(Yeah, I know, I probably won't even be able to drink the day before surgery, but I would really appreciate some company and some support.)
For those of you who have not been following the story spread out over several threads, here's a recap. Last year, I started growing a strange lump on my wrist. When I went to the doctor, I was told it was just a ganglion bursa, nothing to be worried about, a simple surgery would remove it.
Not so simple, though. My mother was misdiagnosed with a "ganglion bursa" for over a decade. When they finally opened up her wrist to remove it, they found an invasive tumour had worked its way through the bones of her wrist and into her hand. She had to have two major surgeries, and intensive therapy for many years, and she has still never recovered the full movement of her hand.
So yeah. Although in all likelihood, my lumps (they found others in my ankles) are just ganglions, there is a small but very terrifying genetic chance that I have the same condition as my mother.
I'm not actually afraid of death, and I never have been. (I can't imagine that death could possibly be more painful than living.) But the Big C scares me. I am *terrified* of losing the use of my hand. I am terrified that I could never write or type or draw, or worse, play guitar or piano again. THAT, to me, would be a fate worse than death.
So, anyway. I am really scared. It's hard to admit that, but I'm terrified. So please come out and have a drink with me, cheer me up, and help me to laugh in the face of the Big C. (Be that C Cancer or, hopefully, just a cyst.) If you can't come out, please think of me, or pray for me, or something.
Thanks, Kate
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:47 (twenty-one years ago)
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:48 (twenty-one years ago)
My mother beat breast cancer when she was 40 and she's doing just fine today at 57. Cheers, Kate.
― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:53 (twenty-one years ago)
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:54 (twenty-one years ago)
Will the good Doctor C mind me bringing doctors and the Big C into his FAP?
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:05 (twenty-one years ago)
You know that if anyone can talk with you and sympathise with you over this, it's me.
You are welcome to have a drink with me at any time and we can mutually cheer ourselves up and make each other laugh.
But you have in get in touch with me.
Love,MC x
― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)
But if you want to do something this weekend then that shouldn't be a problem.
It's up to you. You know how to contact me.
― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:17 (twenty-one years ago)
― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)
― ___ (___), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:21 (twenty-one years ago)
― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:23 (twenty-one years ago)
(I have just realised that one of the good things about this is that I may finally be able to come off the anti-inflammatory medication which makes me unable to drink anything stronger than shandy.)
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:24 (twenty-one years ago)
Good luck, kate.
― jewelly (jewelly), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:25 (twenty-one years ago)
― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:47 (twenty-one years ago)
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:48 (twenty-one years ago)
― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:50 (twenty-one years ago)
Even if it turns out to be cancer, which is unlikely even considering the family history, they'll have caught it early which would be in your favour.
Not surprised you're terrified. It doesn't help to say "oh, you'll be fine", I'm sure, but the odds are in your favour whether it's cancer or not.
4-fingered guitarists and stuff like that
Django Reinhardt was an awesome guitarist despite losing fingers in a fire during childhood. See, there's at least one.
xpost - completely separately and by total coincidence I might be in the glasshouse stores that night too - mind if I come and say hi? shouldn't be too hard to spot you lot
― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:52 (twenty-one years ago)
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:54 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 08:59 (twenty-one years ago)
― stevie (stevie), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 09:00 (twenty-one years ago)
I've a very nice bottle of Champers in my fridge at the moment and I'll make a toast to your good health with the first glass.
Those lumps are so goin' down!
― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 09:10 (twenty-one years ago)
I just had the Middlesex Hospital on the phone, asking if I wanted to reschedule my surgery.
Middlesex Hospital? The place that cancelled my surgery without warning or notice OVER TWO MONTHS AGO?
In the time that it took them to reschedule (a procedure which I asked for the first week in *February*) I moved, signed up with a new GP, got referred and WILL HAVE HAD MY LUMPS OPERATED ON before they can even give me another consulation.
I told them to please take me off their waiting list. God save the NHS.
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 09:20 (twenty-one years ago)
I'm just really cross about them, because they jerked me around so much. I had to wait MONTHS to even see a specialist, who spoke to me for two minutes, and then told me it would be months before there could be surgery. When I finally got the letter saying to call and be scheduled for surgery, they told me that the specialist had left the hospital. It took them another TWO AND A HALF MONTHS to even get back to me. I thought they'd disappeared off the face of the earth.
Not to mention, that they didn't even MENTION that anti-inflammatory drugs could help with the swelling and the PAIN of the lumps. (In fact, I was made to feel guilty and awful about even complaining about the pain of the lumps.)
Grrrr, they pissed me off.
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 09:25 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 09:30 (twenty-one years ago)
― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 10:22 (twenty-one years ago)
Hey look, it's not *my* FAP. Let's make it the 'good wishes for Kate FAP' and collectively tell the big C to f-ck off. I'm pleased that I'll be there to wish you all the best in person. Take care and looking forward to 24th.
Marcello - bugger preparing for the radio show, do it at the weekend. Be there! (There will be no bad vibeXOR - sod it, the Glasshouse stores will be the ILX LUV ZONE. There is nothing a few beers cannot put right!!)
