Birthday card for a colleague

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There's a birthday card sat on my desk for a colleague at work, in which I'd like to write something generally friendly but not too slimy or predictable. Anyone got any suggestions?

― Jed T, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"Have a wonderful birthday"?

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:25 (twenty-one years ago)

A classic office formula:

If age + 5 = x, "You don't look a day over x"

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Write "I would like to sex you, girl (or) man..." and then sign someone else's name.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"hey x, hope you have a great day, (your name)"
"Have a good one"

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Go to some web site and find out some horrible historical atrocities that were committed on the day of your co-worker's birth, then write about them at length. Include footnotes.

― jewelly (jewelly), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)

And diagrams.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Great stuff! However, I'd ideally like to come across of much less of a sociopath than I actually am (it's a fairly small office).

― Jed T, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Choose minor atrocities then. No genocides or mass child molestations.

― jewelly (jewelly), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:22 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.foundmagazine.com/fotw/images/beautiful.gif

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I always write 'You are my favourite colleague' in all work cards.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

if age > 30

"have a great 24th birthday!"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Come up with something friendly but generic and never use anything else in any card. Mine is "Bestest wish."

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

But Alba, aren't other people signing the card too and seeing that?

I usually put "Happiest of Birthdays, so-and-so!" and then draw a little picture of a cat or dog or balloon or some crap. Everyone says, "AWWWWW, that's so CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTE."

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"FUCK YOU, COLLEAGUE"

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

"I work with you."

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

"I LOVED YOU IN THE OFFICE"

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

But Alba, aren't other people signing the card too and seeing that?

Yes. It turns into a merry joke.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"Each time I see you I look down at my shoes"

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"I don't know you."

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"Does the fact that you never say hello mean I fancy you????"

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

"Congratulations, I have acknowledged your existence."

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

R|M|A / I|W|Y

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"Why is it that in the three years I've been working here, I've never received a card once? All the best, fuckface,..."

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"Congratulations on your ability to not die."

― eat fudge banana swirl (Nick A.), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"the wilson account is mine."

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"When you were in Cleveland, I had sex with you sister."

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"What is that you're having for lunch? Can I smell it?"

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

you missed a comma there, huck

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"When you were in, Cleveland, I had sex with you sister."
Better?

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

'Happy birthday, you auld cunt'

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what they write in mine. I guess it's a term of endearment.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

"Remember that thing I mentioned to you about the army of 12-yr-olds with flaming bags of poop at dawn? I was serious. Warm regards,..."

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

"You don't know me, but I am going to kill you."

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost, does spelling it "old" archaically make "cunt" workplace safe?

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

"Cunt" means "cigarette" in England.

― eat fudge banana swirl (Nick A.), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I bet that leads to no end of comedies of errors among tourists. Especially the filthy fuck-faced ones. (in canada, "filthy fuck-face" means "wearing a bow-tie")

― Huck, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I think one of Ally's old co-workers would just spit into it.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

thirteen years pass...

god i don't like close to despising celebrating colleague's birthdays at work

― F# A# (∞), Monday, 12 March 2018 18:20 (eight years ago)

“have a great summer”

― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 12 March 2018 18:37 (eight years ago)

"When you are engaged in your work, you can be a very effective member of our team. Unfortunately, far too often you are late to work and not fully engaged until an hour into the workday. Over the next 3 months, we’d like you to focus on you attendance, be on time each day and ready to work at 8:00, and be the effective team member we require. Happy Birthday! We'll see you at work tomorrow morning at 8:00."

― Karl Malone, Monday, 12 March 2018 18:40 (eight years ago)

“Do you want to send a read receipt? Yes/No”

― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 12 March 2018 23:29 (eight years ago)

Ha *marks as spam*

― F# A# (∞), Monday, 12 March 2018 23:40 (eight years ago)

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Birthday card for a colleague - what to write?