Rejection Letters

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I really hate 'em when they're not even fucking proper letters but instead they're some goddamned gutless fersluginisher CHECKBOXES THAT DON'T GIVE YOU ANYTHING THAT COMES WITHIN TWENTY THOUSAND KILOMETERS OF USEFUL GODDAMNED FEEDBACK! How in the hell are we supposed to develop as artistes when all we get is a tic-mark in a meaningless little box that says "Try again with another story"? I mean what the hell kind of worthless, spineless, pussilanimous BUSHWAH is that?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It just makes me so wholly enraged, so utterly given over to thoughts of destruction that i feel like the goddamned avatar of Shiva and i just wanna hurl the computer and monitor through the nearest window (which in my case is rather substantial) and track down the worthless excuse for an assistant to the assistant fucking editor, rip off their heads, find the largest object within reach and SHOVE IT DOWN THEIR GAPING, OPEN THROAT giggling maniacally and screaming "HERE Y'ARE! I'M TRYING AGAIN! HOW'S THAT ONE GOING DOWN? CAN I OFFER YOU A GUINESS AND A PACKET OF CRISPS TO HELP THAT ALONG?"

Okay. I feel a little better now. Sorry for the rant.

Please, share your rejection letter stories and blow some of that negative karma right out so it doesn't end up spoiling your beautiful indigo artistic aura.

― Matt Maxwell (Matt M.), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Dear Matt,

Thanks for your post. Unfortunately we cannot use it at this time. Please feel free to try another post later on.

Yours,
The Editors

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:22 (twenty-three years ago)

i haven't had any that were too bad so far.

oh, you mean from editors.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Dear jess,

Thanks for your offer. Unfortunately, we cannot use your lovin' at this time. Please feel free to...oh sod it.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I luv Sean. If he'd said that five minutes ago, however, he'd be unable to eat anything more chewy than curry with very, very small peas. But i have my sense of humor back, so i can take it with a laugh....before i cry myself to sleep tonight.

― Matt Maxwell (Matt M.), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:25 (twenty-three years ago)

The first rejection letter I got that wasn't just a form "sorry, not for us" note said (I'm paraphrasing, this was a long time ago), "This is good, but it isn't the right tone for what we publish. But you should try Blah Blah Magazine, I know the editor and it's the sort of thing he likes." So I sent it off to Blah Blah Magazine, and a year after that received notice that Blah Blah Magazine had ceased publication before anyone got around to answering my submission.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:25 (twenty-three years ago)

i like to give the girls i sleep with a little questionnaire to fill out when we're done. it's a customer satisfaction thing. sometimes i even let them keep the little pencil.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:25 (twenty-three years ago)

(don't think i don't realize i just said 'little pencil')

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry, Matt, it was just the obvious thing for a smartarse like me to do. I don't have too many stories to share in this regard because I haven't really sent off a whole lot of things unsolicited. If it makes you feel any better, though, more than half of the things I request for review at my music-writin' gig are turned down without much comment either, so.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Notoriously bad author who thought he was greatest since Shakespeare dumps manuscript on publisher's desk with note demanding that the magnum opus attached thereto be quickly accepted as 'I am in demand and have many irons in the fire'.

A record breakingly short space of time later, the manuscript was returned with attached note from the publisher: 'Suggest substitute attached for irons'.

― Fred Nerk, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh wait -- most frustrating rejection letter I've gotten .. for the sake of making it funnier, I made up the italicized parts to replace the truth:

I submit a story to an anthology called Bunny Rabbits With Hangovers, which will print stories about bunny rabbits who have hangovers. The rejection notice says, "This is a very good story, but we feel that it has too many bunny rabbits and hangovers for what we want to publish."

I think I understood what they were saying, but the initial guidelines were not much more specific than "bunny rabbits with hangovers," and they didn't give me any sense in the rejection for just how many bunny rabbits were too many, nor how hungover was too hungover.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 03:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Matt, my friend -- vengeance will be yours. In the meantime, fire up a version of The Sims, name all your characters after your supposed editors, and make them die slowly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 05:05 (twenty-three years ago)

The flip side: if you've sent unsolicited work to a magazine or publisher, it's hardly surprising if a) they reject it or b) it's not actually their job to workshop it for you. They probably might not even reply, but they're covered by small print about that. The only feedback I'm really interested in from these people is 'we'll run it' or 'we'll pay you' - feedback will come later, if you become friends with the folks who say these things.

The best way around unsolicited rejection is to PHONE SOMEONE at the publication or publishers. I get shitloads of utter crap sent to me as a literary editor because some idiot has just done a mass mailout to every publication with a books section regardless of relevance to their work. Names, baby, names are important: make sure you're speaking to the right person for what you need, and don't waste their time, but ask them to look at yr. work. If they say yes your material becomes SOLICITED and if you're very lucky you might get some work out of it.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 07:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Matt, rejection's a bastard, but I'd say fire up Mortal Kombat instead: a few "Fatalities" may make you feel a bit better. Still, follow suzy's advice and still keep trying. Also, if you build a good relationship with someone at the publishing house, you may be able to ask for feedback to make your material stronger, if that's what is needed.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:24 (twenty-three years ago)

When I was editing comic books, I got loads of submissions. They are hard work. You read through them because you can and do find gems (Mark Millar came to me through an unsolicited submission - his first to anyone, he later told me), but most of it is just very hard slog with no rewards. It takes even longer if you're softhearted enough, as I was, to try to provide some useful feedback to each one. I entirely understand publishers that don't write a lengthy, carefully thought out critical response to every submission they get, frustrating as it must be to receive - I found it very hard to make the time to keep up with them.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:34 (twenty-three years ago)

i've never been rejected from anything in my entire life!

