Yerself Is Steam

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In the past week I've been told I'm "terribly insecure" by an acquaintance-almost-friend, and then that I have "an almost preternatural self-confidence" by another in the same category.

Given the context of these remarks, I surmise that the first person was characterizing my social manner/behavior (eye contact, assertiveness, poise, etc) and the other was describing a more inward quality , something more like courage/strength of conviction/a sort of ultimate sense of self-worth.

How do you

― Aaron A., Thursday, 19 August 2004 02:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 19 August 2004 02:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Um it chopped my message. **CRY**

― Aaron A., Thursday, 19 August 2004 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Nice topic header BTW :)

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 19 August 2004 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

So, how do YOU define confidence, self-worth, secure/insecure? What stripe of confidence do you possess the most of? What sort do you consider most important in life, or most desirable?

― Aaron A., Thursday, 19 August 2004 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Thx! (xpost) *BEAMS*

― Aaron A., Thursday, 19 August 2004 02:56 (twenty-one years ago)

get yourself together, man!

http://www.eringray.com/images/jpgs/Slapped-by-Glenn-Ford-640.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 19 August 2004 02:58 (twenty-one years ago)

So, how do YOU define confidence, self-worth, secure/insecure?

hmm, those all seem like different words to define the same thing, which I'm not particularly good at defining for myself. As for inward/outward, well one's superficial obv., the other isn't.

What stripe of confidence do you possess the most of?

Not really sure how to answer that, either. It's hard to know since I can't be objective. But for confidence in general, it fluctuates. I hate the idea (which was posited to me the other day by a co-worker) that one has to be motivated and confident all the time. It's not useful or realistic to think things are always gonna be cheery, or that one can solve all the problems all the time. Sometimes it's useful to accept limitations.

What sort do you consider most important in life, or most desirable?

Probably inner, but I'm not sure that's all there is to it.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 19 August 2004 03:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm most self-confident/secure around music/indie/live rock stuff and making people laugh.

i'm pretty insecure about damn near everything else tho..

― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Thursday, 19 August 2004 03:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate the idea (which was posited to me the other day by a co-worker) that one has to be motivated and confident all the time.

I find constant cheeriness to be a really awful quality, because I think people like that have a lack of empathy. They're busy trying to brighten others up and oftentimes it's not because they want the other person to feel better, but because they want to feel better. Leave the other person with a smile via some sort of temporary fix, then they can exit on a high, as it were.

As far as confidence, there's a particular type of surface confidence that's exhibited in people who are terrified deep down, and usually it's a loud, back-slapping kind of confidence, often accompanied by a sense of entitlement. The quiet, inward confidence is less likely to get you laid but it's more important.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 19 August 2004 03:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure if this person meant cheeriness, so maybe I miswrote. But they were talking about constant motivation as a factor in my job, as something I need. And I'm not sure that's something I could muster for a job I was interested in, much less this one.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 19 August 2004 03:13 (twenty-one years ago)

people without at least a little self-loathing don't tend to be interesting or make interesting art, as it were

― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Thursday, 19 August 2004 03:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I, perhaps to someone who wouldnt know me, come across as fairly confident. I can adjust enough to chat to strangers at a party or club when I've ended up in such a situation, I'll babble away with my mates, I'm good in job interviews.

But its all masks. My confidence, that part of me, is one of my many masks. Underneath them, the real me is frantic that I'm acting like a dork, that I look bored and need to perk up more, that I'm scratching my nose too much or what the fuck ever.

This is why I drink all the time when I go out :( I really truly cant handle social situations stone cold sober.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 19 August 2004 04:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Me too. Without alcohol, I'm too inhibited and self-conscious to converse properly. One's enough to sent me gliding nicely into conversation, but once it dissipates I'm back to feeling awkward.

― Dirty Muriel (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 19 August 2004 05:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Ayup, thats it exactly :/

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 19 August 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I love that this angst will be with us in our 70s. It's what separates us from the doiley-placing hordes, dammit.

― Dirty Muriel (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 19 August 2004 05:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha!

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 19 August 2004 05:43 (twenty-one years ago)

i think trayce hits on why "inward" and "outward" isn't the right topology for Aaron's question, because each gives an alibi for the other, and even contitutes the other. "masking" or "revealing" type language always gives precedence to the supposedly realer interior for which the outside is mere windowdressing. personally i've found it doesn't work like that at all. exterior IS interior, or at least it makes the same difference. when people go on about "well she seems like kind of a bitch but deep down she's just insecure" or some variation or inversion i just think well so what? all i see is the bitch.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 19 August 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn right. One is as others perceive one to be, as far as the world is concerned, so bear that in mind and don't be a bitch, etcetera.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 19 August 2004 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe all bitches are insecure, but even so all bitches are still bitches.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 19 August 2004 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

recently there's been a spate of stories in the UK papers about people wandering out of their houses and simply not coming back, wandering in the fields, "sleeping rough" as they call it. in one case a woman saw a "missing" poster with her own face on it, like three months after she'd been wandering, and called 911. psychologists say it's usually the result of bottling up emotions inside, not being able to outwardly express an inner lack of self-worth. i suppose there's something in this. but i've always been a firm believer in just faking it, whether it's dancing ability or enthusiasm about something, i find that just deciding to be a certain way very often leads to actually being that way, or actually IS that way itself..

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Exactly. Definitely. Totally. People don't have confidence - they only have lack of confidence. The people who appear confident are just choosing to do shit that the lack-of-confidence people are afraid to do. They were probably afraid to do it to, until they said "fuck it" one day and just did.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:25 (twenty-one years ago)

the invention of the "inner self" is the worst thing that ever happened to people

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes. Dualism is bad.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate the way people talk about, I dunno, their hands or feet, by referring to them as "my hands", as if they're a pair of gloves or any other possession. I know it's daft and there's not really any other way of doing it, but I think the Ebglish language has evolved in a manner which encourages us to look upon our bodies as separate from our 'selves', as it were, when they're not, they ARE our 'selves'.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 19 August 2004 11:51 (twenty-one years ago)

go out and play football Nick, it's obvious you're thinking too much

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 19 August 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, I can't tonight, it's carnival! Although my shin has got better since last week. Maybe we can take a football to carnival!

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 19 August 2004 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

There's a certain viewpoint you can take where it's strange that anyone's got any confidence at all. What does anyone really know for sure.

As Guru George Harrison once said, "we are just water and molecules here on a visit."

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Thursday, 19 August 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

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