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This is the thread where we attempt a definitive list all the things people do when they fancy someone, so that anyone in doubt can read it and be sure to find at least three by, like, law of averages.

100. Playing with their hair all regular.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

99. Knee you in the balls.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

98 have sex with you

― Patrick Kinghorn, Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

97. Stare at them

― C J (C J), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

96. call them

― duke phone, Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

95. affix post-it notes to your driver's side window while you're at lunch, on which can be found a crude, sharpie-drawn rendering of them nude

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

94. Blush in their general direction

― C J (C J), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

If they really like you, not have sex with you.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

93. Google their name to find out everything possible about them

― C J (C J), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Aaargh, that was 93. I declare it 92, retrospectively.

Gear, please tell me you know someone who has done this.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

the answer is, if you've read many of my other posts, unfortunately obvious

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 12 June 2004 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Not her, right?

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 12 June 2004 21:40 (twenty-two years ago)

91. Injunction.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 12 June 2004 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

dom this is not the confession thread.

― Patrick Kinghorn, Saturday, 12 June 2004 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Desmond Morris to thread.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Sunday, 13 June 2004 00:24 (twenty-two years ago)

loiter at their local newsagent where they buy their paper and ciggies

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 13 June 2004 00:51 (twenty-two years ago)

89. Have anal intercourse with hipster fops in a "look what you made me do!" manner.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Sunday, 13 June 2004 00:53 (twenty-two years ago)

88. buy the entire discography of their favourite band despite your hatred of said band and memorise loads of obscure lyrics to impress them with

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:08 (twenty-two years ago)

87 Kill a man. And any witnesses.

― Patrick Kinghorn, Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:15 (twenty-two years ago)

86 Knife a hobo.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

crikey, you lot hang out with some bloodthirsty love objects i must say

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

vampire penises?

― Patrick Kinghorn, Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:21 (twenty-two years ago)

hmmmm sounds disturbing. a penis with fangs?

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:25 (twenty-two years ago)

that's got to cut both ways

― Patrick Kinghorn, Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:28 (twenty-two years ago)

85. touch your arm during conversation.

― Debito (Debito), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:31 (twenty-two years ago)

84. get hopelessly drunk and declare your abject misery that they don't reciprocate your love errrr *cough* not that i would ever do this *cough*

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:36 (twenty-two years ago)

don't forget the crying there.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:42 (twenty-two years ago)

83. Yank you off in front of your parents

― Patrick Kinghorn, Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:43 (twenty-two years ago)

hope they navigate around the fangs successfully

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 13 June 2004 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

what are you implying? that she gives me a bj aswell?

you're sick

― Patrick Kinghorn, Sunday, 13 June 2004 02:00 (twenty-two years ago)

82. When called on the telephone, toward the beginning of the conversation, it is revealed that the caller had just exited the shower.

― Ernest P. (ernestp), Sunday, 13 June 2004 02:14 (twenty-two years ago)

81. Tease them mercilessly, (but with a big grin on their face, rather than the usual eyebrows-knitted together glare.)

― Possibly Kate Again (kate), Sunday, 13 June 2004 06:50 (twenty-two years ago)

80. Makage of Mixtapes/CDs

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Sunday, 13 June 2004 09:12 (twenty-two years ago)

79. Don't talk to them ever.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 13 June 2004 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

78. pretend not to see them when you're standing at the bar even though they're standing on your foot

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 13 June 2004 11:23 (twenty-two years ago)

77. laugh at your rarely-funny anecdotes/dream-tellings

― chrisco (chrisco), Sunday, 13 June 2004 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

76. That thing where they begin a compliment, pull out halfway through it out of some lunatic dread of being obvious, and then finish it anyway looking all embarassed and determined...

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Sunday, 13 June 2004 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

75. Pursue someone relentlessly and then break it off just as they reciprocate due to "ex issues", but then continue to pursue some more in other ways, rendering the object of your alleged desire REALLY FUCKIN CONFUSED

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 13 June 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

74. marry michael douglas instead of me, um I mean 'someone'

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 13 June 2004 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

ten months pass...

73. take you home to show you source code of their computer programs.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 14 April 2005 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

72. Take you home to show you their music collection look I've got an ultra-rare stereolab cd and at least seven fall lps and my my don't i have good taste in music just the music to make sweet sweet love to you with.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Thursday, 14 April 2005 10:27 (twenty-one years ago)

oh god now i remember that penis through a pizza picture from that other thread, and i can imagine someone doing this with an LP help

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 14 April 2005 10:34 (twenty-one years ago)

It only works with a jukebox 45.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 14 April 2005 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)

50,000 Pizza Fans Can't Be Wrong

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Thursday, 14 April 2005 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

71. Stand far too close and creep them out.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 14 April 2005 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

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