What is the most outrageous lie you have ever got away with telling?

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Picture the scene - it is 1.30am on Saturday night in a very crowded and not particularly good Canterbury nightspot. Matt DC is fairly drunk and sitting chatting to a young Finnish lady he will, ultimately, miserably fail to get off with, largely but not entirely due to presence of boyfriend. But at this point things are going well.

Doe Eyed Finnish Girl - So, what is it you do again?

Drunk Matt DC (slight pause for mind reeling because past experience has shown that "I write about real estate for a living" is not particularly sexy) - "At the moment, I'm helping to produce the next REM album."

DEFG (excitedly and without a hint of irony) - "Wow, that must be so cool. Are you spending much time in America then?"

DMDC - "No, they're recording it in London at the moment, I'm just helping with the mixing and stuff. I don't get to do much travelling at the moment, although when I worked on the last Madonna album I spent a couple of months in Paris with Mirwais?"

DEFG - "Who?"

What's the most ridiculous lie you have ever told, and convinced someone of its truth?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 January 2004 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Baran to thread, obviously!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 January 2004 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

doe eyed humouring finnish girl

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I've pretended to be Irish on several occassions. Even my shaky grasp of Irish politics didn't let me down.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:01 (twenty-two years ago)

dats oitrageous!

― genuinely oirish stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't remember why, but in high school i told a friend that i was good friends with harry connick jr. we'd supposedly met at the bastille day parade in paris, he was standing near me and heard me speaking english and came over to talk to us. after we got talking, he invited us to dinner at the rooftop restaurant at the ritz. it was really fun and he knew so many people when we went out dancing. i'm sure we would have been dating, except that he was married to a victoria's secret model and i was only 16.

i thought this was so obviously not true that i didn't bother saying i was joking. years later, he asked after harry. i didn't even remember what he was talking about. after reminding me, i had to say 'dan, i was completely making that up and it is so farfetched that i can't believe you believed me'

of course, dan was someone that went around our high school telling people that 'people' said he looked just like snow. in a bragging way.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I am useless at lying usually, but something about this kind of lying appeals to me because I didn't have the slightest expectation that it would be taken seriously. Usually you get called out on these things, but when I meet peopple I used to know from 6th form college I do occasionally get asked if I really fathered a child in Peru.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I ran our university magazine down in Bournemouth for a year. To try and give Bourneouth a sexy image I came up with this 'fact': Bournemouth has more nightclubs than the west end of London. It didn't, it had about 5.

The Tourist Office picked up on this, didn't bother to think about checking it and began using it in their material. I've seen it said on the tv news and in several national newspapers since.

I am proud of my deception.

― MikeyG (MikeyG), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

i wish i could lie, it seems like such fun. damn you Gepetto.

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Bournemouth has more nightclubs than the west end of London

oh my god, i totally believed this for about 6 months, hahaha. my manager told me so i figured it must be true...

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

er that was back in '95 when i worked in Iceland

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Bloody hell a friend of mine applied for Bournemouth University purely on the basis of that lie! She got in, but didn't go in the end.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

that there really is a place called kalamazoo.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

(nobody has noticed my outrageous 'worked IN Iceland' lie yet)

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I pretended that a lead disc I had made with (poor) use of the lost wax technique was actually a Roman coin discovered by me in the school grounds.

Come to think of it I didn't really get away with that.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:17 (twenty-two years ago)

We were talking about Bournemouth being really cool yesterday, I hope this wasn't based on your big fat porky!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Bournemouth has great MAs, particularily in photography.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh I also managed to convince people that Mick Hucknall was my uncle.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it is more than probably that you worked in a Freezer store Steve.

Um. I work in a sewage farm. That's quite good. The time the pulled one of my eyes out and made it look directly in the other one, that's quite good. I'm was the EU beef commisioner last year when I was in Brussles. Claire Short stole my taxi once. Being Elliot Smith's manager (that one back-fired when Elliot Msith's manager turned up. Eggs on his face now, eh).

Plenty more I daresay.

Anna, are all your lies hair based?

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

that i used to do interpretive dance as a kid until i got beat up for wearing leg warmers on the city bus. for some reason i tell this one a lot.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

My friend Jennifer pretended to a roomful of industry types that i was Guy from Elbow at SXSW in 2002... i don't look like Guy anybit whatsoever, but we were very drunk and gatecrashing a party at the Four Seasons, and she introduced me to all sorts of lawyers and A&R peeps, saying i was looking for a label in the US and needed advice. "I just don't wanna sell out" i would murmur, in a rilly rilly bad cod-Manc accent. It backfired a little when a couple of these dudes turned out to be Elbow fans and wanted to tell me how much they loved my album.

― stevie (stevie), Monday, 26 January 2004 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I've heard that Bournemouth 'fact' too! I am very impressed. Maybe I thought it was per sq mile or something.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Or maybe it's a lie in itself!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

That's what I'm wondering.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

hmmm!

