what's the best thing you've ever gained by fraudulent means?

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i'd say money.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

a blowjob.

― j fail (cenotaph), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 14:58 (twenty-three years ago)

13 cds for the price of a penny

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

heh, this is nerdy.

there is a really bad record store/head shop near my parents' place in Louisville that in the early 1990s still had a few good records sitting around that no one would buy. The employees were generally clueless stoner girls, and since the majority of the clientele was there to buy ~~bongs~~water pipes and blacklight posters, nobody paid attention to the records sitting in the less-visited part of the store. So one day I went in there and snagged Nick Drake's Five Leaves Left, Nico's The End and the first Henry Cow record for $2.99 each, after switching the tags. Totally fucking lame, in retrospect.

Oh and I used to work at a bookstore where it was really easy to steal books, which kinda helped through college 'cause they were way overpriced. I'd just stick them in my bag with the books I did buy, and walk out with 'em.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

cred

― dave q, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:19 (twenty-three years ago)

400 bones

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:23 (twenty-three years ago)

A $50.00 online gift certificate for registering with one of those wedding sites; this was about 3-4 years ago before I had any intention of getting married, I just made the whole thing up.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:24 (twenty-three years ago)

A two thousand pound Dolce and Gabbana slip-dress but don't tell anyone...

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm too damned honest. The only time I really stole anything, I walked out of WHSmith on New St. station with a sandwich without paying. It was a mistake on my part. I'm an accidental thief.

Oh, I guess I have got some good software I didn't pay for... but it's hardly fraud when there's no chance on earth you could otherwise afford it...

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:27 (twenty-three years ago)

A tandem touring bicycle! I can't believe I conned some hippie into accepting a bad check!!!

::ducks::

just kidding, Norman...!

― a bad man, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:28 (twenty-three years ago)

By the way, I didn't steal the dress, I gained it by fraudulent means. There's quite a distinction, I can assue you.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, okay, I got myself a pair of black velvet slacks a former friend left at my place. They were slightly too big for me, but that doesn't matter much. They weren't having 'em back without asking and they never had the nerve.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:32 (twenty-three years ago)

i think mine would be the old taking the CDs you've been sent for free cos you're reviewing them for student press to Our Price, saying you got it as a present but already had it but have no receipt but was wondering if you can exchange it for something else and doing just that - i only did this a couple of time tho - couldve got away with a lot more probably. i knew people who would buy CDs from HMV, copy them then take them back and exchange them for something else at least once or twice a month...

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

assue = assure (if I were a moderator I could have fixed that *sigh*)

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

a blowjob.
-- j fail (unhalfbrickin...), March 18th, 2003.

13 cds for the price of a penny
-- mark p (m*****...), March 18th, 2003.

then i read

there is a really bad record store/head shop near...
-- hstencil (hstenci...), March 18th, 2003.

And I thought hstencil got both of the above!!

― ken c, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

nope, head shop being a term for a place where hippies buy ~~bongs~~water pipes.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Head shop = sauna

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

in the sense that 'sauna = foggy brothel'

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Tell the slipdress story, Lara!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:42 (twenty-three years ago)

350 quid!

― Gatinha (rwillmsen), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:48 (twenty-three years ago)

it's hardly fraud when there's no chance on earth you could otherwise afford it...

Hmm, I'm not sure this would stand up in a court of law. Or even in a court of making any sense at all. If you can afford it you buy it. Therefore if you cannot you are justified in stealing it.

Best thing I got was probably tickets to the Reading festival. I won them on a radio show saying I would give them to my mates who had met at Reading and couldn't afford a honeymoon. Of course this was a lie.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I once lied and told a girl I had scabies so I wouldn't have to sleep with her. In reality, she probably had the scabies so I stayed STD free.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Of course it wouldn't stand up in court. It's technically illegal. But I feel no moral dilemma about it, because no one physically loses money (as opposed to, say, stealing a walkman from a shop) and no one is going to gain money in lieu of my doing this, i.e. the money doesn't exist.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:10 (twenty-three years ago)

But the trousers didn't fit so what was the point??

