is developing a crush on someone largely based on some common (obscure) interest which crushee shares with you just a form of self-flattery?

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and if so, is that a bad thing?

what are legitimate reasons for crushing on someone anyway?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes. Like flattery's a bad thing. Sheesh!

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

It's natural to be attracted to people who reflect similar ideals and interests.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think there any legitimate reasons for crushing on people anyway.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:23 (twenty-two years ago)

or illegitimate for that matter!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Crush happens.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

isn't it funny how crushes seem to activate self-flattery and self-loating AT ONCE? or perhaps they just alternate really quickly.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Self-loating? Did you mean self-stoating?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I actually originally misread the title and though you both had a mutual love of crushees/slushies. I was trying to imagine how you base a relationship on a frozen icy beverage.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't think a common interest every really sparks a crush for me, but it can sustain or uh... deepen? it.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:27 (twenty-two years ago)

in this case the common interest seemed to suggest a degree of seriousness and passion. but of course that could be another example of displaced self-flattery!

one of my friends thinks this doesn't matter much at all, that something indescribable called "chemistry" is much more important.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

it is!!

also i think we need some specifics now

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

The self-flattery/self-loathing is a function of the fantasy you alternately create and are ashamed of when you like someone but don't know them, and consequently need to find a way to connect to them. Enter shared obscure interest as a "sign" of the intimacy you are no doubt destined to share.

― Laura E (laurae55), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

My friend unwittingly had cybersex with her brother!

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I made the mistake of basing an entire relationship on the mutual love of a semi-obscure band (at least in this country) to the point where I married the guy. In the end, I figured out he didn't like the band half as much as me and basically without that, there really wasn't much basis for any kind of relationship left. So yeah, it's kind of nice to share similar interests but there has to be a lot more than that going on to make it work.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, well, i know THAT.

i think laura e. is wise.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

sterling clover to thread!

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Can we play "guess the band" ipso?

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

*cough*

― the surface noise and the analogue warmth (electricsound), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah if you want, and then i'll be exposed as a huge dork.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Manics!

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

is it weird al's backing band?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think it's necessarily self-flattery: you are interested in something so you get excited, you meet a person who seems otherwise great who is also interested in said thing, you get excited about thing and person *both*. Makes sense to me. And of course it's not a bad thing, crushes are for fun because most of the time they don't amount to anything anyway.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:40 (twenty-two years ago)

seriously, i really like what laura e. said because unlike many responses to threads like this it seems very realistic without necessarily being cynical.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

i like it but it does somewhat contradict the thread title in that it assumes that a crush must be extant before the comparison of mutual interests enters into the attraction

are you ready to have your thread title contradicted amateurist?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't understand what you mean in either of thsoe statements.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

A-HA!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't really understand what i meant by that either.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"is developing a crush on someone largely based on some common (obscure) interest which crushee shares with you just a form of self-flattery?"

no, i think it is a sign of lonely desperation. and yet i encourage it! woe is me.

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"guess the band"

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i already provided a clue

― the surface noise and the analogue warmth (electricsound), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Are you trying to make me look foolish here james?! :)

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

laura e. OTM, otherwise you just think that the person is "hot" or "cute"

― todd swiss (eliti), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Was it SOUL COUGHING???

― Homosexual II, Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:19 (twenty-two years ago)

damn!

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:19 (twenty-two years ago)

i hope he had a body like soft serve.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:21 (twenty-two years ago)

more like an overstuffed bean bag

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't care what someone likes anymore for me to fancy them -- just as long as he works at a cellphone kiosk in a mall somewhere.

― Homosexual II, Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

this thread should go into the Mentalism Hall of Fame

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Step off, oops!

― Homosexual II, Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Soul Coughing are obscure here!? No way!

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I said semi.

They're no matchbox 20 Trayce.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I nearly guessed Matchbox 20 first. Just because Rob Thomas is dancing through my head, crooning something catchy.

― Homosexual II, Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:40 (twenty-two years ago)

i weep for anyone who gets together because of matchbox 20

― the surface noise and the analogue warmth (electricsound), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

blargh...something catchy like "I've got a disease"?!

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

serious answers for serious questions people

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I see nothing wrong with it, amateur!st. Honestly, seriously.

― Homosexual II, Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

It may be a form of self-flattery (though it's far from the only reason for liking someone that fits that bill), but it's hardly "just" that. Is the real question you're asking whether it's sufficient to like someone?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

no, i just wanted an excuse to think about it a bit more.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it can be, but there's a multitude of other things it can be. also, for some people this may be almost always the way they crush, and for others, never.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I could totally get with a girl who had a thing for Matchbox 20. Not just any girl, though. But there ARE reasons to like them.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Man, I couldn't. Some types of music just say too much about a persons personality.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:52 (twenty-two years ago)

disregard my lost post. your unwieldy title caused me to misunderstand what you were asking.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm all for girls forgiving the failings of gawky, earnest guys.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:54 (twenty-two years ago)

here here

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 23:55 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.rockpalast.de/bilder/bizarre98/soul.gif

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 17 June 2004 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah yes, this was regarding mike doughty's habit of drawing little creatures on setlists.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 17 June 2004 00:04 (twenty-two years ago)

or was it Mark De Gli Antoni's?

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 17 June 2004 00:06 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

i ended up sleeping with this girl btw

― amateurist, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:20 (nineteen years ago)

.... and was it good?

― C J, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:38 (nineteen years ago)

or was it just common and obscure?

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 09:53 (nineteen years ago)

soapy tit wank?

― Frogman Henry, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 10:08 (nineteen years ago)

This is the most amazing thing I've read in days:

A crush is just that. "Ooh, I think you're amazing" and a desire to get to know someone better. Anything beyond that is entirely projection. Therefore yes, it's self flattery. And in that case the self loathing also makes sense. Oh, I feel a lot better now.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

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