Post stories about your most annoying coworker

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Mine is no contest.

She: mid-40s, white, quasi goody two-shoes, religious, sexless, caring, possessing of one of the most annoying shrill, nasal Midwestern accents ever heard (and not even a good accent a la Wisconsin/Minnesota/Dakotas).

The problem with her boils down to 2 things: One is that her cubicle is situated a mere five feet from my own; the other is that she has fuck all happening in her own life, so she ends up subjecting everyone that she interacts with (co-workers, clients, friends, the lady that waters the plants, etc.) with THE MOST HORRIBLY MUNDANE details of her incredibly dull life. It wouldn't be so bad if my cube weren't within earshot of her, but it is. So, not only do I get to hear about her "interesting" forays going out to lunch (today she got delayed because they had the bridge over the Chicago River raised to let boaters through!!!) directly from her, but I also get to hear her talk about this same incredibly fucking dull and uninteresting tidbit with the next several people she talks to on the phone (or with other co-workers who weren't around when she told me the first time). I am not exaggerating when I say that my knowledge of dollar-off coupons, my co-worker's difficulties in receiving packages from UPS, my co-worker's cat's digestive problems and other such thrilling topics will never be exceeded by any other living human being, thanks to her.

She also routinely derails all sorts of other conversations among my co-workers by interjecting whatever tangential bits she can.

Example...

Joe: So, Kevin, did you happen to see the construction being done on Lower Wacker?

Kevin: No, what are they doing?

Annoying co-worker: I walked by that 3 weeks ago when my aunt and cousin were in town. You know, we were on our way to the flower show in the Tribune Building, and it was really funny, they had the steps blocked going up to Upper Wacker, so we ended up having to walk all the way to Wabash to get upstairs, and then by the time we got upstairs, we noticed a sale on wicker baskets at Walgreen's...

By this point, everyone else involved is trying desperately to show just enough disinterest to get her to shut up. Sometimes everyone just starts picking up their phone to call someone, anyone to give her the fucking hint that she is an oxygen-thieving bore.

Oh, but there's more.

There's the conversational quirks that I've been laser-focusing on the past few months (since I have to hear her gossipy so-I-sez-to-Mabel voice 8 hours a day).

One is to constantly pepper her boring stories with "You know what I mean?" Like, constantly prodding the person on the other end of the phone with this, as if comprehending normal conversation is something that is beyond these folks, and she just wants to make sure they're keeping up with her.

Another is to string along her dull, monotonous sentences with "So..................anyways..........................." before the next flaccid thought pops into her head.

And then there's "and this and that," gotta like that one, too. Makes her sound like the spinster gossiping over the wooden fence.

And lastly, when she gets rolling on a really stupid topic, she actually does a big belly laugh before embarking on it. Like, "(Belly laugh) Oh man, that reminds me of this puddle I almost stepped in on my way to the bus stop this morning. See, I had gone to the alley to throw my trash, and I thought I'd cut through the walkway in the next door neighbor's building to get to the street..."

I'm in hell. For real. Any tips, besides quitting? (Can't do that -- I need the dough.)

― Baked Bean Teeth (Baked Bean Teeth), Friday, 9 May 2003 03:14 (twenty-three years ago)

looks like someone has a case of the 'mun-days'.

― piscesboy, Friday, 9 May 2003 08:12 (twenty-three years ago)

All of my coworkers are lovely cos I sack the ones who annoy me.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 9 May 2003 09:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Ok not a co-worker but it's kind of the same thing.

This dude in our class who is a kind of organisation sentinel, he is involved in pretty much everything in the college and more power to him for that really. He gets lots of abuse because he has ABSOLUTELY no people skills whatsoever, I reckon he could get a room of people on E to think he wasn't a nice guy in about 5 seconds.

This morning for example, I was sitting at the computer and my headphones got pulled off my ears and he was like "HELLO" (he talks very loudly). So he begins to ask me about the forthcoming exams and what topics are this and that, basically stuff which I have no fucking idea about.

I mean he knows it already, I don't have a clue, I pass and do ok but it's always the most minute detail with him.

The worst part is he talks so loudly and makes so many embarassing jokes at which you have to laugh, and also he repeats things about ten times.

For example

Mr K (not Kilian):Did you notice the economics paper has been the same for the past 3 years? THE SAME! FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS!

Ronan:.....yeah I well...

Mr K:SO I FIGURE IT WILL BE THE SAME THIS YEAR, *nasal laugh*, hahahaha, it's been the same for the past 3 years, the first question harks back to 1957 when economics was first introduced to colleges in Ireland, at the time there was some debate about whether it was a necessary career skill but......