(Have I shown myself to be a moral fraudster?)

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:13 (twenty-three years ago)

You mean the trousers I got? They did fit... they were meant to be loose anyway, and they have an elasticated waistband. You wouldn't be able to tell they were two sizes too big. If it'd been a pair of jeans, say, I'd have binned them, but otherwise, these would cost about £30 in the shops, so I thought I did well there.

I just have to live with the knowledge of that unseen size label. :)

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:20 (twenty-three years ago)

B-b-but if you wear them out and about won't your (admittedly, former) friend notice and say LOUDLY : 'Hey, they're my trousers!'

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Several girlfriends and a wife. They thought I was a decent guy. Only the wife hasn't fully discovered the truth (though she's getting there).

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

They don't live nearby. I very much hope to not lay eyes on them ever again. I've managed it for two years, anyway.

Anyway, I most often do wear jeans, boringly enough.

Then again, if the above *did* happen, I'd have to say, 'Yeah, SO? You looked like a pig in them anyway!'

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Then all is fine and you are morally vindicated.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:28 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll still rot in hell for software piracy, I suppose. I think I'll have a lot of company, tho'.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:31 (twenty-three years ago)

The presidency of the United States.

― G.W. Bush, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

END OF THREAD.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

What about Tony, Toni, Tone?

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:47 (twenty-three years ago)

well, what about them?

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:52 (twenty-three years ago)

You gained Tony, Toni, Tone by fraudulent means? Genius!

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Tony Blair
Toni Collette
Tone Loc

???

― Skottie, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Tony Blair - the biggest fraud of the lot. We knew Bush was an idiot...

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Then for him it'll be a directorship with BP once he leaves politics?

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Blair's not quite an idiot, and that's the scary bit.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

That's the point.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 16:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I saw a bit of the Parliamentary guff today and there was William Hague giving a ringing endorsement to Blair! Even TB looked a little shocked, if not vaguely embarrassed...

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

From the Conservative Party site:

"About William
William was born in Rotherham on 26 March 1961. He was educated at Wath-on-Dearne Comprehensive School in Rotherham, Magdalen College, Oxford and INSEAD Business School, France. Whilst at Oxford, he was President of the Union and of the University Conservative Association.

Before entering Parliament, he worked for Shell UK and McKinsey & Co."

Well there you go.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

This is the ONE AND ONLY TIME that George Dubya has been ON THE FUCKING MONEY!!!

― kate, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Thank you, Kate. That means a lot to me.

XXXOOO

― G.W. Bush, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Can this thread no have any more political references please? War is b-o-r-ing.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, all right, but just one more thing...You may wonder how I have time to post to ILX, but the thing is, we're so confident of our foreign policy, I've got time to hang out at the ranch, surf the Web, and eat pretze...cough...ugh...aarrgg...cough...not again...must...not...eat...pretze...... TBC...

― G.W. Bush, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

War is b-o-r-ing.

stupidest thing ever posted to ile.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Bretzel for Bush

― Kerry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Even stupider than my post about last St. Patrick's Day?

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Humour is lost on the dull.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:52 (twenty-three years ago)

DON'T MENTION THE WAR! (I did once, but I think I got away with it...)

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Har har.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 18:01 (twenty-three years ago)

A prawn Goebbels, a pickled Goering and two Colditz salads.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 18:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Or a t-blair steak, even...

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 18:48 (twenty-three years ago)

A job. I went into the interview, lied about knowing Word for Windows, and then took the qualifying test twice (but that was inadvertent - I thought the first one was a practice).

― mike a (mike a), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 18:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Does this blue tie make my eyes look preternaturally close together? What? You say it's not the...not the tie???...uh...huh?

― G.W. Bush, Wednesday, 19 March 2003 00:57 (twenty-three years ago)

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