the art of the handshake

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have you ever declined to hold a conversation after a weak handshake? it is something i cannot bear, in man or woman. it shows weak charachter. there are those of us who are not physically strong - i number amongst these - but surely, it is necassary to put your full strength into the matter.

i met someone who, in the situation, was meant to be important the other day. the handshake was limped and i was ashamed at ever having felt a threat.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I suppose the Navajo, for instance, have weak character?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

You know American Psycho is fiction, right?

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate getting the limp dead fish shake so much.

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Then you really shouldn't masturbate so often.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

NA beat me to it! (no pun intended)

― Huk-El (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Just don't employ people with crap handshakes - simple.

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

zing!

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

if you look at that indian thing specifically it does not mention shaking anywhere. that is a tender thing that has been familiaralised - errouneously but understandably - as a handshake.

operating anonymously is, in some circumstances, sign of weak charchter.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

i am also in no position to being people into my employ.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

next time grab him in the crotch and ask him if he has a pussy.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

complaining on the internet about what other people do all day long is a sign of weak character.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

i've only been complaining about four hours. i went to the post office today, too.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

So what's actually being said here is that ILX is full of pussy-ass handshakers. I see what the deal is.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I see it as important in business. If it is of that much importance to your personal life, I would recommend really re-examining your life.

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Grasp your interlocutor's hand firmly and squeeze until a.) their hand turns red and/or blue, or b.) their head goes purple and they wilt. Firmly pull their arm out of it's socket. Shake vigorously. Anything less rugged than this method of greeting will be considered the effeminate dancing of a mere girly-boy.

― Pat Riarch (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

this is the kind of conversation John Wayne and Dean Martin had onset when they made The Sons of Katie Elder

― Huk-El (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you should move back in, with your parents.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm currently dragging myself through bushes at night, knocking on popele's doors and waiting for their charity.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

What do the popeles' charity looking like?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.timelesstrinkets.com/PoppleWuzzle/Images/Tshirts/Popples.jpg

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I bet their handshakes are limp, yet fuzzy.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

yoda look after you will. He firm handshake has.

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I bet they would handshake with their teeth.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

It is, in some sense, an expression of enthusiasm (though people in failing to recognize signs capable of multiple meanings shocker). Thus, it may well be relevant in circumstances like a job interview. But, for the same reason, I can also see how people who are very insecure might be experience great personal offense at receiving a weak handshake.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd shake your hand, but it appears to be shaking already.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm quite unfamiliar with the world of business. it's more a question of disappointment than offence, you know.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

nothing i like better than a nice firm handshake, you betcha.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

And me. Weak handshake = you are Hitler.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Remember the King of the Hill episode when Hank shook GWB's hand and it was limp and he almost didn't vote. That was great.

― Huk-El (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I kind of reckon Hitler would have a really strong handshake though, overcompensatory behavior pattern and all?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

i hate overly firm handshakers, they are bullies and need to be shot

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm pretty sure Hitler had a weak handshake - I think I saw it on some documentary. Maybe I dreamt it. But if you're right, having a weak handshake = WORSE than Hitler. You probably hate fun too.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I gave someone a semi-weak handshake yesterday, but immediately explained that, considering I have massive blood blisters on 2 of 5 of my fingertips, a too-firm handshake threatened to explode days old puss and blood all over their hand. He understood.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

TS: people who grab your hand at the fingers, making it impossible for you to deliver an adequate handshake vs. people who grab too high and pinch the nerve between yr thumb and fingers, also making it impossible to deliver an adequate handshake

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

why don't you just whip your dick out?

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

INTO THEIR HAND

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

that's the true test

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"have some dick-whip, Hitler"

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

My dick's not that good at shaking hands, strangely enough. Plus, not everyone's arm is that long.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

ILX FOREARM MUSCULATURE CONTEST

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Handshakes are like stealth armwrestlings.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

BALDNESS CONTEST YO

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

have some dick-whip, Hitler

You know that was Eva Braun's safety word in the bedroom.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

POPPLES! i'd totally forgotten that those ever existed, thanks ally

― m. (mitchlnw), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Firm handshake = strong character. That is what it SAYS. Whether you have a strong character or not is immaterial, but if you want to project a strong character, you must have a strong handshake.

I think I heard about this on Trisha once.

