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i just had the most peculiar erotic dream

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i was at some beach gathering, where everything was very darkly lit. there seemed just to be black and red about. i was sat down with some old schoolfriends who i never see these days, and there was this crown of academic-looking young women, some good looking, some not. i started rattling on something about how "literature should never be changed to fit theory. theory should be developed to acommodate literature." then a very dark haired woman, pretty in a studious and shy way, of about 24 years, came and sat very close to me, her right side pressed against my left, her right leg arched over my left and against my crotch, giving me an immediate hard-on. she said, in this american accent (one that sounded metropolitan, but i can't place it any closer than that), "you know my problem?" and points with the forefinger of each hand to her crotch. "i have unerect bisulas*. I got bumps..." then she looked at me very kindly. i had a sly smile and was about to say something like "oh, that's not a problem.. i'd like to see." but i woke up, to a crushingly empty bed.

* this word was made up - it was some unreal sounding medical term i can't remember.

― matthew james (matthew james), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 10:06 (twenty-two years ago)

oh,i missed an important bit. after i said of accomodating literature, they started to ignore me, so i turned to my friend and said "that's the problem with feminists. unless you tell them exactly what they know they want to hear, they ignore you." then the dark haired woman came.

― matthew james (matthew james), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

wow, i'd like an erotic dream, I've never had one. I think I might go to bed soon....

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 10:14 (twenty-two years ago)

sounds a bit like the ones I have, they always take place in a strange location, like a hotel or my old school or the bahamas. i link up with an amazing woman, who quite forwardly tells me that i can have my way with her but that to do it I must meet her in some other room in the building at particular time. Events interceed and I never get the lovin.

― lukey (Lukey G), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

if only the rest of you might post some of yours...

― matthew james (matthew james), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Mine are depressingly similar to lukey's. I meet some ravishing, witty beauty and we decide we have to rut like stoats but since we've met at a dinner or something we have to find a secluded place. Then the police or the mafia or the terrorists arrive and start shooting. Then my father will show up and remind me it's my grandmother's birthday and that I have to call her. Then all of sudden the place where we were having dinner turns out to be a greenhouse for tulips or a bus station lobby or something incongruous. If I ever start to get lucky with my beauty (which is rare) she turns out to have three hairy breasts or she pulls off her rubber mask and reveals herself as Martha Rae, denture wearer, which tends to dampen my ardor a wee bit. Then I wake up tired and confused.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Expect a call from DC Comics/Vertigo anytime soon, Michael, they need a co-writer for Grant Morrison's upcoming Erotic Comics.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

she turns out to have three hairy breasts or she pulls off her rubber mask and reveals herself as Martha Rae, denture wearer, which tends to dampen my ardor a wee bit

what about dreams when they turn out to be men? I've had those a few times. Very scary.

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

That, happily, has not happened...yet. Thanks for planting that in my subconscious Mark. I owe ya one.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I had once of these dreams once (the prevented rutting, not the men) - I had one the other night, actually. We had decided we were gonna "do it", but all our friends new, and kep giving up winks and nods and advice (and the condoms I grabbed from the dresser were huge! Like plates) and that.

Suffice to say, my dream didn't get that far. Remote file not shared.

― Johnney B, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

what about dreams when they turn out to be men? I've had those a few times. Very scary.

Maybe you don't like real women, Mark? Try inflatable women more.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)


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