Ronan:er....ok that's great

Mr K:The second question will be about the consequences of unemployment as discussed in that book in the library with code x287382738217, the one located near the door.

Ronan: okthanksthatsgreat *puts on headphones rapidly*

What a nightmare!

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 9 May 2003 09:54 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread saddens me. Because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am THAT PERSON in my office.

― kate, Friday, 9 May 2003 09:57 (twenty-three years ago)

My most annoying coworker is 33, she was in some pop band, and she's always blabbing on and on about Julian Casablanca's ass. Gimme a break!

― NA. (Nick A.), Friday, 9 May 2003 11:19 (twenty-three years ago)

You assume that I am exactly like I am IRL/on ILX as I am at work.

More like "there's this annoying woman at work, she never talks to anyone else, she mutters to herself all the time with headphones on, except for the times when she spontaneously mysteriously bursts out laughing (do you think she's mentally ill?) - she's always on the internet whenever I walk by, she's constantly bad-tempered but no one will do anything about her attitude because they say the department couldn't run without her. She's got NO team spirit, she never comes to the pub with us, and she jets out of work at 5.30 regardless of whether she's finished her work or not, even though the rest of us are clearly still sitting here slogging away. And she's freaking WEIRD!!! What's wrong with this chick?"

Come on. Admit it, you'd complain about me, too.

― kate, Friday, 9 May 2003 12:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate, you sound like me.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:09 (twenty-three years ago)

My coworkers just like to talk about how dumb liberals are and how great the SUV tax relief is.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:15 (twenty-three years ago)

my co-workers are all women. all they talk about all day is weddings, three of them are getting married in 3 months.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Sarah, just watch all hell break loose when you call these people libertarians. Reminds me of the suburban legend of the candidate whose opponent tried to slur him to the constituency nings by saying his sister had thespian tendencies.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:22 (twenty-three years ago)

My real most annoying coworker is weird, because half the time, she's perfectly normal and fine to work with. That's when the boss isn't around. But when the boss comes into the office, she turns into Obnoxious Sycophant Monster, laughing her shrill fake office laugh at his stupid jokes and jumping in to volunteer for more work than she could ever possibly do, generally making me look bad. Whatever. I WISH I worked with Kate.

― NA. (Nick A.), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Most of my co-workers aren't that annoying, unbelievably, except for one woman who clearly has a problem with sugar or something. She bursts out laughing at any minute, is a complete prima donna, and in general is a pain. Thankfully I don't work for her.

― hstencil, Friday, 9 May 2003 12:41 (twenty-three years ago)

one of the girls voices here is fucking terrible. and she is beyond loud. im going to staple her lips shut.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:43 (twenty-three years ago)

My most annoying co-worker actually works in the office next door to ours, but she comes in our building all the time to try to get business (she works for a law firm and we sell real estate). Her excuse is that her brother works in our office so of course she can just be here all the time begging everyone to send her a closing. Whenever she sees me, she says, "Hey, sexpot!" or "Hey, you sexy thing you! Don't you look hot today???" But I know she just wants to butter me up because my boss is top producer in the office. I don't have anything against blondes, but this lady is the perfect example of the dumb blonde look. And she still uses gook in her permed hair. Blech!

― Sarah MCLusky (coco), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:46 (twenty-three years ago)

HOW AM I TO CHOOSE WHO IS THE MOST ANNOYING??? The slapping guy has been usurped by the guy who wanders around--apparently with no job to do--talking about sports, making small chat, and wondering VERY loudly "Why isn't there any coffee? Is the coffee made? Oh, wouldn't everyone like coffee?" I've actually asked him if he does that in his house, to his wife--oh wait, she's a trophy wife, she has nothing better to do all day, you bought her, I forgot.

The problem is, one of the underlings in his department (ostensibly tax though I have no indications that this man actually does any tax work at all, and doesn't just chat about golf and the Mets for 8 hours a day) is this borderline insane woman. She is like the poster girl for Valiums, she is so preternaturally cheerful and "pleasant" in that strange passive agressive way. She refers to him as "her Marky"--THIS IS A 40 YEAR OLD MAN FOR FUCK'S SAKE--and brings him coffee and cookies and gets pissed off that his secretary refused to do the same, and then bow and smile at him, saying, "Coffee's ready, Marky!" I'M SO NOT MAKING THIS UP.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe she takes Soma. But then she'd probably look cool in a Barbarella sort of way.

