thread to dumb down TV

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"This is Five News, I'm June Sarpong..."

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 11:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Newsnight Review should take a look at the pick of the week's single releases. I'd love to her Germaine's opinion on tAtu

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd love to see Germaine and Bonny as tATu.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:06 (twenty-three years ago)

"Good morning I'm Iain Lee and welcome to RI:SE..."

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Aggh Bonnie Greer. I can just imagine her telling a glassy-eyed Kirsty Wark what tAtu mean to a strong black American woman post-September 11

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Coke-addled producer#1: so who shall we get in for this Celebrity Fame Academy then?

Coke-addled producer#2: fuck it, whats Ruby Wax up to next week?

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:09 (twenty-three years ago)

How To Spend It Like Elton John And His Partner David Furnish

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Ruby Wax is the Helen "Child of the Corn" Adams of Fame Academy

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:11 (twenty-three years ago)

"Good morning I'm Iain Lee and welcome to RI:SE..."

Good god man, this isn't Thread To Plump The Depths Of Human Achievement you know.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:12 (twenty-three years ago)

And now on BBC Four, all the stuff that should be on BBC Two...

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:13 (twenty-three years ago)

joe is it any coincidence you started this thread on the same day as Comic Relief? what horrors await tonight do you think?

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Tony Parsons and Julie Burchill going five rounds in the ring together.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:14 (twenty-three years ago)

incidentally do you think Justine Frischmann presenting a show on architecture and exterior design is dumbing down? i dont really, in fact i really enjoyed 'Dreamspaces' when i saw it, and BBC Three is generally pretty good i think (at least considering)

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:14 (twenty-three years ago)

stevem - well it'll be all the usual cream pies and knob gags interspersed with clips of jennifer saunders looking earnest in mozambique. bring back telethon I say

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Tony P "I mean where are all the exciting rock stars nowadays? we pay people to behave badly and we're getting ripped off"

Julie B "yeh, its not like how it used to be when i went to work for the NME aged just 15"

ladies and gentlemen we have a tie...

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll say it before suzy pops up and says it. Miss Frischman, has an architecture degree and was at the AA so she really knows her stuff.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Tony Parsons and Julie Burchill going five rounds in the ring together

Can we just set this up and NOT televise it. It'd do some good just to know they're both in pain.

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:17 (twenty-three years ago)

that dreamspaces show is fucking terrible. what bright spark decided it'd be a good idea to show three very small pictures of the building in the middle of the screen instead of having them full-sized so we could, like, y'know, actually SEE them?

(I did think Our Jus was quite good on it though)

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:17 (twenty-three years ago)

"taday in tha Beg Broover howse, Trayrcy shayrves har legs for tha forst tayme in a whole weeek mun!"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:18 (twenty-three years ago)

if only they'd had "celebrity touch the truck"

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:19 (twenty-three years ago)

"alwight? i'm Michael Bawwymore, and this is still number one, its Top of the Pops"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:21 (twenty-three years ago)

it's high time they replaced Kilroy with Judith Kilshaw

"On today's Kilshaw!, we ask if mothers have the right to stop their children being sold on eBay..."

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I hear they're launching BBC Five with "EastEnders Revealed: Revealed"

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Ed, it was the Bartlett School of Architecture; she was in the year above Carlos. It's not far from the AA though.

(/factcheck)

The Politics Show aka Politics Is My Bitch with Jeremy Vine (oh, wait...)

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Politics is My Bitch.

Hahahahaha.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:43 (twenty-three years ago)

It was so nearly called that as well. It was the working title at least.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:44 (twenty-three years ago)

This isn't really "dumbing down", but why are the BBC continuing on with "Through The Keyhole"? They've done all the big names years ago and 90% of the time it's people you've never heard of. They had some gymnast and Miss Great Britain on the other day. I mean, do you know who the fuck our current Miss Great Britain is? No. Most days the celebrity panel is more famous than the guests (often that Jonathan whatsit from "Bread", some tabloid columnist and a chef).

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:46 (twenty-three years ago)

same deal with This Is Your Life chriddof...have they done Rusty Lee, weatherman Bill Giles and the bloke who fitted Michael Winner's loft insulation yet?

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:48 (twenty-three years ago)

And I'm *sure* the contestants are tipped off about which F-List celebrity it is as well... how else do they guess that they're in Robert Kilroy-Silk's house after such meagre information.

(Actually, that's a crap example, the wardrobe full of Crymplene suits and eighty-three bottles of orange perma-tan lotion would give that away in seconds)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I adore Rusty Lee. She is mental.