― Johnney B, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

is trisha like oprah?

fuck a handshake, I GIVE POUNDS ONLY

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

(because i have sweaty palms)

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Handshakes that evolve into back-slapping one-armed manhugs - C/D?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude if you handed out pounds you could bite my hand and I'd be non-plussed.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

an overly strong handshake is, of course, awful. it's a delicate matter not negotiate, but these little signs i find are seldom wrong.

― matthew james (matthew james), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.virtually-real.net/handshake.gif

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

why can't I find a picture of a soul pound anywhere online?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

closest I get is this:

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

stence.. i tried to no avail

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

HOWEVER:

http://www.zootorah.com/ZooRabbi/gallery/images/sealion_shake.jpg

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Is a soul pound like daps or fistcrunches?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

A POUND MAN. is this strictly an american thing?

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Is a soul pound like daps or fistcrunches?

dude man, dude, you undie-rap-lovin' hippies have some weird names for shit.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

damn that's big.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

But it were black people who taught me to call it daps!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"I learned it from black people."

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Filmmaker explores evolution of the handshake
By Bryan Long
CNN

(CNN) -- The handshake is as mysterious as it is common.

Its origins have been researched, debated and discussed with little official agreement.

There's the theory of the handshake's Egyptian origins, having been delivered as a gift from God. And there's the one about medieval strangers shaking hands to assure the other no weapons would be drawn.

Regardless of its origins, there's little doubt about its significance as a greeting and an indicator of just who you're dealing with.

Advice columnists and business consultants proffer reams of advice on how to execute the perfect handshake.

Dummies.com suggests a three-step approach: Extend your hand, gripping so the web of your thumbs meet; shake just a couple of times; and end the hand shake cleanly.

Easy enough. But even President Bush has been cited for having inferior handshaking skills.

The Nonverbal Communication Web Project displays a series of still images in which Bush shakes hands. In one, it says his form is perfect. In another, Bush doesn't face a soldier he's shaking hands with -- according to the site, somewhat rude. In two others, his form is apparently not perfect but acceptable.

Filmmaker Michael Britto is more interested in the casual handshake than he is the photo-op versions on endless display by heads of state. So he took to the streets of New York to document the evolution of this cultural expression.

He's studied "biscuit bumps," "daps," "pounds" and "soul shakes" for his unfinished film already titled, "Gimme Five: History of a Handshake."

One guy interviewed in the film explains there's a reason handshakes on the street don't follow so-called proper etiquette.

"We just wanted to be different from everybody," the young man explains. "We saw everybody following behind each other so we started our own stuff."

Britto explores the greeting in more than one cultural context, including American Indian, Greek and Brazilian versions.

"I'm learning a lot from doing this," Britto said. "I love meeting people, I love interacting with people. And that's what the handshake is about."

Britto has also sought out the handshakes of gang members.

"Some gang members, when I approached them, they mistook me for police, undercover police, like I'm trying to find out their secret handshakes," he said. "But that's not the case. What I'm trying to do is get to the bottom of what these things mean."

The education can be hit or miss.

"Sometimes you meet people and they can tell you what a handshake means for every movement," Britto said. "And some people can just tell you they just do it. It's muscle memory they don't think about."

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

i guess they don't use POUNDS in the UK because they call their money that too

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

a too-firm handshake threatened to explode days old puss and blood all over their hand.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

White people be deconstructing handshakes!
-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), May 12th, 2004 11:50 AM. (Dan Perry)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

four years pass...

dudes who handshake mad hard

wtf dawg

― 8 HOOS Dog (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 24 October 2008 19:43 (seventeen years ago)

you ain't gotta prove shit to me

― 8 HOOS Dog (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 24 October 2008 19:43 (seventeen years ago)

like i understand that you are a gregarious dude why you gotta throw you weight around like that

― 8 HOOS Dog (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 24 October 2008 19:43 (seventeen years ago)

i always figure those guys read some 'how to win in business' book and are also dicks

― a.q. con (jergins), Friday, 24 October 2008 19:47 (seventeen years ago)

I have a weak handshake, partly due to lots of childhood church-involvement that led to lots of handshakes with little old frail-boned ladies; there is no better training than that for not squeezing and pumping too vigorously.

― nabisco, Friday, 24 October 2008 19:50 (seventeen years ago)

But I have had a few firm-handshake people act horrified by my, umm, gentle shake.

― nabisco, Friday, 24 October 2008 19:50 (seventeen years ago)

I concentrate more on a vigorous shaking than the grasp.

― lollipop van lil wayne (wanko ergo sum), Friday, 24 October 2008 19:57 (seventeen years ago)

i need to start getting some handshake feedback.

