Question about friendship

(but actually the wed feeling was quite odd, and most unlike me, and i now wonder if it wasn't a mild one-day bug or something: it reminded me a bit of when i had hepatitis (c.1991) and sat watching TV thinking "stop all that moving and talking you TV people, it is without purpose or content and can be amusing no one, yrselves included")

I feel low but i never burden friends or family with it (maybe bcz I don't how to articulate my feelings v well). i tell myself it will pass away and it usually does.

I don't want to cause pain to anyone else. But when I feel like I am having non-specific lowness, the best thing that I can do is withdraw, because *I* become hard work to be around at that point, and it is difficult for me to be around other people.

It's nice to know that there are people who are there for you. But sometimes, you just genuinely do need to withdraw and recharge. Please don't take this as a rejection of you or of your friendship!

Or think that you are somehow to blame for other people's moods. There are five very specific people causing me to feel low right now - one of them is named Horton and the other five are named Michael, Susanna, Vicki and, erm... oh christ, I've forgotten the name of the fourth Bangle, no WONDER they don't want us supporting them...

for everyone else - I agree with the proposition that people who are down might not want to talk about it, but it's nice to let them know they can if they want to.

maybe you got the feeling that this was the time to finish yr book and that feeling overwhelmed you.

yeah, I'll be feeling low soon...next friday's presentation is just going to fucking drain me. I'm just so scared to fuck up.

last time it happened was when there was one week to go for me to finish off my first yr report. I responded by being an idiot on a couple of threads on ILM.

Trouble is, prior to properly talking to this person, I had (and still have) certain romantic feelings towards them which has complicated things no end. But when she revealed the true extent of her unhappiness, I just felt I wanted to help her feel a bit less disconnected from the world. I know she knows that I have feelings for her and now I worry that she thinks I might expect some sort of 'reward' for being there and I worry that I might not be being entirely honest with either myself ot her about the whole process. But whatever the outcome, I know I care about this person and don't want to see them miserable.

I've got a tricky situation I wanted advice on.

I only have one good friend in the city I currently fidn myself in, and her and I have a bit of a history. Years ago, in another city, I fell in love with her (as many have before me and surely many will in the years to come). I confessed it drunkenly, we got past it, and became much better friends, one of the best and truest I've ever had. My feelings (surely the worst word in the English language) never truly went away, and one night, several months ago (after I moved to her hometown, where we now both reside) she woke me up at 2am and kissed me, wanting to counteract my own self-loathing with a (misguided, I'll allow) act of physical affection. Then she didn't talk to me for a while, out of guilt, after which I confronted her and ultimately forgave her, even though I believe we both knew the gulf of attraction between us without speaking of it. A little later, I admitted that during the time she wasn't speaking to me, I told other, less-close friends about the situation and they basically universally regarded her as a bitch, against my (I think, correct) insistence otherwise. Her takeaway from that admission was not the one I wanted it to be, but if I had been thinking straight, I'd have refrained from saying a damn thing. After I said this, she became uncomfortable at having been cast as a "villain" in my life, and has since declared that she needs a "break."

Unfortunately, I just ended my current lease, and the apartment I'm now moving into is half a blcok from her current residence. It was not intentional - in fact, if I had any other option, I'd have taken it. But now I live in fear of the moment I run into her. Is there a good way to announce this development, or am I irretrievably fucked?

*find

This sort of thing is hopelessly beyond my experience level, but the only way I can imagine breaking this news would be to ask her to think about it for a few days and then tell you exactly what she would prefer, in terms of how you act toward her. Then do whatever she says.

Thanks Aimless, I would not have thought of that approach. I feel like there's no way to "win" here but that's almost certainly the most sensitive option.

Of course, there's still the matter of whether I break this news ASAP or wait until I inevitably, awkwardly run into her on a night bus.

Hey Simon, tricky situation, one I'm sure many men have found themselves in ... and by many, I mean myself, but nothing as prickly and long lasting as yours. Maybe she interpreted your revealing your friends calling her a "bitch" as what you really think about her, considering your long-time attraction to her and her one-moment come on to you. Sometimes people select the things to say, especially when it's said by others, to say what they really want to say ... and people can think what you choose to tell as what's being on your mind. We don't do it consciously, but it happens.

My own ill-formed, beer-fueled opinion is ... figure out what you really feel about her, what you truly want, like deeply, honestly. It sounds like you still have feelings for, maybe that you resent the moment she kissed you because it could have been something ... maybe you felt it was misleading. I have no idea, I'm not you, just throwing some shit out there. No sense in suffering over this, and if you want to maintain a real friendship with her maybe it's worth it to say: this is how I feel, this is what I want, and this is how I'm going to move forward with it. If you can't get what you want, though, then ... well ... that's another choice to make.

So ends dear drunk Spectrum.