"You jus' take yo' plantain and put it in the wha ha ha ha haa..."

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

but extending Countdown to 45 minutes is evidence of 'dumbing up' right? unless the 15 minutes is really just taken up by more faffing and bad puns by Whiteley, Vorderman flicking her hair and smiling inanely and some deeply unfunny anecdote as told by the bloke who used to play Charlie in The Darling Buds Of May

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:50 (twenty-three years ago)

(just to remind everyone, jeremy paxman refers to jeremy vine as "mini-me")

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:50 (twenty-three years ago)

stevem you are either i. insane or ii. writing a book about countdown (= i.)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

"Hallo I'm Davina McCall, the wickedest witch in the West, and welcome to Whatever Big Show ITV Are Peddling On Saturday Night This Month"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Fidelio - new production of Beethoven's famous tragic opera, starring Emma Bunton and Darius Danesh.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh god. I had to switch Reborn in the USA over when I saw it was being presented by Davina Macaw

And while they've extended Countdown - they've axed Fifteen to One. Heathens!

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 12:54 (twenty-three years ago)

"You're watching ITV!"

Click.

No, I'm not.

Booker Prize: 2003 prize featuring round-table discussions with Sara Cox, Zoe Ball and Wes Butters.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:09 (twenty-three years ago)

ooh I hate those ITV idents where you get some ITV "celeb" prancing about in front of some billowing yellow curtains

but for those of you that like them, you can now tune in to "ITV idents where you get some ITV "celeb" prancing about in front of some billowing yellow curtains EXTRA" on ITV2

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

late review with ant, dec, lala and michael gove

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

actually i shd have said geoff dyer

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:14 (twenty-three years ago)

The New Old Grey Whistle Test, with Sara Cox and Colin Murray.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I miss the old LWT ident.

Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong
PAHPAHPAH PAHHHH, PAHPAHPAH PAHHHH
(Don-dondon-don!)

That was classier than Davina McCall eerily following the camera's movement around her, as if ready to pounce out of the screen and suck us all dry of our blood.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:18 (twenty-three years ago)

also with the ITV idents I hate the way they all slowly fold their arms as the camera spins. I mean couldn't they think of anything else to do?

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:19 (twenty-three years ago)

"GERI STOP LOOKING AT ME! STOPPIT GERI! ARRRRGGGGHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:21 (twenty-three years ago)

the BBC Three idents are Aardman-tastic tho

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:22 (twenty-three years ago)

the Five ones are quite good but they could be better. I want the logo to slowly appear over a clip of a couple of finsbury park winos having a ding dong

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

hehehe, i'd love it if you had the announcer saying "this is Channel 5" while in the background you could just make out a "rarrr ya cunt, MY bench!"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:27 (twenty-three years ago)

late review with ant, dec, lala and michael gove

"dumbing down"

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)

anoter good one would be of a man stopping a car by a wall of prossies

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

I am reminded of the old Dave Excellent column in classic early 90's computer games magazine Zero, where the character of Dave Excellent bought Anglia TV, renamed it "Excellent-O-Vision" and replaced the "wonky model on record turntable" ident with "a multi-coloured Excellent-O-Vision logo spinning 360 degrees while the entire universe explodes in the background".

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

bring back the old BBC balloon i say...i never understood the derision it got, i thought it was classy and inventive. it would be fun to see the old revolving 'stencil' globe on black background too tho.

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I liked the BBC balloon too! It was much better than the half-arsed "real life" stuff they have now. I'd also like to see the old globe with black background too, and the stripey orangey BBC2 logo of the early eighties... extra points if you can remember the jingle that was played when it "formed up" at the beginning of each day's transmission...

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 14 March 2003 14:01 (twenty-three years ago)

The balloon was great take on the globe. If they had to change it they should have kept with the globe theme in some way.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 14 March 2003 14:03 (twenty-three years ago)

well they had to get rid of the globe because it "wasn't multicultural enough"

jesus wept

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 14 March 2003 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

they could have flown it over Africa?

― Ed (dali), Friday, 14 March 2003 14:06 (twenty-three years ago)

the globe was offensively terracentric

― Insect Priests for a Bettah BBC (mark s), Friday, 14 March 2003 14:55 (twenty-three years ago)

if the Beeb had kept the balloon do you think E4 and SKy wouldve still done pisstakes of it as they have with the dancing acrobats thing and the man jumping building roofs? we coulve seen the balloon get pricked by a bird and whizz around the screen haphazardly for example...

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 14 March 2003 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

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