Is being "hit on" ever a good thing?

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In other words, you sometimes hear about women being "hit on" by men--not in the physical-violence sense, but in the "Come here often?" sense--and I recently found myself wondering if that could ever be considered a good thing. No one likes unwanted attention, or an unwanted level of attention from someone who's otherwise alright, but if some guy is paying that particular type of attention to you, and you like it, do you think of it as being "hit on"? Or something else? Does "hit on" come to mind only when someone is attempting to make a connection that will never, ever happen? If you've never thought of the semantics behind it, well, please do.

There's no applicable reason to ask this. Just curious. Well?

― Lee G (Lee G), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

By "hit on" does that imply that the intentions are very much clear from the start, as in "'ello bebeeh, you like suck my beeg willy?" or if it's more subtle, like offering to by someone a drink or merely taking interest in them?

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I think being hit on is in the eye of the hitee, so if it's unwelcome it's being hit on, and if it is welcome it's meeting someone really nice.

― beanz (beanz), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

is offering to buy someone a drink subtle?

I think there's a problem in that the view you're being "hit on" instantly makes any interest that the Hitter has in you is purely sexual and therefore would be completely uninterested in you if it weren't for sex.

crosspost

yeah, beanz - someone being sleazy is just someone you don't find attractive finding you attractive (simplification!)

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah we should all just sit on our own, fence ourselves off with barbed wire to repel anyone who might show the slightest interest in us, and moreover forbid any stranger to talk to us unless they have previously submitted an application form, current bank statement and CV. We'd all be so much better off then, wouldn't we?

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 16 August 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

By "hit on" does that imply that the intentions are very much clear from the start, as in "'ello bebeeh, you like suck my beeg willy?"

I guess I'm thinking of something a little more innocuous, more polite. I think of the above as more "coming on," which may need another thread.

― Lee G (Lee G), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

The phrase "May I C on your Ts?" to thread.

― beanz (beanz), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I hadn't posted that

― beanz (beanz), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

But Marcello, you do that anyway judging your behaviour at any night that you actually decide to leave your oxgen tent and deign us with yr presence

― Porkpie (porkpie), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

the phrase "four fingers or five?" to thread.

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

i wish i hadn't ~~asked~~ posted that.

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

'Hit' implies forcefulness, which is never really attractive unless very drunk and/or desperate. Offering to buy people you don't know drinks starts whatever 'relationship' may ensue in the spirit of commerce, like the offeree has to offer conversation or a feel of their tits or whatever in recompense.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

my preferred term is "Sharking".

― Robbie Lumsden (Wallace Stevens HQ), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

"Offeree."

Jesus, no wonder we have to post to dodgy message boards to stay sane.

Oh and Porkpie, I wasn't being ironic. I think it would be a Good Thing.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 16 August 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess I'm thinking of something a little more innocuous, more polite.

My aren't you elegant today! And ravishing! Would you care to fellate me?

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, in that case carry on.

― Porkpie (porkpie), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

sharking

Four fin~~ger~~s or five?

― beanz (beanz), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah i thought mothers are supposed to tell their kids to not accept drinks from strangers

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

i like being hit on

― david acid (gareth), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you emo?

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

or a drone boy?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Being hit on is always a good thing, even if you aren't interested.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

You only think that because you're a boy.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

it's not always a good thing.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I like being hit on too though it tends to make me wary. In a Groucho- "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member"- way, I wonder what would have to be wrong with a woman to want anything to do with me.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

in fact sometimes it's not a good thing even if you're interested.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I've been hit on ONCE in my life. At the time I was a bit repulsed but in hindsight, if I hadn't been at work in an unflattering uniform I would have gone for it. It can definitely be good.

― edward o (edwardo), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It's amazing how many boys say that they love being hit on, until they are actually hit on by *me* and then they change their minds really quick.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It's temporarily useful for shoring up fragile self-esteem.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, I was hit on last night. It was fairly amusing. Or at least, I was flattered until the bloke's sobbing girlfriend came back from wherever she had gone to. Then I felt like punching him.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Generally people who overtly hit on people are eminently punchable.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i've had my moan about not getting hit on ever, but on saturday night was talked at by too many slimy men. was especially dressed up, ended up at a dirty club. wanted to sit a few songs out and think about welsh canadians, had a drink in my hand, sat in the corner, consciously not making eye contact.

first guy comes up and says 'you look sad. are you ok?' and i was nice enough, but he wouldn't go away, and so finally i said 'look, i'd like to be alone, sorry to be rude, but can i just have a minute?' and he looked mad but left. this happened 3 times, each time my temper was shortening until the 4th guy, when i said 'look. i'm not here to talk to you. please leave.' and then he shouted at me and then followed me around the club for a long time. boo.

so, yeah, it was quite unpleasant, really. and pissed me off that they assumed that because i was a girl sitting by myself, i clearly was hot for their bods. grr.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:41 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah it's dangerous to try and build your self-esteem from being hit on by strangers, like, wow you are hitting on me but you don't even know me... and then you realise that they've pretty much been hitting on everyone else in the bar, fucking bastard. way to make me feel cheap.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

you're just bitter cos the bloke with the dog has a new friend

― Porkpie (porkpie), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i thought i was special!! :(

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

As Marcello implies, it would be a pretty sorry state of affairs if no one ever tried to chat up anyone.