WE have an automatic coffee maker here so no one can say that crap.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 9 May 2003 12:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe she's had a lobotomy.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 9 May 2003 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Every time this one woman says "I just wanted to touch base with you" on the phone a little part of me dies inside.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 May 2003 13:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Annoying co-workers? I think this morning proved that mine is a bitch on wheels. She thinks she runs the place but she doesn’t, only problem being my boss (who is actually quite nice and likeable as far as bosses go) is her bosom buddy, so if you piss her off, you piss off the boss. I managed to piss her off, joy oh joys.
Last week she had one of her bizarre temper tantrums (she has about 40 a day, most of which are over totally trivial stuff like the printer being out of paper, she huffs and swears under her breath, slams things around and flounces out to get some…you get the idea) but this time it was directed at me, I was having a bitch of a day and in no mood so….

Me - Annoying co-worker are you angry with me?
Her - Well actually yes because, blah blah blah blah, ridiculous rubbish, blah blah blah
Me - Oh, I see, then don’t you think it would be better if you just told me that you were annoyed?
Her – Eh? What?
Me – Well, I’m right here, in front of you, if you have a problem perhaps we should discuss it.
Her – Blah blah rant rant
Me – No really, it’d be a lot easier, I’m right here, just tell me, don’t flounce off in a huff
Annoying co-worker – I did not flounce! Blah blah rant.
I gave up.

So this morning, before the boss gets in I was checking my email when she comes over and shouts

“You know the boss doesn’t like us to do personal stuff when she isn’t here and I’m not working while you do personal emails”
I shrug my shoulders and log out - I’m like, yeah ok, yeah (it’s easier not to antagonise her)
She disappears

Next thing the boss arrives and summons me to her office – she’d been waiting at the front door for her! I get reprimanded for wasting company time etc etc and told that annoying co-worker’s had to be sent from the office to calm down because she’s so angry at me – she’s not even my boss!!!!!!
The boss has asked me to apologise to annoying co-worker. For what?! I will be civil and professional but I aint apologising to that woman, she’s mental!

As you can see, I’ve not learned my lesson with the company time/internet thing….

― smee (smee), Friday, 9 May 2003 13:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Stories like this are making me so freaking glad I am where I am with two people I get along with perfectly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Posts like that are making me so freaking sad I am where I am with people who want to fire me.

― hstencil, Friday, 9 May 2003 14:12 (twenty-three years ago)

ronan.
yr friend as aspergers.

― anthony easton (anthony), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)

My co-workers are absolutely fine. There are one or two (in a department of over 30) whose work I'm not entirely happy with, but even they aren't bad people, nor incompetent. Best colleagues I've ever had, easily.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 9 May 2003 18:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Ok I rule this thread; I have a big long .txt file abt a woman who has annoyed me since I started here 3 yrs ago. I'll try to cut it down and post some of it.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:14 (twenty-three years ago)

ok here's a little taste (I wrote down everything I could when my friends got sick of me bitching abt here daily):

Once, after she had dropped something off at my desk, I noticed she was still standing there after ten or fifteen seconds--reading my email over my shoulder! "Read your own gotdam email" I barked. She squeaked some kind of apology and ran (yes, ran) away to her cube. She came back, maybe fifteen minutes later, not exactly apologizing, but saying that it "was an accident," which I didn't accept. Then she said I should forgive her (she didn't say "I'm sorry," mind) because "you know, all men are jerks." I didn't accept that either, and she looked increasingly nervous that her jokes weren't working. She then said that it "was okay" because she always tells me how "smart and young and cute" I am, and it all "balanced out, like karma."

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:18 (twenty-three years ago)

here = her

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Every time this one woman says "I just wanted to touch base with you" on the phone a little part of me dies inside.

My mom used to say this to me whenever she called, until I told her it made me feel like a client rather than a son.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:22 (twenty-three years ago)

My boss, who is white, asked a black subordinate if her family considered her "uppity" because she had a job.

This is the same woman who chanted "the Nazis lost, the nazis lost!," and danced around office when the Democrats swept the city elections. Equal opportunity obnoxiousness.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:57 (twenty-three years ago)

I only see coworkers once every 1-2 months if that.
but
when I was a busdriver in college, there was this busdriver named RawDog (I think his name was Jimmy) who smelled unbelievably bad. Like, I have a high tolerance for lots of bad/weird things but THIS was baaaaddd. When his parents visited they took all his clothes and threw them away. Anyway, you always knew when he had just driven a bus because someone (the relief driver) would call on the radio 2 minutes later asking base to bring them out some Lysol. We had to start keeping cans of Lysol in the office. I once drove after him and basically had to drive with my head out the window. But even worse was that he was severely depressed so no one would tell him that he smelled bad.

― Carey (Carey), Friday, 9 May 2003 20:26 (twenty-three years ago)

eleven months pass...

I hate my coworker D.

