Is This A Question?

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And other exam questions which are rumoured to come up, along with their correct answer. (The correct answer to "Is This A Question? as a fule will know is "Yes" - and not the poncey "If this is an answer" which someone in a a PG Wodehouse book wrote and got a double first for).

So fatuous questions, especially in philsophy, or one word answers...

― Pete, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In my final exams on a functionless page in the back of the exam paper itself they had to print BLANK PAGE. Oh but it isnt a blank page it says blank page on it see? Yes I see, each time some hilarious soul points it out. These are the things I think about too much, like theres a Jewellers next door to here that says "ears pierced while you wait". I mean what the fuck else could you do. And the elevator here is made by "Schindlers Lifts". I pointed this out and noone laughed.

― Ronan, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I remember being in the main concert hall at Princeton and seeing two signs on the on-stage piano that read "DO NOT PUT ANYTHING ON THIS PIANO". Being an easily amused smart-ass, I wrote "EXCEPT THIS SIGN" on one of them and "EXCEPT THIS SIGN AND THE OTHER ONE" on the other. Naturally, only I appreciated the humor; someone had the nerve to berate me for vandalism, as if writing something silly on an 8.5X11 piece of paper using a pencil was going to get us thrown off the campus or something...

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ah, Schindlers Lifts. There's a couple in the Barbican - always makes me smile. Similar elevonic japes can be had went reporting a fault in the other major UK lift manufacturer. RIng their main Reading depot and you have the joy of hearing "Hello, Otis Reading."

To which you must reply - "Aren't you dead?"

― Pete, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pete lie alert! Pete lie alert!

(I'm sure you are all wise to him by now but just in case.....)

― Emma, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Otis you know you're such a shit call centre employee, if you'd just try a little tenderness you might make some sales. (that was otis redding wasnt it, otherwise my joke falls on its face) There was a guy in my class called Jim Morrison, trendy English teacher on the first day "Right Jim you're in charge of the doors for the year".

― Ronan, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A disc-like object, once favoured by the Greeks, thrown in athletics competitions. Discus.

― Will McKenzie, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan, I think you've got some competition here.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

don't forget Pete, that Seimens are based in Staines

― cabbage, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Not a question as such, but I heard about somebody at an Oxbridge interview being given a piece of paper and told to do something with it. He sets fire to the paper, drops it in the bin and gets an unconditional offer. This is probably not a true story.

― Madchen, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

when i were wee and read "19" magazine, there was a letter in the agony aunt pages. it basically said "i slept with a boy and in the morning picked my pants up from the floor, thought 'euugh! there's a horrid skid mark! these can't be my pants!', picked the other pair of pants up, and carrie don in my merry way.

"later on i took a close look at these pants and discovered they WERE NOT MINE."

i.e. the skid-marked pants were hers, just in case you've fallen asleep by now like Ricky T has.

the letter was signed "Kirsty, Staines."

a lie? i think so.

PS i don't know what this thread is about. people were talking about pants and stains and i have consumed wine. i thank you.

― katie, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Clearly, if we parse a gendered post-distopic rubric through the paradigm of indeterminated selfhood by juxtaposition of the translateral other.

― Prude, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I mean, "Duh!"

― Prude, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I always thought duh should be dah.

― Mr Noodles, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That story about 19 magazine is disgusting. I mean really disgusdting

― Ronan, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A guy I had to ring at work a few weeks ago, Tom Kettle, and he lives in a town called Boyle

― Ronan, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Favourite alleged exam question / response anecdote, variously reported to be a posh high school entry exam or scholarship essay or a philosophy finals paper or god knows what else: "What is courage?" / "This is," result = scholarship or first or distinction or whatever depending on particular version of story you here.

That 19 letter = classic, because it has so many different layers of improbable implications of social unacceptability, eg not only the stain but also the fact that her chosen bloke's underwear was similar enough to hers that it required a closer look to work out that she was wearing his. OK, I've forgotten the others, but I could think of more earlier. Am labouring obvious points anyway. Uhm. Anyway. Excuse me, I just have to go and top up my caffeine levels before I start to wonder why the hell I'm writing all this drivel.

― Rebecca, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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