I think beanz nailed it in his first post - 'hit on' is just, for many people, the negative term for something that's positive if it's the right person.

Personally, I think of it as more neutral than that. As long as the person doesn't become a pain, I am happy to be hit on, whether or not I want to take things any further.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I think (as a dude (and as one that's been in a relationship for 6 years, so this is all theoretical really)) that being hit on in a bar SOUNDS like a good thing, but if it really happened, I would freak out, stammer out some nonsense, and try and get out of the conversation as soon as possible. Then later I would feel sick at myself for not doing anything but hold onto the experience as a faint glimmer of hope. This is part of why I like being in a steady relationship.

― na (Nick A.), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I noticed that N added the qualifier, as if he were perhaps afraid of being hit on by me, to prove a point.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

if I was hit on in a bar, I'd probably be completely oblivious, as usual.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

otm

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I was just being honest, in a way that you rightly complain other people haven't been!

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

unless it's from someone you don't want to etc. and then you (I) just probably pretend you are (I am).

crosspost

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I just find the whole concept of only starting to talk to someone because you have designs on their flesh weird and pressured. It strikes me that making sex the whole purpose of conversation is missing out on a massive swathe of stuff.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

No, it's fine. I'm glad that you were honest.

I really need a volunteer to practice being hit on, so I can figure out the right way and the wrong way to hit on boys. Because I invariably frighten off every boy I've ever hit on. (Except maybe Joe, but he was weird.) Not to actually try to get them to sleep with me, but to tell me what I do right/wrong.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd volunteer, but, uh, oh nevermind.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hey, did anyone ever tell you that you look like Brian Wilson? Would you like to come home with me and lie in my bed, eating ice cream and writing teenage symphonies?"

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm incapable of being hit on.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 16 August 2004 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Now you've made it look like it was about you! I meant generally, obv.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost to Kate - that's a good start, altho the Brian Wilson thing prolly would just make me sad these days. My hair is the longest it's been since I was 16, though.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, it can be good or bad, but these things arwe not necessarily related to why there is a distinct term - it refers to unilateral action, as opposed to bilateral (flirting). duh?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 79 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Jel,

You'd be pretty old now, so you would only be hit on by octogenerian beauties and those sexagenarians in search of a 'father figure'.

amateur!!!st,

She wasn't a particularly talented actress but she was, *sigh*, otherwise respectable enough, as actresses go.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost - oh okay, cool!

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

hmmm, good point Michael.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 16 August 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

On the other hand, their ability to write suggestive telegrams would probably be unequaled.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

TO: HOTTTT CHIXXX
FROM: HSTENCIL
RE: HITTING ON

HI WOULD LIKE TO KNOW YOU BETTER*STOP CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?*STOP OKAY I TAKE THAT AS A NO*STOP

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Has anybody else 'hit on' on a girl by simply asking, "Wanna flirt?"

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

TO: HSTENCIL
FROM: HOTTTT CHIXXX
RE: HITTING ON

Please *STOP*

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry hstencil, couldn't resist.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

well, that was the response I was prompting for.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

i love telegrams.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

does anyone send them any more?

― amateur!!!st, Monday, 16 August 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish someone would telex me.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

trust me, lauren, you don't want a telegram from me.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

i got a telegram once, in 1990, from moscow.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

hstencil, is that some kind of frank booth reference?

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha I didn't mean it that way, but if you like.

I think it's a love letter from a gun, though, right?

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

yup, a love letter. fucked forever.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Last night some female attempted to chat me up (or, I suppose "hit on me" [although it was later discovered that she was actually talking to me to rile up some jealousy in her boyfriend who was talking to some red-head skank or something, apparently]), and like one question in she asked "what do you do?" and of course I had no good answer for that. I just stared at her beautiful green (pointing in somewhat different directions [thanks booze!]) eyes for a moment, then stammered out "fuck around". She laughed, and then *awkward silence*. Luckily I was saved by a man challenging me to "bust out a MC Hammer and I'll give you a Roger Rabbit". Yay for embarassing dancing.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 16 August 2004 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not proud of the fact that I responded the second ever time in my life I've been hit on (see the "unsexiest propositions" thread).
First time it happened, everything was great until I started drunkenly babbling shit. Fate's a cruel bitchmistress.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Monday, 16 August 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

My only experiences with being scandalously hit upon were both:

a. on the bus
and
b. by teenage girls

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Monday, 16 August 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Entschuldigen Sie mich, but wurde Sie care to moegem mich an meinem Platz fur some "stuffed clam"?

― Rudolf B., Monday, 16 August 2004 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Hat diese 'Muschel' einen Bart?

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 16 August 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Einige, einige nicht. Einige boys bevorzugen auch the "rump roast", aber wir werden nicht Gespräch von dem!

