I was an embarrassment as an elementary schooler

The year they were doing renovations and a lot of us had to learn in portables I had crazy sinus allergy from something in the portables and my nose would run so constantly I'd be wiping it on the arm of my sweater which quickly became hard and shell-like like a police dog training protective arm sleeve. I could barely see and I learned nothing.

A girl named Stephanie threw up through her nose at lunch one day in the second grade. Some years later my brother and his wife gave their first child the same name. I couldn't bear calling her that, possibly due to unpleasant memories of the first one, and for years have used her middle name.

Ila took her pants off in Kindergarten. As my luck would have it, I have never met another by that name.

What strange thoughts.

i just found my elementary school yearbooks. A sampling of the well wishes wished to me by my "friends":

"dear kyle, have a nice summer" gina (4th grade)
"have a nice summer" gina (5th grade)
"kyle have a great summer" kevin
"keep cool and have a nice summer" kip
"to a funny and cool guy" karen
"to the best beatle fan I know" dale
"i like your jokes, won't miss you!" aliya (what the fuck?)
"to a weird dude" tami
"to the biggest con in 9th grade" jim (fuck you!)
"dearest kyle, the love of my life I'll miss you and your humor, not to mension your lustrious (?) ways...........of writing. Love, Gina"
Oh yeah Gina, you changed b/w fourth and eight grades! Of course I was in love with her the entire time.
I was also fat and had curly hair.

also, I've been known to get drunk and still call her in the middle of the night and embarass myself to THIS DAY.

my second grade teacher wrote that i "was the laziest pershon she had ever met"

i prefer to think of it as having been unmotivated by her teaching methods.

what a bitch! I hope you went on to fail in life just to have something to blame on her

haha, ah Mrs. German from Wales, I remember that coz she was the first person I'd ever met from there.