What is the rubbishest theme park you've ever been to?

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I was reading the best beach thread and the talk of Bournemouth reminded me of being small and having fun times at Tucktonia (with which I know Cabbage is familiar and probably also Mikey). Situated in the south coast hotspot of Tuckton (do you see?) it looked like it had been built on a car park and had a shitty little model village, a shitty little model train and big heaps of litter everywhere. My parents complained heartily about the expense (you had to pay for each ride separately), the smell of burger van and the likely criminal intentions of the youths hanging about the gates but each time we drove past we begged and begged to go so in the end they relented. I think we managed two rides before we were dragged back to the caravan site for tea.

I can't think of anywhere further removed from Disneyland. Can you?

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:19 (twenty-two years ago)

WOBBIES WORLD

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I always thought Thorpe Park was rubbish. It just happened to be close. Now, legoland has been built which is nice for the kids, but they had to close down Windsor Safari Park to do it...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:22 (twenty-two years ago)

it's gone now :o( Tucktonia that is

― chris (chris), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Chessington would be the most rubbish theme park if it wasn't for the zoo there. Take away those animals & it certainly isn't worth negotiationg the m25 for! Alton Towers still rocks as the best theme park I've ever been to.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Paulton's Park is very good. But then, that's not what this thread is for, yeah?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Thorpe Park was near me too. I thought it was great, because I had also been to Tucktonia and ridden the Flying Mouse at Littlehampton (rollercoasters with a loop of seat belting to hold you in, remember them?) Chessington is even better than Thorpe Park. C'mon, you can do rubbisher than this.

Jim, I have a feeling you are on the right track with Wobbie's World, please describe.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Neverland. Worst summer EVER.

― LC, Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

London.

xpost.
LC - hahahahahahahahahaha

― hmmm (hmmm), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

wobbies world is hard to explain... it professed to be the greatest theme park around but in reality consisted of a water slide and mini golf. it defined crappy. it resided in a suburb called "nunawading". typical australian half-assedness.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Pleasurewood Hills, Great Yarmouth - but I quite enjoyed it at the time. Maybe Alton Towers, because I was too scared to go on the Corkscrew and then it rained and they closed the park early, bastards. I went to Chessington before they built all the cool stuff.

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Dreamland Margate OWNZ this thread.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:31 (twenty-two years ago)

There is a "Digger World" up north where kids can dig with mini JCB's and such. But not been, so cannot comment.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Dreamland Margate OWNZ this thread

Is that the same as Bembom Brothers?

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, but Dreamland Margate is now an Arts Centre. (or at least their electricity substation is...)

Is that, like the "my bank is now a trendy winebar" of listed buildings?

― Super-Kate (kate), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Camelot owns this thread. It's bobbins. Worst date I ever went on was there.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Bet the kid loved it though...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:43 (twenty-two years ago)

superbee, however if it was good enough for my morning jacket, I guess it's good enough for me too.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 8 April 2004 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

SOUTH OF THE BORDER

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Or Darien Lake Six Flags in upstate New York. Although I did nearly pass out from the g-force on the Superman rollercoaster, which was kinda cool. The concentration of non-ironic trucker hats, mullets, wife-beater t-shirts was higher there than anywhere else I've been.

Mind you, we had a pretty wicked time.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/images/sc/SCDILsign.jpg

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I heartily second Wobbies World. There's also loads of "theme parks" much like that all up the NSW south coast, such as Birdland, and this thing in Merimbula I cant remember the name of that was just a glorified timezone.

And then there was Canberry Fair. Canberra's halfassed attempt at like, Dreanworld or something. It had a roller coaster. A shit little one, but hey it had one.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Australia OWNZ at shit "fun" parks.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

You lot have clearly never been to Dobwalls.

― Baravelli. (Jake Proudlock), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Butlins Ayr

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Lightwater Valley. Home of the 'Ultimate' - Britains largest pile of kindling. And yes, Butlins in Ayr, though it has now been rechristened Craig Tara.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Thursday, 8 April 2004 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Has it? What is it now? Wasn't it called Wonderwest World or something for a bit?

― smee (smee), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Rainbow's End.
I can't even explain, 'cause it's in New Zealand.
The only others I've been to though are Dream WOrld in OZ (pretty good at the time - when I was a kid - I liked the log flume) and the wonderful Ocean Park in Hong Kong which has a great seaside rollercoaster.
But...Rainbow's End...jeez...and they used to have terrible ads on TV with a theme song sung by men one of whom (worked at the park and) was known to be the son of one of "our" most well-known murderers...somehow it seemed that was something that came to people's minds or conversations when Rainbow's End was concerned, I think that says something about it's rubbishness.