― Rudolf B., Tuesday, 17 August 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be amused if a girl hit on me who I wasn't into. I'd be scared shitless if a girl hit on me who I was.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Fate's a cruel bitchmistress.

I want this to be my epitaph.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...

ok, just wanted to share this story from last night, since it kind of fits in here:

last night i went to the cheese on fleet street with my friends. we had a table with 7 of us, and i was facing a table with one guy on his own. he was clearly drunk, since he kept taking naps on the table.

ricky t walked into the room, i went to say hello, and the drunk guy stood behind him, mimicing his arm movements. weird, but we just ignored it. i went back to my friends, and a few minutes later the manager appeared with a glass of wine for me. 'from the gentleman at the next table,' he said pointing at drunk guy.

i turned bright red and said thank you, looked over at the guy and said 'thanks' and looked away. he stood up, grinned at me, pointed at my friends, indicated that they smelled bad, and i should sit with him instead. i shook my head and avoided eye contact. he didn't like that. he started standing up and sitting down repeatedly, like a jack in the box, but was saluting at me at the same time. he'd also move around the table so he was always in my line of sight. finally, he pounded on the table and shouted 'I'M USEFUL!', which sent us all into fits of giggles.

luckily, rick came back then, and i used him as cover while i escaped to the bathroom. while i was gone my friend had complained to the manager, who asked him to leave. two friends left a little later, and came down to get me. 'you have to come give your details to the police!'.

apparently, as they chucked out 'my new boyfriend,' he kicked, punched and bit the bartender, and three guys had to hold him down while the cops came. eventually he got put into the police van, while shouting that he'd left his bag containing £1,000 downstairs.

observations: i've never had a stranger send over a drink. why was the first time from a real, true psycho?

and, if he's going to be a good stalker, shouldn't he have noticed that i was drinking red wine, and not sent over white?

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 3 September 2004 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think I've said this enough today: Now I only get hit on by hookers. NB These are West African hookers.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Friday, 3 September 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it was you drinking the unladylike red wine that enraged him, colette.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 3 September 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

better than a pint, surely?

oh, my other favorite part: he was wearing a university of michigan baseball cap. my friends thought he could just sense the 'connection' we had...

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 3 September 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Pounding tables whilst shouting "I'm USEFUL!" is now my favourite thing ever.

― Gribowitz (Lynskey), Friday, 3 September 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

did you find the £1000?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 September 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

what's special about west african hookers? i googled it but there were no results.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 September 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

In light of my experience in the Glasshouse Stores the other week as documented on this thread, I now revoke my first post here. Because it was just plain creepy.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 3 September 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.lapropagationduchaos.net/what/futurama/futurama_zoidberg.jpg

"Hooray, I'm useful!" (xpost)

― the impossible shortest special path! (the impossible shortest specia), Friday, 3 September 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll second the "I'm USEFUL!" love. I must try and fit that in to my university reunion tomorrow night.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Friday, 3 September 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

what's special about west african hookers?

This is like asking "What's special about crabs?".

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Friday, 3 September 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

On the subject of being hit on, now it would definitely not be a good thing but when I was single I would have LOVED to be hit on, because I'm USELESS at chatting up ladeez.

Actually I guess I was hit on a few times and it was mostly lots of fun as long as long as I was suitably drunk and/or she wasn't a minger. The only time I can think of when it wasn't that fun was about '97 at uni just because the girl in question was just too weird and kinda creeped me out. Nothing actually scary though, she just had a strange look in her eye and kept staring right at me, and she didn't really seem all that mentally stable. Now I feel like I'm coming across all nasty and judgemental or something. Oh well, she was just weird that's all.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Friday, 3 September 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

She was probably just drunk.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

west african hookers walk sideways?? is that what you're trying to say?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

And the have pincers!

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Where their ladybits should be!

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

vagina pincetatas!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

eventually he got put into the police van, while shouting that he'd left his bag containing £1,000 downstairs.

OMG WAS IT MIKE SKINNER?!?!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

don't be daft, a pint of wine?!

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I got hit on last week and it was ok.

I didn't do anything though I wasn't interested.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't realize I'm being hit on until we're both taking our clothes off. Ask any woman who's ever dated me - I miss all the obvious signs. I pretty much have to be beaten with the I Want You Stick (tm).

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure that a woman taking her clothes necessarily means she's interested, and you joining in with the disrobing doesn't clarify the situation.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

That was meant to an overstatement for comic effect.

Any disrobing takes place after there's been a clear statement of intent by both parties - I don't just get naked as soon as she takes off her jacket. The last woman I dated very slowly and deliberately initiated sex with me, and she was someone I was convinced I didn't have a chance with. I just don't read the signs of attraction very well.

What I was trying to say was that in 9 out of 10 cases I don't realize that I'm being flirted with / hit on / picked up until things have moved well past the flirting stage and and well into the clothes-off stage.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Ken and Dan, you deserve West African hookers.

― Sean Bateman, Friday, 3 September 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Of the beefy rugger kind.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Friday, 3 September 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

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