caught viewing porn, though if there's a school that teaches it, I dont think I wanna know o_0

Trayce, Tuesday, 12 August 2008 00:17 (seventeen years ago)

six months pass...

Neb. deputies say man stuffed cat inside 'bong'

nabisco, Tuesday, 3 March 2009 00:58 (seventeen years ago)

Stebbing said the animal cruelty charge could be raised to a felony if the cat dies or is found to have suffered injury.

please be sure to post the follow up story.

ian, Tuesday, 3 March 2009 01:05 (seventeen years ago)

Police hunt radioactive college principal

Local Garda, Tuesday, 3 March 2009 01:14 (seventeen years ago)

oops, full headline tells the full story: Police hunt radioactive college principal wanted on child porn charges

Local Garda, Tuesday, 3 March 2009 01:14 (seventeen years ago)

yeah, i was half-tempted to start a thread called "RADIOACTIVE PAEDOPHILE" a coupla days back

they probably drink corporate water (country matters), Tuesday, 3 March 2009 01:15 (seventeen years ago)

Two more Berkeley skirt-lifting attacks

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/03/02/BAI6167TLG.DTL&tsp=1

what happened? I'm confused. (sarahel), Tuesday, 3 March 2009 01:16 (seventeen years ago)


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