Okay, boys and girls, give your definiton of love

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

I'd like to know. The only girl I ever loved just informed me that she has moved on and has a new boyfriend in her life. So, what is love, help moi?

― Pingu, Monday, 7 June 2004 05:42 (twenty-two years ago)

a social construct

― the surface noise for the sake of noise (electricsound), Monday, 7 June 2004 05:44 (twenty-two years ago)

When the person that you love actually exists, completely and fully. And by that, I mean that they aren't just an avatar which you're projecting your desires upon. That projection can happen with people you're infatuated with, or people you've known/dated/been married to for years... But when you love truly, you are in love with someone that you know inside and out so clearly, that the person you adore and the living breathing article are one and the same.

― love's bitch, Monday, 7 June 2004 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

This is something I've been debating with myself and the person I love for reasons which I may or may not explain fully later.

Love is like architecture. Heh heh. No, really. Love is like a beautiful palace with room for both of you, it's got rose windows and minarets and lovely spacious bathrooms with all mod cons and big bathtubs with hot and cold running affection. But the important part of it is not the pretty bits that look lovely from the outside - the important bits are the 9/10s you don't see or notice - the foundations, the load-bearing walls, the support beams, etc.

The foundations are made up of things like trust, respect, communication, even committment. If you don't have those things, you don't actually have love. You have a pretty shack which is going to fall down and leave you a big painful pile of rubble.

Of course this analogy is meaningless, because love is a verb, not a noun. But it helps me at least.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 07:10 (twenty-two years ago)

being willing to do anything to make someone else happy & have that feeling reciprocated.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Monday, 7 June 2004 07:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I like Kate's definition.

Love is also very comfortable. It gives you the freedom and the confidence to be completely yourself in the presence of the other person without worrying what they'll think - because that stripped-down no-frills essence of your character is what they love. And vice-versa.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 June 2004 07:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, I think that it's important to make the distinction that both of you will do whatever possible to make the *love* (relationship, whichever) work. If you're sacrificing just to make the other person happy, that's not love, that's martyrdom. In real love, you're both willing to do whatever it takes to make the love, the relationship (something that's bigger than the both of you put together) happy. It might sound like semantics, but it's so important.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 07:27 (twenty-two years ago)

love is like oxygen. you get too much, you get too high. not enough and you're going to die.

geez do i just come here to post glam rock lyrics?

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 7 June 2004 07:44 (twenty-two years ago)

and note that kate is OTM?

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 7 June 2004 07:44 (twenty-two years ago)

exclusive caring.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 7 June 2004 07:50 (twenty-two years ago)

This is off-topic, but Pingu, did you use to post to the Snopes messageboard?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:13 (twenty-two years ago)

i think love is about communication & reciprocation. If you can talk to someone about absolutely anything, good or bad, you are definitely onto something. You have no doubt about your love for them, their love for you & your relationship. Your love is completely returned unconditionally & you are happy with your relationship all of the time. Not saying this works for everyone, but it sure works for me.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:23 (twenty-two years ago)

love is when your partner says "gee, do my pits smell?" and you put your nose right in and give a big sniff before giving an honest answer.

deep.

― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:25 (twenty-two years ago)

this all sounds reasonable so far but what about that x-factor, the feeling you get just by seeing their face or just thinking about them when they're not around, tingles/heart-jumping etc. - probably ebbs after time but aren't you 'supposed' to have that at the start at least - is that actually anything to do with love/REAL love or not? is it an unrealistic aim?

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it has everything to do with real love. Sometimes I catch a certain glimpse of J & I am totally knocked by out by him. (not literally, that is not love!) There is, of course, that certain X-factor, but that is very difficult to explain to someone else. All of this 'you just know' business, is spot on, but you can't tell someone else about it.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:30 (twenty-two years ago)

The x-factor is a *part* of love. It's the rose windows or the minarets or something. But the x-factor by itself is not love. That is one the biggest mistakes that you can make.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Second year university, female English Lit. lecturer specialising in feminism; "Love is a contruct of men to enslave women."

Nick; "Haven't you got that backwards?"

I'm somewhere between Jim & Kate. 'Love' as advertised, media-constructed, Valentine's Day, Romantic ideal, songs sung about, films made about, blah blah blah = total social contruct. 'Love' as comfort, acceptance, reciprocation, support, affection, humour, sex, etcetera = real deal.

Bells & whistles is not love.

