share the funniest things you have heard recently

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just now at work a girl turned round and said the following.

girl: my friends just text me to say guess what my dog picked up in the country lane.

us: what? condom, tampon?

girl: a double ended vibrator.

us: dont you mean a dildo

girl: no one of those ones for both holes

much amusement and giggling followed

girl: i mean what would you be doing with it down a country lane.

me: (rather proud of what was about to be said).....both holes?

― james (james), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

2 guys and a girl standing outside in the town centre in the sun sharing a packet of crisps. As I walk past i catch only this part of their conversation: "...Last time I had dinosaurs...."

I love stuff like that.

― Nik (Nik), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Operation Iraqi Freedom.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, they obviously wanted to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation, but, uh, y'know, Rummy pointed out that acronymizes into the real purpose of the war and to be upfront about something as serious as war, well, that just won't do, Mr. President, sir.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:12 (twenty-three years ago)

That "both holes" = classic.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:15 (twenty-three years ago)

It's Hammertime.

― pete b. (pete b.), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Park Guy: Is that a man or a woman?
Me: It's a woman
PG: I haven't seen her before, look at the way she walks
Me: er, she's walking a little slow, I guess
PG: No! It is most strange
Me: I think she's on a phone
PG: If I were a policeman, I would ask her about the way she walks. There is something on her mind, some sort of crime.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 20 March 2003 17:37 (twenty-three years ago)