She just went to the printer and was like, "I don't understand what it is with people leaving their papers up here! It messes everything up. Why can't people just get their stuff on the printer?" This went on for a while "people" this, "people" that. I went over that afterwards and everything was mine AND had my name on it. I had printed it all out in the past 5 minutes.

She usually - at most - has ONE piece of paper in her fucking To Do box. I never see her actually working.

Forgive me for letting MY papers get in your way, BEEEEEOTTTTCHHH!!!!

I'm going to slap her one day.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

My neighbor is crunching something again right now... I'm starting to think it's an apple. (Same sound every day between 2:30 and 3:30.) But it might be celery. Anyway, it's fucking loud and it takes her forever to finish. And I think it's the sound I hate the most. Other than that, I hardly notice anyone around here.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Or maybe it's apple, followed by carrots. That may be why I could never figure it out. Of course! How could I be so foolish! She's eating all kinds of shit over there! Ya know, it also bugs me that people can't go 3 hours without eating.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Yesterday, a coworker who REALLY should know better started a deeply inappropriate conversation about the first time he encountered the phrase "cooning out" and his subsequent discovery that it was a racial slur when he used it in another conversation. He then started asking what its origins were and wanted to figure out exactly what it meant.

I actually like this coworker, which is why he is not currently attempting to stuff his intestines back into the gaping cavity in his gut.

― NO GOOGLE (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

why does black people never want to coon out?

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Since I just started working again-ah, I haven't had time to hate anyone yet, but I did get into a tiff last night with a customer who didn't believe me when I told him Adidas was NOT a figure in Greek mythology. I told him twice (nickname of founder, et bledin' cetera) and he still went over to Mythology, stood there for a second, and then flounced out. Punk bitch

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm driven crazy by the "conversation burglar" in our department. if you attempt to talk to someone else in our cube area, the conversation burlgars' ears perk up. he'll strike when you always expect it, just as you thought you were going to have a conversation without his uninvited prescence. then, blam! he's jumped right into your conversatin regardless of whether or not he has any idea what it is you were talking about.

not only that, he also just talks out loud to nobody in particular and will continue to do so until someone begrudingly turns around to ask him what he's talking about. ugh.

lastly, he'll even overstep our manager - if a co-worker asks our manager for help, the conversation burglar will get up out of his seat and rush over to help the person. it's incredible. i can't believe this guy.

― metfigga (metfigga), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I will be scot-free of MMACW in just a little under a month; finally interviewed with another area of my company with offices in the 'burbs instead of downtown.

I feel like FAPing right at my cubicle right now...

― Baked Bean Teeth (Baked Bean Teeth), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Me too, Baked Bean. The FAPing at the cubicle bit anyway...

I'm glad I revived this thread. :-D

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I work with one guy who seems to think he's a spokesman for every product we sell (at a major retail store I will not name but hint at). When you question the product as an aside, even with no customers around before work starts, he looks at you like you committed heresy.

I think the guy actually thinks he's changing the face of America by working in a media department.

― uh (eetface), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

another guy, too, though he's pretty cool, has this annoying habit of reading the paper to himself, and every so often, very loudly laughing at the article and saying "WOW, THAT SURE IS FUNNY", just so somebody will ask:

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

― uh (eetface), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm driven crazy by the "conversation burglar" in our department.

I can't help picturing a short guy in a cubicle dressed like the hamburgler and peering furtively out from behind his computer monitor every time anybody else in the office is talking.

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been putting up with the ultimate dog turd piece of shit for more than five years now. It's a foul smelly creature that thinks it's god's gift to women. It butts in on, and takes over, every conversation within a 30m radius. It's a smartarse who always knows everything. It can't talk like a human being, preferring to squelch and squeak its way along the road of speech, embarrassing everyone but itself. It has the written skills of cheesecake. It takes control of projects it has no idea about, destroys them with its lasting dickhead power, and somehow remains oblivious to the dire consequences. It takes a good 40 minutes to 'arks' a simple 'queshtion'. It takes roughly an hour to walk [read: blob] from one side of the floor to the other. And every time I move departments, it moves departments. It follows me. I want it dead.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 7 May 2004 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Rush Limbaugh's pusher reveals all

― Nate in ST.P (natedetritus), Friday, 7 May 2004 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

i had to ask my boss this morning to: "please refrain from playing with your balls when speaking to me¡"

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Ha ha. I just realized that I've posted about one coworker upthread on another thread too - about a very similar thing that happened more recently!

Anyway, same coworker likes to look at my computer screen as she walks by. If she sees anything remotely colorful on my screen she'll say, "That looks nice, Sarah, buy me one!" really loudly or, "Having fun shopping, Sarah?!" And if I'm emailing or ILXing she leans in extra close to try to read the screen. Shoo, fly, shoo!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

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