Several Xs = stevem I'm not sure that exists.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, the x-factor exists alright. Maybe it's attraction or lust or pheremones or what... but what Pink says is so OTM. It's when you catch a glimpse of your beloved out of the corner of your eye and just think... well, not necessarily "phwoar!" but you feel a gushy little feeling insde.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:35 (twenty-two years ago)

For what it's worth, I have always found that the tingling/heart jumping feelings were when I was in lust with someone, rather than in love. Not to say that love doesn't begin with lust of course, but it's a broader and deeper thing. Not as fragile.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:36 (twenty-two years ago)

i think those intial feelings of love & lust can be similar, but when it's love, it's hits you from our of nowhere. I can just sit there staring at my boy & I have this overwhelming feeling of happiness & excitement about what the future holds.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not saying that the x-factor tingle is love! But it is part of love! If you don't have or never had the x-factor, it's not love. Sure, you can have the x-factor and not have love. But if you're still getting that x-tingle after a long time, then it is a part of love.

You can have x-tingle without love.
You cannot have love without x-tingle.

All dachshunds are dogs, but not all dogs are dachsunds.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

ah, ok. so now explain to me a spit-roast?

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:44 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a whole different type of love!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:46 (twenty-two years ago)

When your thingy goes really hard when you see a lovely lady.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:50 (twenty-two years ago)

The nearest I get to the x-tingle is only ever experienced with seeing people I don't know, male or female, generally young (anywhere from 13 to 30, but 16-21 is definitely most usual), often (but not always) couples. It's like... a yearning, to know who they are, to be them, to feel the intense weightlessness of infinite potential laid out in front of them. It doesn't manifest as desire of any physical/sexual kind, just... yearning. The 'love' expressed in music (and not 'love songs' love, the impossible, intangible feeling of love, of awe, of wonder) is often that same kind of yearning, and it's got absolutely sod-all to do with actual real life love as I have experienced it. And thank God, because it's a ridiculous sensation, and never lasts, and isn't predictable.

Xpost - Andrew wins.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"really hard"

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Seems I've managed to shut this thread the fuck up due to being a psycho stalker dude.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:12 (twenty-two years ago)

No, it was Andrew's comment, which is pretty much the direct opposite of how ladies see love, which effectively shut the thread up.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:12 (twenty-two years ago)

ehehehe, possibly.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:13 (twenty-two years ago)

How true is it that "women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex"?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i think alot of women get hurt trying to envoke love through sex.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:14 (twenty-two years ago)

About as true as "All men are dogs."

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Very then, Kate?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess you could say 'all men are dogs' some are cute one that you love, some are stinky ones that you should kick to the curb!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:16 (twenty-two years ago)

as far as dogs go i'm stinky but loveable

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:17 (twenty-two years ago)

No, it just depends on your attitude towards gender and how much you conform to your gender stereotype. The reason that cliches are cliches is because they are so true. But they are not true for all people and even the same people can do different things in different situations.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Indeedy.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Ugh, I mean, the reason that cliches are cliches is because they are OFTEN so true. They are not always true, though, not for all people, and not all of the time.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:19 (twenty-two years ago)

i think it's true that all (or most) people have a nurturing instinct and regardless of whether or not they ever have children they need something in their lives to take care of... this can be a pet, or a houseplant, or (one hopes) a significant other.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Or a record colelction!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Or an iPod!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

surely you can nurture ALL those things!

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Not at once!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

my boyfriend seems to be able to.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I am less of a man, obviously...

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:41 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm sure there's enough sick mouthy to go around.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 7 June 2004 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Like this:
"To the one I love"

When something beautiful happens and it makes me happy, my first wish is for you to be here with me and see it or feel, so we can have this beautiful moment together.

When something bad happens, my first wish is for you to be here with me, because when you're around, I can endure anything.

Plus the x-factor, of course.

Something like that, it's hard to come up with a proper logical definition.

― Pingu, Monday, 7 June 2004 09:59 (twenty-two years ago)

The single most important thing about love is that it be mutual.

That is what bloody well hurts the most, is when it's all perfect on one side, but not mutual on the other.

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Monday, 7 June 2004 10:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"This is off-topic, but Pingu, did you use to post to the Snopes messageboard?"

-- Tuomas

Nope. But, let me guess.

I think I've read before that you’re Scandinavian, but I might be wrong. The nickname "Pingu" is taken from a Scandinavian cartoon, so I guess somebody (probably from your part of the world) used it on the Snopes messageboard.

― Pingu, Monday, 7 June 2004 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Love is something which happens to other people.

It gives you the freedom and the confidence to be completely yourself in the presence of the other person without worrying what they'll think

This *totally* confirms what I just said.

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 7 June 2004 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

it's sole purpose is as something to say when you reach that point where you realise you have exhausted all conversation with your partner

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 7 June 2004 10:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm not a dog!

― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 7 June 2004 11:10 (twenty-two years ago)

"Love, said Sophocles, is like the ice held in the hand by children. A piece of ice held fast in the fist..."

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Monday, 7 June 2004 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

(Kate's first definition is kinda lovely)

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Monday, 7 June 2004 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.