― cuspidorian (cuspidorian), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, I don't think any theme park is truly rubbish if it has a rollercoaster, unless it breaks of course.
http://www.rainbowsend.co.nz/images/re1.gif
Rai Bow?
When I went there many years ago they didn't seem to have enough money to have evrything up, though the tickets were expensive - I shouted my friend from money I earned folding boxes in a factory for a week - we came across some kind of abandoned wheeled jiggamy that was missing it's seat and was just sitting there.

― cuspidorian (cuspidorian), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

It was Wonderwest for a good few years, but Craig Tara makes it sound more grown up, don't you think? I mean if I didn't know better I'd go......

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

So it's still boring old Butlins then? With shows that don't work when it's raining, and it's always raining...

― smee (smee), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was a child I thought garden centres were theme parks - a rumour propagated by my horticulturally minded (and extremely tight) father. Imagine my amazement when I finally made it to Alton Towers.

― Adam Faithless (Adam Faithless), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I was a regular there in my younger years, can still remember every ride. I got whiplash on the Looping Star, the first rollercoater I've ever been on. Bastard thing.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I almost drowned in the "rapids" in the swimming pool.

― smee (smee), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Ohh. Frontierland, Morecambe. Beyond shit.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I think i may have been there...not sure though...says it all really...

― smee (smee), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Garden Centres! I remember stealing money from a wishing well in Cardwell Garden Centre when I was about six. I just materialised beside my mum with wet sleeves and a pocket full of coppers..

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I always knew you were a dodgy sort. Gonna call you the Artful Dodger from now on ;0)

― smee (smee), Thursday, 8 April 2004 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

there are two amusement parks in denver. one is super nice and big and owned by six flags. the other is this sad, forgotten wasteland. but yet I prefer the latter. www.lakesideamusementpark.com - PLEASE GO HERE.

― mandee, Thursday, 8 April 2004 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Flamingo land ownz

― chris (chris), Thursday, 8 April 2004 12:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Mandee, that place definitely qualifies since you need COUPONS to ride the rides.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 8 April 2004 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I was in awe of the "fun" MIDI on the site

― mandee, Thursday, 8 April 2004 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Either here: http://www.bowcraft.com/files/rides.htm

or here: http://www.keansburgamusementpark.com/Default.asp

― mike a, Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

it was in spain cant rememeber name as it was ages ago but it was crap

― Emma williams (Emma williams), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Some crappy little place on the North Carolina/Tennessee border.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

nothing wrong w/ lightwater valley, butlins in ayr or flamingo world.

although, I remember next to nothing about any of them.

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Space Farms in Sussex, NJ. Most ghetto-ass place to bring the kids. I went when I was little and I hated it. I sat on the busted farm equipment, fed goats, and got hives. Oh god, AWFUL.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Kentucky Kingdom. My brother worked there the summer it opened, they had three rides and they all sucked.

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

great song/album name though.

― gygax! (gygax!), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

stuart murdoch worked at butlins ayr.

the setting is nice, but it has a rollercoaster.

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

? to gygax!

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

hstencil and the kentucky kingdom plays the "invasion of thunderbolt pagoda"

― gygax! (gygax!), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd never name anything after that broke-ass low-rent wannabe Kings Island, dude.

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember that that rollercoaster gave me a bruise, the size of my back, on my back.

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

ooh, king's island! they had bright blue soft-serve ice cream because of some merchandising tie-in with smurfs. when i was about 8 or so, i ate one then went on the beast (giant rackety wooden rollercoaster). SMURF PUKE, ew.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 8 April 2004 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Word has it the guy who owned Bembom Bros/Dreamland wanted to close it down and redevelop the land but the wooden scenic railway was listed so he couldn't. So he burned it down.

I have happy memories of the place.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 8 April 2004 21:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I went to Thorpe Park yesterday and it's quite ace now. It was always Chessington's poor neighbour when I were a nipper but now they've got some good stuff. They have the highest log flume I've ever been on and you get seriously soaked on this. I was wet and cold for ages after. They have a Nemisis like at Alton Towers now too, and one of those plunging tower things. Unfortunately the 10 loop uber-coaster was closed but looked next-level ace.