― InspectaPink (Pinkpanther), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

My lie is true.

Bournemouth is a cracking place, by the way.

― MikeyG (MikeyG), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I went there for a stag weekend and it seemed nice enough. It reminded me of being in Germany in summer, although I've never been there. I liked the mini golf best. The club we went to was appalling, but that was probably our fault. It seemed like there were more than five.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

apparently the "Birmingham has more miles of canals than Venice" thing is a lie too.

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

My entire world view is collapsing!

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Hull has more attractive blonde ladies than the whole of Sweden.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

My lie is true.

If I were a computer in a sci fi drama, I'd be sparking, emitting clouds of smoke and crashing right now, right?

― the river fleet, Monday, 26 January 2004 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Saying I am Irish is nothing to do with hair! Racialist.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Bournemouth - The lie was lied in about 1994.

Odd that so many of you should have heard it.

― MikeyG (MikeyG), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

It was broadcast over loudspeakers in the Arrivals lounge!

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

but why did you say you were Irish? i assumed because someone asked if you were, perhaps then complimenting you on your 'frog'

i now wonder if the 'St Albans having more pubs per square mile than anywhere else at all or something' statement is true

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was in fourth grade I used to lie to my classmates that I was really rich and had a pet horseshoe crab that lived in my basement.

Also, once when my sister was very young our mother had gone to the store for a few minutes, and my sister woke up from a nap asking where mommy was. I said, "mommy got flushed down the toilet" and she started bawling uncontrollably. I could really be a mean bastard when I wanted.

Another time I was walking around the neighborhood with some friends and we came across a smashed up audio cassete tape on the side of the road. I picked up some of the strands of tape, pretending to inspect them and said, "look you can see the musical notes"! They grabbed the tape and started looking for the notes and I pointed and laughed at them for being so gullible. Of course they were not pleased.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Funny, cause I heard the "St.Albans Rumour" about Rugby!

― the river fleet, Monday, 26 January 2004 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Once at a college-kid party somebody asked what my major was, and rather than tell them I had just dropped out for the third and final time, I told them I was a philosophy major. It wasn't that hard to fake, seeing as I was incredibly high and rambling that night to begin with.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

seeing as I was incredibly high and rambling that night to begin with.

Shocka ; )

he frog bloke just had good eyesight (was staring at my tits), I was actually wearing a frog-shaped broach.

Look, I'm never going to be able to pull of being Spanish or Greek or something because I'm too fair. I've also pretended to be Canadian though. (I was in Ireland at the time)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I told my Peruvian girlfriend I was 26 and an Economics Professor. I was 31. She was 21. Damn cute too. Her, I mean.

― MikeyG (MikeyG), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I've used that Bournemouth Lie on here before, in a previous outrageous lies thread. Obviously it was appropriated from G-man.

yes G and now tell us how old you told your current Mrs you were when she first asked.

― chris (chris), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Hee hee, i got this whole internet board to believe i was a 27 year old gurl who liked kicks & kittens! hee hee!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

and the number of pubs per square mile lie is told about probably ten different towns in Britain (Chesterfield being among them)

― chris (chris), Monday, 26 January 2004 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Everywhere you come into contact with gets infected with lies, chris.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I like you N.

― chris (chris), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to tell my ex's little brother all sorts of shit about science and geography and wotnot. I nearly had him convinced that I'd spent two years training to be an army ninja once too. He was only 10.

― Llahtuos Kcin (Nick Southall), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Pete have you made ANY new lies up in the past two and a half years?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I had a dalliance with a girl who claimed James wrote the song Come Home about her. Didn't believe a word of it, but I thought I'd go along with it to get into her pants. She didn't let me though. AND I paid for dinner.

― MikeyG (MikeyG), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, but I'm not telling you because that would stop the getting away with telling bit.

I lie a lot less that I usta mind.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

the thing is, having lived in St Albans for a couple of years, i can totally believe it about the pub ratio

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Steve, are you or have you ever been a teacher, or is that why they kicked you out of St Albans. SA also has one of the four hundred "Genuine Oldest Pub In Britain"'s

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

And a natty abbey.

― MikeyG (MikeyG), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

'i'm sort of seeing someone'

(not recently, settle down, i know you all like my boy and everything)

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh on another thread I said how I lied to my sister that buying or reading Just Seventeen was illegal if you were under that age.

I heard that York has 365 pubs one for every day of the year. I wonder if that is a lie too.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Nobhead in my office reckons Tottenham will qualify for Europe this season. That's a future lie.

― MikeyG (MikeyG), Monday, 26 January 2004 15:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Or maybe St.Albans is pubs per square mile while Rugby is pubs per population. I've had lunch in several of those "oldest pubs" there's three in a row. "Oldest Pub in England" then "Oldest Pub in Britain" then "Oldest Pub On The Block". ;-)

― the river fleet, Monday, 26 January 2004 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

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