― Dr. C (Dr. C), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)
― MikeyG (MikeyG), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 10:40 (twenty-one years ago)
I don't have a script as such, nor a playlist (except for key records which need to be included), but I am going to do some readings mixed with music and I have to be absolutely sure that I can go through them without breaking up in grief. So I have to rehearse. With one particular passage it took me twelve attempts to be able to read it without collapsing in tears. I don't want the programme to be about my grieving, it has to be about Laura's life.
Do you understand? I have to get it right, for Laura's sake if not for mine. There are going to be friends and former colleagues of hers, and maybe even family, listening on the internet in Oxford. It's going to be a painful enough day and this is the best way I can think of to (a) get through it and (b) pay tribute to Laura.
― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 10:48 (twenty-one years ago)
― Dr. C (Dr. C), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 10:52 (twenty-one years ago)
― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)
Better, faster, stronger, able to drone for hours without RSI... how great of a guitarist would I be with a bionic wrist?
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:06 (twenty-one years ago)
Mmm, nanopolymer.
― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:09 (twenty-one years ago)
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:15 (twenty-one years ago)
and the credit card thieves had a field day (sorry)
― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)
Maybe I can get the doctor to just cut to the chase and put in a discdrive while he's at it. And a modem. I wouldn't need to be able to type if my bionic arm could be hooked up directly to the web.
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:21 (twenty-one years ago)
btw - if anyone sees me next week say hi. Unlikely though that sounds, London's a big place after all.
― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:24 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)
― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)
A sine-wave oscillator? A Fairlight?
Why it's like Xmas at Selfridges! I envy you! ;-)
― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)
― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)
Though a batter-mixer attachment might be good. For making pancakes and frothing milk for cappucino. Yes! Excellent!
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)
((And thanks for the good wishes, Hanna, it's good to know that even strangers are rooting for me.))
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)
― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)
― mzui, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)
hahahaha i see that's what they call it nowadays
― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)
― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:20 (twenty-one years ago)
― mei (mei), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)
― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)
― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)
― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)
― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)
― kephm, Wednesday, 25 August 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)
Kate's been referred for ultrasound for the leg-bump, it's an enlarged Achilles tendon according to the specialist. She may even be back at work on Friday!
― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)
― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)
Except for the Suzy being told off part.
Now Kate has to come to club FT and show off her pus! er, I mean, lack-of-tumour-ness. Unless they give her a jar of the stuff to take home, like some people do with appendices.
― cis (cis), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)
― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)
― lyra (lyra), Thursday, 26 August 2004 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)
― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 26 August 2004 07:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 26 August 2004 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)
― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 26 August 2004 07:42 (twenty-one years ago)
― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 26 August 2004 07:43 (twenty-one years ago)
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:05 (twenty-one years ago)
― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:09 (twenty-one years ago)
― robster (robster), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:21 (twenty-one years ago)
(I don't have my appendix in a jar, but I do however have the removal of it on video tape, but I've never watched it. My dad copied it onto the same vhs as our birthdays and Christmases. I know it's freaky, don't ask.)
― Hanna (Hanna), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:22 (twenty-one years ago)
― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:32 (twenty-one years ago)
― Starry (hello chickens), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)
― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)
Thanks for letting us know, Suzy.
― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 26 August 2004 08:45 (twenty-one years ago)
― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:05 (twenty-one years ago)
― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)
― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:19 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:19 (twenty-one years ago)
mmmm. I love that stuff.
― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:20 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ed (dali), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:26 (twenty-one years ago)
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:27 (twenty-one years ago)
― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:28 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ed (dali), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:28 (twenty-one years ago)
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:29 (twenty-one years ago)
I think you've just coined the name there. Sex on the Beach, an Orgasm and a Meta-pus, pls, friendly barkeep!
― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:30 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:34 (twenty-one years ago)
Stop the PUS talk! Please!
― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:49 (twenty-one years ago)
but still super happy that it all turned out ok!
― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 26 August 2004 10:54 (twenty-one years ago)
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 26 August 2004 11:25 (twenty-one years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 26 August 2004 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)
Very, very happy to hear things went well. Thanks for the info!
― kaliflwr (kaliflwr), Thursday, 26 August 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)
The relief must be immense. Onwards...
― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 26 August 2004 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)
I did, however, play guitar a little extra in your honor.
― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 26 August 2004 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)
― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 26 August 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)
― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 26 August 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)
Suzy lies about the colour of the goop, twould have been good if it were chartreuse or absinthe coloured, but alas, it was more the colour and consistency of chip pan oil at the end of a long night. The doctor did not let me keep any, but squirted it onto a bit of gauze to prove once and for all that it is NOT A TUUUUUMOOOOOUURRRR!!!
I am very relieved. I took off the bandaegs this morning and my wrist is flat in the same way that a pregnant woman's stomach goes flat aftr delivery - very squishy, and pulsating in time with my heartbeat. eeeuuurrrggghhh. but at least i can fit my brace over the top of it now! hurrah!
ok, brace or no, is hurting to type. but i just wanted to say hello and thank youthank you thank you for the drinking and the wellwishing, you guys are the bestest. XOXOXO
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Friday, 27 August 2004 09:42 (twenty-one years ago)
― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 August 2004 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)
::hugs to all of you::
― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Friday, 27 August 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)