― Gavin "Spinner" Mason (carne asada), Friday, 24 October 2008 19:58 (seventeen years ago)

pumping too vigorously.

Ew. Get your masturbating away from ILX. ;-)

― stevienixed, Friday, 24 October 2008 20:15 (seventeen years ago)

dudes who handshake mad hard

wtf dawg

― 8 HOOS Dog (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, October 24, 2008 2:43 PM (42 minutes ago) Bookmark

agreement bomb

― jordan s (J0rdan S.), Friday, 24 October 2008 20:26 (seventeen years ago)

best gauge of a character is a person's reaction to the middle-finger caressing the palm in mid-shake

― eman, Friday, 24 October 2008 20:34 (seventeen years ago)

Karachi Handshake

― Gavin "Spinner" Mason (carne asada), Friday, 24 October 2008 20:57 (seventeen years ago)

I always grab the person's wrist with my left hand during a handshake. I do not know where this habit came form.

― Abbott, Friday, 24 October 2008 23:31 (seventeen years ago)

that's creepiest, when people do that! it's like ew you're too far up my arm we just met

― horrible (harbl), Friday, 24 October 2008 23:33 (seventeen years ago)

I know, it makes me feel like a phony. To counter that, I say, "I'd like to sell you some insurance!" but people (understandably) do not know it is jo-ek and things just get worse from there...

― Abbott, Friday, 24 October 2008 23:34 (seventeen years ago)

it's ok shaking hands is a weird custom anyway. it would be way worse if you were a dude

― horrible (harbl), Friday, 24 October 2008 23:37 (seventeen years ago)

i usually pull some judo moves and tumble backwards, throwing them over my shoulder and twisting their arm back so i have them flat on the ground. that's a cool handshake.

― s1ocki, Saturday, 25 October 2008 01:05 (seventeen years ago)

it is all about the hi-5

― ian, Saturday, 25 October 2008 01:07 (seventeen years ago)

it is something i cannot bear, in man or woman. it shows weak charachter.

I am 6'0", but I have remarkably small hands (and feet) for someone my size. In US shoe size, my feet are only size 8. My hands are proportionately small.

More times than I can recall I have shaken hands with some guy with huge mitts, who engulfs my hand with a firm grip, and there is no way in hell I can squeeze back in anything like a comensurate manner when my fingers can't even begin to wrap around his hand. Instead, our handshake resembles a man crushing an anchovie in his fist.

If that makes me a person of "weak charachter" in your eyes, then f**k you.

― Aimless, Saturday, 25 October 2008 01:47 (seventeen years ago)

you will never win in business

― horrible (harbl), Saturday, 25 October 2008 01:52 (seventeen years ago)

This is not news to me.

― Aimless, Saturday, 25 October 2008 01:53 (seventeen years ago)

i have hueg lady hands though and i still often feel like people are trying to crush them like playdoh and i hate that. just wave at me or something. stop touching me.

― horrible (harbl), Saturday, 25 October 2008 01:54 (seventeen years ago)

I always feel caught out by people wanting to shake hands - I never seem to be expecting it - and so don't have time to ready a solid grip or shake and end up giving a frustratingly weak handshake, thinking that I could have done better if only I'd had a little time to prepare.

― krakow, Saturday, 25 October 2008 06:48 (seventeen years ago)

My hand-eye coordination goes out and I end up grabbing the person's fingers instead of their hand. people hate that!

― Dan I., Saturday, 25 October 2008 09:17 (seventeen years ago)

The worst handshake I've ever been in receipt of was given to me by D.A. Pennebaker.

― ○◙i shine cuz i genital grind◙○ (roxymuzak), Saturday, 25 October 2008 16:21 (seventeen years ago)

What was so bad about it, roxymuzak?

― lollipop van lil wayne (wanko ergo sum), Saturday, 25 October 2008 17:00 (seventeen years ago)

Limp and disinterested.

― ○◙i shine cuz i genital grind◙○ (roxymuzak), Saturday, 25 October 2008 19:01 (seventeen years ago)

Like, mega-limp. The limpest.

― ○◙i shine cuz i genital grind◙○ (roxymuzak), Saturday, 25 October 2008 19:01 (seventeen years ago)

one year passes...

dudes who handshake mad hard

wtf dawg

― 8 HOOS Dog (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, October 24, 2008 3:43 PM (1 year ago)

yeah what

― harbl, Wednesday, 9 December 2009 16:24 (sixteen years ago)

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