For shitness, the worst I've ever been to is a place near Glasgow called M&B's. It's safety looks questionable to say the least and the idiot who was running the waltzer left me and my sister on it for about half an hour because there was no-one else there. I was so ready to chunder after that.

― Nick H (Nick H), Thursday, 8 April 2004 22:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha, oh god, Space Farm.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 8 April 2004 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually now I think about it Luna Park in Melbourne is pretty bloody shit too.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 8 April 2004 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh man, when I lived in Columbus I swear every couple of weeks you'd hear about another death at King's Island, I'd never go there.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 8 April 2004 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

South of the Border's billboards are the worst in the history of civilization
WORST CHRISTMAS EVER-spent a day at Heritage USA, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker's theme park. My only regret is that I didn't break the bank at Tammy Faye's makeup store. also on the SC/NC border-Carowinds, redeemed 'cause you can be in TWO STATES! at the same time there

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Friday, 9 April 2004 03:27 (twenty-two years ago)

As Frontierland and Margate Dreamland are no longer open, they're pretty much out of the thread.

Six Flags Elitch Gardens is a total pit of crap. I hope it burns to the ground and everyone there, visitors and employees included, perish. Lakeside is so overwhelmingly better, there is no way to possibly describe in words. It is the best nighttime park on *earth*, even more so than Tivoli Gardens in Denmark.

Bowcraft gets a pass because they let me on the kiddie coaster and the place is paved in concrete interlocking pavers. Keansburg has a nifty old school dark ride and some killer bumper cars, so they can live too.

New Pleasurewood Hills might be my guess, though they have a really cool one of a kind coaster and a decent (albeit, formerly portable) drop tower. Camelot works too: the Looping Star that was at Dreamland (and I have no idea where it is now) was from Camelot, where it BURNED DOWN. Amazing, since it is a steel coaster. Also, of the 5 "coasters" there, 3 of them aren't even since they're powered.

― Alan Conceicao, Friday, 9 April 2004 04:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Not a theme park, but --

If you were ever to, for some reason or another, get invited to come down to San Antonio, and someone says, "Hey, this Splashtown looks pretty fun"... talk them out of it. Please. It tries hard to be a Schlitterbahn, and it's not that bad, really, but some of those ladders and slides aren't exactly the sturdiest in the world, and it's so much less fun than Schlitterbahn.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 9 April 2004 04:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, in retrospect, the worst park experience/worst park I've ever been to is Disney Studios Paris. If there was a way to contain radiation to one specified area without contaminating the surroundings, my candidate would be DSP. With Elitch Gardens and Alton Towers running neck and neck with it.

― Alan Conceicao, Friday, 9 April 2004 04:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, Lakeside rules if purely for the neon lights. And you can get in and take a couple of spins on the coaster for about $5.

The new Elitch's is like spending the day in a parking lot, there's about 5 square feet of shade in the entire place.

― David Beckhouse (David Beckhouse), Friday, 9 April 2004 04:36 (twenty-two years ago)

leyland brothers world goes close

a red scale model of ayers rock, a few drugged animals and some native trees

and these geniuses wondered why noone would drive 3 hours from sydney to see it??????

― Billy, Friday, 9 April 2004 04:42 (twenty-two years ago)

links, please, I beg of you

― Nate in ST.P (natedetritus), Friday, 9 April 2004 06:28 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

dreamland was always great when i was a kid always wanted to go but mum and dad said no most of the time and the queues used to be rediculous. am looking for a reasonable priced theme park to take my five year old son to but not having much luck finding anyting thats worth paying for because of his height and the restrictions

― lucy sandwell, Friday, 28 April 2006 12:22 (twenty years ago)

Lucy and her 5-year-old, yesterday:

http://www.4kids.org/backissues/98/4kidsHTML10-11-98/wadlow.jpeg

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 28 April 2006 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Wow, somebody revived one of my threads.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Friday, 28 April 2006 14:50 (twenty years ago)

Hoffman's Playland in upstate NY. Car wash, mini golf, and a few rides (you had to buy tickets). The arcade was halfway decent, though.

― patita (patita), Friday, 28 April 2006 15:00 (twenty years ago)

perhaps it's undergone an upgrade in the last decade, but in '94 (or so), Dollywood was some bootleg shit.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Friday, 28 April 2006 15:09 (twenty years ago)

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