― j fail (cenotaph), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 19:18 (twenty-three years ago)

suzy and Martin are OTM. I used to write rejection letters and it got to the point where I was literally afraid to write commentary for fear of repercussions and, frankly, my own personal safety. Some people would call up to argue with the commentary, others would show up at the office demanding to speak with someone in acquisitions. People get pretty attached to their work and it's really tough to have some bloody publisher demanding salable manuscripts.

There'd be times when I'd be all about a proposal or a manuscript and I'd bring it to the publisher only to have it royally shot down. There was nothing I could say in a rejection letter at that point..."Yeah, your work rules but my boss is a giant asshole who wouln't know a good book if it kicked him in the ass." I'd try and find other publishers, but that wasn't considered a "good use of my time" as an "assistant to the assistant fucking editor."

― cybele, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 21:02 (twenty-three years ago)

http://garyjkelly.com/elements/stamp.jpg

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 21:21 (twenty-three years ago)

From a record company - 'Hi, we're doing a comp called 'Songs That Suck, by Bands That Blow', wanna be on it?' (Unless I misunderstood and a comp with that title really exists? Some label in the Midwest iirc)

― dave q, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 21:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Advice gratefully noted and taken. Sincere apologies to any editors out there who got caught by the flying shrapnel from my rant. Last night, i received the third "not good enough" checkslip in a week and simply lost it (after not having done this for some time.) Remember kids, this business eats chumps like me for breakfast and asks for seconds!

Sigh. Back to the trenches. Cheers to Sarah for the uplifting image. Think i'll make it my wallpaper.

― Matt Maxwell (Matt M.), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 22:16 (twenty-three years ago)

eleven months pass...

oh, yeah, I got a rejection email about some artwork I submitted, I thought they would probably reject me, but you gotta try innit?

Anyway, they ended the email with "We look forward to working with you in the future", which makes me kinda confused. Are they just being polite, coz I figure that's what they mean to be. I'd just rather they hadn't said that.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 2 March 2004 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

four years pass...

i seem to have kept all of them, and there are a LOT. mostly for shitty jobs in publishing, but there are some real gems. also a postcard from a dude who is now a controversial editor of a national news magazine.

not having kept a diary, i am glad i have kept all this shit, also bank statements. some of us can't afford madeleines.

― meme economist (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 26 February 2009 09:25 (seventeen years ago)

GF's dad used to hit up a bar in Vegas on Writer's Night when rejection letters were drink tickets.

There's got to be one of those in this fuckin town

― its gotta be HOOSy para steen (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Thursday, 26 February 2009 09:34 (seventeen years ago)

BIG BROOS aka the springsteener

― meme economist (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 26 February 2009 09:35 (seventeen years ago)

Haha.

― David Bentley: Rhythm Ace (Matt DC), Thursday, 26 February 2009 09:36 (seventeen years ago)

five months pass...

lol

― ♀ + ♂ + ♋ = ☿ (Lamp), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 00:53 (sixteen years ago)

fat letter good
thin letter bad

― chillbigail ate a chill banana (Abbott), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 00:53 (sixteen years ago)

terse v/m the worst

― ♀ + ♂ + ♋ = ☿ (Lamp), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 00:54 (sixteen years ago)

much prefer it when they don't send you anything at all (as is the case in Hong Kong)

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 00:58 (sixteen years ago)

haha well i spent months and months worken on this sat through endless interminable meetings made changes and then redid those changes two weeks l8r. kinda new like three weeks ago that they werent going to go with our idea and at least i got some money out of it but that was three months of my lyfe, right there.

― ♀ + ♂ + ♋ = ☿ (Lamp), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 01:00 (sixteen years ago)

five months pass...

http://mmimageslarge.moviemail-online.co.uk/MillersCrossing3.jpg

― free the charmless but occasionally brilliant Dom Passantino (history mayne), Tuesday, 12 January 2010 19:35 (sixteen years ago)

ugh, just starting to write these, my least favorite part of the year

rather than expressing problems with the work, I like to point out things I do like--usually goes over well, get a high percentage of responses

― autotuna fish (Tape Store), Tuesday, 12 January 2010 20:07 (sixteen years ago)

we writers, known for our thick skins, welcome constructive criticism.

― free the charmless but occasionally brilliant Dom Passantino (history mayne), Tuesday, 12 January 2010 22:15 (sixteen years ago)

four years pass...

Script rejection letter from the 1920's.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BiR8CZxIEAA13wi.jpg

― xelab, Sunday, 9 March 2014 16:04 (twelve years ago)

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